Most people would probably say that Jade West's cruelty was all just a part of her mean girl facade, or a defense mechanism stemming from some kind of insecurity. But Jade knew they all wondered, deep inside, if this is just how she was born to the world.

The truth was, all of their guesses came close. It was only technically a facade because being a mean girl isn't all she is, and while it was a defense mechanism for bullshit she didn't want to put up with, it definitely did not stem from an insecurity. More like a tiredness from being trampled on all over the place. She didn't want nor like any of it. She was born to be authentic, and unfortunately, to be who she was born to be came with a compromise: her bitter, cruel self.

The talent and looks more than compensated for it, to be honest. People didn't know how to look where it mattered.

Beck, however, did.

And then he didn't.

So this was how bitter, cruel Jade West came to be, mulling over her personality as she tried to choke back her tears. Apparently, to be who she was born to be came with an even bigger compromise: the person she loved.

They broke up because they were always fighting. And they were always fighting because of her. And she had always picked fights because goddamnit, it wasn't them if they weren't fighting for something, you know? It wasn't love unless there was some big, blown-up argument that ended in cursing and sobbing and whispered professions of love that would last no matter what. It was the only way she could confront any issues she had with their relationship. Her worry and her sadness were in the guise of harsh words and dramatic exits. It was the only reassurance she could get, that he was still preoccupied with her and only her, like she was with him.

But who the hell was she kidding? Beck had only two classes with her, and a whole list of extracurriculars she wasn't the least bit interested in. She was popular, but the notorious kind of popular that made a packed hallway part like the Red Sea when she walked by. Beck was the type of popular guy that practically knew everybody, who was friendly and on first name basis with every last one of the school population. He had a lot of cliques and crews aside from the usual gang during lunch, and that's not to include the people from neighboring schools.

And Jade? She had Beck. And Cat, sometimes. Andre on a few good days.

Beck was her boyfriend, best friend, and family rolled into one. She had centered her life around him and her dreams. It was more than just commitment and love, what she had for him: it was complete and utter devotion.

Meanwhile, Jade was just the girlfriend. What was more, she was the girlfriend he could definitely do without.

And he did now that they were no longer together.

She had more to lose all along, and while she expected it to hurt, she didn't know it could this much. Her chest was in pain. She could hardly breathe and see through her tears. She couldn't get out of bed at first, and ditched class the day after they broke up. She felt a little better, but she had yet to conquer eating regularly. She had no appetite.

Last night, when Jade told her mother she didn't want to eat her dinner, her Mom told her to sit and then asked, "Are you and Beck fighting?"

Jesus Christ. There was a worry in her mom's eyes she wanted to cringe at. It was so unnatural.

Jade had never formally introduced Beck to her parents. He had always been around at their house with Cat and Andre. She only knew that her parents had guessed there was something going on between them when she had told them, in eighth grade, that she was going to the park with Beck.

They all knew she hated going there. The dry comment, "We never knew of your... preference" made by her father and the look her mom had given only confirmed her suspicions: that after Andre and Cat were seen less and less in her room but Beck more and more, they had done the math.

There was a dull ache in her chest just remembering and she tried to focus to not sob then and there. She shrugged, replying, "We don't talk now."

Her mom raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Since when?"

"A week or so." It wasn't even a lie. Shouting matches and cold-shouldering didn"t count as talking.

"A week or so ago you had no problem eating. You didn't eat lunch or breakfast today either."

"Mom," Jade sighed, rolling her eyes to the celing. "Don't make this about Beck. I doubt I can keep anything down."

"You don't feel well, then?"

"No," Jade replied firmly, then got up. She could only take so much interaction with any one of her parents. She rushed up the stairs without looking back. "I'll rest now," she called over her shoulder, as she opened her door then slammed it close.

She struggled through her breakfast, knowing a snarky comment from her father if her mom dared tattle about her feeling ill wouldn't help. She would break in front of them and cry everything out. After all that had been said and done over the years, Jade strived to never have a personal relationship with either of her parents. She was willing to keep it that way.

She was going to school tomorrow. She was going to face him again. She was going to look good as hell. She was going to hold up and be strong. She was Jade West: indestructible.

However... underneath her sadness, underneath all of her hurt and guilt, she was livid. That he had given up. That he knew, all this time, he was all she had. That he would do it so abruptly. That he acted as if he didn't know she would be in pieces. She let herself be vulnerable and he only turned out to be unreliable. She was cruel and upfront because she didn't want herself trampled on, and he only proved she was right about that decision - she dropped the act around him and look where it got her. She was angry at herself, sure, she put most of the blame on her hands, but she was enraged with him as well. And being the popular guy he was, being so goddamn transparent, and people being the gossip mongers about everything, she was sure people would hear his version of the breakup and the whys and hows and never bother to hear hers. Not that she would even talk about it. She didn't want to, and it was too personal to come out of her mouth. But the thing was, people are going to be deluded into his version of the truth, where he was going to be painted the victim like their relationship was something forced. Jade's flaws, already known to many, will reappear and be highlighted by the one person who appeared blind to them.

Just fuck it all. It was already painful and sad enough to begin with.

It made her even angrier. And she was holding on to it to keep the hurt at bay; to keep her sane.

She took deep breaths, wiping away at her tears. Her eyes felt heavy and swollen. Looking out her bedroom window, she could tell it was early afternoon. She had only taken spare, small bites at lunch. She needed a nap to regain her energy.

She curled up on her side. Angry as she was, hurt as she felt, she still kept a shirt Beck had left at her room this week. She wasn't strong enough to do without it. Not yet. She clutched it to her face, eyes closing as she inhaled. She imagined he was here, like the break up was all a bad dream, like she had just awoken to his chest by her face and his arm above her head, chuckling at her as she scowled at him sleepily but pulled him closer. Like it was a normal morning of him coming over hours before they were off to school.

He'd changed here this week, Jade remembered, already drifting off. It was a tense afternoon after school and they had one of theit biggest arguments in her room. He had pulled his shirt off, frustrated, and Jade tensed, expecting a rough kiss that had... often happened when they fought. But he only turned away and opened his bag for a black wife beater, pulled it on, and lay beside her. They didn't touch. They didn't talk. They lay there, the silence stretching between them, Jade's lips still pulled into a frown and Beck's brows still furrowed. Her heart was beating erratically then, because it was the first time they had fallen silent after a big argument, and not cry or laugh or kiss or hug. There was something wrong. But it was going to be okay... Things blew over. It was all going to be okay...

Sleep overcame her. Jade dozed off, her fingers still clutched tightly on a gray, worn shirt.

FIVE MONTHS LATER

This street gave her the creeps.

Jade West shivered as she stood outside Nightingale, an obscure costume shop and boutique downtown. She had visited it last week and deemed it the only place she could get quality and decent-priced costumes for her new short film. Her lead girl, a senior, had insane proportions of a petite but curvy little girl. Her character needed the type of clothes Jade had close to her heart: modern but Victorian-esque. She'd gladly resort to lending her lead her own clothes if they weren't all dark and if it didn't all swim on her body.

"Damn it, Andre," she grumbled, putting her phone down and exhaling loudly. His number wasn't in her damn reach. He was somewhere close, she knew. He was in charge of sound and lights and all that technical stuff with Sinjin. The three of them, with Cat stringing along to pick up props, were together just right after school. Cat got dropped off early with a promise not to get lost because she wanted ice cream, then Jade a block away from this shop, before Andre and Sinjin went off to a studio. They had all agreed to pick her up by 7 PM.

It was already ten in the evening. Nightingale had closed. At night, this dingy old street with the sound of drunkards singing in the distance didn't have a single streetlamp on. She didn't know how to get home; didn't know which way she could go. She had an overflowing bag of outfits on her arm, and her pocket money had been spent on all of them. Her phone struggled to get signal, and at the times that she managed to, Andre wasn't answering his damn phone.

Out of him, Sinjin and Cat, he was the one she trusted the most. And he was their driver. And the sanest out of them all. But damn it. Fine.

She looked for Sinjin in her contacts, knowing his stalker-like tendencies must have had his number suddenly appear in her phone no matter how many times she deleted it. She dialed, praying her signal to hold on.

"Come on, come on..."

Her heart leaped as the receiver picked up. "Sinjin, where in the hell -"

A detached, female voice was speaking in her ear. "-number you have dialed is currently una-"

Jade ripped it through her hair and put it down angrily, punching in Cat's number next. She growled as she heard the redhead's perky voicemail came on, then cancelled the call.

She paced around. Her parents were out of the question. She didn't liked asking Tori for anything, and Jade knew that girl wouldn't even know her way here. Robbie had bed time by eight. She had a few acquaintances, classmates that were in on her project, but... Her phone was nearly dead. She was hesitant to ask for help, sure, partly out of pride but also because she wanted actual help - she doubted the whole lot of them would be up to driving miles at ten in the evening for Jade West, or knew directions to get her out of here.

Except, well...

She bit her lip. Beck had produced and directed more films and plays than she did. It was actually from one of their conversations that she remembered which boutiques and shops she could check out. She didn't have to call, just text him and ask for directions... She had her number changed multiple times and deleted his, but she cursed her good memory that she still remembered it.

She sighed. She was desperate to get out of here, but a part of her yearned for some connection with him that wasn't through their friends, or over lunch, where everybody had conversation with each other, or was snarky and bitter and...

Before Jade could stop herself, she found herself typing the all too familiar number.

Beck Oliver's.

Are you up?
Sent 10:39 PM