Disclaimer: This story is a result of desperation and evil mindedness due to TPTB who

deprived us of Mcweir in favor of random Shepweir and Teyla/Ronan…ack! I don't own

any of the characters, as could be expected. So here we go….

John ran into the room. face covered in sweat and desperation written across his face. His shirt was, well, nonexistant.

"where's my hairspray?"

John bellows, so loudly that the wraith look up from drinking their morning tea and contemplate, for a moment, on the meaning of life.

Teyla looks around as she enters the room, confused.

"excuse me?"

she inquires polietly.

"my hairspray!" John says, leaping at her, causing the fleeting thought that he might be infected to race across Teyla's mind. "Someone took it and now…"

Viewer discretion is advised: as the camera in your mind pans out for a shot of Shepard without hairspray.

Teyla, who unfortunately is much closer to said calamity than we are, looks up at him and gasps.

"major, I have never seen hair so…"

"So what?" inquires Dr. Weir from the doorway as she walks in, not seeing Sheppard

lurking inside the door by the tree.

"So- unrestrained in a male"

"What?" Dr. Weir asks, puzzled. Just then she sees John…

"Oh my god" she says in horror, and turns quickly on her heel to avoid the sight of

Sheppard's bed-head.

Unfortunately, just as she turned Dr. McKay walked in behind her and they collided.

"Mumph" grunts McKay as they land on the floor.

"Elizabeth!" John shouts in panic and rushed over to them

"Ahhhhhhh!" Elizabeth screams, "get away from me!"

Alarmed, Rodney pulls himself to a sitting position and pulls Dr. Weir close to him.

"Who are you?" He demands "and what have you done to Elizabeth?" he finishes

accusingly as Elizabeth starts sobbing into is shoulder.

"Rodney, it's me!" Sheppard says exasperated, backing away from Rodney, who was

now holding an unfamiliar ancient device at his chest.

"It is indeed the major, Dr. Mckay, he will not harm you." Teyla speaks up from the

corner, smirking amusedly.

"Sheppard! " Rodney says incredulously, lowering the weapon. "What the hell

happened to you?"

John glowers and mumbles something about missing hairspray.

Rodney pauses to think about were it might be "I bet the wraith took it."

John's eyes fill with a murderous light. "STEVE took my hairspray!"

John runs out of the nearest door, intent on destroying the enemy.

Unfortunately, the door led to Dr. Weir's balcony, and he ran off the balcony.

"Major!" Teyla shouts in fear, as she runs to see if he is alright.

Luckily, Zelenka saw John falling and saved him with a strange ancient device made to

catch falling children from the balconies.

"I'm okay!" He shouts up at Teyla. "Wanna try?" He adds as an afterthought.

"Sure!" Teyla smiles happily and throws herself off the balcony, landing safely next to

John.

"I was so worried about you." She says as she lands. "And I like your hair."

"Really?" John asks. "Then you'll go out with me?"

In response, Zelenka is forced to run far far away as Teyla starts snogging John on the

pier.

Upstairs…..

"It's okay Lizbeth, the scary man is gone."

"Really?" Elizabeth sniffs and looks around timidly. "Okay".

She looks up at Rodney, still holding her close to him on the floor of her office.

"Thank you Rodney" she says gratefully.

"And you were brave" she adds as an afterthought.

Rodney is delighted by this response.

"Does that mean I get a hug too?" He asks, flashing back to the hug she gave Sheppard.

"No." she replies, fixing him with a serious stare.

Broken hearted, Rodney lets go of Elizabeth and tries to get off the floor.

Suddenly, Rodney finds himself on the floor pinned under Dr. Weir.

"Rodney, I think you misunderstood me" she says, and starts snogging him.

Breathless, Rodney squeaks out, "what? How?"

Smirking, Elizabeth says "you don't get a hug because I'd rather kiss you."

Overjoyed Rodney asks for clarification. "You mean you like me?"

"No, Rodney," Elizabeth says exasperated, "it means I love you"

This time it's Elizabteh being snogged senseless on the floor of her office by her chief of

science.

Beckett is forced to run far, far, away as he accidentally looks in on them. He collides

with Zelenka. Luckily, when they wake up in the infirmary neither remembers what

happened. And this is why no one knows the truth about what goes on behind the backs

of TPTB … yet.