Disclaimer : Castle isn't mine.

I'm only saying goodbye

Another night. One more night that Kate spent torturing herself, thinking about Richard Castle. A few days ago, he gave her a letter: his resignation letter. Why? Everything was fine between them, right? She would even say that everything was going better than fine. It felt like their relationship had been truly evolving, and despite all the times she'd tried to deny it, she was falling deeper in love with him every day. Then why was he leaving? They hadn't argued lately, hadn't offended each other either. But progressively, Castle had been pulling himself away. He no longer had the twinkle in his eye reminiscent of a night sky. He wasn't trying to brush her to feel and make the slightes contact, he wasn't lavishing attention on her anymore… he wasn't the Castle that she used to know. He was often absent, far away from her, as distant physically as he was mentally. The strain was hurting her. He was going to leave her again. Did he find a new muse? Someone who's more interesting than her?

Staring at her phone, she sighed for the hundredth time. He was already on her screen; all she had to do was press the call button. And tell him what? That she didn't want him to leave? That she would miss him terribly if he did? That he had become the light in her life? No, she couldn't do that. She wouldn't. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her, to stay because he pitied her. Castle deserved to have someone who was less complicated, less broken, less "dangerous". And yet, she refused to let him go. She loved him, damn it! And he felt the same…right? Or maybe this had all been how he'd treat any woman, with his bad boy charm. But she had to admit that he had changed since he started following her; he wasn't like that anymore.

She finally brought herself to call him. She'd think of words to say while the phone rang. One ring, two rings, three rings, four...this was the first time Castle hadn't picked up immediately.

"Castle!"

"Hey!" Was the only thing she managed to get out. Her heart was beating so fast and no sound would come out of her mouth, as if the air was stuck in her throat.

"…Beckett, is everything ok?"

"Yes! I mean…no. Hm…I…would you come to my place…please?"

"There…right now?" He asked, a little bit confused.

"Yes," She answered in a whisper.

"Ok…I'll be there in a minute."

And then he hung up. What was she thinking? Why did she ask him to come over? She had to find an excuse and she barely had fifteen minutes for it. Think Kate, think! As hard as she thought, nothing came up. Ah, yes! She could tell him that she wanted to spend an evening with him as partners before he quit. Yeah, that could work. She could always try to change his mind about his resignation and make him take it back.

She barely had time to get a bottle of red wine before Castle knocked at the door. She combed a hand through her hair, took a big breath and opened the door with a smile on her face.

"Castle! Come on in."

"Thanks." He smiled as he said that, but the smile didn't reach his eye. He entered and hesitated a moment before he spoke. "What was so important that you had to call me over at 11 p.m.?"

Oops! It really was that late? She hadn't seen the time, as she was way too lost in her thoughts.

"Hum…I thought that we could have one of these last evenings/nights together as partners. We could talk about something else rather than the case…for instance we can remember our good times together…" She answered as she offered him a glass with a shy smile and hope in her voice.

"Oh! Hum…okay."

He took the glass that she was offering him and sat on her sofa while she served them a generous glass of wine.

After they finished the whole bottle, the conversation finally arrived. Of course, she didn't get on the topic because she was drunk…well, maybe she did. She had to get her head in the game even though everything was spinning around a little bit. Kate had been very careful throughout the whole night so as not to come too quickly on the topic, especially without preparing him for it. So when their night was about to end, she finally dove in.

"Why, Castle?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why are you leaving us? Why did you give me your resignation letter, why are you abandoning me?"

"I…hum...Beckett, listen..."

"Rick, stop calling me Beckett. After all these years I think you can call me Kate…" As you normally do, she finished mentally.

"O-okay Kate…I…" He took a deep breath and looked at the floor as if he didn't know how to answer it, how to give her an answer that she would be satisfied with. Then he looked in her eyes and continued softly. "I can't explain it to you, it's…it's complicated."

He got up slowly as Kate was looking at him, confused. He didn't look at her; her eyes were saying too much, had too many emotions, too much incomprehension…too much for him.

"I have to go. It's late. Um…thanks for every-"

"No! No, please just…don't go. Please!"

She got up quickly, panicked by how the situation turned out so bad, scared of how it might end. She grabbed his shirt, her eyes welling up. 'No,' She thought. 'He can't flee, he just can't! This is normally my thing, he can't flee…e can't, not when he's about to resign, not when I'm finally moving toward him, toward "us." Not when I'm finally ready.'

"Please…just stay. I'm begging you, please don't leave me alone…" She whispered her head and eyes low while holding his shirt.

"Kate…I'm sorry. I…" He said calmly. Castle paused, took another deep breath and continued. "Alexis is waiting for me and listen, if you don't want to be alone you can call a friend, like Lanie…but I really have to go."

She raised her head and stared at him, crestfallen, the double meaning of his words not lost on her. He was really leaving her, moving away from her. He didn't want her anymore, nor their friendship. It was truly the end of them. She repeated her request one last time, desperately.

"Just a few more minutes, please. Stay."

He sighed and looked at their two empty glasses. He sat down on her couch slowly, letting her know that he was giving in.

"Alright, a few more minutes. I won't stay too long... Just a few more minutes."

So this is my first fiction in English. My first language is French and this fiction is the english version of my first fiction ever, "Ce n'est qu'un au revoir". I wanted to translate it and see how it looked like... Reviews are appreciate.

A huge thank you to OneDream 2Dream who corrected me! I don't know how I would have done it without you. :D

A huge thank you to tearasunder too! She also corrected me and maybe she will do it for the next chapters if I have good reviews? :P