Counter: The Strike At Sun Shang Xiang!
Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors. Koei does.
Summary: Once upon a time, an almighty author got sick of the typical way SSX and Liu Bei were portrayed on this website. Seeing how unfair it was, he decided to even the scales and write…What might be the first SSX bashingfic ever!
Author's note: Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this is an SSX (as seen in most fics) flame. If you don't like it, I suggest you should look elsewhere for entertainment. You've been warned! Be fair!
(1)
Who do you think you are?
Are you the reincarnation of a star?
Your name may be "Sun",
But your idea of fun,
Is to flirt with boys,
And make them your toys!
(2)
Do you have a boyfriend? Of course you do.
Do you have a fixed one? That needs a trick or two…
Burning spirit my foot!
You'd just as soon shoot
Yourself than stop your adultery,
B-Movie woman of antiquity!
(3)
Why is it that you have fans?
Fans who put up a vehement stance?
Their support is too good,
You should be turned into food,
And thrown into the mouth,
Of a pig in the south!
(4)
What's your favourite colour?
Blue, red, green or another?
When that voice of yours sounds,
Your foreign boyfriends abound,
Will rush to be by your side,
Your own army that always abides!
(5)
And why, oh why do you break homes?
Zhou Yu's wife Xiao Qiao at the mouth foams!
Shu's emperor's imperfect, but he's still a nice guy,
It wasn't him that would have sent you to die
Zhou Yu made the plot and Sun Quan agreed,
Why not on their avarice your rage should feed?
(6)
What do you have against Liu Bei?
He never forced you to go his ways!
He gave you choice,
Yet with your Harpy-like voice,
You simply cry and whine!
Zilong then sighs "Voice so divine!"
(7)
"O moveset divine,
Bodyshape sublime,
Spirit of fire, boundless as Mount Tai,
To see thee is a treat to the eye!"
That commonplace thought isan illusion to me!
It disgusts me the way you use that body!
(8)
Pirates, warriors, whoevers,
For all I know you'd go out with a heifer!
Slut that you are, author that I am,
I hereby turn you into a talking ham!
Such is my randomness, power supreme!
My frustration has grown, my rage now teems!
(9)
So if you want to be gobbled by Gan Ning,
Then carry on! Go flirt! Treat my visit as nothing!
It's not ME that decides your life,
Nor is it that man who calls you his wife!
Repent otherwise, if you think you have learned,
Otherwise I would rather see you get burned!
(10)
Why should I even bother?
You'd even go out with your brother!
Your foolish cliché
Of love finds a way
Will always prevail!
It never will fail!
(11)
But if I don't strike out, then nobody will,
It will always be Bei the fans bash and kill
I must make a difference for the minority's sake
So I can create as well as eat my own cake
I may be overreacting, but you
Have as much a reason to be flamed as Liu!
(12)
So ends my little rhyme
Thank you, readers, for taking the time
But still, whether you love or hate her,
I must leave you this little reminder,
This is also made to just entertain.
I don't want a wreck the size of a train!
A.N: And no, I'm not looking for reasons on "Why Gan Ning is better" or "Why SSX deserves our sympathy" or "Why Liu Bei is th3 suxxorz". And for the record, I like SSX when she's with Bei. Heck, I even like her when she's herself, minus legion of boyfriends, even without a Bei pairing. (Cynical critics: Coulda fooled us!) Well, that's the truth, whether you believe it or not. Hope you enjoyed this poem!