Before we begin…
I want to point out that I do not own Full Metal Panic! or anything related to it. Credit goes to Shoji Gatoh, who wrote the original novels.
This is yet another attempt to include a different point of view. This is a series of small talks a certain Mithril sergeant and a certain IA have in their daily training routines and day-offs.
Summary: Sergeant Sousuke Sagara ponders about the true power of Black Technology and the Whispered. But who among the entire crew of the T.D.D. could clarify Sousuke's doubts? Throughout several days of questioning, Sousuke and a certain IA discuss the nature of these matters and try to figure out the role each (man and machine) plays in the unfolding of such major events…
Where We Are Meant To Be
Chapter one- Insomnia
Sagara Sousuke was alone in the darkness of his quarters.
He could not achieve a peaceful sleep on that particular night. He sat on the edge of his bed and tried anything he could come up with. He even tried to open his Japanese History book and hoped for the reading to tire him. Yet, it didn't work. He was too wide-awake, too many things in his head. Among those things, there was a certain 16 year-old girl who he had gotten stuck up with.
Was it really that bad? Maybe I'm thinking far too much… but, Damn, I can't sleep!
He had thrown the book away in defeat, letting out a loud shrug. He was fed up with insomnia. Lucky for him, tomorrow was Sunday, so he didn´t have to worry about falling asleep in class. He let himself fall with a thump on the bed once more, trying to close not just his eyes, but his mind.
For one short moment, it seemed to be working, his breathing was becoming calmer and his perception seemed to be fading, but as soon as he reached certain level of slumber, images of that tall aqua-marine-haired girl came rushing to his head, followed by more images of that girl inside a liquid filled tank, surrounded by people in robes. Then, the girl manages to scream a name… his name…
Sousuke!
More images come to his mind.
Arbalest crushing onto another M9 vehicle, Sousuke clutches his teeth. He shivers when he hears the laughter of that one man…
Kashim…
Gauron!
Awake again…
Damn it!
Sousuke got up, panting for breath. He felt he needed to hit something. The wall…
A loud bang resounded through the deserted halls. Sousuke just needed to scream to fully let his anger out. He chocked his scream and shrugged instead. He wouldn´t be able to sleep at all…
That's it!
He decided to take a stroll. He left his room and headed out, hoping to tire himself enough to get a decent sleep.
The hallways were deserted and one could feel a freezing cold aura emanating from the walls and floor. Sousuke couldn´t help but tremble. He moved fast, marking every step resound throughout the Dé Danann, even though he didn't wear any shoes.
He followed the corridors until he stopped by a vending machine. He came closer and leaned his head on the glass, staring into nothingness. He tried to focus his senses on the quiet hum coming from the machine, but he got tired of it soon.
He then looked up. One last can of coffee lay inside the vending machine. He thought about it for a little while; Drinking coffee wasn´t good for sleep because it altered the Central Nervous System up to the point of causing a severe case of insomnia, but he had seen many of his fellow Mithril members drink whole gallons of coffee, falling asleep shortly afterwards. He wasn't sure whether to believe his eyes this time, but the heavy feeling didn't fade at all. He was willing to try anything in order to get himself to sleep. He searched his pockets and found –to his relief- enough money to buy the canned beverage.
He inserted the coins and took the can of coffee, turning back and sitting in a nearby bench. After opening the can, he started to drink it slowly, assimilating the drink's bitter-sweet taste. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. He didn't care at the moment, so he just drank the rest up in a couple of shots.
After a few more minutes, the feeling seemed to have worsened. Sousuke cursed with a low voice and threw the can away, surprisingly getting it inside the nearby trash can. He then continued to stroll along the dark corridors of the base, not even caring where he was headed.
He kept his gaze down at all times, not paying attention to what was in front of him. He was far too upset for that, but then, after taking one last step through an automatic door, we stood still as the eco of his footstep faded away. This time, his gaze was focused up. He then realized where he was. There was no mistaking it.
The hangar…
A memory starts to crawl through Sousuke's memory, but before he started doing anything to keep it at bay, it stops. Sousuke looked up and started walking down the hangar, passing through rows of M9 units. Then, near the end of one of those rows, was one unique M9 vehicle. Sousuke wasn't sure at the time, but it seemed as if the M9 had been calling him ever since he entered the hangar bay.
Arbalest… how…?
He thought about turning back, but proceeded forward instead, climbing through Arbalest's arm, opening the hatch and jumping inside the vehicle. He touched a screen and the lights went on as the hatch closed up. A monotone and serious voice came from inside the machine.
"Initiating; Please state your name and number."
"Sousuke Sagara. B-3128." Sousuke's voice was dry and loaded with exhaustion.
"Confirmed; Sergeant Sousuke Sagara. What can I Do for you, Sergeant?"
"Al…" Sousuke stopped, not sure of what was good to say. After all, he had started talking to a machine.
"Sergeant, I detect general exhaustion through your neural patterns. You suffer from a severe case of insomnia, combined with a considerable doze of caffeine."
"Shut up… What the hell do you know!" Sousuke finally exploded.
There was a heavy silence in the cockpit, Sousuke realized he wasn´t thinking straight any more. He needed guidance, but still, he was unsure whether an Artificial Intelligence could provide assistance.
Perhaps talking to Kurtz about this…
"Sergeant…" the IA cut Sousuke off. "If I may, I think your problem is none other than pure psychological stress. Perhaps there are some matters which currently disturb you."
Sousuke didn't reply. Al was right about that.
"Heavy exhaustion caused by physical and psychological stress, combined with caffeine is a rather unhealthy combination" added the IA.
"I just… don´t know where I fit anymore" Sousuke finally spoke up.
Al stayed silent for a little while before answering. As part of an advanced battle system, both, pilot and machine needed to be in perfect harmony. Al sensed his pilot's distress and concluded that in order to facilitate cohesion, he needed to cooperate with him.
"As your partner, it is my duty to provide assistance when required. What is it that troubles you, Sergeant?"
"It's just that… There's been so much. I cannot handle it. Every time I seem to understand, to answer a question, ten more appear. It… drives me insane!"
Sousuke was clutching the M9´s controls so tight that his knuckles had turned white.
"Do your questions concern the woman by the name Kaname Chidori?" Al broke Sousuke's line of thought, causing the soldier to stop squeezing the controls.
"Yes." He nodded sadly. "Everything that has to do with her, Black Technology, Mithril itself and you; It drives me insane not being able to understand. It's as if I was in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. "
He starts to breathe heavily.
Was he…?
Crying…?
"Sergeant… I acknowledge that a lot of what you have been going through is hard to understand. But I want to point out that those around you also have trouble understanding you. They have their own issues and continuously struggle to excel. Miss Kaname Chidori is a living proof of this."
Sousuke thought about the IA's words. Kaname Chidori was the one he and his companions were responsible for, but he had never seen her side of things. He could have never stopped to think she could have been having a hard time coping with the fact that she was a Whispered.
"And like you and her, there is everyone around you. Each one of them has their own battles to fight, but do you know why it is they do not stop fighting?"
Sousuke started to see it now.
"It is because they have dreams, goals they want to achieve. And they also have each other. Through the forming of relationships, one can find ties to the world they live in. in short, they find the place where they are meant to be."
"The place… where they are meant to be…" Sousuke repeated in a voice as fragile as a thread.
"We must question where is it where we fit in our own reality, but afterwards, it is necessary to build that path along with everyone around us. Sergeant, if it is possible that you could heed one request from me."
Sousuke froze up. A request…
"Wha… What kind of request?"
There is a slightly tense silence between the two. Sousuke awaits Al's answer anxiously.
"Please, do your best to get up, look forward and keep on fighting. Remember that you live to find the place where you are meant to be."
A new light shines in Sousuke's eyes.
"Wrong."
Al stays silent.
"We find the place where we are meant to be… together."
"Affirmative." The IA replied.
"That's my line." Sousuke could feel he was starting to laugh. He ultimately let out a small laughter through which he expelled all his exhaustion. In the end, he started to feel sleepy, his eyes growing heavy.
Yawning happily, he opened the hatch. He had found an effective remedy to insomnia; one not involving reading Japanese History or coffee.
Who would have thought talking your troubles out was so liberating!
As he climbed down, he looked at the mighty figure of the ARX7, Arbalest. He had found a solution to many of his problems; He wasn´t alone. And he needed to keep fighting for those counting on him. Smiling one last time, said to Al:
"We should… talk again."
"Yes, Sergeant." Al replied.
"And Al… I'm sorry if I was a "prick" a while ago."
"That won´t be necessary" Al reassured.
"Thanks. Take care."
"Take care… Sousuke"
After this, Al turned itself off and Sousuke headed back to his quarters, knowing that this time he would get a good night's sleep.
A/N:
Thank you so much for reading this. Please, be sure to review, comment and notify me for anything I might have missed while revising. Also, be sure to check my other story and stay tuned for more. This one might be chapter one for a three-part story, so be sure to check it out.
As always, thanks for the support.
Shin-Izanagi