Another tumblr drabble in which an anon wanted me to write about Tony and longing so I made him long for Steve.

But there are feels. So.

Enjoy?

Yeah.

Current Song: You Were A Kindness by The National. good song, good song.

Current Thought: Summer reading? What's that? OH YOU MEAN NOT WHAT I'M DOING, right, right.

Sorry, this is just something to fill in while I'm working on a million different things.

Title comes from a quote that goes:

"My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all...All my heart has ever wanted is you."
― Stephanie Laurens, The Edge of Desire

All My Heart Has Ever Wanted Was You

Tony is used to not getting what he wants. He's used to not deserving what he wants too. He's used to the feeling of longing, used to the ache that forms in his chest.

It used to be a longing to be accepted by his parents, to be shown that he was loved. It turned to a longing to be accepted by his peers. Then it was a longing to invent, to wipe out his father's name and replace it with his own, because the man just wouldn't leave him alone, even after he was dead. It turned to a longing to live, briefly in Afghanistan. Then a longing to do what was right, to fix his mistakes, take away his weapons. A longing to live again with the Palladium, a longing to accept his father's long-lost words, a longing to fix things with Pepper. That last one hadn't gone well, and it was for the best. It turns to a longing to be accepted into the Avengers, to bond with them all, to become a team, though he doesn't say that aloud.

And now, it's a longing that won't go away. A longing to have Steve for his own. A longing that can never be fulfilled.

And Tony is used to not getting what he want. He's used to not deserving what he wants too. He's used to the feeling of longing, used to the ache that forms in his chest.

It's worse with Steve because he's so wonderful, so perfect, so kind and compassionate. But he's strong, and doesn't take bullshit and Tony just wants to give him the world because that right there is a man who fucking deserves it. Tony doesn't deserve Steve, but every day he finds himself falling a little bit more in love with him until he can't ignore the fact that he's head over heels for the guy and that it'll never, ever go away. He's always going to feel this way, always going to long for this man.

Tony tries to make the best out of the battle he's already lost. He takes Steve out of the mansion when they aren't on missions, shows him the city, shows him the whole state of New York, the quieter parts of Albany, the mountains around Lake George. He shows him art and buys him greasy food and food from little restaurants that you can tell is home made in an actual red brick oven. He introduces him to pizza and soda cans with the tab on top, to reality TV and Bridezillas and Survivor, to American Idol and The Voice. He shows how to work computers and how to use an electric razor. Gets him caught up on politics and yes, they have a black president and yes, he's doing a band up job of it. He explains, a bit awkwardly the making and repealing of Don't Ask Don't Tell and Steve just smiles like a mad man after that and the longing in Tony's chest nearly rips him to pieces at the smile and he can't help but go to bed and curl in on himself after that.

He stops boozing, stops picking up one night stands. SI stocks go through the roof with all the new stuff he's churning out, the Avengers get good press because Iron Man and Tony Stark are finally behaving. Rumors start and die just as quick that he's finally settled down. Some say he's sick and trying to clear his name before his time comes. Some more rumors say that he's just seeing the light. Well, not really but the first is close. Just change the girl to a guy and one that he can't have while they're at it, make it so that the longing is what's keeping him in line and not the settling part and they have the right idea.

When the pretty girls start to notice Steve, he leaves the man's side. He doesn't really get why Steve finds him soon after he leaves, a bit hurt and confused, wanting to continue their conversation. Steve doesn't go on dates, publicly shoots women down until one of them makes a dirty remark about Steve being gay and he affirms it with a, "Yes, I am actually. So would you please stop hitting on me? All of you?"

The press goes crazy and then Tony gets pissed because someone throws something at Steve and Tony manages to catch shoe that went flying before it hits Steve's unassuming face. Steve is shocked then angry, but not as angry as Tony because shit, they're throwing shoes and cans at the love of his life, those assholes. That shit does not fly with Tony Stark.

He turns to the crowd and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you people? So what he likes men? I do," and the crowd goes into a gasping silence. "And yet we still save your sorry ungrateful asses day in and day out. How much has he done for you, huh? How much? There's probably shit you don't know about on how he's saved your sorry lives. He does it selflessly and you're all wrapped up because of who he chooses to love, something that doesn't even affect you? Go fuck yourselves," he growls. "Because he is a good man and that is all that should acutally count. You people aren't worth saving, but he'll never stop. He'll never do anything that will negatively affect you and he'll put his life on the line for one of yours." They're all quiet. "I won't do that. Not for any of you assholes." Silence. "But…" And Tony swallows hard. "But I'll do it for his life. I'll put mine on the line for his, because he'll be too busy protecting you ingrates to worry about himself. I guess that's what I'm around for then, huh?" he says to them with a wry smile. "So he can keep doing his thing and you can keep being ungrateful." His expression turns hard then. "And you can quote me on this: Fuck the homophobes. There is no such thing as being homophobic. Phobic means afraid. You aren't afraid, you're assholes. Because what's there to be afraid of? Love? No. Ignorance. And that's all you guys have."

He turns to a stunned Steve then and grabs him by the wrist, leaving and walking away from them all. "Let's just go," he says to Steve and they walk home, the entire thing playing over and over in Time Square, on every television channel. Tony Stark's Big Gay Blowout Over Captain America, they call it. Fuck them. They don't know.

They don't know how much Tony wanted to just protect Steve right then, that that was the only way to do at that moment. How much he longs for the damn guy. They don't know, won't ever know the pain he goes through for this wonderful man. So fuck them.

They get to the mansion without trouble because everyone's avoiding them after that. Not even the self acclaimed homophobic people will go near them. And that's just fine, thanks very much.

They're at the front door when Steve turns his hand and grabs Tony's wrist instead and pulls him to a stop and Tony's still pissed so he growls, "What?"

And Steve says quietly, "Don't."

What. The. Fuck. Is he talking about? "Don't what, Steve?" Tony snaps. "You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."

"Don't put yourself on the line for me and risk your life needlessly," he says, still quiet, looking afraid. Just a bit.

Tony can't stand the look, feels the longing in his chest intensify. "It'll never be needless if it's for you," he says first. Then he looks away and says, "And why does it matter, anyway?" He'll always do it for Steve, can't the other man see that? It'll always be worth it for him.

But Steve puts his hand under Tony's chin, makes him look at him and oh, when did his eyes become so vulnerable? So beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time?

"Because when I said I liked men, I was really talking about one man in particular. And I can't bear to lose you," Steve says, his lips just above Tony's and then he's kissing Tony and Tony feels the longing melt away into having and holding on and holy shit is he on drugs? Did someone hit him over the head and now he's dreaming?

But no, Steve is pressing him to the front door and kissing him senseless and Jesus Christ, can the man kiss.

"That was brave of you, doing that for me," Steve says when he pulls away, his mouth still hovering over Tony's. "Thank you."

"Always worth it for you," Tony repeats breathless, and Steve chuckles.

"I'm beginning to see that." And then his face hardens, "But that was dangerous. I'd rather you didn't explode on the press whenever they say something unsavory about me."

Tony rolls his eyes, because they both know that'll never, ever stop him from defending Steve, and he says as he pulls him in for another kiss, "Right, of course. Aye, aye Captain."

"Tony that's the Navy."

"Whatever."

No, I do not know if they use Aye Aye in the Navy. Maybe it's just pirates. But for the sake of the joke because Steve was in the Army not the Navy, I shall keep it that way.

So.

Reviews?