Disclaimer: I do not own any rights on SVU or its characters.

Beta reader's Note: Edited by Balseirocharmed

Author's Note: my point of view on Olivia's behavior in front Elliot's departure. One-shot, just to share my thoughts.

Benson's Little Secret

"Why doesn't he answer his phone?" Olivia thinks to herself, while dialing Elliot for the, maybe, ninety-ninth time. She actually does not know how many times she has tried to contact him. She had lost her count, and soon, she would loose her mind.

"Still no answer, Liv?" Fin asks her. The entire SVU unit is at the bar.

Fin's question hurt her more than her own thoughts could; her hidden desperation over Elliot wasn't as subtle as she had thought. Her inner question is why she is so desperate for news from Elliot; he was just her partner, she can work without him, she has done it before.

Days go by; Cragen calls Olivia in private. He has news about Elliot; not the kind of news she is expecting, though. The captain goes straight on the point; he says that Elliot is gone. Olivia's world shakes. Either this or an earthquake hit New York, her mind goes blank for a few seconds, and then she let out a breath and fakes a smile.

"I'll be fine," is her answer to her captain. He knows she will have problems; Elliot and Olivia had worked together for twelve years. Nevertheless, it is what he knows, nothing else. He does not know what is going on in Olivia's heart, and, at that moment, neither does she.

Stubborn, she holds her feelings, and tears. She walks away and goes into the interrogation room. She does not allow herself to fall apart, but it happens, she let out a soft cry.

"Why did you do this to me, Elliot?" is just an unspoken question followed by tears and pain.

When she arrives at her apartment, she tries to call him for the last time. Everything is still confusing; Her feelings confuse her but she cannot ask him about how she feels, nor to nobody. Since when did Olivia Benson have something so out of her control?

Nonetheless, she does. Day after day, she misses Elliot even more, and it hurts.

Cases solved; new colleagues placed on SVU squad, and life keeps going on. "Detective," and the officer hands her a letter. She opens; it is from Elliot. A medal and hand scripted ' Semper Fi, El'.

Now she knows, it is tough and true, Elliot is really gone. He gave her a very important medal, which has a meaning, its part of his life; it means goodbye.

Now she knows, she feels like everything is over between them, but there is nothing between them to be over, and that scares her the most.

Now she finally aware what her feelings mean. The pain caused by the distance and the clear good bye, she discovers that she loves him a little bit more than she thought, and in a different way as well. Yet, nobody else will ever know it.

It is Benson's little secret.

THE END

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