Title: Crossroads
Author: Wolflover007
Fandom: Rizzoli and Isles
Rating: T+ (Contains strong language)
Summary: Jane is a homophobe. Maura is a homophile. Can their friendship be saved?
Terms:
Homophobe: A person with an irrational fear and hatred for lesbians and gays. Often found in religion. Extreme cases have led to hate crimes/ murder. Derived from "Homo," meaning same and "Phóbos," meaning "fear" or "morbid fear" Homophobia is not a real phobia disorder according to DSM-V.
Homophile: Homophile is the old term for homosexuals though its use has become replaced by labels like gay, lesbian, queer, etc. Derived from "Homo (Same)" and "-phile" from Greek φιλία (love)" Homosexually was viewed as a psychological disorder but in 1972 the American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-II). It has been removed from all revisions since.
Jane had always hated gays. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was her upbringing or her own preferences. She thought they were sick and would spread their disease to her. She just couldn't understand how a man could love a man or a woman love another woman. She pet Joe and watched the news.
"50 dead in Orlando night club. According to police a popular Orlando night club was shot resulting in over 50 deaths and many injured. The motive was apparently related to homophobia although police aren't sure yet."
Jane felt a twinge of pain for the victims' families but none for the victims. In her mind they were all deviants anyway. She kept drinking and switched to the red sox game.
"Hmm. serves em right. Fucking faggots."
Maura had known she was a lesbian since childhood. When she came out to her family, they were very accepting and never degraded her. She kept it hidden from everyone else, even Jane. It was easier that way, she pet Bass and watched the news.
"50 dead in Orlando night club. According to police a popular Orlando night club was shot resulting in over 50 deaths and many injured. The motive was apparently related to homophobia although police aren't sure yet"
Maura spit out her wine and shook. She tried to watch but couldn't listen to it. She had experienced her share of bullying and violence because of her sexuality. She thought back to being in Pulse just over a year ago on vacation. She turned off the TV and curled into a ball.
"That could have been me. They're going to kill me."
She panted and felt the pain in her chest. She sobbed and laid helpless.
The next week was slow. Jane finished paperwork while Maura did hospital autopsies. The TV in the bullpen played footage of the shooting. Jane wore earplugs so as to not hear the news as it annoyed her. Maura would occasionally come up only to look at the news, then panic and run. Kent tried to comfort her but she rejected every attempt. Soon Kent figured he should leave Maura alone and returned to work.
"Maura want to get a drink tonight?"
"No thanks Jane. I need some alone time."
"You ok Maura?"
"Yeah just please."
"Maura…" Jane said noticing Maura's trembling.
Maura sprinted out the bullpen. Jane chased her but lost her. She called Angela to check on Maura. Then she went to the robber.
Maura paced back and forth. She tried to get the voices out of her head.
Faggot, loser, dyke, you're next, deviant, kill yourself.
She shook and tried to calm down. She felt a hand on her. She looked to see it was Angela.
"Maura darling, you ok?"
No. "Yes."
"Why are you pacing?"
"I. It calms me down."
"Why? Are you stressed?"
"A little. Can you just help me get to bed? I just need to lay down."
Angela questioned Maura but helped her. She gave Maura her medication and watched over her. When she thought Maura fell asleep she called Jane.
"Jane, she's stressed but I think she'll be alright."
"Thanks ma."
Maura smiled. Angela bought the bait. She cried in silence as she laid there helpless. She cried herself to sleep.
Maura smiled as her hand got stamped entering the club. The music was too loud but she was able to speak. She ordered a drink and sat in a corner to people watch. After 20 minutes a tall blonde asked her to dance. She agreed and danced for several songs. She was enjoying it and went to kiss the woman when she heard loud pops. Suddenly bullets rained down and screams pierced her ears. Everyone around her was shot and lay helpless bleeding. The woman collapsed in Maura's arms. Maura kneeled, her dress and legs covered in blood. The woman looked at her and spoke softly.
"Don't let me die. please." she begged.
Maura sobbed for there was nothing she could do. She held the woman close and felt the warm blood running down her.
"I'm sorry." she sobbed.
"Be strong Maura." The woman whispered in Maura's ear and then sighed. She closed her eyes and slumped in Maura's arms. Maura laid the woman down and cried. She kneeled in a rived of blood and an island of bodies. It was eerily silent as footsteps approached. A cold barrel sat behind Maura's skull. She didn't say anything or look at her murderer.
"Burn in hell dyke!"
BANG!
Maura screamed into the dark room. She panted and shook. A scratch was heard against her door and she hid under the blankets. Wrapping her arms around herself she rocked and mumbled to herself. A few minutes later she felt a hard object bump into her. Curiously she pulled the blanket off a tiny bit. She saw Bass looking at her concerned. Picking him up she growled and screamed in the cold darkness. She grabbed her pills and swallowed 4 Xanax. She felt immediately sleepy and put Bass next to her before losing consciousness.
Jane slammed her fists into the punching bag as Maura did yoga. They occasionally glanced at each other. Jane happy and energetic, Maura calm and solemn.
"Want to switch?" Jane asked.
"Sure." Maura stood up and punched the bag.
As Jane sat to relax she watched Maura punch the bag with elegance but a surprising amount of strength. Jane was more impressed by the fact that Maura went bare fisted. She usually wrapped her hands with bandages at the bare minimum. As Maura punched the bag, Jane saw what she thought was a circular scar on Maura's back. It was similar to the scar in her abdomen. Wait did Maura get shot in the past? She would remember to ask Maura later. She saw Maura punching the bag harder and harder. So hard that her knuckles were bleeding. Maura stopped and left the gym without saying a word.
That's odd. Jane thought.
Jane invited Maura to her apartment to talk to her. Maura was very nervous but agreed. She dressed in a torn T shirt and jeans. She wore a leather jacket to protect her on her motorcycle. Jane made chicken and broccoli. She then got beer. Maura refused any wine.
"Maura you ok? You've been acting weird since last week."
"Jane. 50 people died. How can I not feel bad?"
"It wasn't your fault."
"Sigh."
After a long moment of silence, Maura moved closer to Jane on the couch. Jane looked at Maura and expected her to speak. She was surprised when she felt lips on her own. Maura was kissing her. Maura, a woman was kissing her. Maura, a lesbian was kissing her. Overcome with anger and disgust, she shoved Maura off the couch and onto the floor. She glared at Maura who gasped in surprise.
"Maura what the fuck?"
Maura took a minute to compose herself as she felt Jane's icy glare on her. Her head hurt from being slammed into the floor. She sighed. It was now or never. She looked up to cold hateful eyes as tears shed in her own.
"Jane. I'm gay and I've been in love with you for years. I was too scared to admit it but after what happened…that could have been me. I was at that nightclub last year and i...I'm tired of living in fear for what I am. The shooting made me realize that I can die at any moment and if I didn't kiss you now, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I. Its ok if you don't feel the same way."
Jane took a minute to analyze Maura's confession. Maura was gay. Maura was in love with her. Maura kissed her…and infected her. She tried to be calm despite the anger and disgust coursing through every blood cell. She growled and glared at Maura.
"Maura. You are my best friend but I don't love you that way. I'm straight. I'll never love a woman. I'm sorry."
"Jane. It's ok." Maura stood and went to comfort Jane.
"Don't touch me!" Jane screamed.
"Jane."
"Get away from me. Please."
"I…I should just go."
"Yes. GET OUT!"
Maura headed to the door. She turned back to Jane who glared at her. Her eyes burned of hatred and nausea. Maura left and walked down the stairs slowly.
"I'm sorry Jane." she said then drove away.
Jane went to the bathroom and threw up. She felt dirty, contaminated. She used mouthwash to kill the gay germs going through her, she showered in hot water cleaning obsessively. Only after she felt clean did she get out. She cleaned her apartment and everything Maura touched excessively. She went to bed and thought of how to confront Maura.
Maura slammed her fist into her bathroom mirror, shattering it and breaking her left hand. She screamed into the room. She picked up a piece of glass and walked to the couch. Why did she do something so stupid? She should have not told Jane. She knew Jane's upbringing made her uncomfortable with gays. She was still surprised at Jane's reaction. She sighed and held the glass against her wrist. A sharp pinch made her squeal. She looked down to see Bass munching her toe.
Please Maura. Not again. You are strong. I love you. He thought and was relieved when his master put the glass down and picked him up instead. She sobbed on his shell and he nuzzled her softly. She suddenly felt the pain of her hand and drove to the ER as blood spilled out of it.
Bass watched his master go and tried to go with her. She smiled and picked him up before putting him in the passenger seat.
Broken hand is better than slitting her wrists…again. Whoever hurt her will pay. He declared in his head.
Maura tried her best to do autopsies. Kent gave her a look when she appeared in a splint. She broke all 5 knuckles, her 5th metacarpal and her entire wrist.
"Maura…"
"Don't you fucking start!"
He grew scared and dropped it. It hurt him to see Maura's face twist in pain. He tried his best to help. Maura grew grateful.
Jane was up in the bullpen working when Maura came up to give the autopsy of their victim.
"What you got doc?" Korsak asked
"The victim had many injuries including several contusions on the abdomen, lacerations on the face, and…a broken hand…"
She looked at Jane and growled as pain shot through her own broken hand.
"Doc…how did you break your hand?"
"Moving a mirror and glass shattered injuring it." She told Korsak but looked at Jane motioning the punch to the mirror she did. Jane looked at her with little empathy.
"The victim was a white woman, age 40-45, no major health problems, cause of death was blunt force trauma to the skull."
"Hmm. pretty standard. Why her?"
"Well she was tortured as all injuries were primordium. Also she's gay, which made her an easy target."
"How can you tell?"
"You got gaydar?" Jane asked.
"We dated in college." Maura confessed.
"Wait doc are you?"
"Yes I'm gay."
Korsak went to hug her but she pulled away.
"You have a hate crime. Find the killer before another woman dies." Maura said coldly and left.
Several days passed since that day. Maura went to check her mail and found a letter addressed to her. There was no return address but she opened it anyway.
Dear little faggot,
I know your secret. I'm going to get you.
Your kind will be purged from this world. Leave Boston and live your pathetic life elsewhere otherwise you die.
Maura brought the letter to BPD but they couldn't find any DNA or other evidence. Jane and Nina dug into Maura's past to see if she had enemies.
"Gomez from prison."
"Nope. She apologized to Maura after hurting her."
"Paddy Doyle's men."
"Please Paddy would have them executed before they could say death."
They kept digging way back into Maura's past. They found an old case file. They opened it and gasped. They got everyone to see it except Maura.
Case file: 17-6473-95
Details:
Lower Boston Public Park: Young woman shot in-between ribs and beaten with long object (determined to be a bat). Woman rushed to hospital. Suffered scar and permanent hearing loss in left ear.
Suspect:
Josh Smith, white male 40, pastor at Southie Catholic Church, confessed to assault. When questioned he stated,
"Little dyke was walking around my neighborhood. Talking with my children. I had to protect my children so I shot the little faggot from the side. I went and hit her to make sure she stayed down."
Victim:
Maura Dorthea Isles, White female, 20, student at BCU. Injuries sustained critical. Survived with disability (complete deaf in left ear.)
Sentence: Smith found mentally incompetent to hold trial. Isles dropped case on March 14, 1997. Smith placed in mental institution. Isles sent to counselling and physical therapy.
Post investigation notes: After hate crimes law passed in 2000, Ms. Isles was asked if she would like to charge Smith with hate crime. Isles declined however the commonwealth overruled her decision. Smith found guilty of aggravated assault, attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder, and violence due to Ms. Isles sexuality. Sentence: death penalty. Executed: March 17, 2001.
"Well it wasn't him and all his children live across the country." Nina said.
"Damn, we got to help Maura." Jane said.
"No you don't!" Maura yelled. She saw the file on the screen and grew furious.
"What the hell?! Why are you looking into this?"
"Maura, we are trying to find who sent you that letter." Nina said.
"Ok so he shot me, I spent years trying to forget that and now I can see him…Nina turn it off!"
Nina turned the screen off. Maura growled and left. Jane chased her.
The letters kept coming but Maura threw them away. She did an investigation of her own. Sitting in religious houses and listening to them condemn the gays. While annoying they proved no help. She looked in warehouses for bodies or violence. She found nothing.
The team got a break after two months. An ad in the paper called for gays to go to a building in Dorchester. The ad promised a "career discrimination lawyer."
Maura entered the building, wired.
"Hello?"
"Yes child. Come in and let me build a case for you." Said a short woman in her 50's. Her clothes were simple but elegant. Her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her glasses fitting perfect on her face. She led Maura to a table and set down a notepad and listened.
"Well ever since I came out my coworkers have been avoiding me. I think they are threatened by me. Think I'll make them gay."
"Oh how terrible. It's unfortunate that you have to deal with that virus."
"Pardon me?"
"Your gay virus. It's so sad you were infected."
Maura tried her best to be calm although she wanted to slit this woman's throat. Jane twinged with guilt as she truly felt the same way but couldn't say it to Maura. She'd lose her friend and her job.
"Well. You can't catch homosexuality. It's genetic."
"Oh. You'll have to forgive me. That is how I was taught. Anyway your coworkers are threatened. This must lower productivity."
"Yes."
"Well I'll just finish up here. Why don't you wait over there in the room?"
Maura waited and heard footsteps behind her. She felt a gun to the base of her skull. The team waited on the far side.
"Maura Isles. I finally get to meet the woman who had my husband killed."
"Ms. Smith."
"Jaqueline smith. John's wife."
"Why?"
"Why what? Why set up this place to trap gays? Because a dyke got my husband killed."
"Why kill the others when you could have killed me."
"My husband wanted to purge this world of all deviants like you. Since he can't I will."
The team moved closer. Maura hummed to herself.
"Well get on with it."
She felt the butt of the gun slap her across the face. She gasped.
"Don't order me around."
"Scared of me huh? That I'll get you sick. That I'll make you a faggot like me."
The woman slammed a bat into Maura's back. Maura fell on the ground and whimpered. The woman put the gun to Maura's head when she heard a noise outside.
"Who the…" She looked out to see Jane and the team getting closer.
"Damnit. You…" The woman felt the bat hit her and she fell down. Maura picked up the gun and looked at the woman.
"Death's too good for you." Maura said.
The woman knocked Maura over and they fought for the gun. Maura shoved the woman off her and shot her 6 times. She growled and slammed her fist into the corpse repeatedly. The team burst in and Jane pinned Maura down. Maura fought her and punched her in the face.
"Maura it's me. It's over. Enough."
Maura calmed down and the team gathered evidence. Maura got examined but her injuries were minimal. The team celebrated at the robber.
The next day a press conference was held for what was dubbed the "Hell Angel killings." Maura stood off to the side as Jane gave a speech.
"We are very happy to have this murderer off the streets and all the families may finally have peace."
"Detective Rizzoli, what made the killer do these hate crimes?"
"She was a hateful woman who demanded revenge for her husband."
"Detective, The hate crimes law came about after John Smith brutally attacked and disabled Maura Isles. Is there any connection to this case and will these be charged as hate crimes?"
Jane saw Maura tense in the corner and tried to make her feel better.
"These will be charged as hate crimes according to the law as far as the Isles case I am not in a good position to answer that."
"Detective what makes the LGBT community such a target for these crimes?"
"Sadly many people believe that they can catch homosexuality from a virus. The fear that LGBT people will harm others creates hysteria. Also gay people are feared as being more violent and dangerous than heterosexuals. This makes them just targets to those who want them exterminated."
"Detective are you homophobic?"
"What? No. That is what the shooter thought."
Maura noticed Jane trembling and putting that with the avoidance and fear since she kissed Jane she came to the conclusion that Jane was homophobic. She sighed and closed her eyes. Jane noticed and tried to leave.
"Detective, how is BPD trying to prevent these crimes?"
"BPD is taking every step it can to apprehend potentially dangerous homophobes before these crimes strike. All further questions can be directed to our Sargent."
Jane ran off stage and to Maura. She looked at Maura who just stared at the ceiling.
"Maura we finally got the killer. You don't have to live in fear anymore." Jane said happy.
"You fucking retard!" Maura screamed at her.
"What?"
"I WILL ALWAYS LIVE IN FEAR!"
The reporters looked over at them as did the officers. Korsak and Angela looked on helpless.
"Maura you ok? Did you hear me? We got the killer. You got the killer."
"Oh I heard you alright, "…. gay people are feared as being more violent and dangerous than heterosexuals. This makes them just targets to those who want them exterminated."
"Maura i…"
"What Jane? You fear me. Ever since I kissed you, you changed. You are no different than her"
"No I don't."
Maura growled and came closer. Jane backed away. Maura talked as she walked closer backing Jane into a corner.
"You afraid I'll turn savage? That I'll kiss you, infect you, hit you, RAPE YOU!"
As Maura said "Rape you." Jane aimed her gun at Maura ready to shoot.
"I knew it." Maura said. Jane looked at the gun and realized what she did. She put the gun away.
"Maura. i. Please."
Jane tried to hug Maura. Maura grasped Jane's head and slammed it into the wall, moving her out of the way. She looked at Jane coldly.
"Perhaps it's best you don't have a dirty faggot as a friend." Maura said and left.
A Week Later:
"I can't believe you Rizzoli!" Cavanaugh screamed.
"Sir. I..."
"You know we can't have a homophobe as a cop."
"I'm not a homophobe."
"Well that little fight with Maura is all over the news. And now I got the Mayor up my ass and the whole city wanting your head."
"Sir please let me prove I'm not…"
"Well you are on unpaid leave till this investigation is closed."
"Sir..."
"GET OUT! That's an order."
Jane left and got glares from all of the officers.
"Don't let the rainbow hurt you on the way out you bigot."
Jane growled and went down to the morgue. She'd happily lose her job if she could say sorry to Maura. As she entered the morgue she felt the eyes on her. She went to Maura's office and saw Kent holding a piece of paper.
"Kent?"
"Oh. Hello."
"Kent please...i'm sorry for what I did to Maura. You believe me right?"
"I'm sorry detective, you have a lot of making up to do."
"I know. Where's Maura?"
"Gone."
"Like to lunch?"
"No."
Kent handed Jane the paper. Jane put her hand to her mouth and cried. It was Maura's resignation. She lost her friend and never got to say sorry.
"No. Maura." Jane sobbed.
She took the note to Cavanaugh. He sighed and ordered Jane to go home. Jane went to Maura's. The place was empty and clean.
"Maura. Where are you? I'm so sorry."
She searched for 5 hours all over town. She couldn't find her. She felt the guilt collapse on her. She went home and drank herself to a comatose state.
The next morning her mother came over.
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli! I can't believe you did that!"
"Ma. Not so loud."
"Oh my god you've been drinking again haven't you."
"No. hiccup."
"Jane."
"Maura's gone. It's my fault. What am I supposed to do?"
"Maura wouldn't want you like this."
"Maura wouldn't want me alive."
"Jane…"
"Ma…" Jane cried.
After 2 weeks of no Maura, Jane assumed the worst. She never left her apartment except for buying alcohol. Her hair matted and her eyes read from crying so much. She was so tired. She would pray but religion is what made her a homophobe in the first place. She heard a doorbell ring and went to it. It was a mail man, he gave her a box. When she opened it she was shocked. It was her uniform, badge and a note.
Come to BPD in this.
She was torn. She didn't deserve her old job back. She didn't even know if she wanted it back. That was what defined her though. She showered and left.
When she arrived at BPD she was surprised by who she saw in Cavanaugh's office. It was the mayor. She looked down and said nothing.
"Ms. Rizzoli. You have a very very nice friend. She wrote me a letter begging me to reinstate you. Arguing your case and it made me think."
He looked at Cavanaugh.
"Rizzoli you are being reinstated. You are required to go to therapy once a week for the next year. If you miss even one appointment you will be fired indefinitely. You are also being demoted to officer. I would move you out of homicide but Maura wouldn't want that. Any questions?"
"Where is Maura?"
"No one knows." He said.
"Is she alive?"
"Yes. She gave me this letter to give to you once you were reinstated. She gave it to me before she left. Only you can read it." He gave it to her.
"Now out of here det…Officer Rizzoli."
"Thank you sir."
"Thank Maura. She's the one who saved you."
Jane left.
That night she read the letter.
Dear Jane,
By the time you receive this letter I will be long gone. I figured a letter was better than a suicide note. I have resigned from BPD and will never come back. I don't blame you for what happened. It isn't your fault. I just wish I could have changed your opinion of gays and I hope you realize we are not what you fear.
I don't regret kissing you. I wish you loved me in the way I loved you but it's ok that you don't. I left your family my house if you chose to use it. I also begged the mayor to reinstate you. I guess it worked. I know you will live doing what you love. It's ironic. Jaqueline's death threat said "Leave Boston or die." I guess I listened after all.
This is the last time you will ever hear from me. Don't try to find me. I know you'll look but I beg of you don't. Forget everything you know about me. I will live my life peacefully. I love you Jane. I always have. I just wish you could have seen that.
Goodbye Forever,
Maura.
FIN