"And you know for the record I am not mad at you, I am mad at myself because I have fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go," she said, as she stood up and left their office.
Talk you moron!! Tell her you love her, tell her you are sorry for doing the wrong thing, tell her you're sorry for fucking everything up. Instead he sat there and watched helplessly as she walked down the hall file folders in hand.
But then his feet were moving, he was chasing after her, "Lindsay!! Wait! Please wait! I love you!"
"Lindsay! Please don't leave me! I love you!" Danny mumbled in his sleep, his legs and arms thrashing.
"Danny," Lindsay prodded him awake.
"I'm sorry!" he began sobbing, "God, I'm so sorry I did this to us. I can't live without you, please don't leave me!" he begged.
"Danny!" she shook him roughly, "Wake up, honey."
His eyes snapped open, his bright blues searching frantically around, his chest heaving, a layer of sweat on his brow, then his eyes finally settled on her, "Lindsay?" he said softly and slowly, "You're here," he swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Of course I'm here," she smiled softly at him, her hand stroking his lightly stubbled cheek.
And then suddenly everything he just saw came rushing back to him, "You know you're my only girl right? That I could and would never hurt you, right?" he asked frantically.
She saw the desperation in his eyes, "You okay?"
"I'm sorry I messed up, did the wrong thing. Shut you out. Didn't let you in. After Ruben died, I couldn't let you see what I had become, how big of a screw up I was…" he began rambling, rushing everything out so fast he barely took a breath.
Lindsay listened to him, but she had no idea what he was talking about, "Who is Ruben?" she cut him off.
"The neighbor boy, Rikki's son. They live down the hall," Danny explained as if it all made sense, his eyes beginning to look around the room and not just in her eyes.
"Danny, we live in a…" Lindsay began.
Then it dawned on him, and he felt his heart swell with relief, "We live in a house on Staten Island," he finished for her.
"You having second thoughts?" she asked him, then squealed in surprise as he flipped her over on her back and stretched his long lean body over hers.
"I'm not gonna mess us up, Montana," he promised softly into her ear, "I'm gonna take good care of the kids you give me," he said, "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you or them, when we have them," he promised, his lips inches from hers.
"I know you will, cowboy," she assured him, wrapping her arms and legs around him, kissing him softly on the lips, until they both began moaning in pleasure.
He realized that terrible dream was his minds way of working through the self doubts he had of being good enough for Lindsay, and being a good enough father for the children they would have.