Still Hoping
(A/N: Kinda angsty, but I wasn't in a funny mood today… go figure. I don't own Black Butler, Yana Toboso does. Of course.)
Lizzy knew that Ciel didn't love her. Or even like her. At most, he simply tolerated her. It was a depressing thought. Naturally, it hurt. Knowing that the someone you loved didn't even consider you. Still, she kept positive, remembering what her Aunt Angelina had told her:
A lady must be super weak and cute in front of her lord.
It's the most important thing to be an innocent, naive girl.
It's your job to smile and be surrounded by nice things, just like in nursery rhymes.
It didn't really work. But, how could it? Aunt Angelina had never lived that way at all. She was… different. And a hypocrite too, she supposed. Aunt Angelina had certainly never been weak, or naive...
Now that Lizzy thought about it, neither was she. Sword lessons every blessed day, no matter if she was sad, or sick, or just wasn't in the mood. Her mother would repeat the same line every time she tried to get out of it: "You will not neglect your training! You are to marry a Phantomhive!"
Was she, though?
Lizzy had always been told that as soon as Ciel was 18, they would be married. She had looked forward to it. The pretty white dress, the party, and Ciel. Looking so cute as usual. But with a fake smile. That smile would be the bane of her existence for the rest of her life.
The reason that Lizzy was so silly and childish was because Ciel wasn't. She tried to make up for his coldness with her warmth. Trading his seriousness for her lightheartedness.
All it did was irritate him further. Like when she had broken the ring…
God, she had felt terrible. And he was about to strike her. She rather wished he had, on the whole, and felt better after it. She smiled and danced with him for the rest of the night, of course, because he 'forgave' her. Her daydream of having a ball with her cute fiancé had come true, and they had a lovely time.
That wasn't really what Lizzy wanted, of course. Ciel couldn't, or rather, wouldn't give her what she truly wanted. She just wanted him to be happy. Truly, really happy. Just like it was before. Or something simpler. A smile. A real one, not one of his saccharine smiles that made her feel worse about herself.
The one time that Lizzy was happiest to see him was when he wore that RIDICULOUS pink dress. He looked like a bloody idiot, she thought, and had chased him around the Viscount's manse, pretending she didn't know who he was. It had been the biggest lark she'd had in her fourteen years. Aunt Angelina didn't have a niece! Well, except her. Lizzy had figured that it was on Watchdog business, of course. If Ciel had enjoyed cross-dressing and wearing pretty dresses (and those horrible corsets), well, he wouldn't act like he had such a stick up his behind. She had wanted to tease him about it, but knowing Ciel, he wouldn't take it kindly. He never did.
The thought of Ciel in that dress always made her feel better. Even on the Campania, when she had to show that non-cute appearance to save him, it made her feel a little better. And when he had sort-of said that he would marry her, that had been enough. Not like the git would have ever said it. He was famous for keeping himself guarded, especially around her.
Just that little spark, the tiniest crumb of hope, the idea that one day, he just MIGHT love her...
Was enough to keep her going. For now.
(A/N: How was that? Strange? Yeah, I know. Review! And check out my other (better) Black Butler story on my profile! You know you want to… And, for the record. Ciel/Lizzy is my fave BB ship. I don't care. The best.)