Here we go, guys! Opening notes!
It's been so long. Let's see if I can remember how this is supposed to go.
First off, let's start with the everlasting:
DiSCLAIMER!
No part of Twilight is mine, and I don't claim it to be.
Leandra, or any other of my characters are not real and never have been. Only products of my way-too-active imagination.
Next, let's move on to the rating warning:
This story is rated 'M' for reasons I haven't decided yet. It's just best to be safe. There will be cussing. Probably violence.
A few more things worth noting.
One, this is my first story after a huge life change. I can already tell you right now that this won't be up there on the same level as my previous stories. Mainly because my mind is now split two ways. Always partly on the little 10-week-old creature I created currently sleeping in his crib. Please bear with me on this. I'm still learning how to do both at once.
These chapters will be shorter. I don't think I have it in me to add enough content to each chapter to result in 15k+ word counts again. At least not at the moment.
Two, this deals with a subject I've never really gone into in detail. Not to this degree, anyway, so this is also new to me. A friend/previous beta had suggested it to me, and I've debated about whether or not to go this way. I guess I've decided to, so we'll see how it goes over.
If these two points don't bother you, by all means. Let's get on with it. :)
Here we go!
Chapter One
Sitting there, my room was silent. As it should have been, considering what time of night it was. Just passed two in the morning, I did ache for sleep, but I was awake. It wasn't a rare occurrence lately. I sat up, waiting for something. For what, I didn't know. I had nothing worth waiting for, but the last few nights, I'd been up. Sitting upright in my bed, listening to the sounds of a silent house. A creak here, a click as the thermostat in the hallway reached the temperature required to turn on the heater.
Part of me wished I had my own personal thermostat. I was always cold these days.
I'd never forget the way my heart hurt. The pounding in my head only intensifying that. A constant, aching reminder of the fact that I had no reason anymore. For anything. Crushing depression stealing any thought of sleep, any hope of light. Thoughts crossing my thirteen-year-old mind that shouldn't be crossing my mind.
I never slept anymore, despite being more exhausted than I'd ever been. I no longer found the point in eating, and I no longer felt thirsty. I'd lost it all. I'd reached the lowest point I'd ever been.
A numbness that accompanied the crushing depression stole any sort of surprise when I finally looked over to realize that I wasn't alone in my room anymore. The dimly lit corner of my room nearest my window was now occupied, but I showed no reaction. Though I was a bit surprised to see him, as he felt like a dream. I just stared. My deeply wounded heart tried to beat faster, but in habit, it just continued on auto-pilot.
"Leandra." Aro greeted me calmly, as if he didn't take any notice of my obviously numb state. It was like a dream. A dream I'd had so long ago that had suddenly showed up again. I hesitantly let myself vaguely remember who this person was, and what his presence could mean. What he was here for.
"Hi." I finally greeted back, my voice hardly making a sound.
"I believe you remember why I'm here." He replied just as quietly, "I'm here for your decision."
To be honest, I hadn't thought about it at all. Only just now reminded of it, I slowly struggled to sit up straighter. He was here about Josh, the favor I asked him for years ago. A part of my life I'd forced myself to forget. It really didn't take much thought to decide that I really couldn't go through with it. Josh was such a needed part of this family, and selfishly, I knew I couldn't make it through any of this without him. Not for a reason like that.
"I can't." I mumbled, "I'm sorry." Immediately, he nodded. As if he'd expected that.
"I understand." He said, "I can't say that I didn't expect this." Just the thought, though, of having to live without him brought on my too-sensitive tears. Something I could no longer control.
"If I may," Aro spoke again, "I must admit. You don't look as if you're doing too well, my dear."
"I'm not." I sobbed almost silently.
I bolted upright in my bed, groaning loudly as I startled awake. Whimpering as I struggled to keep my tears back. I could easily tell that I'd been crying in my sleep, but that wasn't the only reason I cried now. I actually had a pretty good reason for crying.
Once again, I'd woken myself up only minutes before my alarm went off beside me. The second the sound started, I reached over and slammed my fist against the clock. Shutting it up, and immediately feeling bad for reacting that way.
I hated waking up like this, but as with every other time, the survival part of my mind forced me to move the entire memory of that dream to the back of my mind. It was a skill I'd learned long ago. Bury it deep so I can continue with my day.
Just like I did with the other first twelve years of my life.
Once I'd gotten myself under control, I roughly flipped the blanket back. Standing up and crossing my bedroom to the large mirror on my sliding closet door. Just like every other morning for the passed few weeks, I inspected myself. Starting at my long, auburn hair, I briefly fluffed it as I gathered it out of my face and over one shoulder. Meeting my own reflection's green eyed, red and puffy gaze, I could hardly tell anymore that the now-familiar worry had ever faded.
Here I was, fifteen and staring at myself like an idiot. Turning sideways, gathering my baggy pajama top against my side until the fabric was tight around me. Biting my lip, I sighed as I realized that I would soon be facing a problem. A problem that would soon make itself known, whether I wanted it to or not.
I jumped a little as my bedroom door suddenly opened, dropping the fabric I had bunched in my hand as I looked sharply toward the door.
"Hey," I sighed loudly at Zack's greeting, "Mom wants to know if you need a ride to school today."
"First," I grumbled, "Learn how to knock. Second, tell her no. I'll grab a ride with Josh again."
"Sorry." He laughed a little, "I heard the floor creak, so I knew you were up."
"Well, just because I'm up doesn't mean you can just barge in." I countered, giving my reflection one more glance before sliding the door open. Not taking the hint, Zack walked in. Crossing the room, he sat himself down on my bed.
"Andrew and I were going to see a movie today after school." He said conversationally, "Wanna come?"
"No thanks." I replied, pawing through my shirts hanging in the closet.
"Aw, come on." He sighed, "You never want to come with us anymore. I think the last time you were with us was that weekend in Seattle. What's with you?" I didn't really know how to answer that. He was right, of course. I'd been strategically avoiding Andrew for awhile. A few months now. I did feel a little bad for doing so, but I also had my reasons.
"Homework."
"There's not even a week left of school." He countered, "And I don't have a shred of homework. How do you have any?"
"Just lucky, I guess." I replied, "Now get out."
"Fine." He groaned, standing up, "So I'll let Josh know not to leave without you."
"Thanks." I muttered gratefully. I sighed as he closed the door behind him. Taking a moment to breathe deeply before continuing on to find my shirt of choice. I decided I'd go with a plain white t-shirt today. Nothing flashy.
The smell of food had me taking the stairs two at a time, more than hungry enough to eat. Josh was already halfway through eating, and Heather was already dressed for work when I reached the kitchen. Hunter, as usual, was kneeled in a kitchen chair picking at his food.
Hunter, now five, had just officially started his school career this year while Josh was about to end his. Josh would be starting his senior year in the fall, and after that, he still had no clue. I had a feeling it had a lot to do with him wanting to be here to help his mom out while Mike was working so much.
Both Heather and Josh watched me as I packed my plate and sat down. I couldn't help glancing over at Josh more often this morning. After the dream I'd had.
"I'll give you a ride to school," Josh spoke up, "But I've got half a day today, and I'm working until six. I'll try to cut work to pick you up, but no promises."
"Crap." I sighed. I'd forgotten about that. I shook my head, "Nah, don't worry. I'll just walk home."
"I'm glad to see your appetite has finally picked back up, sweetie." Heather told me, smiling as she stood up.
"You sure?" Josh asked me, continuing our conversation, "Because I don't think it'll be a problem."
"No, it's okay." I assured him, "Walking home doesn't sound too bad."
"Okay." He replied, his tone a bit skeptical, "Just text me if you change your mind."
Josh had been quite protective of me for awhile now. Since he saw how hard of a time I was having years ago, he picked up his protective nature pretty much overnight. All the more reason for me to avoid Andrew. For his own safety.
I looked over as Mike finally entered the kitchen. He had just gotten up, as he didn't need to be at work until after nine. Since his schedule so closely fit Hunter's schedule, Hunter was essentially his responsibility. Dropping him off at school on his way to work, and picking him up on his lunch break to keep him with him at work. I wondered if that would change during the summer, but Hunter seemed to love spending so much time with him.
"Bye, mom!" Zack called from the front door.
"Hey." She immediately started his direction, "Where you off to so soon? Come eat."
"I wanted to get to Andrew's before school." He replied, "We'll grab something on the way." Instead of focusing on that, I focused on Hunter next to me. Urging him to keep eating since he'd hardly touched his eggs.
Months ago, I would have been joining Zack. It was pretty drastic how much I'd changed my preferences of company, but I couldn't help it. It bothered me to a point, just writing him off, but then again, I had plenty of practice breaking ties with anyone I really cared about.
It wasn't much later that Josh and I were on our way too. Seated in the passenger seat of Josh's small truck, I watched out the window at the street passing by. It had been years since I really looked for anything familiar in the traffic around us, and today was no different.
"So.." Josh spoke up, "Spill."
"Spill what?" I asked, looking over at him.
"Can you tell me with any amount of honesty that you believed I wouldn't notice?" He asked in return, giving me a brief look, "One day you're fine, and the next, you're hiding away like some old lady with twenty cats. You used to love going out every weekend. You used to go everywhere with Zack."
I looked down with a slight shrug.
"Is it just a thing?" He asked, "If it is, that's all you gotta say, but I know something is bugging you." I knew what he meant. "It has been for a while now."
"I've just been distracted." I replied, "It's not a thing." 'Thing' was what we called my bad moments. My depression and anxiety that I used to fall under all the time. I would have gladly used that as an excuse, but I really didn't want him to worry about me. He'd worried enough about me.
"You know you can talk to me."
"I know." I sighed, "But trust me. It'll be a lot easier when I have a chance to figure it out on my own first."
"Mom's been getting worried again." He admitted, and I winced, "I've been doing what I can to calm her down, but that's hard to do when I don't even know what's wrong."
"Well, just tell her that it has nothing to do with them." I suggested, "That should help." 'Them' being the obvious.
"Are you sure it isn't about them?" He asked hesitantly. I should have figured that that would cross his mind.
"I'm sure." I rolled my eyes a little, "I moved on a long time ago." As with every other time I'd said the same thing, I felt the tell-tale pang of nervousness, the common sense part of me telling me that that was a blatant lie. I ignored that.
"Okay." He muttered, "I'll quit bugging you. I just worry.
"I know." I replied honestly, "I just have a lot on my mind."
"Well, start clearing all that out." He joked lightly, "Summer vacation starts next week. You're supposed to have fun."
"I'll see what I can do." I laughed more for his benefit than mine.
It wasn't a long trip to the high school, but I still managed to let my thoughts wander. Back to the difficult part of the conversation we'd just had. Josh had every right to be worried about where my thoughts had gone.
Almost five years ago, I would have thought that the Cullens would still be part of my life. After all, that was how it was supposed to be. How stupid I was back then. I'd never even considered the possibility that things had changed so much. Too much.
The night they left, I died. Despite promises to visit, I wasn't stupid. I read between the lines. I wasn't going to waste my time hoping, waiting for the day they came back, and the fact that they thought I believed them hurt worse. If that was possible.
Not having seen any of my family now for years, somehow, I was okay with that. I was only okay with that, because I had yet to fully let myself sit and think about it. It was a daily struggle, despite how I denied it. To push that pain back, the pain I fought with so hard in my younger years.
I tried my hardest not to think about my younger years. I did what I could to bury all that too. Everything that happened to me before now was like a terrifying nightmare I'd woken up from once, and something I tried really hard to forget. My family being part of that.
Moving in with Heather was the one step I never should have taken. It was the green light I'd worried so much about before.
We'd just moved into a bigger house the last time I saw my family. Mike's business had just begun to pick up, and now they could afford it, they figured they needed more room. I didn't mind the move so much, because I stupidly thought I'd still see my family all the time since we were technically still in the same town.
That wasn't the case.
The last I saw my family, I was just less than half-way into my eleventh year alive, and now, I was tip-toeing ever closer to my sixteenth year alive.
I hardly thought about them much anymore. I accepted that. It wasn't like there was really anything else I could do. I had no clue what went so wrong and it wasn't anything I wanted, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect that to happen.
I'd made my choices, but so suddenly I was on my own, I nearly couldn't bear it. It was either stay stuck in the never-ending downward spiral of depression, or accept it and move on. I was now stuck in a boring, normal human life, and of course it wasn't easy, but I'd struggled along this far. Now it was almost easy.
Growing up with my brothers, the ones I never actually considered to be my brothers, had definitely been a trip so far. Zack and Josh had both been used to having a sibling. Me, not so much. The Cullens were all plenty older than me, but when it came to Josh and Zack, there were many times when I hated them both. There were no fights like sibling fights, and it had taken work to build the relationship from friendship to more than best friends. More work than I thought it'd be.
I'd swear to this day that Zack was younger, just by how he acted sometimes. There was no way he was sixteen. Josh was more responsible than both Zack and I combined, about to start his senior year of high school, and holding two part time jobs just fine. Moments away from turning eighteen himself, he was definitely someone bringing pride to his parents.
Zack had no job, only choosing to wander off with his friends most of the time. It was rare I saw him without one of those morons hanging around. Andrew, mostly, but I didn't mind him so much. It was the other morons I didn't like.
Me, I had a few friends here or there, but nothing to write home about. No job as of yet, but that was okay with me. I didn't need money to be happy, much unlike Zack who was constantly borrowing money from Josh or Heather. He knew Mike would make him work for it, so he never asked him.
Heather and Mike both kept doing what they do. Heather was an amazing nurse who excelled at her job, but had way too many crazy hours to be considered too reliable at home. Others depended on her relentlessly to cover their shifts, and she was too nice of a person to tell them no. She never held it against them, but I hated them for it.
Mike ran his own construction company, telling dozens of men what to do, and how and when to do it. He'd built that company from the ground up with his own two hands, and now it really was something to be proud of, but having more than one location kept him away from home a lot as well. It was a rare sight these days to see Mike and Heather together other than the morning, and I knew for a fact that bothered Heather to no end. They were a team. Partners, but nowadays, it was one or the other keeping us alive.
I found that what bothered Heather, bothered me. They'd both taken me in, and right from the start, treated me like one of their own. Raising me this far without giving up on me. There were a few close calls, especially in the beginning, but they never lost hope in what I could become. Never losing hope in me even when I'd completely lost hope in everything, especially myself.
Things got much better when I learned to live in the present. It took me almost two years to figure out how to rely on myself to piece myself back together, but I did it. I worked hard at getting where I was, and I was proud of it. As far as I was concerned, I'd built the life I had now with my own two hands, just like Mike had done with his business.
I adjusted, taking every easy moment I could get my hands on and trading that for the harder moments of figuring out who I was and where I was. Facing things I didn't want to face, sorting through things I didn't want to sort through. Taking countless hours of sitting alone in my room, just zoning out and thinking. Taking a good, long look at myself in the only way I could. I took what I could get. I did what I could to turn things around and to understand what I could about me and what I could do. I took what I'd been handed, laid it out in front of me, and studied it hard.
Once I'd figured that out, and once I learned to let go, I started the life I never thought was possible. By then, Josh was old enough to have his own friends and his own interests, so that left Zack and me to find ways to entertain ourselves. Between Zack and Andrew, we were all pretty inseparable. Taking up most of what I considered to be the best years of my life, and most of the time, it didn't even involve anything special. Just hanging around and talking. I'd always be grateful to Zack for letting me tag along so often. For being so indescribably patient while I was still fragile.
However, the more I got out and did things around other people, I got to experience more of what I was missing before. The more I got out and did things, the more I saw. The more family outings to places I'd still never been before, the more I could see that the kindness of other people was everywhere. I just didn't know where, or even how to look before. People weren't that bad, I discovered. They were just people.
That was a huge turn for me. Something I never knew to consider before. A smile my direction was, more often than not, just a smile. A friendly greeting. A stranger asking how my day was going was just that. A compliment was just that. A compliment. No hidden meanings or sinister motives. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I trusted anyone, but I didn't have to be afraid of them, either.
Once I discovered that, things got even better. I could go more places without Heather beside me, and explore a little more on my own in an attempt to find my own footing. To drop some roots, and start settling in.
Now, however, everything was different.
Months ago, Josh decided that he was missing us so much since we'd grown too far apart for his comfort, so he convinced Heather to let us all go to Seattle for a weekend concert thing he'd found cheap tickets for. Since it wasn't too far away, she easily agreed. Since we were all old enough to behave. Supposedly.
It was supposed to be something that brought us all closer again, but because of one stupid mistake, it had done the opposite. For me, anyway. Since that weekend three months ago, I'd pretty much cut off all ties possible with Andrew, which left Zack open to find new friends for me to hate.
I didn't hate Andrew. Not in the least. I just thought it would be better for me to avoid him. My life was about to change enough. I didn't want to do that to him, too.
"Leandra?" Josh's voice shook me out of my thoughts and I looked over at him, "You sure you're okay?" I realized we'd been sitting the parking lot for awhile too long.
"Yeah." I sighed, "I'm fine. Just thinking."
He sighed as well, "I don't know what's got you so distracted, but I don't like it."
I didn't blame him.
"I don't like it much either." I admitted, forcing a small smile and opening the door.
Typical for the end of the year, not much happened at school. Though I was pretty sure that even if it had been eventful, I wouldn't have noticed. My mind was constantly reeling, and I walked through most of the day without paying any attention to anything around me. That was one thing I'd kept from my younger years. The ability to be so worked up emotionally and mentally, while sitting physically still. Calm on the outside, a complete wreck on the inside.
I did often wonder if this whole situation would be any easier if I wasn't the only one in on it. I'd waited and waited, hoping for some sign that things would be different, but it wasn't possible to deny anymore. Maybe if someone else was in on it with me, I'd be allowed to freak out.
I made it to the end of the school day without an issue, but I should have known that wouldn't last.
"Leandra?" Once again, a voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Outside the school, before I could get too far, Andrew had found me. I couldn't exactly pretend I didn't hear him, as I'd instinctively turned to look at him.
The first time I'd met him, despite him being there so often in the vision, was outside a school. He used to be such a good friend of mine, both this time and in the vision. His shaggy brown hair was almost as long as Zack's was, but somehow, Andrew carried it better.
Instant nervousness fluttered in my stomach as I looked down. He arrived at my side, probably a little surprised that I didn't immediately walk away.
"Can we talk?" He asked when I didn't say anything.
I sighed, looking around myself for any sort of excuse, "I can't right now. I've gotta get home."
"I'll walk you." He offered, "Please."
"Aren't you supposed to hang out with Zack today?" I asked, but I started walking anyway.
"Please." He insisted, lightly catching my arm and stopping me. I sighed, heavier this time as I turned to face him. I avoided his gaze, though. He spoke again, "I think.. I mean.. To me, anyway.. What happened-"
"I don't want to talk about that." I immediately shook my head.
"Was it really that bad?" He asked, and I hesitated, "I mean, I can kind of get why you're mad at me, but I think we should at least talk about it."
"I'm not mad at you." I replied quieter, "I was in on it as much as you were, and it wasn't bad. I just.. I don't know, okay?"
"If it wasn't bad, then what's the problem?" He asked, almost desperate now, "Why are you avoiding me now? What did I do?"
"It's not you." I said, "Okay? It's me. I just have a lot on my mind that I need to sort through. What happened.. That's not me. I mean.. That's not something I do."
"Come hang out with us." He suggested, "If it's what you want, then let's just pretend it never happened. It'll be like it was before."
"No it won't." I countered, "I.. Can't just pretend it never happened."
"Try." He pleaded quietly, "Come on. Zack and I are going to meet up with Lucas and his brother after the movie." I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I knew exactly what he was getting at. Our favorite pastime used to be sitting around Lucas' attic for hours, just hanging out.
Naturally, we'd get into some stuff we really shouldn't have, but it was nothing we couldn't handle. A few shared drinks now and then, maybe some smoking, but we always stayed out of any major trouble while we were up there. Going over there always guaranteed a good time to unwind.
I laughed, mostly humorlessly, "You don't know how awesome that sounds right about now, but I can't." I hated the disappointed look on his face, so I sighed. Stepping forward, I hugged him. Of course he returned it.
"Really." I said, "It's not you. I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind." I hated letting him down, but it really was for his own good. I did care about him.
He sighed as well, "Okay."
"Thank you for talking to me though." I added, stepping back and looking at him again, "I'm glad we did. Maybe.. We can talk a little more again sometime."
"Anytime." He replied, his hope suddenly restored, "Just let me know."
I nodded, "For sure. But hey, have fun for me today, okay?"
"Yeah." He laughed a little, "Will do."
Truthfully, I did feel a little better after talking to him. I'd been feeling bad for just abandoning him the way I did, and now that I had a chance to tell him that it wasn't really anything he did specifically and he seemed to understand, I didn't have to feel bad anymore.
I wasn't stupid. I knew that what I'd done wasn't something I could hide forever. As much as I wished I could, I knew it wouldn't let me. I just needed time to figure out how to tell Heather without getting disowned or kicked out.
I honestly had to admit, though. Living a plain life up until now hadn't been all bad. It seemed that making the decision to live with Heather was just the solution I needed. It had worked, but in exchange, I'd lost my family. For whatever reason, they chose to focus more on their own lives and next thing I knew, I was on my own.
I was confused at first for sure. That confusion only made the rest of the emotions worse. Those over two years after they left were definitely hard. I'd been thirteen for half a year before I started to figure it out.
After that, I was pretty much open to everything, and it was just like before. Things got better, days got lighter. The only difference was that I no longer had the option to chicken out and run home.
I didn't try to wonder anymore. I didn't expect them to ever be back. Of course I'd always be grateful to my family for all they'd done for me, dragging me through those two years with them when I most certainly would have given up. I just wished it had ended differently.
But the rest of the last almost three years had been better than I could have expected. It still amazed me how I could fit into the role of normal without even really trying. In a way, by doing this, I'd been given far more than I knew my family was capable of giving me.
Shaking my head, I refused to let those thoughts move any further. I paid attention to where I was walking instead. The early summer breeze moved my hair and the branches of the trees lining the streets. The light, subtle, airy scent of rain clearing my head better than anything else I knew.
I wasn't too sure about going home to be the only one there, though, so I took my time. I could always keep going and pick up Hunter from Mike's work, but I didn't want to ruin that for him. Josh and Heather were working, and Zack was out with Andrew. That left me the only one with no plans. As my luck would have it, I didn't appreciate alone time that much.
I made it home uneventfully, which I fully expected, and let myself into the empty house with the spare key. With a sigh, I laid my backpack to the side and wandered to the couch. It was nice to walk, but it sure took a lot out of me sometimes.
As soon as I laid down on the couch, though, I closed my eyes and was out cold. It felt too good to rest my eyes after waking up the way I did that morning.
I startled awake, though. Disoriented, I looked around the empty living room, searching for what had woken me up just as I heard the front door open. I instantly sighed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I realized the sound of a car door was probably what woke me up.
"Hi, honey." It was Heather, tossing her keys on the table just beside the door with a sigh.
"Hey." I greeted in reply, looking over, "I thought you were working until six?"
"Laura is covering my last hour." She answered, coming in to sit next to me. I glanced at the clock in surprise. I'd been asleep for two and a half hours. That was a surprise to me, but she continued, "I think she could sense that I was three seconds away from strangling Beth."
"Hospital is the perfect place to do it." I muttered, sleepily staring at the coffee table in front of me. She laughed a little, but the sound was tired, "Long day?"
"Long week." She laughed again with a quiet sigh.
"You've gotta stop covering for everyone." I pointed out, "It's running you down."
"Don't you worry." She patted my leg lightly, "I have tomorrow and Sunday off. I intend to take full advantage of that." I laughed a little this time, nodding. I was happy to hear that, "I'm shutting off my phone, and if anyone comes to the door, tell them I'm in Texas."
"You got it." I smiled with a nod.
"How was school?" She asked, and I shrugged.
"Long." I answered, "Boring. I talked to Andrew, though."
That seemed to surprise her, "Good. I'm so glad to hear that."
"Yeah." I sighed, "I figured I should."
"You've seemed so down a lot lately." She pointed out, "I've been worried."
"I know." I admitted, "I didn't mean to worry you, but I'm working on it."
"Honey, you know if you need to talk, I'm always listening." She said, "I wish you would talk to me."
"I know." I admitted again, "I will. I just.. I have to figure some stuff out on my own first."
"Fair enough." She nodded, "I get it, honey. I do. You're at a pretty confusing age, and I understand more than you think. It can't be easy for you."
"I'll be okay." I assured her, despite how I wasn't too sure of that myself, "I always am."
"I hope so." She murmured, reaching over and hugging me into her side. Oddly enough, the tone she used made me want to cry. Maybe because I hated making her worry about me, but coming to her with the truth was too hard, so there wasn't much I could do until I figured out how to. Unfortunately, I couldn't help the few silent sobs that escaped, alerting her to my emotional state.
She looked over, "Oh, honey. What's wrong? I didn't mean to make you cry."
"I'll be fine in a minute." I blubbered, fiercely wiping my eyes. I just needed a minute.
"Sweetheart." She laughed a little, hugging me again, "I'm sorry." She hugged me for the few minutes it took for me to compose myself before she spoke again, "Come on. You can help me with dinner."
I nodded. That sounded good to me.
Mike and Hunter got home just before Josh did. I focused on keeping Hunter out from under foot while Josh kept me company at the kitchen table. Hunter seemed more than happy to stay seated on my lap, content with the pen and pad of paper in front of him.
It was moments like this that I highly appreciated small talk. Especially the positive small talk Josh kept me occupied with. Heather now and then adding something in. Mike was off in the other room, working on some paper work until dinner was finished, but that was normal.
Zack came swinging in the front door just in time, maybe ten minutes before dinner was ready. Thankfully, it was just him. Andrew's dad must have wanted him home for dinner. As distracted as I always was these days, I lived for this. For now, things could still be normal. I lived for normal. Light-hearted, when everyone was together under the same roof.
When the kitchen got too crowded, the back door was opened to let a breeze into the adjacent dining area. A simple fix for an issue that nobody minded.
I helped clean up after dinner since Heather did most of the work and I figured she deserved some time with Mike. Josh helped me while Zack kept Hunter busy in the fading evening light out in the backyard.
As crappy as the day had started, it was ending on a very positive note. Josh and I sat out back while Zack volunteered to get Hunter ready for bed. Listening to the evening insects making noise in the trees around the backyard, it was nice to just sit there.
It gave me plenty of time to think about one of the more pressing issues. Ignoring Josh's worried glances in the silence.
A/N: There we have it. First chapter in. :)
I think I got most everything in that I needed to get in. I hope it was worth the read.
Short A/N this time. Hopefully I'll have more to say at the end of chapter two. ;)
I have a lot planned for this story, my friends. It's up to me to sort it all out.
Chapter two shouldn't take very long to come out. I'm hoping, anyway, but getting this chapter out is a step in a productive direction. :D
Until Two, my friends!