"Maybe you shouldn't be in here,"
"I'll keep my distance."
With a sharp roll of her chocolate brown eyes and a soft click of her tongue, Melissa gathered up dirty laundry, stuffed it in a backpack and handed it to Daley, who barely managed to hold back her giggles at the scene that had just played out before her. When she reached for the zipper to zip the tent back up, Melissa noticed that Jackson's bandana was still knotted around her wrist. The soft fabric had fluttered out of his pocket when they were helping him back to camp. She had picked it up and tied around her wrist to keep from losing it. She unconsciously fingered the soft fabric, inadvertantly loosening the knot that kept it around her wrist.
"Is that my bandana?" Jackson asked hoarsely, breaking her train of thought.
"Oh," Melissa gasped in surprise, whirling around on knees to face him. "Uh yea, it fell out of your pocket when we were helping you back to camp. I know how much you adore the thing so I picked it up and tied it around my wrist so it wouldn't get lost."
He reached for her wrist, wrapping his callused fingers around the soft flesh, bunching the fabric between his fingers. He pulled her closer to him, not surprised by her willingness to come closer despite having just told him she would keep her distance. He had never had a best friend like Melissa. Someone who honestly cared for him and knew him. He couldn't think of anyone else who would remember how much he liked his bandana.
"Thank you," He told her hoarsely, his voice rough and his eyes darker than she had ever seen them. "I don't know of anyone else who would have known that."
Dark eyes stared down at him, boring into him as if she could see straight through him. The rich chocolate pools flickering with so much emotion, he can barely keep up with how she feels at any given moment. He can see the sadness, the disappointment and the anger flickering like fire in her eyes all at once. A dark, intense burn that threatens to fill her eyes with tears. Sadness over the misery he's in, disappointment in the choice that put him in his current position and her own anger at herself for not being able to help him anymore than she was. He broke her gaze, looking down her wrist as he fingered the knot in the black fabric of his bandana.
He hated disappointing her.
"I don't like disappointing you, Mel." Jackson told her thickly, his eyes flitting between her dark pools and the wrist he's keeping a tight hold on. "I hate it."
"You didn't disappoint me, Jackson." Melissa ground out around clenched teeth. "Your choice disappointed me, not you. No if I was disappointed in you, I wouldn't be in here. I'd let Taylor do it."
He could hear her teeth gritting together, a sure fire sign that she was angrier than she let on. He had learned a few of her many quirks and one of them was her habit of gritting her teeth together when she was angry.
"Then why are you so mad at me, Melissa?" Jackson whispered, tugging at her wrist.
"I'm not mad at you," Melissa barked angrily, yanking her wrist from his grasp. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself because I can't help you!"
"Help me? Melissa, you've helped me more than anyone." Jackson raised his eyebrows in confusion, looking up at his best friend. "Now what's really going on?"
She looked away from him, unable to meet his gaze as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Jackson sighed softly as he grabbed the back of her shirt and tugged on it, forcing her to look at him. Her chocolate brown eyes were black. The anger, the sadness, the disappointment. It was now conveyed as one complex emotion, pain. He reached for her wrist and worked on untying the knot in his bandana.
"What are you doing?" Her voice was thick and the exhaustion in it wasn't lost on him.
He untied the knot easily and shook out the black cotton before reaching up and dabbing her face with it, drying any remaining tears. As she finally met his eyes, he understood why she was in so much pain. He finally understood why her emotions were bundled up into one angry package.
"You aren't used to seeing me like this," He told her, leaving it as more of a statement than a question because he knows her well enough to know what he's saying is true. "You can't stand to see anyone like this but-"
"But it's different with you." Melissa whispered softly, pain choking every word as she tried to find the words to finish.
"Why is it so different with me?" He asked, reaching up to brush her cheek with the back of his hand.
"Because you're my best friend. You know me better than Nathan does and I've known him longer." Melissa practically whimpered. "I'm not used to seeing you in so much pain."
"I'm not used to seeing you like this either." Jackson mumbled, pulling his hand away and opening his arm, inviting her to lay down.
She slid down and let her head fall onto his chest, gripping his t-shirt in fists. He let his arm settle on her back, his hand buried in her dark hair. His eyes flutter in time with his heart-beat that's pounding against her ear. Their current position isn't normal for them but they're both so angry and so tired of pretending that his sickness isn't hurting both of them in one way or another that they can't help but stay close together.
Sometimes, closeness wasn't what was considered normal for them.
It was needed for them.
So of all things for me to remember about the episode 'Regrets', it was the tiny little detail of Melissa having a bandana knotted around her wrist like a bracelet. I'm going out on a limb by assuming that it was Jackson's because I never saw Melissa with one. It's amazing how much inspiration a piece of black cotton can provide. Anyway, leave some love Dolls.
Love ya,
RobertDowneyJrLove