A/N: This fanfiction is dedicated to my best friend, Hannah, who puts up with all my fangirling about everything (especially Rumbelle).
The first part of this fic takes place before the first Storybrooke scene between Belle and Rumple. The middle is after the whole really touching/heartbreaking scene in the pawnshop after Belle looks into the mirror, and the last part is after that. :)
Hope you enjoy!
Memories flashed in front of Belle's mind as fresh and clear as on the days she lived them. Each scene brought on another new wave of guilt, stinging like the lash of a whip. She groaned softly as the weight of her terrible mistake crushed down on her. The memory replayed itself over and over again in her mind, the split second decision that had cost her so much.
But suddenly her eyes opened, and it all vanished. Belle panted as she grabbed the bed sheet in her hands. Real. Solid. She relaxed and sighed, glancing at the clock on the bedside table next to her. Two minutes before she was suppose to wake up.
Belle turned over to find that Rumple wasn't next to her. It wasn't unusual, as he normally woke up first and got to the shop before her, but most of the time she felt him getting out of bed, even if she was asleep. She couldn't remember the disturbance this time, but she had been having worse dreams than usual.
The bed creaked gently as Belle sat up and planted her feet on the carpeted floor. She stretched and yawned, finally getting onto her feet and walking out of the room. Still blinking sleepily and trying to forget her dreams, Belle made her way to the kitchen where everything was neat and tidy.
Now this was strange. Even if Rumple didn't wake her up when he got out of bed, she always noticed him leave.
"Rumple?" she called, her voice cracking on the first syllable. She swallowed and tried calling his name again, but there was no response.
Belle did a quick inspection of the house, but Rumple was nowhere to be seen. She really must have slept through him leaving. Surely Rumple would notice if she kept acting this strange…
A soft ring sounded from the bedroom, which Belle identified as her phone. Hoping it was Rumple, she rushed to pick it up, only to see that the caller ID read "Emma." This morning was getting stranger and stranger.
"Hello?" Belle said, putting the phone up to her ear.
"Hey, Belle," Emma said, her voice urgent. "We need you and Gold to come down to the station as soon as you can. We found something about the Snow Queen."
Belle froze and bit her lip, wondering if it was the sort of something that involved her. "Did Elsa remember…?"
"No." Emma sighed. "It looks like I've known the Snow Queen for a lot longer than I thought. See you in a few." She hung up.
Belle sighed. Each new discovery made her cringe in fear that they would find out the truth. She wanted to tell them the truth, that she was the reason Anna was missing, but she had lied too many times. What would happen if she came clean now?
What would Rumple do?
That was the part that hurt most: keeping the secret from him. It felt so wrong. She had shared everything with him, but this, he just wouldn't understand. And if he knew now that she had been lying to him all this time…
Belle set down her phone and hung her head. All she could do was hope that Emma and Elsa would find Anna on their own.
"I love you, Rumple." Belle's soft, brokenhearted voice sounded in Rumplestiltskin's ear, infinitely multiplying his feeling of guilt. He held her closer, silently sighing as he realized he had missed his last opportunity to tell her. If he told her now that the dagger was fake…
"And I love you too." He wished she could truly know how much he loved her, how much he wished he hadn't lied to her.
Wanting to get his mind off of the terrible guilt, Rumple pulled away from Belle and settled his hand on the side of her face. A few tears trailed down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away with his fingertips. It hurt him to see her so broken, so human. She had always been the one to console him, but now the tables had been turned.
Rumple could see the hurt in her eyes, but he didn't feel the least bit upset toward her. Everybody made mistakes, including Belle, and after all the times she had forgiven him he could surely forgive her.
"What else did the mirror say to you?" he asked gently. He wished he could shatter the thing right this moment. Whatever it said must have been powerful to shake Belle up this much.
Belle just shook her head and sniffed. "Terrible things. About you, about me… It called me a coward. It said…" She avoided his gaze, her brow wrinkled in concern. "It said that that's why you married me." She met his eyes with a wide and tearful gaze.
Anger blazed inside of Rumple. The Snow Queen had gone much too far this time, and he was going to have to ensure that she never did so again. No one was allowed hurt Belle, and especially not like this.
"Oh, sweetheart." He pulled her in for another hug, holding her close. After a moment he pulled away, cupping her face in his hands. "You are not a coward. You're a hero. You've defeated monsters and tamed a terrible beast."
She smiled a little and so did he in response. "You told me the truth." He nodded. "That sounds like bravery to me. And I married you because I love you, Belle. Everything that mirror said was a lie." His chest tightened as he knew he had uttered yet another lie to her. When would he stop?
But at least it seemed to comfort Belle. She smiled at him and pulled herself forward to kiss him, one arm around his shoulders. He held her in a tight embrace and pulled away after a few moments.
"Why don't you go back home," he suggested. She looked spent. "You need some rest."
She nodded. "But I need to tell Elsa first. I need to tell them the truth before this gets any worse."
Rumple noted that she was so much braver than he was, so much better. "Okay. I'll close up the shop and meet you at home." He kissed her one more time. "Don't let anything that mirror said get to you," he entreated. Belle nodded and Rumple helped her onto her feet. Before he could take a step, Belle threw her arms around him again and pressed her face into his suit jacket.
"You really are the best husband."
Her words that were meant to comfort only served to make him feel guiltier than he already was. She would never do to him what he was doing to her, and he hated every moment of it.
"Well," he murmured into her hair, "I do believe that you are the best wife."
Belle paused in the middle of a paragraph in her new book, saving her place and looking up to see Rumple coming through the doorway with a smile on his face.
"Hey," he said as he spotted her, closing the front door behind him. He held up a brown paper bag. "I got dinner. Your favorite."
He really was the perfect husband. Belle smiled as she started to stand up.
"No no," Rumple urged, raising a hand toward her. "You stay right there. I'll bring it to you."
"I can walk around in the woods without suffering from fatigue, you know," Belle teased, though she loved his protective nature toward her.
"Yes, but you've been under an enchantment, dearie."
Belle raised an eyebrow at him. He knew she wasn't fond of him using his "dearie" on her, but sometimes he let it slip on accident anyway, usually when he was stating something that he found obvious or in a tense mood. It wasn't that she didn't like the endearment itself, but he called everyone "dearie," and it made her feel special when he called her "sweetheart" or "darling" instead.
He realized his mistake in an instant and finished his thought quickly. "They can do dangerous things to people. However," he added as he set the dinner down on the kitchen counter and walked toward her, "it doesn't surprise me that it had no lasting effects on you. You're too strong." He leaned down to place a delicate kiss on her lips.
"I don't know about that, but…I'm okay." He seemed like he wanted to contradict her, but she continued before he could. "I told Elsa and the others."
Rumple sat down by her feet, which were stretched out across the couch. "What did they say?"
Belle shifted, placing her feet on the rug and scooting closer to Rumple so that she could lean against him. His arm automatically curled around her, pulling her closer to his side.
"They were upset at first, but I think they understood. I'm just glad that I don't have to keep a secret anymore. It was terrible, especially lying to you."
He nodded thoughtfully. "I'm glad you know that you can tell me anything." As he turned to look at her, Belle could still see the wound on his neck standing out a bright red.
Rumple must have guessed where her thoughts were going by her change in expression. "Belle…"
She couldn't believe that she would ever harm him in any way, but especially not like this. "Can't you heal yourself?" This once, she would be glad if he used his magic.
He slowly shook his head, his eyes measuring her every move. "Because it was inflicted by the dagger, my magic won't do anything to it." He caressed her cheek, his eyes wide and imploring. "It's just a scratch, Belle. It will heal."
The wound would fade away, yes, but her memory and her guilt would not. "But I still hurt you, Rumple. You would never do that to me."
"Sweetheart," he said softly as he pulled her closer. "It's okay. I told you I forgive you, and I meant it." His fingers ran slowly through her hair, soothing her.
Belle wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. Rumple returned the embrace, rubbing her back gently. His lips pressed to the top of her head before he pulled away and looked her in the eye.
"I'll make you a deal." His lips twitched upward at the corners as he said it. "You stop worrying about me, and I'll get our dinner ready."
Belle returned the smile and nodded. "Deal." She grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled herself up to kiss him. "I love you," she whispered as she pulled away, her lips brushing against his.
His eyes were so soft, so human at times like this that it was difficult to remember that he was the immortal Dark One, feared across worlds. To think that he, who could essentially have any woman he wanted, had chosen her. To think that the Beast could love and had fallen in love with her, the insignificant little bookworm who had wanted to be a hero.
Rumple's fingertips brushed against her cheek. He looked at her in amazement or wonder, like he couldn't believe that she was his. "I wish there were words to describe how much I love you, Belle."