Summary: It was always the Revolution. That was the center of it all, their past, their present, and their future. They would never escape it. UsXUK drabble.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.
It was always the Revolution. The one thing they could never escape the memory of. It was at the center of every word, every movement, every thought they had. It was the elephant in the room that never left.
America refused to speak of it anymore. At first, he had been proud of it. Proud that he was his own country and free to do as he pleased. He had wanted to show England just how great he could become on his own. America had wanted England to see that he was no longer a child but an equal.
Looking back, America realized he had gone about showing England these things in the wrong way. He had rubbed his independence in the island nation's face time and time again, keeping the wounds open and bleeding. Until, one day, he realized just what he had done. America had broken his England. He had broken the person he loved most in this world, and he had done it willingly (if unintentionally). No matter what he did now, England would never be whole again. America refused to speak of the revolution because it was his greatest victory, his greatest failure, and the moment when he destroyed the only person that had ever meant everything to him ( the only one that would ever mean everything to him.)
England will only speak of it when he is drunk beyond recognition. He would prefer never to think of it again. The moment when the only person to ever enter his heart left him alone. The moment his life betrayed him. America had been...no was...his everything. America meant more to England than anyone else ever would. And the pain of losing him, of remembering losing the one he loved so dearly, killed him inside. So, England would drink. Rum, whiskey, vodka...anything strong enough to help him forget the Revolution and remember only the good. During these times, England could sometimes manage a little bit of pride in America's victory. America had defeated him, the world's greatest empire, and become a strong and prosperous nation all while still being so young and inexperienced. Times like those were when England would smile a little into his glass or bottle and laugh.
Sometimes, England wonders if America even knew how much his leaving destroyed England. England doesn't think he does or, if he does, America doesn't seem to care. England was relieved when America calmed down enough to stop rubbing the Revolution in his face all the time. It had been so painful to be reminded at every turn, to receive the birthday party invitation each year, to hear America casually mention it over and over again. Now, America seemed to avoid the subject at all costs. England briefly wondered why that was, but soon decided that it didn't matter.
England looks at himself in the mirror each morning and watches as he dies a little more inside with every passing day. America looks at himself every morning and thinks of the monster he is becoming and the person he betrayed so long ago. Even though they are together now, neither of them can put it to rest like so many other events in their past.
They loved one another so much, yet this single event continued to tear them apart. The pain of the memories is only amplified by ten when they are together, but neither can stay away. They seem to be doomed to hurt one another with their love until one or the other is no more on this Earth. Yet, America and England are never happier than when they are together.
For England, America is his life and reason for living. Even if inside he dies a little each day, that little bit that dies is replaced with a spark of life every time they are together. Nothing is more important to America than his England, even McDonald's. England holds his hand as he cries and is sick over the atrocities his country commits in the name of 'freedom' around the world, comforting America and telling him that he is no monster. That he is loved. Though, America only cries harder at that; America knows he truly is a monster, to have hurt England so much when all England did was love him. He wonders how England can love him even after all he has done...to England, to the world, and to himself.
The Revolution was at the center of it all. It never left them. They kissed, and laughed, and talked, and made love together, all the while, the ghost of their worst moment hanging over them like the blade of a guillotine ready to fall. That was the center of it all; their past, their present, and their future. They would never escape it.
*The End*