AN: Trigger warning: Mentions of PTSD. I don't know if that is really a trigger for anyone, but it's just so you know. I don't want to upset anybody with my well-intentioned fluff. :)
The first time Steve sleeps in Tony's room, Tony is worried that he will wake up from a nightmare about Afghanistan screaming Yinsen's name and sobbing uncontrollably. Pepper hadn't responded too well to that when they were still dating, especially after the incident with Iron Man suit attacking her. So when he is instead woken by Steve yelling about someone named Bucky, he is surprised.
He turns around from where he had his back against Steve's chest, sitting up. Steve is still caught somewhere between the dream and reality, his eyes wide but clearly not seeing him. Tony knows from past experience that it could make things worse to shake him awake violently, and in Steve's case, it could get dangerous.
So he slowly brightens the lights so the darkness wouldn't make the other man panic, gently runs his hands down Steve's arms, and coos softly, "Hey, buddy. Wake up for me, will you? It's Tony, you're here at the Avengers Tower in New York. It's 2012, the war is over."
He has had plenty of nightmares and flashbacks in the past years, so when Steve finally comes back to the present, Tony knows not to immediately ask him about the dream. He instead rubs his shoulders comfortingly to try and release some of the tension. When tears start welling up in those beautiful baby blue eyes, Tony is surprised. He didn't know that Steve had been traumatized this much by the war, and is frankly angry at himself for never asking. He had read the file, but there were always things left out. He was also a bit angry with Steve for never confiding in him, but granted, even though Tony had told him about Afghanistan, he never told him about Yinsen or the panic attacks.
"Tony?" comes the vulnerable whimper from the blonde. Tony's gaze immediately softens and he strokes the cheekbones of the sad, scared face staring up at him.
"Yeah, it's me, Cap. I'm right here. You're fine." Steve leans into the touch before burying his face in Tony's arm with a sob. "You're okay," Tony whispers again, trying to make himself believe it, too. Right now all he wants to do is force the man to look at him and ask him exactly what had happened to make him feel this way. However, he restrains himself, managing to lay back down and cuddle Steve close, murmuring in comforting tones. "It's all right. You can sleep, you're safe."
And Steve does eventually drift off again, but Tony stays awake all night, partly to watch over his boyfriend, but also to avoid making Steve deal with one of Tony's nightmares after all of this. He doesn't get the full story until morning, when he brings Steve a cup of tea and listens to him talk for hours about Bucky, Peggy, Howard, and the war. He hums comfortingly at the proper times, and holds the man when the tears start streaming down his face as he describes Bucky's death, and the ice he had been forced to bring the plane down into.
And Steve clings to him like a lifeline. Tony dreads the day when Steve will realize that he's still struggling to stay afloat himself.
oOo
A few nights later, Tony notices the shivers that rack Steve's body in the middle of the night. While Tony generally keeps his sheets down by his waist to prevent them from smothering the reassuring glow of the Arc Reactor, Steve pulls the comforter right to his chin and curls up like a child. Initially, Tony is worried that Steve is getting sick, and that the reason for the trembling is a fever. But he soon realizes that it is probably a result of the ice he was trapped in for 70 years. He knows Steve has PTSD, but he is once again surprised about how much it affects him.
At first, he doesn't know what to do. Would Steve be upset if he pointed it out? He used to get angry when Pepper mentioned his aversion to baths and pools after Afghanistan. He settles for getting out of bed, turning up the temperature slightly, and wrapping his arm around the larger man's waist as if he can warm him with his presence. Steve automatically curls into Tony, letting himself be pulled into an embrace. Soon, the shaking subsides to infrequent small shudders.
Tony waits until he falls asleep before slipping out of bed, adding another blanket to his sleeping boyfriend, and going down to his lab. He knows Steve will find out about the nightmares and attacks eventually, but he'll put it off for as long as possible.
oOo
Steve doesn't find out until several weeks later. Tony has taken to getting into bed with Steve at the reasonable time that the super soldier does, waiting for him to fall asleep, and then returning to his lab. He works on various SI projects, and ends up falling asleep on his couch. He wakes up in the morning and brings a mug of coffee or tea to Steve, who once in a while will relay his dream or flashback. Tony holds his hand and tells him that one day, everything will be okay. All the while, he is internally fighting himself. He knows he is being selfish, and that he should be there for Steve when he wakes up afraid. But at the same time, he knows that he will end up being the one waking Steve up if he stays with him.
He also knows that Steve knows that something is wrong. He knows that Steve is worried. But Steve doesn't get answers until the night Tony accidentally falls asleep in bed with him. He smiles at the sleeping billionaire, kissing him on the cheek before sighing contentedly and stroking his jaw lightly with a finger until he falls asleep himself.
It's nearly three o'clock in the morning when he is awoken by a strangled cry next to him. He bolts upright, looking around for Tony and seeing him sitting on the floor, breathing heavily and clutching desperately at his Arc Reactor.
"Tony?" Steve says quietly. "What's wrong?" He scrambles out of bed and crouches in front of the trembling man, sitting back on his heels and holding his hands up in an unthreatening stance when he flinches away. "It's okay, baby, I'm not going to hurt you." He's concerned now. Tony seems to be hyperventilating, whispering hoarsely about someone named Yinsen. Could he be having a panic attack? Pepper had warned him briefly about this but hadn't gone into much detail.
Tony's eyes are wide open in terror and he is shaking like a leaf, struggling to breathe. "Tony, tell me what I can do. What should I do?" He knows his attempts at communication are in vain. Tony is somewhere else, not seeing or hearing him. "Okay, baby, do you think you can breathe with me?" He takes a deep, exaggerated breath in, then blows out. He repeats this action, and Tony's eyes flick up at him, seeing but not comprehending. "Tony, it's me, Steve. I need you to breathe, honey, okay?" Tony struggles to nod, finally seeming to understand. But when he tries to breathe, the air seems to catch in his throat, sending him into an even worse panic.
"A little help, JARVIS?" Steve says desperately, feeling only slightly better when Tony allows him to grab onto his hand.
"Sir's attacks have been getting more frequent lately, so he probably knows what is happening. The best thing to do now is probably just to stay with him and wait it out."
"Okay," Steve said breathlessly. "All right, I can do that." He scooted slightly closer to Tony, rubbing his thumb over Tony's knuckles in what he hoped was a reassuring manner and sighs with relief when Tony leans into him, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. He can feel the warmth of Tony's labored breathing against his shoulder and reaches around him to rub soothing circles on his back.
It takes several minutes for Tony to calm down, but it feels like hours to Steve. He feels so helpless and frustrated that he can't do anything. So when Tony's breathing evens out and he finally relaxes enough to pull away, Steve pulls him right back into a tight hug.
"I love you, you know that, right?"
Tony shrugs. "Yeah, I guess," he replies shakily.
Steve releases him only to grab the sides of his face and look into his eyes. "Tony! Don't you ever doubt it. Is this why you haven't been sleeping here?"
Turning his face to the side, Tony casts his eyes down. "I didn't want to stress you out. You already have enough going on, and…"
"No baby, no. I would do anything for you! I hate knowing that you were suffering alone."
Tony shakes his head. "I'm… I'm alright. I just… sometimes it's all too much, and I just can't…"
Steve realizes that he's been too harsh too late. He exhales slowly, trying to be calm for Tony's sake. "Hey baby, it's okay. I'm not mad, I just feel bad that I couldn't help. I love you so damn much."
Tony tries to smile, despite the tears welling up in his eyes. "I love you, too. Um… why are we still on the ground?"
Steve looks around, finally remembering that they're on the floor next to the bed. He lets out a shaky laugh before pushing himself up and pulling Tony with him. They climb back into bed, with Steve sitting up against the pillows and Tony lying horizontally with his head in the super soldier's lap.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I didn't mean for you to have to deal with this."
Steve paused from carding his fingers through Tony's dark hair. "No, don't apologize. I wish you had told me sooner. You were planning on telling me eventually, right?"
"I was going to wait until you had adjusted to this time better. I just didn't want to add another thing to what you were already dealing with. How… how are we going to do this? We both have PTSD, we both get nightmares and flashbacks-"
"We'll work it out. We can help each other." He leaned down and brushed his lips against Tony's, trying to convince himself as well.
Tony smiled as he pulled away, finally content. "Okay," he said simply.
oOo
AN: Ummmm yeah. I went kind of TFIOS at the end, cause I suck at ending things.
I know there are a lot of stories featuring Tony's PTSD, but I wanted to acknowledge the true sorrow of Steve's miserable and damaged life also. As usual, I'm not really happy with this, as I don't tend to write one-shots, but I just wanted to write something fluffy for a change (if you can call this fluff). Also, I know I kind of strayed from their true character, but oh well, I guess. Hope you enjoyed!