This one-shot is inspired by Joey's comment to Rachel, "How do you think I got him in the first place?!" after she asks him how he's okay with taking a toy from a child. It made me wonder just how and when he stole Huggsy, so, here's my version:

"I can't take it anymore!" Joey yelped as he ran out of the apartment. This was going too far! Monica and Chandler kept blaming their behavior on him, and now the gang was starting to see him as some huge pervert. It was very unsettling. Now, he lost his date because she thought he wanted to tape them having sex, not that he would be adverse to that idea, just not on the first date! On top of that, Rachel had to be the one to catch him, and he had to admit that he made low budget dirty films. His legs itched terribly too from having to shave them in front of her the other day. Did all women experience such itchiness? Joey wondered. He found himself at Central Park sitting on a bench and trying to breathe. It was one of those glorious sunny days that seemed to stretch on endlessly. He just wished he could enjoy it.

"Stupid Chandler," he muttered, kicking the gravel. Stupid Monica. He hated keeping this secret. Just hated it.

...

"I am kind of starting to feel bad for Joey," Monica said, rubbing her neck. "Maybe we went too far."

"Oh like he's never videotaped sex before," Chandler scoffed.

"I don't wanna know," Monica said, holding up her hand. "But I think maybe we are making him look bad in front of everyone else."

"If the shoe were on the other foot, he'd expect us to keep our silence," Chandler reasoned.

"You think?"

"Absolutely! Now, where were we?" Chandler asked, pulling her closer to him again. They started making out heavily when they heard stomping coming down the hallway to their door.

"Oh my God is he back already?!" Monica hissed. She raced to Chandler's room and dove under the bed. Chandler followed suit, closing the door behind him.

"My sandwich!" Ross was shouting at himself. "MY sandwich. My SANDWICH! How dare he?"

"What now?" Monica muttered. Stupid Ross.

"My-wait a minute," Ross stopped talking. "Ew, Joey!" They heard the door slam again, indicating Ross had left the building. Chandler poked his head out of the bedroom.

"Why is it so hard to believe that maybe I am the one making the film, huh? Why does everyone assume it's Joey?" Chandler asked. Monica nudged him in the ribs.

"That's what we want them to think, remember?" she asked.

"I know, but..." Chandler trailed off. He was just as creative enough as Joey when it came to women, or at least he thought so anyway.

"Let's put it away before anyone else comes back," Monica suggested. She went to leave.

"Wait, wait, wait," he called. "Where are you going?"

"All the interruptions kind of killed the mood," Monica answered. Chandler cursed himself for not planning this out better. Monica smiled to herself as she went into her apartment. She had a good idea.

...

"Wait for me!" the child cried, leaving the stuffed penguin on the bench beside Joey to go chase after his friends. Joey chuckled. Then he looked over at it.

"Just you and me, huh?" he asked. "Left here on this bench alone with no one in the world to talk to." Then he shook his head. "I'm talking to a stuffed animal. What is wrong with me?!" Joey stared off into the distance, but eventually, he couldn't take it anymore.

"My friends are horrible right now," Joey said out loud. "They are sneaking around and having sex, and they're pinning all their gross behavior on me. Me! My good name is being dragged through the mud!" Joey looked over at the penguin, whose gaze never wavered.

"I am all for sex. I am all for them having sex together, but not at this cost. I'm not allowed to say anything. I can't freely go about my business without wondering if I'm gonna walk in on them. I can't stand living like this!" Joey banged his fist on the bench roughly. Then he exclaimed, "Ow!" while rubbing his wrist. The penguin still stared.

"You're a really good listener," Joey said after a while. "I wish you were my stuffed penguin." Then he got an idea. Now, Joey was not normally one for doing something bad, but he watched as the child went further and further away, not caring enough to come back for his beloved penguin, and Joey knew he couldn't just leave it here to rot away. He looked around carefully. No one seemed to be watching. Quick as a flash, Joey tucked the penguin away under his coat and left the park hurriedly. He needed someone to talk to, and if a silent, stuffed toy was gonna do the trick, then he wasn't going to let anyone stop him.

...

"You keep that for later," Monica winked, gesturing to her picture that Chandler had put away in his magazine.

"Oho I will," he chuckled. "You sure you gotta go?"

"Yes. I promised Phoebe I'd go to her book club with her," Monica answered. "I LOVE Jane Eyre! It's gonna be so much fun!"

Later

"Did you have to be so loud?" Phoebe asked, annoyed. Stupid Rachel. She definitely knew this would happen if Monica went to book club with her.

"What? I was expressing my enthusiasm," Monica huffed.

...

Joey was reveling in his dare. He had managed to sneak Huggsy home (he learned that was the name of the penguin...according to the tag) without anyone noticing. He kept it in his room so Chandler wouldn't ask questions. He rubbed his hands together gleefully until he realized he was starving.

"Would you be offended if I went and got some chicken?" Joey asked Huggsy. "I mean, after all, you are in the bird family too."

The penguin sat silent.

"I knew you wouldn't mind!" Joey grinned, heading out to get some fried chicken.

...

Chandler was whistling to himself as he left his bedroom. Joey had left, but he had been talking to himself, which Chandler found odd. He put the magazine on the counter to take over to Monica's later so they could have fun with her picture together, and he headed over across the hall because he had heard voices and knew that Ross had returned. He and Monica had seen him earlier, and Ross explained about his rage and the medication he was now on, but then he had wandered off, and Monica had been worried about where he had went. He entered just as Phoebe finished yelling at Monica for being a Teacher's Pet and at Rachel for setting her up to take Monica.

"All this yelling is making me angry," Ross said to Chandler when he spotted him. He shook his pill bottle. "I can't take another one yet."

"Hey, whoa!" Chandler called. "What's going on?"

"Rachel duped me is what!" Phoebe shouted. "First, she comes to my book club and takes my ideas so that the teacher would like her better then she tells me to take Monica, knowing full well that Monica would ruin it for me!"

"I didn't ruin it!" Monica yelled back. "I was asking questions!"

"And then answering them yourself!"

"Girls, girls," Ross cut in. "Mon, stop asking questions, and Phoebs, stop being a suck."

"Wha-?"

"Yea, Phoebs," Rachel said before Phoebe could finish.

"I am NOT a suck!" Phoebe exploded.

"I like the book club!" Monica cried. "I want to go back!"

"ENOUGH!" Ross bellowed. Everyone stopped talking. "Phoebe, take my sister back to the book club. Rachel, apologize for purposely ruining book club for Phoebe, and Monica, for the love of God, stop being a Teacher's Pet!"

"I totally see the Red Ross now," Chandler mused.

"Okay, calm down," Monica urged Ross. He was breathing heavily.

"I'm so done with this argument," Rachel said, heading across the hall. Stupid Phoebe.

...

Joey had his chicken. Now he just needed something to read. He went through the stack of mail on the counter, and he picked up the magazine sitting there. A photo slipped out and onto the floor, so Joey reached down to pick it up. When he saw who it was, he almost started laughing. Unfortunately, he didn't put it away fast enough.

"Oh my God! That's Monica!" Rachel screamed. Joey jumped in fright. Then he looked back at the picture.

"Oh no, no, no, no," he started, knowing where her mind was going.

"Get away from me! You sick, sick, sick..."

"What's going on?" Ross asked, coming over with Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe.

"Joey has a secret peephole and takes naked pictures of us!" Rachel shrieked. "Then he eats chicken and looks at them!"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Chandler yelped, seeing the picture Rachel was referring to. Monica smacked his shoulder hard.

"Look!" Rachel shouted, snatching it from Joey and trying to show everyone.

"Give me that!" Monica cried, yanking it out of her grasp after Ross had his eyes burned. She tucked it into her pants nervously. Stupid Chandler.

"All right, all right!" Phoebe called. "Let's give Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!"

"I am NOT a pervert!" Joey argued.

"I can explain," Chandler said, stepping forward. Joey gave him a grateful look. "Joey's a sex addict!"

"WHAT?!" Joey exclaimed. Where did that come from?! "Nooo I'm not!"

"But that's good! It's a disease!" Monica chimed in, going over to him.

"I'M NOT A SEX ADDICT!" Joey bellowed.

"Yes you are! How else does it explain all the stuff that's been going on?"

"I dunno, the truth?" Joey spat, glaring at her.

"What's the truth?" Rachel asked. The others nodded in unison.

"I...uhh," Joey started. Then it hit him. "I slept with Moncia!" They all gasped.

"Well...well let's see what they think of that!" Chandler yelped.

"No!" Monica cried.

"You slept with my sister?" Ross demanded. "This is not good for my rage." He didn't care if it wasn't time yet. He was taking another pill. Stupid Joey.

"Mon? Is this true?" Rachel asked, shocked.

"Of course it is! How else could you explain all the stuff?" Joey asked.

"The underwear?" Rachel asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Ahh-oy! It was the pair I wore in London the night we did it," Joey answered. He clapped Monica on the back. "Right, Monica?"

"I guess I wanted to keep it," Monica said through gritted teeth, giving Joey a glare. "As a souvenir."

"Monica!" Ross gasped. "Eww!"

"Are you sure, Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?" Chandler begged.

"Nope. If anyone's the addict, it's Monica here. She's been trying to get me in the sack ever since!"

"That's why she gave you the photo," Phoebe reasoned.

"And the camera?" Rachel asked.

"Monica?" Joey prodded.

"I guess I thought I could entice Joey with it," Monica answered unhappily.

"But sadly, I could not be enticed," Joey nodded.

"But the underwear? Why, Monica, why?!" Ross asked, grossed out.

"I'm Monica. I stalk guys and keep their underpants," Monica chanted. Stupid Joey.

"Well, I think we've all learned who's disgusting and who's not!" Joey said, grinning. "Chicken?" He offered the bucket, but no one accepted any. He smiled to himself as he walked to his room.

"Well, Huggsy," he said. "I sure taught her a lesson didn't I?" He beamed at his new friend.

...

"But...why?" Rachel asked again after the others had left. Monica sighed roughly.

"I don't know, okay! Can you drop it?"

"I just...I don't get it," Rachel went on.

"It was a big, stupid mistake. Clearly!"

"But to entice him...?"

"I said I was gross, okay? I don't want to talk about this anymore!" Monica shouted as she went into her room. Rachel sat there shaking her head slowly. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to fully understand anyway.

...

"What's with the penguin?" Chandler asked the next morning, seeing Joey sitting on the couch with it, going over lines for an audition.

"Oh, uhhh," Joey stalled. How could he explain it? He hadn't meant for Chandler to even see it yet.

"Lost and found?" Chandler laughed.

"Yea," Joey nodded emphatically. "Lost and found."

"And why did you take it?"

"Because..." Joey stalled. Then it hit him. "The chick and the duck could use another bird companion." Chandler rolled his eyes. Sometimes he didn't understand Joey at all. He left to go apologize to Monica for the hundredth time for leaving the picture out for Joey to find.

"I will never let anyone take you from me," Joey promised Huggsy. He wouldn't admit to Chandler that he had a bedtime penguin pal that he talked to about Monica and Chandler's secret relationship (as well as other troubles). That was his secret and his secret alone.

Thanks for reading!