Welcome, welcome!
This first chapter is a bit melancholy but don't worry, the Jacob/Bella goodness is coming.
Bella's quote is taken from a Dylan Thomas poem called 'And Death Shall Have No Dominion.'
***
Bella could just make out the dark, murky water churning at the base of the cliff. There was a storm coming and the light had an eerie dimness to it. She shivered a bit as a stiff breeze rolled in but the cold air carried the sharp tang of salt water and something about the smell, the chill, quieted the thoughts racing around her mind and made her feel almost—at home. Bella remembered standing at the top of another cliff on another day many, many years ago.
"It must be ten years now," she thought. "Ten years since I gave up my life."
And, indeed, it had been nearly ten years since Bella Swan married Edward Cullen and almost 6 since the monotonous day-to-day existence of the Cullen family finally began to suck her dry. The unending, unchanging pattern ran like clockwork, from place to place. Alice occupied herself with games and fripperies, Emmett with carnal desires, Carlisle found purpose in his work, and Edward—well, Edward's main hobby was Bella.
He had never agreed change her, always arguing to save her soul. "This life, Bella," he would say, "it's not forever. We're long-lived, yes, but not eternal. All beings must exit this mortal plain eventually but only human beings, gifted with a soul, may pass on to the eternal realm. If I take that from you, it would be no better than murder—worse than murder. It is enough to be your husband now. In this time."
It didn't matter that Bella wanted only to be young and strong beside him, even if only for 100 years—for what was eternity if it did not have Edward in it? And how could a loving God have no place for Edward? Didn't He love all His creations? So, they argued, but Edward would not give in. He was determined to save Bella from her own desires. And if she was careless with knifes and cars and illness, it wasn't a death wish but a desire to share that tangible eternity with Edward. If she happened to injure herself, surely he would not miss the opportunity to transform her.
And so this impasse did not poison their marriage. Not right away, anyways. Everything was so new and wonderful at first. Bella left behind everything she knew without a second thought and went away with the Cullens. Her family, her friends, and her identity lay behind her in Forks, Washington.
The Cullens existed out of time—they were the boulder in the stream of humanity, staying put while human lives rushed past in the blink of an eye. With them Bella too must exist out of time and she became whoever her forged papers said she was. First she was Isobel Cullen: freshman at Caribou High School in Maine, starting classes with her assorted foster siblings. Edward had never told her how much easier high school was the second time around: classes, homework, lunch—or, rather the appearance of lunch—drifted by easily. Bella had gotten out of the habit of eating much of anything; being around vampires didn't exactly work wonders on the appetite. But she was happy enough. A thoughtless, brainless kind of happiness. Content to share jokes with Alice and hidden kisses with Edward.
Isobel Cullen, older sister to Edward Cullen, freshman at Jefferson High School in St. Louis, Mo, was less cheerful. She took the occasional class the local college but her heart wasn't in it. Alice's jokes and confidences seemed to repeat themselves—who said what in chemistry class and to whom—and Edward patiently wrote the same paper on Huckleberry Finn that they'd been assigned their junior year in Forks. Was this really all there was to life? "I must be missing something," Bella thought. "Did I make a mistake? Not pressing harder to be changed?"
Bella was missing something else, too. Chaste touches and tender looks had been enough for an 18-year old but as she grew older, her skin began to ache for another touch, a warm, human touch. Their first night as husband and wife, Edward lost control. He knocked her unconscious with the force of his thrusting and when she came to the next morning, she was covered in bruises and feathers—for he had bit through the pillow next to her neck—and she had no memory of their honeymoon night.
Edward never lost control again. He would perform certain marital duties if she asked. But as the years went on, she asked less and less often, preferring her own touch to the cold fingers and tongue of her husband.
When Carlisle said it was time to leave Missouri, Bella begged for them to go somewhere new and exciting. And Carlisle was pleased to see Bella taking an interest in life again, so he asked her what she wanted to do in this new and exciting place.
"College, I guess," said Bella.
"What are you going to study?" said Carlisle, not unkindly.
"I don't know—literature?" Bella thought about all volumes from the various Bronte sisters lining her book shelves. "I like to read."
"Let's go to Berlin," said Edward, interrupting her thoughts. "Rilke, Kafka—so many of the greats were German: Im Kampf zwischen Dir und der Welt, sekundiere der Welt."
"I'll back Emmett," Rosalie said with a laugh.
Edward glared at her. "Kafka's point was that we are born to endure life."
"Yeah, and we were born to endure you," said Rosalie.
"We haven't been to Germany in years," said Carlisle, ignoring their bickering.
"No!" said Bella, more loudly than she had intended. The Cullens all looked at her. "I mean, I don't want to go to Germany."
"Well, then, Bella, where would you like to go?" asked Esme.
Thoughts of the Brontes and Shakespeare and Jane Austen flashed through her mind again. And that's how she ended up here, in Wales, the rainiest place in the UK, finishing university.
Or maybe she wouldn't finish. Maybe she would just walk right off the cliff and into the water below—traveling down, down, down into the dark depths.
"And death shall have no dominion under the windings of the sea," said Bella to herself.
She looked down again and shifted her weight forward. Just one more step and—
"Bella! What are you doing?"
Cold arms grasped her from behind and she fell backwards into them. Edward. He dragged her away from the edge of the cliff and twirled her around to face him.
"You disappeared from the house without telling me," Edward said chidingly. "I was worried."
"I'm allowed to take a walk," Bella spit back angrily. The look of concern on his angelic features taunted her.
"Why must you hurt me like this?" asked Edward. "You throw my concern aside like it's nothing. You go out of your way to injure yourself."
"I'm dying, Edward!" Bella shouted. Angry tears began to fall.
Edward was like a marble statue. "No—Carlisle would have told me. He said your last physical was healthy."
His calm rebuttal only fueled her anger. "That's not what I meant."
"Well, then what?"
It began to rain.
"This life—I can't do it."
The rain mixed with the tears on her face.
"Bella, we must get you inside." Edward moved towards her but she backed away.
"I'm 28-years old," she said determinedly.
"And I'm 114," he replied.
"But you're not—you're 17, Edward, and you always will be."
"Is this about age again?" asked Edward, trying again to herd Bella back towards shelter. "Bella, I will always love you with all the purity of 17-year old—through every phase of your life."
"That's not enough for me anymore," she said, resisting his advances.
"What do you want me to do, Bella? You knew who I was—what your life would be. You wanted this. You wanted me." Fear flashed in his eyes.
Bella turned to walk back towards the house.
"You don't get to walk away," Edward called after her. He closed the distance between them effortlessly. "We are bound together."
"We're not legally married," said Bella, looking straight ahead.
"God's law means nothing to you now?" Edward's voice trembled in anger.
"It never did, Edward! You were the one concerned about my soul. I did it to make you happy!"
"I refuse to believe that—I refuse to release you."
"Too bad. You don't need to release me—I'm releasing myself."
"No!" Edward grabbed her arm, hard, and Bella grimaced in pain.
"After I get my degree, I'm leaving," she said, tears falling once again.
"Where?"
"I don't know."
And they were silent all the way back to the house.
***
But Bella didn't leave right away and Edward convinced himself that she had forgotten her tantrum on the cliff. Life continued on much as it had before. Classes, family jokes, and secret hunting trips. Emmett developed a taste for wild seal; Jasper studied military history; Rosalie learned Welsh; Alice played in the old ruins.
Edward watched.
Graduation approached.
Alice pulled him aside one morning after Bella had left for class. "I know you know," she said. "What I've seen—it's been 5 months, Edward and there is no change. Bella's future is gone."
"That doesn't mean anything. She's still here, isn't she?"
Alice twirled her skirt out, thoughtfully. "But for how much longer?"
Edward stormed out. "She won't leave me," he said. "She can't."
"She will," called Alice after him.
Edward kept a closer and closer watch on Bella. He followed her to class, watched her do her homework at the library, kept out of sight as she stopped for coffee, waited outside while she went for drinks at the pub with the other girls in her seminar. If Bella knew what he was doing, she didn't let on.
It reminded him of the early days, before Bella was his and his alone. He would watch like this—looking for a clue to her feelings. The key to her heart. She closed her door to keep him out at night but he snuck in through the window to watch her sleep. Bella no longer spoke in her sleep but she tossed and turned, restless and he would lay a cool hand on her forehead to quiet her.
Soon—too soon—classes ended. And Bella had her certificate. A degree in English literature.
He asked after her thesis and she told him, without meeting his eyes. "Oh," she said. "It's nothing important. Just how the real tragedy of Romeo & Juliet was not their deaths but the destructive force of their relationship on everyone else's lives."
And then, one day soon after, when Edward returned after a week hunting wild game on the moors in Scotland, Bella was gone. She left a note:
I'm sorry. All my love, Bella.
Edward's cry of pain pierced the windows. He had to stop her. Not only did she have no right to cast God's plan for him—for them—aside, she had forgotten about another danger. One he hadn't wanted to name for fear of upsetting her: The Volturi.
Vampires had long memories and they would find her and kill her.
Unless he found her first.
***
Bella wasn't concerned with vampires or other supernatural beasties when she stepped off the plane in Seattle. She'd been away so long. Would Charlie even remember what she looked like? Could he forgive her?
When she had begun plotting her escape, there was only one destination in mind—only one place that she still thought of as home—Forks.
She'd kept up sporadic contact with Charlie over the years, a Christmas card here, an e-mail there, and their naturally reticent personalities shown through in their communications. He was always 'fine' and so was she. When she'd e-mailed him, telling him she was leaving Edward—that she wanted to come home—Charlie's response had been curt:
Your old bedroom is just as you left it.
And when she e-mailed again with her flight information:
I'll be there.
Bella kept her eyes peeled for him as she headed towards the baggage claim. A Disney-clad family clogged the escalator and Bella tapped her fingers on the railing impatiently. College students in sweatpants, proud spouses greeting returning soldiers, be-suited business travelers—and there he was, a middle-aged man in a plaid shirt, jeans, and work boots. She gave a small wave and pushed past the Disney family as they collected themselves at the bottom of the escalator.
Charlie shuffled over, shyly. "It's been a long time, Bells."
"Yeah," she replied.
"Welcome home," he said, with a small smile, and gave her a gentle pat on the arm.
The ride home was quiet but it was a nice silence. They listened to classic rock and Charlie stopped for her to get real coffee and donuts. The taste of the bitter coffee and sugar donuts triggered something, a sense memory, and she was 18 again. Running away but too young to know what from—tears welled up in her eyes and drifted slowly down her cheeks.
It wasn't supposed to end up like this. She was supposed to be living Happily Ever After.
"Dad," she asked, blinking back her tears. "Does it get easier?"
"Does what?" He kept his eyes focused safely on the road.
"Life," Bella sniffed.
"Well, now," Charlie said, "life is never easy but as long as you face your challenges head on, I think you'll do okay."
"Do you think I'm doing the right thing? Running away?"
"That depends—are you running away or are you running towards something?"
"I don't know."
"Then that's what you have to figure out."
***