DISCLAIMER: I have long since come to terms with the fact that I do in no means own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Bellatrix, Harry, Hermione and every other character you can think of.

Please understand that this is for fun (obviously). I may have accidentally completely ruined the character's personalities, but Jade thought it amusing so… It mocks Sirius Black's death (which was for me the saddest part of the series) and Harry. Also, this is fanfiction so anything can happen.

Harry Potter sighed, breathing in and holding his pillow to his chest. He was a wreck, having gained no sleep the previous night. Blinking back tears, Harry tried desperately not to look like a broken-hearted girl. He did have every reason to be upset after all - Sirius Black, his last former living almost-relative had died last night. This wasn't why he was feeling miserable, though. No, it was because Uncle Siri had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and hit by a stray curse owned by the most beautiful woman in the entire world (TMBWITEW for short), Bellatrix Black-Lestrange.

She was amazing, her gorgeous voice had been focused so incredibly on him last night, speaking to him like a woman does to her one true love. Harry giggled, thinking of that baby voice. Gods, he was messed up, even in his thoughts he sounded like a girl. Maybe Ron was right; maybe he was a girl deep, deep down inside - but that would make him a lesbian; a female fangirl in the depths of his heart. There was no way he couldn't giggle about his love, about his Bellatrix's babyish voice she used only on him. Harry froze as a thought sped through his mind. He frowned - what about Neville? It was true that Bellatrix had spoken in that voice he deeply wished for to Neville Longbottom, but that couldn't mean what he thought it meant, right? No, there was no way somebody as beautiful as his true love could fall for a loser like Neville. 'Anyways,' he justified to himself, 'it's pure sense, right?'

Hermione shoved Harry hard, and he let a yelp.

'Wake up!' she hissed at him. 'Professor McGonagall's getting suspicious.' Hermione glanced up at their professor who indeed was glaring at the Golden Trio and Ginny. Apparently standing on tables and declaring their undying love for women who are more than twice their age whilst performing their own choreographed ballet was no way to summon the woman of your desires. Huh, who'd have known. That was why they were here in detention, writing lines because McGoogley-Eyes thought Ron, Hermione and Ginny were involved. Well at least they couldn't say it was an unworthy cause, love conquers all.

'What's got your attention anyway? You haven't EVER worn that far off expression before.'

So it was true love, Harry thought, pleased with himself. Either that or he was asexual up until the point when his star captured his heart. Yes, it was definitely true love. So I'm either lesbian, asexual or heterosexual. That's good to know.

'Hermione,' Harry whispered to the red headed girl sitting to his right.

She turned and glared, 'My name's Ginny, Harry! Ginny!'

Harry tried not to blush and turned to his left where the bushy haired girl sat. 'Hermione,' he whispered again.

Once again, Harry's whispers earned him a glare. But not because he had spoken to the wrong girl, Hermione was just wishing that Harry would leave her alone, not wanting to get into anymore trouble.

'What?' she hissed, exasperated.

'Am I asexual, lesbian or heterosexual?'

Hermione stared at him, before blinking rapidly. 'You interrupted my 200 lines and risked my getting another detention to ask that? Why would you be lesbian anyway. You're not a girl.'

'Ron thinks I am...' Harry muttered.

Hermione sighed, 'Harry, when he says that he means metaphorically, that you have the sensitivity of a girl. Even Neville got that.'

Harry gritted his teeth. There was that name again, the name of his arch enemy as of that morning.

'Harry, mate, are you okay?' Ron asked from behind him.

'Do I look okay?'

'Please, mate, don't go into that phase again like the start of this year. You blew up at me and Hermy all the time. Besides what was with the glaring at Neville this morning? He looked petrified.'

Harry tensed and was about to retaliate when Hermione beat him to it, 'Ronald Weasly! Do NOT wind him up! And how many times do I have to tell you, DON'T CALL ME HERMY?'

'Is something wrong?' Harry and co glanced up to look into the glaring face of McGoogley-Eyes. Harry opened his mouth to answer the question, when McGoogles continued. 'Don't answer that Potter, it was rheothetical question. And you can tell me all about it tomorrow. In detention.' With that, McGoogley-eyes returned to reading her book on turning a vase into an emu.

Harry just pouted.

Up in heaven somewhere, Lily was scolding Sirius.

'How dare you give him that love potion! And I don't even want to know HOW you got a hold of some of Bellatrix's hair. AND YOU GAVE HIM A CONFUNDING SOLUTION AS WELL! He was absolutely disrespectful to his teachers and classmates!'

James let out the snort of laughter he had been trying to hold in and Lily rounded on him.

'Don't you even get me started, Potter! I know you had something to do with this! You're sleeping on the couch tonight for causing such havoc in our son's life!'

Lily screeched before turning and marching off. As soon as her back was turned, Lily let her smile show; it was just too much fun abusing her power over James. She walked inside, giggling quietly to herself at the look on her husband's face...

AN: Thanks for reading. Credits go to my awesome friend Taylor for the name :P Don't forget to review and let me know what you thought
~Maegan