ACDM

The only characters in this series that I own are Charles, Justin, Will, Greg, and CJ, as well as other original characters that may or may not appear later. At least pretend to enjoy.

Fight 1: Premier with the Cowards

Charles- Welcome to the arena, folks, because we are here to bring you one of the greatest things to ever hit YouTube. We hope you enjoy anime and the real Celebrity Deathmatch, because we've rolled both into one hell of a bloodbath. My name is Charles and I'm the main commentator. To my right is my partner, Justin.

Justin- I'm Justin, and I'm Charles's assistant. We split everything in this business 50/50.

Charles (quietish)- No, we don't. It's 60/40, and I get the 60. (normal voice) Down at ringside is our referee, Will.

Will- I'm makin' the calls in these fights. I'm enforcin' the rules. Don't argue with me.

Charles- And lastly, Greg, the interviewer person guy, who nobody cares about.

Greg- That's not true. Everyone cares about Greg.

Justin- Not everyone is Greg.

Greg- Shut up, fool.

Charles- Greg, Justin, why don't you two stop arguing so Greg can do his job?

Greg- Kicking Justin's ass?

Charles- No, Greg, the interviews. Aren't you down there with our combatants?

Greg- Unfortunately, I have to be here with both of them. Luigi, do you think you have what it takes to beat Usopp in a fight to the death?

Luigi- A-yes-a, I-a do-a have-a what it takes-a to-a beat-a Usopp-a.

Usopp- Dream on, you loser. There's no way I'm gonna lose to some idiot who bastardizes the English language like that.

Luigi- Oh yeah-a? We'll-a see-a.

(cut to ring)

Will- All right, you guys, the rules have been clearly explained to you both.

Usopp- No, they haven't.

Will- The rules haven't been explained? Fine, if you insist. The two of you have entered the ring, and either one of you or neither of you will leave it alive. Got it? Now get to the hatin' and the mutilatin'!

Usopp- There's no way I'll lose to this guy. (punches Luigi in the nose) That's one to your fat schnozz. (punches Luigi in the gut) There's a good, hard gut shot for ya. (kicks Luigi in the crotch) And that should be enough to let you know that there is no way you'll win this fight.

Charles- And Luigi takes that heavy beating right off the bat. It looks like this fight may be over sooner than we expected.

Justin- It'll graduate to a standoff eventually, you know.

Charles- Why do you say that, Justin?

Justin- There's a reason we called this fight the 'Premiere with the Cowards'.

Charles- Are you saying that they'll be too afraid to attack each other?

Justin- No, Usopp's already attacked Luigi, and he's beating the crap out of him. (shot of Usopp pummeling Luigi) You know how Usopp's a bigger coward than Luigi.

(back down to ringside. Usopp stops attacking Luigi and hears the commentary)

Usopp- I, a coward? I think not, for a cowardly man would not be known as Captain Usopp, ruler of the Seven Seas, and the leader of four thousand men.

Luigi- F-four thousand-a men? You lie-a!

Usopp- I am not a liar. And those four thousand men are behind me in the stadium, ready to fight on my command.

Luigi (backs into corner and cowers)- I can't-a win against-a that many-a.

Usopp- This is easier than playing poker with Luffy. (whacks Luigi with his hammer)

Charles (wincing)- Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Justin- That looks like it hurt more than when Daisy dumped Luigi for Toad.

Charles- Daisy's dating Toad?

Justin- According to a respected Mushroom Kingdom magazine.

Charles- Hold on there, Justin! It appears that Usopp has Luigi cornered and is about to give the final blow with his 4 kg Usopp Pound!

Justin- Give Usopp a bit more credit than that. It clearly says on the hammer's head that it weighs five tons. Don't you know anything of the metric system?

Usopp- It's been sweeter than a pie baked by Sanji. Get ready, motherfucker, 'cause this is gonna hurt! (Usopp draws back and prepares to strike)

Luigi- Ahhhhhhhhhhh-wawawawawawawa! (punches Usopp through the head. Usopp's brain flies out the back and hits the mat)

Justin- Holy crap! Luigi just turned it around for himself!

Charles- You were right, it has become a standoff, except Usopp is lying on the ground.

Justin- That's because Luigi just killed him.

Charles- Oh.

Will- We've got a winner. Go collect your prize money and buzz off.

Anything like the others? Good? Bad? Godawful? If you want more, I've got them. I haven't worked on this in a while, though.