This is a half-baked effort, I must say. I was reading my friend's doujinshi. It was in Japanese, which I obviously did not understand one bit of, so I thought: hey, why not make up my own dialogue? I decided to re-enact the scenes in the first chapter of the doujinshi with my own imagination and perceptions. I tweaked the chapter's ending, because in the doujinshi it ended with smut, and I wasn't feeling up to writing yaoi at the moment.
I did this on my friend's laptop. We were supposed to be doing a school project, but I floated away from my group and got distracted. Very distracted. I spent a good deal of time (about twenty minutes) admiring the many drool-worthy drawings of Kanda. Curse you, sexy manga Kanda!
Anyways. So here it is!
Warning: Shounen ai. Excessive swearing on Kanda's part. Kissing.
Pairing: Lavi/Kanda (Landa)
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.
:: HIDE AND SCREAM ::
Kanda was wandering along the dark, gloomy corriders of the inn he and Lavi were currently staying in. They had arrived not too long ago, late into the evening. It was too late to be out hunting for Innocence or sparring with Akuma.
He rounded the corner and bumped into Lavi, who did not look too surprised. Kanda was turning away – he could see the beginnings of a mischievous grin on that idiot's face – when the redhead stopped him with a boisterous "Yo, Yuu! Fancy meeting you here!"
Kanda twitched, but did not turn back or reply. He had had enough of that idiot during their four-hour train ride. He was itching to return to their room without an idiot-induced migraine.
Lavi did not mention that Kanda failed to violently protest his usage of his forbidden first name.
Something was up, with himself and his object of interest.
"Hey, it's such a beautiful night! There's a full moon." Lavi continued joyfully, pointing up, seemingly not noticing the dark-haired boy's reluctance to converse with him. Truth be told, Lavi was feeling extremely nervous, even if it did not quite show. He had something to tell – ask – Kanda.
The Japanese boy tilted his head slightly to face one of the large windows adorning the corridor walls. He took in the breathtaking moonlit view of the thick, leafy forest that was directly behind the inn. His gaze drifted upwards, where it found the brightly glowing moon painted upon a dark, starry canvas.
"So I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me!" Lavi slathered his voice with gaiety, attempting to mask the anxiety he felt inside.
"..."
The dark-haired boy took no heed of him and continued to watch the night sky. He ran slender fingers along the window sill. When he removed them, they were smeared with the dust and dirt of the forgotten.
Lavi swallowed uncertainly and watched the boy watching the moon. He waited tensely for a reply.
Moonbeams streamed in through the enormous window, flooding the corrider and Kanda with hues of light and monochrome. His ebony hair appeared almost blue in the moonlight. His skin seemed to give off a slight glow.
Lavi drank in this ethereal sight. His heart seemed to have skipped a beat for a moment. The Japanese boy looked positively lovely.
"...I'm tired." Kanda suddenly spoke up.
The redhead reached out tentatively to tug pleadingly at the sleeve of the other's Exorcist uniform. To his slight amazement, Kanda let him and did not pull away. However, he noticed that the fingers clutching Mugen tightened ever so subtly.
Lavi withdrew his hand, blinking in confusion. He shifted from foot to foot.
"We could sit in the grass, under the moon and the stars." He offered shyly.
The dark-haired boy seemed to contemplate this option. His gaze still fixed upon the moon.
"Let's go, then." Kanda finally decided. He turned away sharply and walked briskly away, avoiding meeting the redhead's elated stare.
"Hey, wait up, Yuu!"
Again, Kanda said nothing about the redhead using his first name. Lavi frowned a little at this uncharacterisitc reaction. Or rather, the lack of a characteristic reaction.
He jogged after the dark-haired boy and they navigated through the maze that was the large inn, where the night found them out in the open.
The grass was slightly damp from the afternoon drizzle. Kanda paused at the threshold and looked inquiringly at the redhead. To his surprise, Lavi walked past and into the grassy clearing without a word.
It was Kanda's turn to frown a little. After a while, he followed. He warily watched the stiff, silent figure in front of him. Why was Lavi so quiet? It was unlike him.
The tension in the air was suddenly tangible. Thick and smothering. A couple of steps later, Kanda could take it no longer and blurted out, "Rabbit. What is up with you today?"
Lavi kept walking forward – he was striding now.
The dark-haired boy felt a prickle of worry. He called out, "Rabbit!"
He was falling behind. Lavi's long legs seemed to eat up the ground.
"Rabbit?" Kanda picked up the pace. The redhead had not spoken a word since they left the inn. The concern in his voice was apparent, yet Lavi chose to ignore this rare show of feelings.
The worry was quickly fading to annoyance. What the hell was Lavi up to!
Finally, he leapt in front of the redhead and snarled, "Rabbit, what the fuck is wrong with you today?"
Lavi was forced to stop with Kanda in his way. The two stood like that for a few seconds, one with half a mind to threaten answers out with Mugen and the other with his head bowed, red locks shielding his face from view.
Kanda stared at the silent redhead. Seeing Lavi's solemnity, he was very uncertain as to what to do now. Uncertainty had an unsettling resemblance to helplessness, and he was not one to have felt either so acutely in his entire life.
His stomach felt clenched and uncomfortable from this diversion of his normal spectrum of emotions.
And it was all because of Lavi that he felt like this. What should he do now? What must he do? What can he do?
"You fucking idiot – Lavi!" Kanda half-screeched in anger and despair at his warring emotions.
That got Lavi's attention and his head snapped up. "Lavi?" He echoed lowly. "When did you ever call me Lavi?"
"Since you dragged me out here and then ignored me the whole time!" Kanda hissed ferociously. There was something off about this whole exchange. He had never seen Lavi so serious, had never felt so uncertain.
A pained expression found its way on to Lavi's face, like he was mustering up the courage to say something, but was failing terribly.
Obviously, Kanda noticed. His gaze had never left the redhead's face.
"Say it." The dark-haired boy said almost calmly, with a dangerous undercurrent flowing.
"Yuu–"
"Spit it out. Whatever you want to say now, say it."
When met only with a long silence, Kanda lost his cool.
"What the fuck is up with you tonight! You drag me out here to sit on the fucking grass under the fucking moon and the fucking stars – and now you're behaving like a fucking idiot!"
For good measurement, he added venomously; "What do you want from me, Lavi?"
Lavi flinched like he was physically hit. "Yuu... please don't call me that."
"Don't call me that! Don't call me Yuu!" Kanda snapped back, before pausing for a moment. "And whatever you wanted to say, say it. Now." He glared at Lavi expectantly.
The redhead took a deep breath before exhaling with a tired sigh. He turned a weary green eye to Kanda.
"I'm not sure if I could say it. I think I need your help, Yuu. I have this problem that–"
A furious hiss cut him off. "Do I look like a fucking psychiatrist to you?" Kanda snarled, his anger spiking to a new high. "What's so difficult about talking that you, the social butterfly, needs help from me, the social retard?"
Lavi took a flustered step back, having not anticipated such a heated response. He waved his hands about in the air nervously. How does one say it? He had never felt this awkward around another boy before. Around anybody, even.
Murderous intent sparked from the Japanese boy's eyes, forcing Lavi back another step. Through his inner turmoil, he briefly noted that the long-haired boy did not once move his hand to Mugen's hilt in preparation for conflict.
"Why don't you consult your fucking books or your fucking mentor to help you take your first baby steps in this brand new experience of holding a logical conversation?" Kanda growled.
Kanda's ruthless words sowed the seeds of anger in Lavi. What did he ever, ever see in this cold, hurtful person?
"Don't you dare talk about Bookman like that!" He hissed back, this time taking a full two steps forward.
Abruptly shaken from his rage, Kanda felt his eyes half-widened in surprise and shock.
Why, that asshole...
Kanda's gaze hardened. So, I'm second priority to that abusive, unreasonable guardian of yours, huh?
"I was worried for you," The dark-haired boy spat bitterly.
Upon that simple sentence, the anger in Lavi instantly dissipated into incredulity. "You were worried? For me?"
Kanda scowled. Did he really have to say it twice? "...I thought that Bookman might have used those needles on you again–"
There was a visible shudder throughout the redhead's body.
"–because afterwards you would always want to sneak out into the night to be alone." Kanda continued. The shudder that had shook Lavi's entire body relentlessly replayed in his mind.
Lavi gave a wry, beaten smile. "Pretty observant, aren't you, Yuu?"
At that, Kanda stiffened. "You mean he really did use those needles again? When?" Realisation dawned on him. "Before we left the Black Order, he called you back to his room. He used those needles to make you unfeeling again, didn't he? Tell me, rabbit!"
When the redhead did not reply, Kanda felt the irritation trickle back in a steady stream. He wondered why did he ever care for the selfish Bookman apprentice.
I've never been so concerned my entire life.
"Rabbit, tell me what went wrong."
So reciprocate the feeling, damnit!
When Lavi turned his back and began to walk away, the anger slammed back into Kanda at full force.
What is this? This is what I get for caring.
Something in Kanda snapped and was blown to ash. "Fuck you, 49th alias!"
There was an audible gasp from Lavi, who spun around, his lone green eye stretched as wide as it could go. "How–"
"How did I know?" Kanda interrupted quietly, his pent-up fury simmering beneath the surface of his seemingly calm and collected front. "I care enough, that's how. Wasn't it apparent enough that I cared for you? You're my only friend – you were my first and will be the last."
As he listened, Lavi felt like he was crushed with a boulder. He was frozen in horror at his own insensitivity, staring at this lovely, beautiful boy who had opened his heart to nobody but–
"Me." Lavi whispered hoarsely in disbelief. "Nobody but me." He pressed a hand to his face, covering it. "How could I not have noticed?" He asked himself dumbly.
"You were too preoccupied with your own troubles, rabbit." Kanda said almost sadly.
His tone turned bitter and ugly. "I wish, I just wish that you had opened your eyes... your eye, a bit wider. A bit earlier. To see this friend standing here and waiting, the whole time, as the others left."
Lavi's breath had caught in his throat. You stupid, ignorant fool. Why did you never see! He screamed inwardly, berating himself for his idiocy.
Now it might be too late.
Kanda saw his agony and he knew that Lavi knew. Revelation.
Now it is too late.
The dark-haired boy closed his eyes. There was a strange, uncomfortable pressure pulsing behind his eyelids.
I'm so sorry for the grief you felt when all those people left.
The feeling was foreign to Kanda. There was an unknown prickling in his eyes.
Now this friend is leaving, too.
Something wet and liquid had formed at the edges of his eyes. It slid past his cheek and down his nose. The empty space in his chest felt like a bodily wound.
Is this what a broken heart feels like?
The liquid scoured a hesitant path to the crest of his frozen lips before slipping demurely into his mouth. It tasted salty. Bittersweet.
Chase me around in this tortuous dance.
Warm hands cradled his face delicately, like one would to glass. Some soft and moist touched his lips.
One wrong move and I'll shatter into a million pieces, baby.
Kanda's eyes fluttered open to see Lavi's face right before him. He parted his lips to take in a shuddering breath and realised what was on his mouth – Lavi's lips.
Lavi moved his face away slightly and whispered. "Kanda Yuu. I love you. I love you, Kanda Yuu."
Kanda was stilled into immobility by utter shock. He saw infinite gentleness and love in that sparkling, emerald orb.
"Did you know you're crying?" Lavi murmured softly, his smooth fingers brushing away the trickle of pearly tears from Kanda's cheek. In reply, the dark-haired boy buried his face into the soft crook of Lavi's neck.
They sat in the grass under the moon and the stars that night, with their fingers tightly entertwined.
I hide and then I scream, darling.
So you can come find and save me faster.
Do review! ;)