Elliot wiped his hands on his jeans as he stood outside the squad room. The same room he hadn't set foot in for 4 months. He stepped to one side as the door flung open and a young guy in uniform came through apologising to Elliot as the door almost hit him.
He took a deep breath and stepped towards the door getting a little closer before he slumped back against the wall and took a deep breath.
"Come on you can do this," he said under his breath wiping his hand over his face. "What's the worst thing that could happen?" he asked himself.
With a final deep breath he pushed himself away from the wall and walked through the doors. He stopped as the doors closed behind him and he looked around the room, his eyes searching for her.
He felt people looking at him, but his eyes locked onto the person he had come to see. She was stood at the other side of the squad room, her back to him and she was talking to a young blond woman. He licked his bottom lip before biting on it gently. The room started to quieten down as more people realised he was stood there.
He looked around quickly his eyes meeting with Fin's who was stood at his desk , Captain Cragen was stood next to him looking down at a piece of paper , while Munch was sitting at his desk with his back to Elliot.
"Oh shit," said Fin looking over at Olivia who still had no idea Elliot was there.
"What's wrong?" asked Cragen. "You find something?"
Fin shook his head and pointed over Cragen's shoulder to Elliot. Cragen turned and looked at his former Detective who still stood in the same spot.
"Oh shit," he said copying Fin and looking between Elliot and Olivia. Elliot gave him a small smile and a nod before he began walking slowly towards Olivia.
"Should I call for a bus now or give it five minutes?" Fin asked Cragen.
"Well she hasn't got her weapon on her hip so she can't kill him straight away," said Cragen. "Just get ready to jump in just in case."
"Just in case what?" asked Munch finally looking up from the computer.
"That," said Fin nodding towards Elliot. Munch turned in his chair and watched as Elliot stood about ten feet away from Olivia who was still busy talking to the blond and a dark haired man who had joined them.
"Twenty bucks says she punches him," he smirked earning him a dirty look from Cragen and a slap on the head from Fin.
The blond talking to Olivia looked up when she sensed someone was watching them.
"Can I help you?" she asked Elliot over Olivia's shoulder.
Before he could answer Olivia turned around to see who she was talking to. You would think time had stood still as everyone in the room watched as the former partners stared at each other. Everyone knew what happened the day Elliot left and a lot of them had heard the rumours that he hadn't been in touch with anyone since that day including his partner.
Rollins and Amaro looked at each other when they realised everyone in the room was looking at Olivia and this man, Rollins shrugged at him and looked back at Olivia.
"Hey," said Elliot his voice just above a whisper as he put his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
Olivia never spoke as she felt the tears building up in her eyes as she stepped towards him. Hurt and happiness flooding through her all at once, as she stood looking at her former Partner, and her best friend for the first time in months.
She gave him a small smile as she stepped towards him and a single tear rolled from her eye and down her cheek. Elliot gave her a small smile back as he waited for her to say something.
She stopped just in front of him. The hurt and happiness she felt being overtaken by anger as she saw him smile at her.
"Liv, I ….. I'm so sor….." before he could even finish the sentence his head snapped to the side as her fist connected with his face and he staggered back against a desk and fell to the floor. Fin went to step forward but Cragen stopped him shaking his head.
Olivia stepped over Elliot looking down at him "Don't you dare say you're fucking sorry," she said to him as he looked up at her from the floor. Amaro walked up behind them and reached out for her arm.
"You ok?" he asked her.
"No I'm fucking not," she said glaring at Elliot as he picked himself up and wiped away the blood trickling down his chin. "I'm far from alright."
Elliot reached forward for her arm and she snapped it away. "Don't. You. Touch. Me," she snapped pulling her arm back. She looked around the room and saw everyone watching them in silence.
"We need to talk," he said to her.
She shook her head in disbelieve. "Now you want to talk. Now!" she yelled. "For two months I wanted to talk to you. I rang you every day, I left messages and you never replied to one of them. You can go to hell."
"I know I…"
"Fuck you!" she screamed in his face before turning around and storming away from him. Elliot looked over at Cragen his vision blurred by the tears.
"Go," said Cragen to him. Elliot nodded and chased after Olivia.
Munch held his hand out to Fin grinning. Fin shook his head and handed him a twenty dollar bill.
He saw the door to last interrogation room slamming shut and headed towards it. He stood outside and took a deep breath before pushing it open and stepping in side.
"Fuck off Stabler," she said facing the two way mirror she was breathing heavily as she tried to calm herself down.
"Stabler huh, you must really pissed with me."
"You have no idea how much. Now get out of here and leave me alone."
"I can't do that Liv. I know I'm not your favourite person right now, but I need to explain to you."
Olivia just shook her head.
"I tried to get you to talk. I begged you in those voicemails to call me, and you ignored every one of them," she turned to face him. "So just because you're ready to talk now doesn't mean I am."
She walked towards him standing only inches away from. "I'm over you Stabler. I'm over our partnership, I'm over our friendship and I'm over worrying about you. So why don't you take your ass back to Queens, to your perfect little family with your perfect little wife and carry on with your perfect little life. I don't need you anymore," she said pushing past him.
Despite promising himself he was going to stay calm and not lose his temper, he felt his anger rising at her words. As she opened the door to the interrogation room he spun her around and slammed the door shut, putting his hands either side of her head.
"You're not going anywhere Benson, not until we talk," he told her his mouth close to her ear.
Olivia felt her body shiver as his breath brushed her ear.
"And what the hell you going to do to stop me?" she asked him, as she turned to face him. She could see the anger in his face. She had seen the same look hundreds of times before when he was about to lose it with a perp. "Well what you gonna do huh?" she asked smirking. "Pin me against the wall by my throat, throw me at the wall or over the table that was normally your favourite wasn't it," she taunted him.
"Erm Cap, shouldn't we stop this," asked Rollins as they all stood on the other side of the two way glass watching them.
"Not yet," he told her. "Elliot may have had a temper in the past but he has never hurt Olivia and he won't now," he said as they watched Elliot and Olivia glaring at each other. "In fact if anything Olivia is likely to damage him."
"Well come on Stabler…. What's it gonna be?" she yelled.
Elliot shook his head "When the hell did you become such a bitch?" he asked her.
"Right about the time my partner of 12 years left without a word. Now like I said fuck off back to Queens."
She pushed Elliot back slightly and turned to leave.
"No you fucking don't," he snarled. "Your gonna listen to what I have to say," he told her. Before she knew what was happening he pulled her handcuffs from her waist and slapped one onto her wrist and the other onto his joining them together.
"What the hell are you doin Stabler, have you totally lost your mind?" she asked him pulling at the cuffs.
"Maybe, but I'm not letting you walk away from me again. Not until you give me the chance to explain."
Munch chuckled as they watched Elliot put the cuffs on them.
"Nice move Stabler, like that isn't gonna piss her off big style," he laughed. He pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Twenty bucks says she busts his nose before they get out of that room."
Fin took a twenty out and gave it to Munch. "I will go for a kick in the nuts," he grinned.
Rollins and Amaro just stood there in disbelieve.
"Cap you in?" asked Munch.
"Sure," he says taking a twenty out. "Twenty says he kisses her," he smirked.
"What?" said Amaro and Rollins together.
"You really think that will happen?" laughed Munch. "It never happened in 12 years, when we all thought it would."
"Yeah Cap, it aint gonna happen Elliot might be a prick at times, but he would never cheat on his wife and family."
"Christ, some Detectives you are," he said looking back into the room. "He isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore, and by the looks of it he hasn't for a while. No white mark."
Munch and Fin stood closer to the glass trying to see his hand.
"How the hell can you see that, there is no way you could see that," said Fin.
Cragen laughed "Yeah okay. I was at the court house a month ago and I bumped into Kathy. She told me her and Elliot had split, for good this time. They had split well before the shooting, he was just staying at the house until he found somewhere else to live. He moved out and into his own place not long after he left, she was at the courthouse finalising details with her lawyer."
"And what, you never thought of telling Liv any of this?" asked Fin.
"It wasn't up to me. They need to sort things out themselves. We can't do it for them."
Olivia glared at Elliot then at the cuffs around their wrist.
"Stabler you better undo these cuffs now."
Elliot smirked at her and leant forward. "They aren't my cuffs Benson. I don't own any anymore Benson. So I guess your gonna need your key…. Benson," he said making sure he pronounced her surname each time.
"You bastard," she snarled at him and pushed at his chest making him stumble back and take her with him.
"Yeah, and then some," he said as she tried to pull away from him towards the door. Elliot stood his ground knowing she wasn't strong enough to move him.
"I swear to god Stabler if you don't let me undo these cuffs I will….."
"You'll what," he laughed. "Shoot me?"
"Don't fuckin tempt me," she glared at him.
Elliot stepped forward and Olivia met him step for step as she backed away from him until her back hit the door and she couldn't go any further. He leant forward his mouth inches from her ear his free hand up by her head caging her against the door. She turned her head away from his, she couldn't handle being this close to him. She looked at his hand and straight away noticed the finger which had been home to his wedding band since she had met him was now empty.
"Unless I'm mistaken Detective Benson," he said softly. "Your keys are with your weapon in the top draw of your desk, so I guess you aint shooting me or undoin theses cuffs. Not just yet anyway."
Olivia swallowed hard and licked her lips as she felt his lips brush her ear as he talked. "Get a grip Benson," she thought as she felt her heart beating fast in her chest. Apart from the couple of times they had hugged or been undercover they had never been this close…. His lips had never been this close to her. She felt herself becoming turned on at how close he was, and unless she was mistaken he was definitely flirting slightly. Elliot Stabler never flirted at least not with her.
"Now why don't you just calm down so we can talk," he said his voice just above a whisper. She felt the fingers of his hand that was cuffed to hers slightly touch her as he talked and she tried to control her breathing. She turned her head to face him their lips almost touching. She watched as his eyes dropped to her mouth and back to her eyes.
"Fuck you!" she whispered harshly pushing him back away and raising her hand to slap him. Elliot reacted quickly and grabbed her wrist before it connected with his face and pinned it to the door, shaking his head.
"You only get to do that once Liv….. Now why don't you sit your ass down so we can talk…. Cause I got to tell you, this tough bitch act you're putting on is quite a turn on."
Olivia stared at him opened mouthed she couldn't believe he had just said that. Elliot chuckled when he saw her mouth drop open and the shocked look on her face.
"If I had known that's all it took to shut you up I would have said it earlier. Now you gonna walk your ass over to the chair and sit down by yourself or do I have to drag or carry you over there."
"If you touch me it will be the last thing you remember doing," she said as she walked past him and yanked on the cuff jerking his arm as she headed to the table in the middle of the room and sat down dragging Elliot with her. He sat down opposite her and took a deep breath looking down at the cuffed wrists.
"You know when I imagined me and you in handcuffs it was never like this," he tried to joke.
"Just get on with it Elliot, I have a job to do."
Elliot gave her a small smile. "Elliot huh, you must be warming to me, upgrading me from Stabler."
Olivia never spoke and just looked across the table at him.
"You got to know Liv I didn't want to do it like this," he said raising his hand off the table and rattling the cuffs.
"How did you think it would go? Did you think I would run into your arms give you hug and tell you how much I missed you?"
"That's what I was hoping for," he smiled. "But I guess that was just in my dreams."
"Well that's the thing Elliot we can't all have what we hope for. I hoped my Partner of 12 years would come to see me before he decided to hand in his papers. I hoped my Partner would at least call me back or answer one of the many messages I left him begging to get in touch, but we don't all get what we hope for."
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"Yeah, so you already said."
"Well actually I never got to finish it the first time," he smirked. "Your fist kind of interrupted me mid-sentence."
Olivia couldn't help but smile at him. "Yeah well my fist didn't want to hear it."
"Yeah well my mouth got the message," he said licking the small cut on his bottom lip. "I forgot how hard you could hit."
Olivia looked at him a confused look on her face.
"Stuckey," he said to her.
"Yeah well I only done that to save your sorry ass, what did you want me to do let him kill you?"
They both sat in silence staring at each other.
"I listened to all your messages," he said to her. "I still have them on my phone."
Olivia chuckled. "Yeah well don't expect any more I don't have your number in my phone anymore. After 2 months of being ignored I figured you had changed your number so I deleted it. A bit like you did to me from your life."
Elliot looked down at his hands and started playing the chain attached to the handcuff. "I never changed my number Liv I just couldn't take my phone with me," he said biting his lower lip. "I didn't get all your messages till I got home."
Olivia frowned as she looked him.
"I needed to get away," he said continuing to look down. "After the shooting I needed to … I just kind of lost it. I couldn't handle the fact I had shot a victim, but it wasn't just Jenna. It was everything building up. I had been accused of molesting a kid, Sonya dying everything just hit me all at once, that on top of leaving Kathy."
"You left Kathy or Kathy left you again?"
"I left Kathy, well I sat her down and we talked about it and agreed it was for the best. We both agreed we got back together for the wrong reasons. We split up about a 2 months before I left. I was still living in the house until I found my own place. I was going to tell you but so much happened. I wanted to get things sorted in my own head before I let you know. I didn't want your pity or have you trying to fix things for me. I didn't want to fix my marriage, I wanted out. But before I had the chance to tell you I guess I finally had what they call a burnout. I went to see Haung," he said looking at her. "I knew I needed to talk to someone, I was losing it and getting drunk every night. George tried to get me to go away to a retreat type place where I could talk to people and give me time to sort my head out. But me being me I didn't think I needed it."
Olivia sat forward as he talked. In all their years together she had never have him open up to her like this. She had tried many times to have him open up but he would always just change the topic. He always hid how he felt, brushed it off and just pretended it never bothered him. He had never admitted he needed help.
"It wasn't until I finally ….." He stopped talking and took a deep shaky breath.
"Until what?" she asked him. She could see he was upset and she could see the tears in his eyes, and no matter how pissed off she was with him she found it hard to be angry with him when he was upset like this. When he was opening up to her.
"Dickie he came to see me one night at my place. I had moved out of the home a week or so after the shooting. I was drunk," he looked up and wiped away a tear that fell. "He is so much like me you know, stubborn, hot tempered and a pain in the ass. He told me I needed help and we argued. He grabbed the bottle of vodka out of my hand and I just lost it, I hit him. I bust his lip and he fell against the table and cut his head. He needed 6 stitches. Seeing him lying there on the floor covered in blood…." He shook his head and wiped at the tears again. "Kathy told me at the hospital I either got help or she would report me for assaulting my son. I went to George that night and he took me to this retreat. I was supposed to be there a few weeks I ended up staying for almost 2 months. I guess I was more fucked up in the head than I thought."
"Did it, did it help you?"
Elliot nodded." I got a lot of things off my chest and sorted my head out. I had never talked about myself so much. I was at the retreat when I handed in my papers, I realised I couldn't come back. I couldn't do my job anymore. Killing Jenna finally broke me."
"You were cleared of the shooting, it wasn't your fault."
"I might have been cleared Liv, but I still took her life. It was time for me to move on. I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit at that desk every day and look at the spot where I held her in my arms as she died. I just couldn't do it."
Olivia nodded holding back her own tears. "I understand that," she said quietly. "But you still could have come to me."
Everyone outside the interrogation room stood in silence.
"Jesus Cap, did you know how bad he had got?" asked Fin.
"Not the full story. I knew he was getting help and I knew why he wouldn't come back."
"What about that thing with Dickie?" asked Munch.
Cragen shook his head. "No I never knew about that. If I had realised how bad he was. I should have gone to him. I just thought he was taking time to get himself together. If I had known he was drinking and had pushed the self-destruct button"
"Cap we all could have done more. We all thought he was okay," said Munch.
Cragen nodded and turned his attention back to the interrogation room.
"I wanted to call you Liv I really did."
"So why didn't you. You got back what…. 2 months ago. You could have called me then. You have had plenty of time to call me. But no you let me think you hated me, you let me think I had done something wrong. Not one call, not one message for months, then I get this," she said reaching inside her shirt and pulling out the medallion he had sent her. She pulled it from around her neck breaking the chain and threw it on the desk.
Elliot reached for it and picked it up running his fingers over it. "I didn't know if you had received them," he said quietly. "I sent them the day I got back."
"Yeah well I did. After 12 years I get this in the post and a piece of paper with three fucking words on it. Is that all I was worth? No explanation, no nothing."
"Well if you didn't want it why didn't you send it back to me, why are you wearing it around your neck?" he asked her raising his voice. "If your think your worth more than that then why the hell keep it? At least you got that. It's more than what I got you fucking left without a word."
Olivia glared at him.
"What did it just slip your mind that you left me twice and both times I got no explanation as to why or where you went?"
"I had no choice!" she yelled. "I was undercover for the feds. I'm sorry if your feelings got hurt because I never told you."
"You left me….. fucking twice Liv….twice. I come to work after a few days off after one of the worst cases we have ever worked, and find I have a new partner because you put in a transfer request without even talking to me. No discussion no nothing, you just pack up your desk overnight and fuck off to another unit."
"You told me we couldn't work together," she shouted standing up and resting her hands on the table between them. "You tried to make me shoot you and then told me we couldn't work together, what the hell was I supposed to do? You blamed me for Ryan dying," she yelled tears rolling down her cheeks as she thought back to hospital and their conversation.
Elliot shoved the chair back and stood up resting his hands next to her as they faced off across the table.
"I never said I wanted you to leave," he yelled at her.
"Yes you did, you said we couldn't choose each other over the job any more or we couldn't be partners…. Your fucking words Stabler."
"Jesus Benson, I didn't say that to make you leave, I said it because… I said it …"
"Well come on then, why say it if it's not what you meant….come on Stabler tell me, you even said you were sick of looking over your shoulder for me, checking I was alright. You didn't want to be partners with me anymore, just fucking admit it!"
"No! That wasn't it!"
"So what the hell was it? Gitano cut my throat, I could have died and not once did you ask if I was okay. You ignored me and yelled at me in front of everyone, as though it was my fault. You looked at me as though you hated me!"
"I was falling in love with you!" he yelled at her.
Olivia jumped as he yelled his confession. They were both staring at each across the table breathing hard.
"I was in love with you and I didn't know what to do about it," he said dropping his head forward. "I loved you," he said again quietly. "I'm in love with you," as he sat back down.
Olivia stared down at him in silence at him as he sat across the table from her his head down.
He looked up when she started to chuckle. "You're in love with me," she laughed. "You go missing for 4 months and come back and tell me your in love with me."
She began to walk away from the table forgetting they were handcuffed and pulled at his wrist.
"Jesus Liv," he winced as the cuffs dug into his wrist and he stood to follow her. She stood looking through the bars on the window, Elliot slightly behind her and to her side.
"Did you love me when you went back to Kathy?" she asked him. "Did you love me when you flirted with Hendrix or dated that woman from Immigration?"
"Liv…. I …."
"Did you love me when you fucked Dani Beck?" she snapped.
"Whoa," said Munch looking at Fin and Cragen. "He slept with Dani, I didn't even think they liked each other."
Fin shrugged.
" Never mind Dani Beck, I want to know what the hell happened with Gitano and why not one of them put in their report about the gun to the head incident," said Cragen. "I knew they were going through a rough spot when she asked for a new partner but if I had known what had happened I would have made them go to counselling not split them up."
"I never slept with Dani."
Olivia sighed and kept looking out the window. "Whatever."
"No, not whatever," he said stepping beside her, their cuffed hands almost touching. "I never slept with her, I never fucked her."
"But you had feelings for her."
Elliot turned his head and looked at the side of her face.
"Yes…No. I don't know…. We got on. She was going through a bad time, I wasn't doin much better."
"What and I wasn't going through a bad time?" she said still not looking at him.
"I was a mess when you left. I would drive past your apartment every morning on the way to work. I would knock on your door and then let myself in just to double check you hadn't come home. I would call all the time hoping you would answer, but you never did. I hated not knowing where you were and if you were okay. Nobody would tell me anything. I was so worried and scared that something would happen to you. That I wouldn't be there for you."
"Yeah you looked real worried about me when I came to the station just after I got back," she said finally turning her head to face him.
"What do you mean?"
"You couldn't keep your hands off Dani."
Elliot looked at her confused.
"I saw you from Cragen's office, smiling and touching her…. you looked happy and relaxed with her. You never acted that way with me."
"Liv I ….."
She put her hand up to stop him talking.
"I came to the bar that night Casey had called me to let me know you were all going there for drinks. I wasn't going to come at first but as I pulled up outside just as you and Dani walked out to your jeep."
"Shit," sighed Elliot dropping his head as Olivia continued to look at him.
"I saw you kiss her," she said her voice breaking. "You kissed her and you made the first move Elliot. Not Dani, you. You then helped her into your car and left together…. I guess you weren't in love with me as much as what you thought." She lifted her hand and wiped away the tears.
"Liv I screwed up. My head was all over the place. Kissing Dani meant nothing. I just wanted to feel something….something more than….shit," he said looking over at her not knowing what to say. "I honestly don't know why I done it, I thought it would make me feel better, take away the hurt of you being gone. But it didn't, all I kept thinking was I wish it had been you. If it had been you, that call from Cragen would have been ignored, there is now way I would have stopped kissing you."
Olivia turned and walked back to the table dragging Elliot with her and they sat back down.
"In the year you and Kathy were apart you never made a move. 8 years together and now you claim you loved me. 3 months with Beck and you have her pinned up against your truck with your tongue rammed down her throat. Even when I got back you treat me like shit, like you wanted nothing to do with me."
"I didn't know what to do my head was all over the place. Suddenly you just showed up in the middle of a case, I didn't even know you were back. You made it sound like you only came back to keep me in check, not because you wanted to be there."
"And you don't think I was confused. If you loved me like you claim you did then why didn't you say something? You had plenty of opportunities to but you never said a word. You looked pissed off when I came back, you kept slipping up calling the Victim Dani, snapping at me all the time. You stand here and tell me you loved me, but did you come to me when you needed someone. No. You went home and fucked your soon to be ex-wife. You went back to her and got her pregnant and moved back home to play happy families. So don't you dare sit there and tell me you were in love with me." Olivia looked over towards the two way glass. "Somebody get me the keys to these," she said lifting her cuffed hand up.
"I made a mistake," he told her reaching for her hand but she pulled it away. "I fucked up and I know that. The night I slept with Kathy and got her pregnant… I was weak. And I regretted it straight away, I should never have gone to her. "
"But you did Elliot, you went back to where you felt safe and played happy families, so don't sit there and tell me you loved me. You loved your wife."
"Your right I did love her. I loved her for being with me for 20 years. I loved her for giving me 5 great kids. But I'm not in love with her, it's not her I want to be with, it's not her I think about all the time…. That's you Liv. It's you I have been in love with all these years. It's been you since before the incident with Gitano. It was you when I got back with Kathy. I spent more nights on the couch than I did in the bed. I would lie there thinking of you, wishing it was you I was with. I was just an idiot. I should have told you when I had the chance but I was scared to tell you in case you didn't feel the same. I would rather have you as a friend than as nothing. And if you hadn't felt the same I would have lost you as my partner and friend, I couldn't risk that."
"Well you lost me in the end anyway didn't you when you walked out of my life and ignored me," she said ignoring the tears that threatened to fall.
They sat in silence and jumped when there was a knock on the door. Olivia wiped her eyes and turned around as the door opened, Rollins walked in giving them a little smile as she held up the key.
"Munch, Fin and the Cap were too scared to come in," she smiled going to hand Olivia the key as Olivia stood up to face her.
Elliot moved quickly grabbing the key from Rollins.
"Stabler, what the hell!" she snapped glaring at him. "Give me that fucking key."
Elliot shook his head, putting his hand behind his back as she went to grab it. "You undo these cuffs and you will be out of here and I'm not done talking yet."
"Well I'm done listening so give me the key and stop being a prick."
Rollins slowly backed out the room and closed the door behind her.
"I don't fucking believe you. Do you know how hard it was for me to come back here, to walk into the squad room where I killed a kid, to finally open up to you and tell you how I have been feeling for all these years. To stand here and tell you I love you…. I love you Liv."
"I don't care!" she yelled. "I don't care how hard it was for you. I don't care if you think you love me. You broke me. You left and I died inside. I needed you and you weren't there. Do you think you were the only one who suffered that day? I had to hold Sister Peg as she died in my arms. I watched you as you held Jenna. I saw how devastated you were. I wanted to be there for you and you wouldn't let me."
Elliot went to speak but she cut him off.
"And now…. Now you decide you want to talk, well I don't El, so just leave me the fuck alone. Go back to your wife, just like you always do. I'm done with you. I don't want you in my life. I don't want your love. I don't need you… I don't need you…. I don't…" She tried to reach round Elliot and grab the key again, tears streaming down her face.
Elliot spun her around and pushed her against the two way mirror. He knew he was finally getting to her when she called him El.
"Get the fuck off me," she growled at him.
"I love you," he said to her his face centimetres from hers.
"Get the hell off me," she said trying to push him away.
"I love you Liv," he said again smiling at her. "Do you know how good it actually feels to finally tell you, to say it out loud?"
"I swear to god Stabler if you don't get off me…." she said struggling to break free from his grip.
"Tell me you don't feel the same and I will let you go," he smiled.
"Stop smirking," she snapped. "And let me go."
"Tell me you don't love me and I will let you go," he repeated.
"Fuck you!"
"Four little words Liv. Four little words I will walk away from you and never bother you again."
She pulled at his hands the handcuffs still joining them digging into her wrist.
"Say it Liv," he said his face so close she could feel his breath on her skin.
"Let me go Stabler."
Elliot shook his head "Say it," he whispered. "I don't love you, that's all you have to say. Just look me in the eyes and tell me."
Olivia turned her head to face him. "I… I don't…..I don't…." she whispered.
"You don't what Liv?" he asked moving his lips closer to her. "What Liv? What don't you do?"
"Should have brought some popcorn," said Munch as Elliot spun Olivia round and pinned her to the glass.
"Shut up you idiot," said Rollins. "I want to hear."
Cragen watched through the glass as Elliot told her once again he loved her. "Just tell him," he said under his breath.
"Cap you say something?" as Fin.
Cragen shook his head. He had watched them over the years. He watched as they fought against each other, defended each other, he had watched them fall in love and then hide their feelings because of the job and because of Elliot's marriage. He had then watched Olivia fall apart when he left. He knew how much it had hurt Olivia when he left. It was his shoulder she had cried on the night he got a call from the bar to pick her up. It was not long after he had told her Elliot had handed his papers in. The barman called him and told him she was passed out at the bar. He had got her home and she had sat and cried and told him how much she loved and hated Elliot for leaving her. At work the next day neither of them mentioned the night before. He figured she either didn't remember or she just wanted to forget. He never brought it up.
"Come on Liv what don't you do?"
She turned her head to the side "Love you," she whispered.
Elliot used his fingers to turn her head to face him "That was only two words," he smiled.
"Please Elliot, just let me go."
"I can't Liv," he said looking her in the eyes. "I have tried to. I tried when you went to computer crimes, I tried when you went to Oregon and I tried when I left. But I can't do it. I love you Olivia Benson, why are you so scared to admit you feel something for me?"
She looked at Elliot tears falling down her face. "Because…. I don't," she said dropping her head forward so she wasn't looking into his eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't love you," she said quietly.
"God Dammit Benson," said Cragen as he heard her say the four little words. He watched as Elliot looked past Olivia, it was like he could see him through the glass. Cragen watched as Elliot made no attempt to try and hide the tears that were falling down his face.
"What you playing at Baby Girl?" asked Fin shaking his head.
Munch sighed and ran his hand over his face as they all stood in silence and watched through the glass.
Elliot slowly nodded his head. "Okay," he said clearing his throat as he stepped back slightly from her. "Okay."
Olivia kept her eyes to the floor as he stepped back not able to look at him. Elliot lifted his hand that was cuffed and put the small key into the lock unlocking them and separating their wrists.
"I guess I was wrong," he said as he turned away and put the cuffs on the table. "I erm, I'm gonna go," he told her, his back to her. "I'm sorry," he said without looking back and heading to the door. "I won't bother you anymore."
Olivia wrapped her arms around her middle as she cried quietly lifting her head to watch him leave the room. Her heart beating hard inside her chest, she felt like she was going to pass out.
Elliot stopped his hand on the door handle. He bit down on his bottom lip as he heard Olivia quietly sobbing behind him.
"I don't believe you…" he said facing the door. "You didn't look me in the eye," he said turning around to face. "I told you, you had to look me in the eye and tell me," he said walking slowly back towards her. "But you couldn't, you couldn't look at me and tell me."
"What?" she sniffed wiping her nose on her sleeve.
"You said the words but never looked me in the eye."
"El, just go," she begged him.
"I can't," he said standing in front of her and lifting his hands to cup her face. "Tell me now," he whispered. "Tell me now that you're looking me in the eyes that you don't love me… come on Liv, you done it once do it again. Tell me you don't feel anything. Tell me you don't want me the same way as I want you," he said moving his head closer to her. "Tell me your heart isn't beating so fast right now that it feels like it's going to burst through your chest?" he asked her his lips almost touching hers.
"El, please."
"Please what?"
"Just ….Just… Go."
Elliot shook his head. "No. I cant. Why are you crying Liv?"
She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve again.
"Because," she sniffed. "Because you won't go, you won't leave me alone. It's too late Elliot….. Your too late."
Elliot didn't move or speak for a few moments as he looked at Olivia. Her eyes were looking everywhere except at him.
"Well I guess I have nothing to lose then," Olivia looked up and finally met his eyes. "I'm gonna kiss you Liv, I'm going to do what I should have done in that hospital corridor. What I should have done in the locker room after the fight with Blaine. I'm gonna kiss you like I should have done that night when I went home to Kathy instead of coming to you. I'm gonna kiss you like I should have done in that room when Bushido had us. I'm gonna kiss you like I should have that morning we sat on my front steps just after you came back from Oregon or that time after I thought Porter had shot you instead and I held you in my arms…"
"El," she sniffed as she felt his breath brush her lips.
"Yeah."
"Shut up."
"No, not until I tell you all those times I should have kissed you and I didn't, all those times I lost my nerve and ignored how I felt. All those times I took it out on the lockers cause I was so angry with myself for not making a move."
"Please I just need you to be quiet."
"Why Liv….. So I can hear you tell me you don't feel anything for me."
"No."
"Then why do I need to shut up?"
"So I can….. So I can tell you….I….. I love you," she hiccupped finally giving in and saying the words she had held on to for so long.
"I know," he smiled as his lips pressed softly against hers. "I love you to," he breathed into her mouth before his lips crashed against hers.
Cragen smiled as he watched them through the glass.
"Yes!" said Fin punching the air, before handing over his money to Cragen.
Munch put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his money as well. "Got to say this is one bet I'm glad I lost," he smiled.
"That's it," Cragen said to everyone. "Shows over, back to work," he told them as he pressed the button on the wall and turned off the speaker.
"You're kidding right," grinned Munch. "Things are only just heating up," he said as Elliot's hands ran through Olivia's hair and he pulled her closer to him as Olivia's hand gripped his shirt as the kiss turned more passionate.
"I for one am definitely out of here," said Fin. "I don't need to see anymore."
Cragen pushed them all out the small room and into the corridor and they all headed back to the squad room.
"Rollins," said Cragen. "Make sure nobody tries to get into that interrogation room or side room, not until they come out."
"Sure Cap."
"And that includes him," he said pointing to Munch.
"Hey why point me out?" he asked throwing his hands up into the air.
"Cause you're the one who acts like a dirty old man," laughed Fin as he sat in his chair grinning at Munch.
"I am seriously offended at that remark," he said pouring himself a cup of coffee as everyone in the office laughed.
Elliot pulled away gasping for breath dropping his forehead against Olivia's.
"Why did you stop," she panted.
"Needed to breath," he gasped.
"Okay," she nodded as his lips crashed against hers again his tongue dancing with hers as they kissed each other hard and passionately making up for all the years they had denied each other.
Elliot's mouth broke away again only this time he kissed his way down her neck, sucking the skin into his mouth as his hands went to her ass and he lifted her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist.
"Oh Shit!" she gasped as she ran her fingers through his short hair and held his mouth to her neck as he sucked her skin harder knowing he would be leaving a mark and not caring.
Olivia pulled at his t-shirt untucking it from his jeans and ran her fingers up and down his back her nails leaving red marks. Elliot moaned as he felt himself becoming hard as he pushed himself between her legs. Olivia moaned as she felt his erection pushing against her.
"Jesus Liv we need to stop," he mumbled. "We can't…we can't do this here," he said lifting his mouth from her neck and looking at her lips and then her eyes, as his hands slipped under her shirt and up her sides, lightly brushing over the top of her lace bra, the pads of his thumbs brushing over her hard nipples making her groan.
He kept her pinned against the window as his hands massaged her breasts, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Don't you dare stop," she warned him as she used her legs that were wrapped around him to pull him closer to her, his erection pushing against her throbbing core through his jeans.
Elliot swallowed hard he wanted her so bad.
"Baby, I don't want our first time to be in the interagation room against the wall," he said as his hands slipped under her bra and he squeezed her nipples.
"Fine," she smirked at him as her hands went to his belt and she began to undo it. She leant forward and took the tip of his ear into her mouth biting it softly before whispering into his ear. "Fuck me on the table instead."
"Fuck!" he hissed as her hand slipped into his jeans and she took hold of him over the top of his boxers massaging his hard cock.
"12 years El," she said as her hand slipped inside his underwear. "12 years of denying I feel anything for you. 12 years of comparing every man I have been with to you and 12 years of wishing it was you every time I had sex. If you think I'm waiting any longer you can think again. And don't you dare try and tell me you want to wait any longer, because what I can feel in my hand right now tells me you can't," she said as she swiped her thumb over the tip of his cock and spread the pre cum around that was already there.
"I want to take my time with you, I have wanted this for so long," he tried to explain as his hands went for the buttons on her trousers and began to undo them.
"Trust me baby," she panted. "No matter where we do it, the first time is gonna be quick. I am so turned on right now."
As she spoke Elliot slipped his hand into her panties and slipped two fingers in between her folds, his fingers slipping easily between them from the fluids already gathered there.
"You're so fucking wet," he said as he slipped a finger inside her. "So hot and tight."
"I want you so much," she said breathlessly as he added a second finger pumping them slowly and deeply inside her. "Everything you said …. Oh god," she gasped as he added a third finger. "Everything you said about how you felt… I've…. I've felt the same," Elliot kept his eyes on her as she talked as his fingers moved inside her. "I have had the same feelings and been in love with you for years."
Elliot smiled at her.
"I left you to go to Oregon….cause….cause, oh Jesus that feels good…..Cause I loved you and I thought you didn't feel the same."
Elliot stopped moving his fingers inside her and stood still looking at her.
"I should have told you, I was so stupid."
"We both were," she smiled dropping her head forward and kissing the tip of his nose.
"Yeah," he smiled. "We wasted so much time." He felt her inner walls gripping his fingers.
"Well don't make me wait any longer," she said biting her bottom lip. "I want you, I need you Baby. We can take our time later and make up for the time we lost, but right now I need you inside me, I want you inside me. The amount of times I have fantasised about this, about you taking me hard and fast against the wall or over the table. Every time you lost it with a perp….. It was such a turn on."
Elliot licked his lips and slowly withdrew his fingers from her without saying a word to her.
"El," she said worried she had done or said something wrong as she felt his fingers slide out of her.
Elliot raised his hand to his mouth and closed his eyes as he slowly sucked her juices from his fingers as Olivia watched him. She felt her pussy throbbing watching him as he tasted her and moaned as he sucked his fingers into his mouth.
"Fuck this," he said as he grasped her ass cheeks and turned carrying her to the table sitting down on the edge. His hands went to her trousers as he roughly pulled them and her panties down and Olivia kicked them off, as her hands went to his jeans and she pushed them to the floor.
Elliot spread her legs and stood between them his cock hard and erect.
His hands gripped her hips and he pulled her to the edge of the table, the tip of his cock pushing against her entrance. He looked up at her and cupped her face.
"Are you sure?" he asked her praying she wouldn't say no.
"I have been sure for years," she smiled.
"I just want to make sure…."
"El…shut up and fuck me," she said to him as she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him to her kissing him hard. Elliot broke away from the kiss and took hold of himself and lined himself up at her entrance and slowly pushed into her as he dropped his head to hers.
"I love you so much," he sighed as he slid into her fully spreading her wide.
"I love you to," she gasped as he entered her burying himself deep inside. He stopped moving giving her time to adjust.
"God that feel s so good," he said to her as he began to move slowly inside her.
Olivia moved with him clenching her inner walls with every thrust. "Don't hold back," she told him. "I need you hard and fast."
Elliot smirked "Okay," he said pushing her back on the table so she was lying on her back. He put his hands under her ass cheeks lifting her slightly and pulling her to him. "You asked for it," he told her as he pulled fully from her before slamming back into her hard making her body jump.
"Shit!" she yell as she felt him slide back out and push into her hard and fast again and again. His hands left her ass cheeks and she felt him massaging her breasts through her shirt. She opened her eyes and looked up at him as he leant over her, his cock pumping in and out her. He gripped her shirt next to the buttons and pulled hard her shirt ripping apart and the buttons scattering across the room. He pushed his hands under her bra and pushed it up over her breasts.
"God your fucking amazing," he panted as he continued to thrust into her. He dropped his head forward and took her nipple into his mouth and sucked it hard as his hands squeezed and twisted her other nipple.
"Oh god El," she grunted as she met his every thrust. "That's it baby," she said digging her feet into his ass and pulling him to her as he kept up the punishing pace fucking her hard and fast over the table.
Elliot lifted his head and kissed her hard. "I love you…. I love you so much," he gasped. "So much."
He reached between them and rubbed her clit as he felt his release building, not wanting to cum before her.
"I … I love you to… just don't leave me again."
"Never….. Never again," he smiled as he rubbed his thumb over the small bundle of nerves.
"You do….. And I will shoot you."
Elliot kissed her hard again and felt her inner muscles gripping him every time he thrust into her. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes as her body convulsed and she gripped him tight as she came. Her body shaking violently on the table as Elliot continued to thrust into her. He felt his balls tighten and his cock throbbing as he released into her. His hot cum shooting inside her coating her walls as he dropped his head and bit down on her neck to stop him yelling out as he continued to thrust into her over and over emptying himself completely inside her.
"Jesus Christ," panted Olivia as her legs slipped from around him and dropped towards the floor when he finally stopped thrusting.
"I was thinking the same thing," chuckled Elliot kissing her neck before pushing himself up and slowly withdrawing from Olivia. He reached for her hands and helped her to sit up on the edge of the table and rested his hands on her hips.
"You know," he said sliding a hand up her side, across her breast and to her face where he pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear before cupping her face. "I had all these ideas about how our first time would play out."
"You did."
"Yeah…. A candle lit meal, a few glasses of wine. Slow dancing then slowly I would lead you to the bedroom and undress you and make love to you all night long."
"Sounds perfect."
"It would have been," he smiled as he bent down and pulled his jeans up. He picked up Olivia's and handed them to her and watched as she pulled them on. Olivia slid off the table and pulled her trouser up and fastened the buttons. "But instead I come to the station you punch me, I hand cuff you and we have a full on fight before I fuck you over the table."
Olivia takes his hands as she stands in front of him.
"Sounds about right for us two," she chuckled.
Elliot laughed "I guess you're right."
They both looked at each other smiling.
"We still have a lot to talk about," she said to him.
"I know. I have a lot of making up to do."
"We both do," she said. "And you can start by letting me wear your jacket till I get to my locker. You kinda trashed this shirt."
Elliot took off his jacket and helped her into it, before pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her tightly.
"I meant everything I said Liv. I love you so much and I'm not going anywhere."
Olivia held him tightly to her. "I know you do and I love you as well. You don't know how good it is to be able to finally say that."
"Trust me, I know."
They stood holding each other for a while before Olivia finally moved back from him and took his hand.
"Come on," she said to him. "Let's get out of here. We need to start making up to one another."
"Sounds good to me," he smiled as they walked out the door and down the corridor hand in hand. "Maybe I could start by taking you out for a meal?"
"Or we could pick up take out and you can take me home and we could try making up your way. I have plenty of candles and fresh sheets on the bed," she winked.
Elliot smiled at her "Yeah your plan sounds a lot better."
"I won't be long," she told him as they reached the squad room. "I just need to change my shirt."
"Okay," he said kissing her lips softly. "Just hurry, "he whispered. "Before I follow you up there and live out my Locker room fantasy."
Olivia laughed. "You as well huh," she said pinching his ass as she was walking away. Elliot kept his eyes on her as she disappeared up the stairs and out of sight. It was then he noticed everyone looking at him.
"What?"
"It's good to see her smiling again," said Munch.
"And it's good to see you in one piece," laughed Fin.
"Well we have a lot to talk about and work out…."
"Well from the state of your neck and hers, I would say a few things have been worked out," grinned Munch.
"Erm Yeah," he said raising his hand to his neck and rubbing the sensitive area where Olivia had left her mark.
"It's good to see you again as well," said Munch holding his hand out and Elliot took it shaking it.
"Thanks John," he smiled.
"You know you could have come to us, we would of all been here for you."
"Don't tell me you were all behind the glass when we were talking?"
Munch nodded.
"How much did you all hear?"
"Everything," said Fin from across the room.
"I just needed to sort it out myself, I had to do it, before I came back for Liv."
"And you have done that now?"
Elliot nodded. "Yeah. I still have a few things to sort out in here," he said tapping his head. "But I can't do that part without Liv."
Munch smiled at Elliot "Well it's good to see Detective Benson and Stabler back together again. It's about time."
"No John," said Elliot watching Olivia as she came back down the stairs. "Not Detectives Benson and Stabler," he told him. "Not anymore, just plain old Elliot and Olivia. And that is exactly how I want it."
"You ready to go?" she asked Elliot putting her hand on his lower back.
"Yeah I'm ready," he said wrapping his arm around her waist. "See ya later John…. Fin," he said raising his hand and waving to Fin.
"Later Man," he called from across the room smiling.
"You not going to tell Cragen your leaving?" he asked her as they walked towards the door.
"No need," she said turning around and looking towards Cragen's office. "I think he might of guessed I would be leaving early," she smiled as she saw him smile at her through the window.
Elliot suddenly stopped and turned back around facing Munch. "John, when you said you heard everything….."
Munch smirked, "The interrogation room isn't as sound proofed as you think," he winked before turning around and sitting in his chair chuckling to himself.