DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha. It's the property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Inuyasha reclined on the branches of a sturdy tree. A cold night breeze rustled the leaves and the campfire below him crackled. He glanced down at his comrades, all stretched out peacefully in their slumber. Their sleeping faces held an expression of contentment. Kagome and Shippou were snuggled in a sleeping bag, Miroku sat beneath him, his head resting against the tree trunk. Sango's body lay buried underneath Kirara's huge form that was providing warmth and comfort to her mistress.
His amber eyes, with their night vision abilities scanned the vast forest area that ensconced his friends. Nope, no sight of oncoming trouble. His ears twitched attentively, trying to catch any odd sounds. Still nope. Satisfied that there would be no more fights, at least for now, he allowed his body to relax and stared at the portion of the sky, visible from the dense canopy of leaves that hung above him. The night sky was clear tonight. Twinkling stars dotted the horizon, accompanied with a waxing crescent. Far away, the mountains stood like silhouettes against the deep blue backdrop. A sense of profound calm prevailed in the atmosphere.
However, Inuyasha's mind was far from tranquility.
He could not sleep.
His recurring thoughts always kept him up at night. Chiefly, the thoughts about his past and about his future troubled him. The murky depths of his past always dogged his steps, dragging him down at peculiar moments. Kikyou's sad death, his inability to rescue her, her subsequent revival, their stand against Naraku, all haunted him incessantly. He wished the bastard to perish soon so that all of them would be free from their miseries. He had a long list of objectives to accomplish. He had to collect all the shards of the jewel, he had to avenge Kikyou, he had to rescue Kohaku and he had to sniff Naraku out before Miroku's wind tunnel exploded, consuming them all. With such a burden of responsibility, how could sleep ever touch his eyelids?
Whenever he tried to shut out these musings and drive them away, memories would cloud his head and torture him. The good ones, the bad ones, all of them would gush in, clamouring for attention. Sometimes his mother's face would fill his mind, sometimes Kikyou's smiling visage, sometimes the memory of the glow of her soul collectors, sometimes the fear of being chased by bigger, stronger demons, when he was a kid, sometimes, the harsh and cruel taunts of humans about his half-demon heritage…all the scenes of his existence would flash before him. Not a moment of respite in those memories.
His whole life stretched in an adrenaline rush, the kind that pumped continuously through his body when he fought. Inuyasha closed his eyes for a moment, a bead of sweat trickling down his chin. Just thinking about those incidents made him break out into cold sweat. They kept him up at night. They motivated him in the morning. Each of those moments, as powerful as the shard of the Shikon jewel, became the reason for his survival.
Now a days, when he glimpsed his reflection in a pond he could see the rings under his eyes. When his concerned friends enquired about them, he lied that he had been up all night watching over them. Worries piled upon each other, he could practically feel his shoulders slouch under the pressure. The task of finishing Naraku was proving to be harder than ever. Would it drain away his entire lifetime? Would he be left to wage this battle alone? He certainly did not think that his human friends would live that long. Perhaps, Shippou would still be around. And maybe Sesshoumaru too. Did his cold brother feel the same about his responsibilities?
No.
Sesshoumaru was a lord. He was the renowned son of the great Taiyoukai. Moreover, he was a full demon with superior strength and status. He could never experience that kind of a burden, that kind of scorn. He could afford to lie down peacefully at night since nobody would dare to approach and attack the Lord of Western Lands. The opponent would be finished before he could even raise his weapon. Sesshoumaru would never know the plight of being a half demon. Neither could his friends. This was why he needed the jewel. To gain some kind of a status. To be respected and feared as a mighty lord. Even the lesser oni, inferior to his strength, would snort in disdain on smelling his scent. Well, at least until his claws ripped through them, slicing out their entrails and organs. However, such disgust seared Inuyasha to the core. It was more insulting to see people's expressions as he passed them than to listen to their talks.
All the time since the Shikon jewel had shattered, slumber evaded his eyes. No matter how tired his body was, he would never fall into a drowse. Even trying to recall his mother's embrace the warmth of her body and scent could not lull him. He would toss and turn the entire night, shifting this way and that, gripping the Tessaiga until his knuckles whitened. He had too many worries, too many problems. Half the night he would wonder what would happen to his comrades if he knocked off. Being humans, they would not be fast enough to react to a demons attack. The other half was occupied by his musings.
Would these cursed memories fade and allow him to rest after they received their retribution in blood?
Or was he doomed to remain sleepless?
Or had his peaceful years, sealed on the Goshinboku, sucked all the sleep from him?
Looking down at his friends, he envied them for their serenity. No matter how many problems they faced, at the end of the day, they could always settle down and tune out. Inuyasha longed for that peace, that satisfaction. Perhaps it would be fulfilled only after he accomplished his goals.
It was either triumph or termination. It was impossible to be neither.
It would be humiliating to be neither.
Neither. Like he had always been.
This was the reason he could not sleep.
A/N: How was Inu's little monologue, guys? Review honestly! ^_^
I feel that my prose is rather jilted since I was busy thinking about something else when I wrote it.