A/N: I am trying my hand at a silly story…I work at Wal-Mart so that was the inspiration for this story. I hope you all like this. I'm good at writing lemons but not sure at writing humor. Ok so here we go.
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...we all know what would happen if I did Evil Grin
What If The Akatsuki Worked At Wal-Mart?
Pein pulled into the parking lot and sighed as he got out of his car. He didn't want to have to deal with his unruly employees.
"Have a nice fucking day," Hidan said snapping at a customer.
Pein could feel his blood boiling as he walked through the door. "Hidan!" Pein shouted.
"Yeah what the hell do you want?" Hidan said with a smile on his face.
"Do you expect customers to come back when you say stuff like that?"
"Like I care…one less asshole to put up with."
"You'll care when I put you cleaning toilets or fire your ass!"
Hidan just rolled his eyes and Pein continued into the store. He looked over the store while he was walking. Konan was standing behind the jewelry counter and waived at Pein as he went by. Deidara and Sasori were fighting in the arts and crafts department.
"No Danna…that's ugly, un!"
"Why you little brat," snapped Sasori.
Pein snorted and rolled his eyes. He would deal with those two later.
Itachi was stocking movies in electronics and Kisame was watching for shoplifters. Pein continued on to the back of the store. Zetsu was talking to the plants in the garden center and Pein swore he heard Zetsu ask the plant on a date. Pein smacked himself in the forehead and continued on. Tobi was playing with the toys when he was supposed to be working.
"Tobi," shouted Pein.
"Tobi a good boy…he will work now."
Pein could feel a headache coming on. "Why do I put up with this?" he thought. He walked into the office where Kakuza was counting money and slammed the door knocking over the money Kakuza just counted.
"Have they pissed you off already?" Kakuza asked.
"You have no idea," snapped Pein.
"Fire them…that will save us money," Kakuza said with a smile.
Pein slammed his head down on his desk. Most of the morning was uneventful until the afternoon when he got a call to come up front because of a problem. As Pein approached he saw a woman hitting Hidan with her purse.
"Stop hitting me you old hag," shouted Hidan.
"What is the problem," Pein asked.
The lady proceeded to tell Pein how rudely she was greeted and then when she was leaving she was told to get her fucking packages and hit the road. Pein apologized and just as he was about to deal with Hidan an explosion rocked the building.
"Oh dear Kami," Pein screamed.
Pein knew where it came from and ran all the way back to the craft department. He snatched Deidara and Sasori up by their shirts and drug them into his office.
"What the hell was that all about?" Pain shouted.
"Danna said my taste in art was awful, yeah."
"Well it is brat."
"Enough!" Pain said slamming his fists down on his desk.
Deidara and Sasori looked at Pein.
"I don't care what it takes…work out your differences or you're fired." Pein walked out of his office leaving the two in shock. He walked around checking on each department. When he passed by electronics he watched Kisame and Itachi make out by the t.v.'s. Pein just continued on. Pein's jaw dropped as he watched Tobi kissing a Barbie doll. Pein got to the garden center and froze in his tracks. Zetsu was on the patio humping the plants.
"Kami...what has gotten into everyone today…I run a messed up store." Pein quickly got away from the garden center. As Pein was walking back to his office he watched as Hidan ran through the store being beat to death by a group of women.
"Fucking stop before I sacrifice all of you to Jashin," Hidan shouted.
Pein finally got back to his office and started to open the door and stopped when he heard moaning.
"Yes…Danna…that feels so good."
"What have I done to deserve this," Pein said shaking his head.
Pein decided it would be a good time to take his lunch break. While he was eating lunch he decided he was going to have a meeting when he got back.
All was quite when he returned. Pein laughed at the site of Hidan who was covered in cuts and bruises. He made an announcement that there was going to be a meeting and named off everyone who was to attend. Pein went back to his office to wait.
Konan and Zetsu were the first to arrive, followed by Kisame and Itachi. A few minutes later everyone else showed up. Pein told Konan that she was doing a great job and that she could have the rest of the day off. "Without pay," Kakuza added. Pein locked his eyes on the group. They all knew Pein was pissed.
"Don't worry about the money Kakuza...now you can leave for the day too."
"Tobi I am taking you out of toys…you are now a people greeter."
"Tobi will be a good greeter…Tobi a good boy."
"Shut it Tobi," snapped Pein.
"Hidan you are now in toys."
"No fucking way...I will sacrifice those little brats," Hidan shouted.
"It's either toys or your fired."
Hidan quickly shut his mouth, but decided he would sacrifice Pein later.
"Zetsu I am taking you out of the garden center."
"No please…I can't leave the mothers of my children," Zetsu said.
Everyone's jaws dropped at what he had said. Zetsu just looked at them like he did nothing wrong.
"Fine…but don't let me catch you making out with the plants anymore."
"Hai Pein." Zetsu said smiling.
Pein rolled his eyes and looked at the remaining four he had to deal with.
"Kisame your job is to keep your eyes on shoplifters…not make out with Itachi...wait till your off my clock or I will transfer you." Kisame and Itachi smirked.
"Deidara and Sasori while I'm glad you worked out your problems…my office is not a hotel room."
Deidara blushed. "I can't help it, un…when me and Danna fight it gets me hot."
"You're a brat," snorted Sasori. Deidara just stuck his tongue out at Sasori. "Don't stick it out unless you plan on using it," Sasori said smiling.
"Enough," Pein snapped. "Get out of my office and back to work."
The rest of everyone's shift went well. Pein was finally able to get his work done. When his shift was over he walked out to the parking lot towards his car.
Hidan was being chased by the same group of women through the parking lot. They had waited for him to get off of work. Pein laughed his ass off and continued on to his car.
Tobi skipped through the parking lot to his car, Kisame and Itachi had their arms around each other as they walked to their car. Zetsu was blowing kisses to the plants as he walked away from the gate. Pein couldn't get over the whole Zetsu thing. As Pein got to his car he looked over and saw Deidara and Sasori fighting. He looked down to unlock his car and when he looked back up Sasori had Deidara pinned on top of the car kissing him.
"I think I need to quit my job." Pein said as he got in his car.