Addicted
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I was JK Rowling, I feel like this story would be much better.
Warning: This is a slash story between Draco and Harry; if you don't like it, don't read it. And don't review telling how homosexuality is wrong; I don't care about your opinion on the matter. Also this story is angst and as such will deal with dark moments. This story will involve a depressed Harry and suicidal thoughts and actions.
Everything around me blurred Hermione and Ron's voices fading away. I'm sitting across from the two people in the world I truly care about and I couldn't force myself to happy. They will die eventually everyone does, everyone I care about will die, taking a part of me with them. I didn't want to go back to the place where the last part of me died, where my hero died , the man who taught me that not all adults are like the Dursleys. I wanted to go to the top of the Astronomy tower and jump, landing in the same spot he did; I wanted to die, to make all this pain go away. I couldn't force myself to pretend to be happy going to the place where the last part of me died; I'm empty on the inside. I didn't want to go back to the place where I met my godfather who promised me we would live happily ever after like a real family; I couldn't go back to the place all my hope had gone to die. I had been successfully faking a happiness I didn't feel; they could figure it out if they really wanted to all they had to do was look in my eyes it would tell them everything they needed to know. Everything they don't want to know, everything they're denying.
"Mate we're here." Ron's all too happy voice broke through my thoughts. I slowly got up reaching my hands over my head to get my trunk as the train came to a stop. We walked out of the doors of our compartment; I kept my eyes on the ground. I could feel everyone's eyes on me; I could hear them talking about me and I wanted to yell at them, I wanted to pound them. The anger swelled up in my chest as I continued to slowly walk beside Ron. My heart pounding painfully against my chest the closer we got to the doors that lead to the thing I was dreading the most. We walked to the path that lead to Hogwarts keeping my head down refusing to look at the castle. I saw the feet of the thestrals pulling the carriages. I could hear the gasps around me; people taking in the creatures for the first time, almost everyone could see them now. I hated them, I hated that I could see them; they reminded me of death, they reminded me of my soul...black. I sat in the carriage feeling someone sit across from me; I didn't look up assuming it was Hermione or Ron.
"What the hell are you doing here, Ferret? You're not welcome." I looked up into the cold grey eyes of Draco Malfoy.
"I want to be here just as much as you want me here Weasel. I didn't get a choice." He sneered, still looking at me. I quickly dropped my gaze to my hands, my heart beating rapidly.
"Death eaters aren't welcome here." I heard Ron shout; I could tell without looking that his whole face was red. I heard the sound of shuffling of feet and I looked up to see Malfoys' wand on Ron's throat.
"Stop." I said coldly; they both paused at the coldness of my voice. "Ron, he isn't going to kill us on our way to the castle sit down." I could hear how defeated and dead my voice sounded. They both sat down immediately; I could feel their eyes on me and I felt Hermione sit beside me.
"Harry mate, I didn't mean to upset you." Ron said his hand reaching out to touch my arm, I flinched away from his touch his hand, recoiling. I couldn't force myself to tell him it was okay, that I was okay; I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't tell him that it wasn't his fault I was like this. The rest of the ride continued in silence; I knew they were all staring at me but I ignored it and stared at my hands the whole time, the veins in my arm pumping blood to my heart. How I wish they would stop working. I sat there wishing that I could use accidental magic to make them stop, to make the veins collapse. I felt the carriage jolt to a stop; none of them moved. I got up, staring at the ground. I could tell the difference between whose feet belong to who, Ron's shoes were slightly ripped at the edge, Hermione's were small and feminine and Malfoy's were in perfect condition. I jumped down hitting the ground with my feet; I started to walk, still looking at the ground I heard an 'Mmpphf'. I had run into someone I was forced to look up into the eyes of Professor McGonagall, or should I say Headmistress McGonagall. It caused me to see the castle for the first time since the battle. It felt like someone had physically hurt me; it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the gut I dropped to my knees, the pain getting worse and worse. My whole body rejecting being alive and being in this much pain.
"Mr. Potter are you alright?" came the headmistress' concerned voice from above me. I slowly got up refusing Ron's hand.
"Tripped." I forced out my hand grabbing my side; I felt like throwing up, I tried to start walking but someone's hand shot out to stop me.
"Sorry Mr. Potter, I need to address all the returning 7th year students; go over there and form a group." She said pointing to the side out of the way of the way of the path; I obliged, slowly walking to where she told me.
"First years line up over there with Professor Hagrid, the rest of the students can go right inside, someone will be there to greet you." I felt people stand around me waiting for the headmistress to address us; after several minutes she did. "Good Afternoon everyone, since you're all older students and have different needs, you're all going to be put in one dorm. You're no longer in houses, your just you . You can, however, still play for your old houses' quidditch team. After dinner in the great hall you are all to follow Nearly-Headless Nick to your new dorms."
I could hear people around me moaning and complaining; I knew I should join them, that I should be upset. I knew the old me would have been making the same argument as Ron and agreeing with everyone; but the new me couldn't bring himself to care.
"Silence!" the headmistress yelled, everyone immediately shut their mouths. "Go to your dinner table." Everyone started to move towards the castle doors; I followed, not really caring if Hermione or Ron were still beside me or not. They were probably somewhere holding hands. Once we finally made it to the Great Hall, I started towards the Gryffindor table.
"Ahh, Mr. Potter there is a special table for all returning 7th years." The headmistress said, pointing me to a table that I hadn't noticed before. It was just as long as the other houses tables; I could see people already sitting down, I was the last to sit.
There wasn't enough of us to fill even half of the table. The only returning Slytherins were Malfoy, Pansy and Blaise. The rest of us were the remaining survivors of the war from all houses. I sat down beside Neville; I felt Ron's arm brush against me as he moved to sit beside me. For some odd reason my heart was beating faster then normal; I could feel someone's eyes on me. They felt different than all the others; I looked up to see Malfoy staring at me from across the table. I felt Ron stiffen beside me.
"Go sit somewhere else, Ferret, like at the end of the table by yourself...like you deserve." Ron said his voice cold. Malfoy's face instantly hardened, but his eyes remained focused on me.
"Eloquent as always eh Weasel." He sneered. Blaise moved to sit down beside him. "How dare you judge what I deserve or not." His voice getting colder by the second, he finally ripped his gaze from mine to shoot Ron a death glare.
"We're stuck in this situation whether you like it or not, Ronald." Blaise stuttered over his name, not used to it. "Could we all just make the best of it and not fight all the time? I personally have had enough fighting to last me a lifetime" he added his voice softer then before. Ron's mouth opened to retort but Hermione beat him to it.
"Why don't we declare a truce?" Hermione suggested from beside Ron.
"Hermione!" Ron yelled outraged that she was agreeing with them.
Her face hardened. "No Ronald don't start. We're going to have to deal with them for the rest of the year, no matter what. We're all adults now; I think it's time for us to grow up to put things behind us. I agree with Blaise. I, for one, am also tried of fighting all the time. I just want one good, normal year. Its our first year without Voldemort threatening to kill Harry; I want it to be enjoyable Ron. Please try for me, try to be nice, please." her voice became a whispered choke at the end. Ron's face softened; he sighed.
"Fine." he said, glaring at Malfoy and Blaise. "For you," he whispered the last part, turning his head to Hermione, his features automatically softening. It made me want to throw up just looking at them.
"Agreed?" Hermione questioned, looking to Blaise and Malfoy. They both nodded, Hermione's hand went out and they both shook it.
"Should we make some sort of set rules for this arrangement?" Malfoy asked.
"Maybe we should all start calling each other our first names; friends don't call each other by their last names. I think we all just need to agree to try and get along." Hermione said.
"Were not friends." Ron said his voice hard; he was scowling again.
"But we aren't enemies any more, Ron." she said, looking at him. "That makes us friends. Who knows, maybe we can all like each other sometime soon." she added hope filling her voice. "Everyone shake on it." she ordered mostly to Ron.
Blaise hesitantly reached out his hand to Ron, who slowly took it. A hand came into my vision, it was Malfoys; it startled me cause me to jump. His face softened it almost looked like he was going to laugh.
"I'm not going to hurt you." He paused clearing his throat. "Harry." he added at the end; it sounded forced. I never realized how different my name sounded coming from his mouth.
"Take his hand Harry." Hermione ordered me from my side. I stared at it for a few moments before Hermione hit me in the side. As slowly as possible, my hand took his; I quickly took it back. I felt something shoot through my arm; my eyes travelled to Malfoy's, they were wide and shocked. We continued to stare at each other before the headmistress' voice surprised both of us. I looked up to see her standing in His spot before the student body and I couldn't handle it. My whole body started to shake with the unhappiness I was trying not to show. The pain in my heart started to increase; I quickly stood up, walking as fast as I could to a set of doors.
I could feel my breath coming out in shallow gasps as I put the Great Hall behind me; I faintly heard someone's voice call my name. I continued to walk for a while before I realized I had no idea where my new dorm was. I stopped; looking around, realizing I was in front of the entrance to the Astronomy tower. I quickly started to climb the stairs. My heart stopped pounding; I started to finally breathe. It felt as if I hadn't actually breathed in months. This feeling of peace, it was happening because my body knew I would finally be out of my misery I could finally find a happiness I couldn't find here on Earth. The closer to the edge I got, the better I felt, the happier I felt. The muscles in my face felt weird; I reached up to touch it, I was smiling, actually smiling. I couldn't remember the last time this had happened. I took a deep breath and I started towards the edge of the balcony with vigour. I stood completely still, the edge of my shoes over the edge and I looked to the sky.
"I can't wait to join you." I whispered before I took a step off the edge and, as I felt the wind hugging my body, I heard a strangled cry from behind me.
Author note: Hi. Please review as I want to know if people actually want me to continue this story.
Anyway, thank you for reading; please drop a review it would mean everything to me :)