Spoilers for FT chapter 436.
I was enamored the first time I set my eyes upon the little bundle wrapped up in smooth cloth. You had light, delicate skin, squishy even, and I remember how I would rub my small hands on your belly. Your hair was soft like feathers and your dark eyes were captivating.
I loved you from that moment.
Among the few years that passed between us, you were clinging to me as if I was your lifeline. I wouldn't say I minded it, having all your attention on me and all that. You'd stumble often and trip on your wobbly legs, just to fall into my open arms, waiting for you and only you. You were mine and I was yours.
Being smaller than me, I always felt the need to hover above you. And as days passed, your white and silky skin soon started fading into an attractive tan. Your smile grew wider and more pearly, and your eyes were even more amazing, gleaming every time you listened to one of my stories.
I was possessive, and I remember hating how you were growing up so fast. Too fast. You came home with bruises and cuts from playing with the other children, and I preferred staying in and reading my books. No matter who you hanged around with, though, you always came back to me. And for that, I felt, still feel, like the most luckiest person in the world.
Your hairs grows longer and more evolved and more weeks pass. Your skin gets more colored, but forever remains the delicate smoothness. Your smile so bright and colossal that it blinds some. And your eyes, your ever, ever passionate eyes, that sparkle and shine throughout good and bad. Your fiery personality and reckless attitude are not common, but seldom and most searched for.
I cared for you deeply. I loved you more than anything. More than my books, more than my papers and pencils, and more than my education and research. You would always be number one, no matter how long the list may grow.
Some mornings, I stay up and watch the sun rise. And some evenings, I stay up and watch the sun set. Its ever beautiful colors never turning old no matter how many times I look at them. It reminds me of you. You and your ever changing words, phrases, and ways.
Sometimes I picture myself holding your rosy cheeks between my big hands, either wiping away rare tears or spreading your big grins wider.
Having you by my side is more pleasant than having the wind brush my hair. It's better than laying in the cool shade of a marvelous tree that towers high and mighty. It's better than falling asleep listening to nature's kind sounds and wonderful gusts.
It's even better than being alive.
So when you weren't by my side anymore, when you weren't there to shower me with all your attention and careful love, when you weren't there to aid me in hard times, when you weren't there to even listen to me rambling my nonsense anymore, my whole world shattered. It was even made worse by knowing I could never join you with my curse.
Why must you leave me in so much pain? I suffer at nights, sometimes dreaming that you are there, your little arms and legs hugging me from behind, only to wake up and think that reality is merely a nightmare and that the roles have been reversed. But they haven't. They have never been reversed and never will. So what did I do to earn this ever lasting solitude? Away from you and your precious caresses?
What sins have I committed to have you ripped promptly away from my loving touches? What exactly did I deserve for having you limp and not breathing? What is life and why does it come and go so easily, so effortlessly, like it doesn't even regard outside influences and emotions?
Being alive isn't better, isn't worth it, if you're not here, next to me, anymore,
Brother.