AN: Don't own, don't have money, don't sue

Some of you may recognize some of this from Family Guy. I don't own that either.

"Harry, really, you shouldn't come to potions today!" Hermione was desperately pulling on Harrys sleeve, trying to stop him from getting to the classroom.

Though he stumbled, Harry still didn't fall as he staggered down the dungeon corridor.

"For the last time Herme- Herome- Hermione, I'm fine!" Harry punctuated his sentence with a loud hiccup.

"You are not fine!" Hermione whispered harshly. "You're drunk!"

"I am not drink," Harry slurred. "You are!" With this, Harry dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Giving up, Hermione let go of Harry and stormed into the classroom, Ron following sheepishly behind.

Walking into his potions class, Harry slowly and carefully walked up to his professor, who was standing by his desk, peering at Harry warily.

Finally reaching Snape, Harry stood up straight, or as straight as he could in his condition, and snapped off a salute.

"Good day, Captain!" Harry proclaimed loudly. "Reporting for duty!"

"What?" Snape asked tentatively, dreading the students response. Why he continued to allow himself to get pulled into the boys drama, day after day, he didn't know. His only thought on the matter was that the boy was like a car accident. Although Snape wanted to look away, he was constantly drawn back in.

"Oh Captain, my Captain!" Harry recited, struggling to keep a straight face.

"Sit down, Potter!" Snape snapped out.

"But-" Harry started, but was interrupted by another loud hiccup.

"Potter... are you... drunk?" Snape asked the boy slowly.

"No Sir! HICCUP!" At the end of the sentence, Harry staggered and grabbed onto Snape to stay up right.

As a reflex, Snape reached out and grabbed Harrys shoulder, holding him steady until the boy could stand once more.

"Then why can't you stand up?"

"I have an inner ear infection." Harry stumbled over the words. "And a speech impediment!"

"You are drunk!" Snape hollered at Harry. "Go see the headmaster this instant!"

Through glassy eyes, Harry peered at his professor and replied:

"I can't. He'll be mad to see me."

"And why," Snape asked, "is that?"

"Well, Sir, HICCUP, He's still mad that I out drank him!" And with this Harry once more succumbed to a gale of giggles.

Looking at his professors face, which was increasingly turning purple, Harry turned and staggered as quickly as possible from the room.