AN: This came into my mind randomly today; just a small insight into Nikola's mind. As always concrit + reviews welcome
Spoilers: Awakening
Pairings: Teslen
Set right after "Awakening", Helen and Nikola driving back to civilisation after making it out of the cave.
Driving in East Africa
Nikola cast a glance in Helen's direction.
She looked tired, but focused on the desert before her.
Even if she wasn't interested in him, Nikola couldn't help it. He loved her.
She had even apologised that Vampires hadn't ended up matching his standards. Nikola had made light of it. But she could easily guess that it was a façade.
Reawakening the Vampire race had been his dream, his goal for over 100 years.
She had to know.
How couldn't she.
It was her that convinced him that the source blood's effect on him was not a curse, more than that though. It was her who taught him not only to appreciate his ancestry but be proud of it.
Of course in her mind his pride had been taken too far. He had put the ancient Sanguine Vampires on a pedestal so high he couldn't even see their shoes.
And now, when he finally met one, he had fallen into her trap, figuratively and literally.
He had been so blind for so so long.
Despite his resurrection he could feel the familiar gnawing whole in his chest.
He was alone.
Helen kept herself at arm's length for so long now. Nikola wasn't sure if she could change in the future - or if she even wanted to. And now Sanguine Vampiris, his legacy, was nothing more than a broken dream.
He noticed Helen's worried glance at him.
"You're quiet Nikola."
Unable to keep up the pretence of happiness Nikola decided he needed something to blame.
Nikola shrugged. "Hungry." He replied.
A believable lie, it wasn't even entirely a lie. He had much more control than when the source blood first coursed through his veins. Then; he hadn't even been able to digest the blood. It was months of starvation, months of longing, before Helen finally produced a working prototype of his medicine.
"Well we're not too far from a road now, once we get to the city I should be able to whip up something temporary. I'll get Will to have some ready at the Sanctuary by the time we arrive."
Nikola nodded listlessly.
His hunger wasn't bothering him nearly as much as he had expected. From memory it was all-encompassing. Now it was a minor inconvenience.
In the quiet of the jeep Nikola's thoughts returned to his glorious vampire race.
He had won the battle.
But he lost the war.
He was a vampire again.
But what did it matter anymore?
His dreams, his ideas, his plans, it all came to naught. Again.
His life's work.
Dashed.
Again.
Now it was only him.
Only him as the survivor of a dead species.
Only him as the mongrel survivor of a dead species.
Bringing vampires back. It had meant everything.
But the world according to Afina? That had been wrong. More than wrong.
Helen was right. The glory years of the vampires had resulted in slavery, even killing of the abnormals Helen now protected, since they were considered Praxian allied scum.
He shook his head and looked at Helen again.
She cared about him. He had felt it when he was dying; she berated him, told him to fight.
That was something to hope for. He wasn't sure if Helen could ever fall for him. If she could love him even half as much as he loved her. But there was a chance. As long as there was this chance there was something to hope for.
A slow smile spread across Nikola's face at that thought.