Author's Note

Okay, so I've been thinking lately that my writing could be better than it is. I'm using this story as an opportunity to experiment and see how I can improve my writing. I've been brainstorming, and reading a chapter from Learning Outside the Lines on how a dyslexic and an ADHD college student tackle anything they have to write, and I think I've got some pretty good ideas, but just because I think an idea is good doesn't mean the idea is good, so I'm hoping I could get people to tell me what they think of how well or how poorly this story is written. Please help me out?

I've been working on this story sense last semester, and I've finally got at least a rough draft version for the whole story written, so it's time for me to test out a new technique and see what my readers think. (Off-topic: Hopefully having all my chapters almost ready to go will mean it's easier for me to update regularly. Easier - ADD will still get in the way sometimes, or will the ADD actually help because of our secret weapon called hyper-focus?) Anyways, now presenting The Weissvolk!

PS. Please forgive my terrible attempts to come up with German names.

Disclaimer: I don't make money writing about someone else's characters.

Nature's Elite

Daniel lived in a world of learning, a world of 'yes ma'am's and 'no ma'am's, but most importantly, he lived in a world of magic. He and his sister were the two students of a witch, and had been for as long as they could remember. As they were still only learning magic, they were expected to do whatever their mistress told them, and to learn well.

If they didn't, they faced harsh punishments. Everyone knew that they should learn to do, think, and fell the proper things, as they were being taught. Daniel sometimes seemed to have a problem with this, but he tried anyways. He was scared of what they said would happen if he didn't. He'd rather avoid the harsh punishments when he could.

"Yes, ma'am." Daniel went to fetch the old broom from the closet. It wasn't the prettiest thing to look at, but it was more attractive than a stereotypical witch's broom. Instead of twisted and knobby, it was straight and dull. The wood had been painted black, but the paint had started to crack and peel in a few places. Daniel stepped on the hem of his robe and stumbled, but proceeded with his task.

Daniel's mistress held her hand out expectantly, and Daniel handed her the broom. "Tsk. Tsk. Thank you, Daniel," she said, "but do something about the length of that robe, before I decide to have inspection."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Jasmine!" the witch called.

"Yes mistress?" asked Daniel's redheaded sister, who was sitting in the corner of the room.

"You know where I keep you students' brooms. I would like you to go and fetch them."

Hearing his mistress' request, Daniel's blue eyes lit up in anticipation. Learning to ride a broom was his day's equivalent of learning to drive. Well, at least for witches and for warlocks. "You mean I finally get to start my flying lessons?" he asked.

The witch laughed. "You think you get to fly today? You show great potential with your magic, Daniel, but there are a few things you must learn before you can fly!"

Daniel's face fell, and he mumbled, "You're an awfully cruel witch. You let me believe I would fly today so you could see me get crushed."

He should have seen it coming. His mistress didn't have any qualms about tricking him or letting his feelings be hurt, but then again, as she kept reminding him, it was for his own good. Sure enough, she asked:

"Cruel? Do you think it cruel that I am preparing you for the trickery of the world? Do you think it cruel that I am teaching you and your sister a valuable craft? Do you think it was cruel that I took you and your sister in after your parents abandoned you?"

The witch had told him before about the value of magic, she had warned him of the untrustworthiness of the world, and she had told him the story of how his parents didn't accept him after they'd discovered that he had the gift of magic.

"N-no!" he stuttered. "I don't think it cruel at all ma'am. I'm sorry!"

"Don't give me that!" she snapped. "You know you should respect your mistress!" She pointed her wand at him, and changed him into a crow. This was one of her favorite methods of discipline.

Whenever they acted up, or whenever they'd failed to answer a question correctly, she would turn them into a crow. She felt that mastery of the magic art was being lost, and the only remedy was to require students to learn their lessons completely. She would turn them back when she felt that they'd been punished sufficiently of course, seeing as new witches and warlocks were becoming rarer. No one's ability could be wasted.

Pointing to a birdcage, she ordered, "In! Now!" Daniel flew into the cage and allowed his mistress to lock it. It was about then that Jasmine came back with the brooms.

Seeing her brother in the cage, she said, "Daniel, you've got to learn not to insult Mistress Schwartzekatze." Daniel gave a loud squawk in protest. Jasmine shook her head. "You know that won't lessen your punishment!"

Mistress Schwartzekatze, the witch, cleared her throat loudly. "As long as you're in there, Daniel, you might as well pay attention. I will demonstrate and explain broom safety and basic maintenance techniques. For example, mending paint jobs." With a flick of her wand, the cracked and peeling paint job was replaced by a new black paint job.

Daniel paid attention to the broom safety and maintenance lesson. He found it extremely boring, but knowing Mistress Schwartzekatze like he did, he knew he had to pay attention. She usually gave quizzes at the end of each lesson. If he got everything right, he expected to move on to flying. He knew that if he missed something, he would have some extra time as a crow, and the lesson would be repeated until he mastered it.

Sure enough, at the end of the lesson, Daniel was turned back into the young warlock boy he was, and tested thoroughly. Mistress Schwartzekatze always tested them thoroughly on the academic knowledge of the lecture. Then, she would always end the test with the same questions.

These questions were about their power as witches and warlocks. She wanted to hear that her students remembered they were superior to the non magicals, who they could not socialize with because non magicals did not have the rights granted to them that they had. It was Nature that gave them their magic and their rights, and they were to serve Nature by keeping non magicals in their place. Mistress Schwartzekatze had taught them that they were to fear and worship Nature. Daniel and Jasmine were to answer these same questions about power and duty every time their mistress asked.

Mistress Schwartzekatze believed that the questions she asked covered the most important knowledge that witches and warlocks could have. She also believed that they should be repeated to ensure that the knowledge stuck around.

"To whom is magic given?" she asked.

"Nature's chosen Elite," Daniel replied.

"And what are we entitled to as Nature's Elite?"

"Glory, power, and to be feared by the non magical society."

"What are our duties?"

"To learn all the magic we can, respect our masters and mistresses, to keep human society in its place, and to rescue magical children from their non magical parents, because non magical parents will always reject children of the Gift."

"Why shouldn't we allow magical children to stay with their parents, provided the Gift is hidden from non magical eyes?"

"Because familiarity with non magicals will taint the Gift, and corrupt the children who are Nature's Elite." Daniel had a sudden thought, 'Still, sometimes I do wish I could've known my parents. But that's only a fantasy. It's too dangerous for us to know each other.' Daniel threw the thought out of his head. He couldn't help but wonder if he was a bad warlock for having that thought.

"Very good," said Mistress Schwartzekatze, cracking a grin. "Remember, children, I am here to help you motivate yourselves to become what Nature wants from her Elite. When you mature, Nature will cease to be lax in her punishments toward you, and will punish you ruthlessly for any disobedience. You must learn now to do as she wishes."

Daniel and Jasmine both shivered. They kept being told just how ruthless Nature could be to fully grown warlocks.

"Now onto the application section of the lesson," Mistress Schwartzekatze announced. Naturally an application section would follow. It wasn't good enough to know how something is done, if one couldn't do it.

Daniel's sudden and uncalled for sense of wistfulness over his non magical parents vanished as his sister handed him his very first, very own broom. It was mahogany, and its polished wood reflected his face back at him when he examined it. He loved having new things.

He was fortunate to be a student warlock in that respect. Student witches and warlocks were supposed to use only new items to train with. It was common knowledge among Nature's Elite that the bond new magical supplies formed with their first user was essential to have if one wished to maximize their students' ability to learn.

During times like these, Daniel knew exactly why he was glad he was a warlock, and not just some non magical kid growing up with non magical parents. Daniel inwardly sighed as the thought of parents came. He knew as Nature's Elite though, he could not afford to dwell on it.

Author's Note – Please give me some feedback!

Okay, so I already said that this story is an experiment for me on improving my writing. I would like to see how this sample of the new writing technique compares to my former writing. I'd love any comments about whether it was better, or worse, and/or an answer to any of these specific questions I have. Please help me out here and give me some feedback?

Was there anything in this chapter that made you confused? If so, what confused you and how?

Were there any details that maybe weren't essential to introducing you to this AU world? If so, which ones?

Call me a nerd, but I decided to develop (non adult) themes in this story. I tried to introduce the themes here, so I'm aware of at least four paragraphs that are not part of the action of this chapter. Do they flow well with the chapter, or are they horribly off-topic?

Is Mistress Schwarztekatze a believable character? If not, what about her makes her unrealistic (other than the fact that she's a witch)?

Thank you for your time and (hopefully) your reviews. I appreciate those who read, and most especially, those who give me input!