Addison watched. Callie finished talking with Christina - singing Erica's praises, more like - and turned back to Addison, sitting with her at a table in the hospital courtyard. "Sorry about that," Callie said, making a face toward Christina's retreating back. "Did I mention I live with Yang now?"
Addison fixed Callie with an unwavering gaze and continued eating her chips.
"What?" Callie looked sidelong at her. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Addison leaned forward. "Callie."
The intensity of her stare was a bit unnerving. "Mhmm?" Callie responded
"Are you speaking the… Vagina Monologues now?"
Callie laughed, the sound unusually high and fast. "What?" she asked, in nervous disbelief.
Addison sat back, raising her hands. "I'm all for it," she said. "I think it's fantastic. Erica, I mean, she seems great. I really do like her, actually, I do, and..." She leaned forward again, her voice low. If Callie wasn't out yet, she didn't want to be responsible for accidentally outing her. "Are you?"
Callie was taken aback. "You want to know if Erica and I are a… a couple? Because I defended her to Yang?"
"Because you seem like a couple," Addison exclaimed. Callie seemed completely surprised by the suggestion and Addison was at a loss. Practically time she'd seen Callie in the last few days, she was talking to Erica, touching Erica, or talking about Erica. Everything about their interaction screamed that they were floating on the cloud of a new relationship together. "A really happy couple."
Callie couldn't stop the nervous laughter. It sounded false and uncomfortable even to her own ears. "Um-uh-ok, that's- that's-that's just, that's insane is, is, is what it is," she stammered through uncomfortable chuckles. "I'm, ah, I like penis," she declared. She finally got the nervous laughter under control. Callie sat back and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "I'm a huge, huge fan of penis," she insisted.
One of the hospital staff at an adjacent table shot them a strange look as they overheard Callie. Addison smiled awkwardly at them. They got up and left to go back into the hospital.
"You've been living in Los Angeles way too long," Callie deflected, her nervous laughter back again. "Way too long."
Addison stared at her again and ate another chip. "LA's got nothing to do with it," she stated. "I was bi before I moved to LA and I'm still bi now I'm living there."
That stopped Callie's laughter. "Hang on, you? You like women?"
Addison nodded. "And men. And, well, people."
"I didn't know that." Callie seemed puzzled, like she should have known this about Addison.
"When I moved here I was a bit wrapped up in Derek, so not exactly pursuing anyone else of any gender. And now I'm in LA? Not seeing anybody right now. There are some fun people at my practice, but after seeing all the mess that goes on here, I don't think I want to date in the workplace ever again."
Callie rested her elbows on the table and furrowed her eyebrows. "So you can like men and women?" That wasn't something she'd ever considered.
Addison nodded. Poor Callie looked like she'd just had the rug pulled out from under her. "Not usually both at the same time, at least not for me. But yes, I can - and have - fallen for people of any gender."
"That's, uh, I mean that's great." Callie said. She seemed distracted, her mind working on its own track separate from her mouth. "I need to- I've-I've got surgery. Sorry..." She pushed back from the table and stood.
Addison watched her go. She shrugged to herself and went back to eating her chips.
That night at Joe's, Callie sat with Erica and Addison, trying desperately to pretend like everything was normal. Like that conversation with Addison hadn't taken place earlier. Like she still knew who she was and what she wanted.
Erica took a sip of wine and laughed at something Addison said. Callie watched Erica's face light up and felt a warmth in her own chest.
Erica moved and the lights in the bar shimmered off the necklace that rested on her breast. Callie flushed, her cheeks hot and red.
Addison glanced at her and for a moment Callie saw the same intense gaze Addison had pinned her with earlier. But then, thankfully, it was gone and Addison continued laughing and talking with Erica without calling attention to the moment.
Erica leaned over to pull away a hair caught in Callie's lipgloss. Callie froze, her eyes wide. Her heart beat faster and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Addison was watching her from across the table. Callie couldn't stop thinking about their earlier conversation, and knew Addison was thinking about it too.
Erica pulled her hand back. "Sorry, you were saying?" Erica asked, and she and Addison resumed their conversation as if it had never been interrupted.
Callie picked up her shot glass and tilted it back, swallowing the amber liquid down in one smooth motion. When Mark came over, she didn't hesitate to get up and dance with him. She liked men. She had always liked men. She wasn't sure where these other feelings were coming from, but they weren't her.
Addison was already half-asleep when she heard a knock. She stumbled out of bed and cracked open the door to her hotel room. Callie stood in the hallway, wearing the same clothes she'd been in at the bar, only now they were a bit more rumpled and her hair was a mess. "Can I come in?" Callie asked.
Addison swung the door open. She was wearing only her underwear and an oversized t-shirt, but Callie didn't seem to even really see her. She was too lost in her own thoughts. Callie stepped inside and they stood in the entryway for a moment. Callie had her arms crossed against her chest and she rubbed her hands nervously on her upper arms. "I took Mark home tonight," she said without preamble.
"Okay," Addison said.
"I didn't- I'm not- I like men," Callie insisted. "I've always liked men."
"Okay," Addison repeated. "You don't have to convince me." She gestured for Callie to move farther into the room. Callie dropped into a chair and Addison sat in bed, pulling the blanket up to tuck around her legs.
"But I- I think I- I might…" Callie stumbled over her words. "How did you know? That you liked both?"
Addison paused. "I just did," she said. "I had a summer boyfriend, like everybody else at boarding school. Then in my junior year, I was dancing with some of the girls from my residence hall and there was this one girl that I was friends with. I realized that I wanted her to touch me the way my boyfriend had over the summer. It was boarding school; that kind of thing happened a lot. We never talked about it exactly, it just was."
Callie shook her head. "See, that- that's… you're supposed to know. When you're a kid or when you hit puberty or when you're in high school… you're supposed to know." She looked up at Addison. "And I always liked men."
Addison offered her a soft smile and that same, intense stare she'd been giving Callie since she arrived in Seattle.
Callie sighed. "I can't think when you look at me like that," she said.
"I'm sorry." She didn't sound sorry. And she didn't stop looking at Callie. "Callie, why did you come here tonight?"
Callie hesitated. "Because I think I like women too," she finally said.
"Come here." Addison opened her arms and Callie went to her. She sat on the edge of the bed and let Addison hold her. "It's okay to just be finding this out now. It really is. There's no timeline for learning who you are." She brushed Callie's hair back from her face and looked at her. Callie breathed, staring back into the blue eyes that had been watching her for days.
"So I think… I'm… bisexual." Callie tried the word. It tasted strange on her lips, but somehow it fit. It fit in a way that was both comfortable and terrifying.
"Alright," Addison validated. Callie sighed and leaned into her, resting her head against Addison's chest. Addison pressed her lips to the dark, wavy hair and murmured in affirmation, "You are. Beautiful. Badass. And bisexual."