DISCLAIMER: Okay, yeah, I own Harry Potter! Happy? Hold on, wait a second... my name's not Joanne... I'm still in high school... Oh wait, I must have been lying. You figured it out. I don't actually own Harry Potter, but Shhh, don't tell anyone! D
Okay, peoples, this is my second fan fiction EVER. The last one, contrary to popular belief, is actually still in process. With two chapters up in the last year, I'm feeling confident about it :-) lol. Let's just say, I'm not so brilliant at the whole updating part (but I'm great a reviewing so it makes up for it! lol)
With this one, you will have chapters up quicker, as I actually want to finish this one so I can prove to people that I DO finish what I start. Yes, I ramble a lot. But I love you, as you are reading my story, so thanks. Quick note down the bottom, that's it.
Love you heapz xxxx
Remus Lupin sat next to Mundungus Fletcher, the remains of his fourth fire-whisky still swilling in the bottom of his bottle. Sitting outside 12 Grimmauld Place, the pair silently lit up cigarettes and enjoyed the evening air on their (slightly hung-over) faces. Mundungus fell backward, resting his head on a big pot-plant behind him. Remus watched as his eyes slowly shut, the dregs of Mundungus' sixth fire-whisky spilling down his already-filthy shirt.
A movement at the door alerted Remus to the fact that someone else was there. Drawing his wand, he tried to keep hand steady as he peered into the distance. A moment later, the silhouette of a skinny teenage girl stood before him. Lowering his wand, Remus looked up at the girl, and then moved over to make room on the porch for her.
"Hermione, sit down, please," Remus croaked, trying to breathe away from his ex-pupil so she wouldn't be able to tell how much he had been drinking.
"Professor?" Hermione replied uncertainly as she sat her frail frame next to him. Damn. Still as smart as ever, she could tell straight away that he had been drinking.
"So. Hermione, how are you?" Remus started, before Hermione had a chance to comment on his drinking. Hermione pursed her lips, shadows of the old Hermione bursting through, before allowing the comment.
"I'm fine. Looking for a job, you know how it is…but yeah, I'm fine." No she wasn't. Remus knew she was lying. Her skinny skeleton was a new development since she'd left Hogwarts two and a half months ago. Reeling from the sudden fail of her Arithmancy exam (a result of skipping the practical midterm exam to go fight Voldemort), and the pain of finding out her long-time boyfriend Ron wanted to split, she had packed up her belongings, and moved into 12 Grimmauld Place, where Ron wouldn't come to visit, her parents couldn't track her, and Harry wouldn't come to find her (the memories of Sirius were still too painful for Harry to go near the house). Although Hermione, Remus and Mundungus were the only regular occupants of the manor, with others dropping by for days at a time, the three of them rarely came into contact with each other, with Mundungus spending his time at pubs, drinking and doing shady deals, Remus reading books for the millionth time and trying to find a steady job, and Hermione doing… God knew what. All Remus knew was that she spent her days in the room she had claimed as her own, only coming out at night to steal maybe two carrot sticks, before slipping back into the darkness that shrouded her bedroom. One night, while preparing himself the Wolfsbane Potion, he had heard her, in her bedroom, counting, "two-hundred and sixty-four, two-hundred and sixty-five, two-hundred and sixty…"
Curious, he had silently opened the door and peeked in. Hermione was on the floor, in clothes Remus was sure would have fit her only a month ago, but which now swamped her body, doing sit-ups. Her face was shining in sweat, and her room smelt of body odour and dampness. The darkness was overwhelming, and Remus had pulled himself away, leaving the door still slightly open, so as to let a little bit of air in for Hermione.
Remus sucked the remains of his Fire-Whisky out of the bottle, considering confronting Hermione about what was going on with her. As he finally decided to do it, Hermione started to talk.
"Professor- Mr. Lupin? What do I call you?" She asked questioningly. Remus thought it over.
"Uh, how about Remus? I'm not your teacher anymore, so Professor doesn't fit, and my dad was always called Mr. Lupin. That's not a memory I want conjured up every time someone talks to me." Remus gave a dry laugh at the memory of his high-class father, the one who had never treated Remus the same since he first heard of his son's condition to transform each month.
"Okay then… Remus," Hermione tried tentatively. Remus gave what he thought was a reassuring smile, and Hermione continued.
"Well, Remus, it's just that… It seems not long ago that I was in the 3rd year, you were coaxing me about a Boggart in the form of Professor McGonagal, who was telling me I'd failed all my exams, and now, well…" Hermione let her voice drift off. Remus shoved the empty bottle from his hand behind him and nodded for her to continue.
"Well, it's just, in school, you were never… drinking, smoking, letting yourself go…" Remus knew what she meant. In school, he had been her professor, someone to look up to for guidance. Now, in the real world, Hermione was witnessing a sight Remus had never wanted any to see: a pathetic, middle-aged man, face covered in five days worth of growth, not living contently, but living from drink to drink, day to day, always hoping his life would change, but always knowing that it never would. Remus sighed.
"Hermione, I know what you mean, but trust me, I've tried. I've tried so hard that I don't even remember when I gave up. It's just… you wouldn't understand, you're not a pathetic werewolf. That's all anyone views me as. You have a life, you have a fantastic future ahead of you, and I've got… what? No person wants to give a werewolf a job, and the only person who did, is now dead… killed by a man I was beginning to trust," Remus muttered bitterly. Albus Dumbledore had been the greatest person in Remus' life, and Snape had- Snape had- it was too horrible to think about, and Remus avoided the thought by absent-mindedly taking out another bottle, sculling half of it in one mouthful.
"Professor?" Hermione's frightened voice made Remus look up. She was staring at him, a mixture of fear, disgust, and an inexplicable look of yearning flooded her sallow face. Remus quickly poured the remains of his bottle into the pot-plant behind Mundungus and sat up.
"No…" Hermione mumbled, her limp hair sticking to her face in the evening heat. She suddenly looked very old, much older than a girl of her age.
"Professor- Remus- what I meant was… I meant that… could I have one too, please?" Hermione rushed. Remus was ready to shake his head, to deny her a drink, when he looked closer into her face. Beneath the hooded eyes, the pointy cheekbones, the wasted body, was a little girl, fearing that there was a monster in the cupboard, that when the lights were out, something could get her, and that little girl was fighting those monsters the only way she could think of. Remus shook his head slowly, his eyes never straying from the pleading ones that were Hermione's.
"No, Hermione, I can't… I wont let myself let you end up like me… you have so much potential-"
"No, I don't, I failed my exams, I lost my boyfriend, I have no friends, I'm ugly, I can't find a job, my parents hate me, and I CAN'T BE PERFECT!" She screamed. Remus stared at her for a moment, and then started talking furiously.
"Look, NO- ONE is perfect, and I'm not letting you waste your future in a bottle-"
"I need to be perfect, and that's not your choice-" Hermione was arguing back.
"Hermione, listen to me, you can't find a job 'cause you haven't tried, your parents don't hate you-"
"How do you know? How do you know anything about me?" Hermione screamed.
"I know, because I've been through the same thing!" Remus screamed back.
"You know NOTHING! You don't know ANYTHING about me, or my life, or what I've been through! NOTHING!" Hermione shrieked, hysterical. Remus started to talk in a calm, matter-of-fact voice.
"No, I know nothing, do I? I don't know that Ron made a big mistake, turning you down. I don't know that it's your parents that hate you; it's you who hates them, for not making you perfect, or for expecting you to be perfect. I don't know that you can't get a job, because your dream job required you to pass Arithmancy, so you say to yourself, what's the point in trying…"
"Don't… patronising me…"Hermione mumbled, lowering herself onto the ground, unable to remember when she stood. She hugged one of the porch's support poles, fighting back tears.
"I don't know that, since you graduated, not one of your friends has written, not even Harry, the one person who promised he would. I don't know that it kills you to know Harry won't come here, to find the person who's supposed to be his best friend in the world; that Harry would rather stay away. I don't know how it feels to think that Ron and Harry are out, laughing at you, wondering if those last seven years of friendship meant anything, if YOU meant anything…" Remus let his voice trail off as Hermione started crying, hiccup-like cries at first, til she was shaking and quivering, her hacking sobs making breathing impossible. She fell backwards, and Remus caught her, hugging her frail frame to his chest, shh-ing her and stroking her head. Hermione leaned against him, slowly trying to regain her breathing, her composure, trying to stop the dull aching resonant through her head. Gradually, her hacking howls calmed down to soft sobs, echoing the beat of Remus' heart, thumping against her head. Remus held her, felt as she finally stopped shaking, her tears drying up, and went to put her down. Hermione, subconsciously, grabbed on to Remus' jacket, refusing to let him put her down. Remus acknowledged her silent request, and carried her over to the lone rotting armchair on the porch, seating himself down, still holding Hermione. Hermione snuggled closer, her eyes closed, a yawn escaping her pale lips.
"Tired…" Hermione murmured. It appeared that the crying session had worn her out. Remus just sat there, holding Hermione as she fell into a restless sleep, tears silently dripping down his face as looked down at the girl in his arms, forced to grow up before her time, trying to survive in a world, where even with all this magic, she could still feel pain.
When Hermione first woke up, she didn't know what was happening. Her vision was blurry, her face felt sticky with tears, and her tummy was rumbling hungrily. Well, that wasn't unusual- her stomach was always trying to tell her she was hungry lately, but she always disagreed, she wasn't hungry, she just thought she was. It may not make sense to others, but it made sense to her, and that's what mattered.
Trying to sit up, Hermione leaned on something underneath her. Whatever she had slept on responded with a deep, "Ugh". Hermione jumped, and then looked underneath her. Ex-Professor Remus Lupin was asleep beneath her, and it appeared that she had just pressed down on his slowly rising and falling belly in her attempt to get up.
In a rush, the entire night came back to her. Cheeks burning, Hermione recalled the way she had cried, gotten emotional, because Remus was… not patronising her, but…. Understanding her? Hermione didn't know, and she didn't have a chance to remember, because at that point, a slump on the edge of the porch came to and started to stare blearily at her.
"Ah, see you and –hiccup- Remus had a bit of fun last night, -hiccup- hey? You're not looking as good as you did when you –hiccup- escaped to your room when you arrived here, love." Mundungus Fletcher was awake. He gave Hermione an exaggerated wink, picked up a bottle from seemingly nowhere, took a big slurp, then walked inside, leaving a trail of alcohol and body odour after him. Hermione screwed up her face, and then tried to crawl off Remus without waking him. Just as she got off him, and was headed inside, he awoke. His eyes roamed around aimlessly, until they landed on her.
"Oh…" he stated. Hermione didn't know what to do. She quickly started apologising for last night, explaining that she was upset, that she didn't know what she was doing, that it wouldn't happen ever again. As she rambled on, Remus just stared at her. Finally, as Hermione came to a finish, she looked up at Remus. He was still just staring at her, the expression on his face unreadable. Hermione looked down, feeling jumpy.
"Okay, um, I'm just going- I'm just going to go inside now," she mumbled. Turning, Hermione shook the thousand questions building up from her head, and started to walk inside.
"Hermione."
She turned around quickly. Remus was still sitting, the expression on his face still unreadable. He gestured her forward.
"Do you want to come to breakfast with me?"
A/N: so I wasn't sure if I was going to put that last bit in there, or add it into the second chapter, but it came with the whole document, and too lazy to remove it D
Newayz, peoples, im including you! I'm not sure if I want this to be REMUS/HERMIONE or just them as mates. I have plans for the way the story will go no matter what, but I want to know what you, the general public (on fan-fic at least lol) want. You want them together? You got them together. You want them to be like father and daughter? I can accommodate for that too. Great mates? Done. A dramatic death of one of them? We'll see. Either way, to do it, you have to tell me. I'm a crap updater, but I update better with reviews, cuz they guilt me into updating.
Thanks for reading this. Please, please PLEASE review, it makes me feel loved :-)
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