Disclaimer: The voices in my head tell me I own it. But I ignore them for fear of getting sued. You should ignore them too.
OK, I'm not fond of the pairing Kira/Athrun, I've always seen them more as brothers. So, yeah. Kira is watching Athrun sleep afterAthrun fled from ZAFT. He thinks about both wars and discovers how much he hurt Athrun. Kinda bashes Kira. But not a lot.
You have such an innocence. I know how much you understand, how much you've seen. More than me, much more. I guess that's what makes you so strange. A shell, a hard shell that hides how tender you really are. Like a double glazed window. Stronger than most, but yet so easy to shatter. You are a mystery to me. I really know nothing of who you are now. I used to, I guess. I suppose you were still so breakable back then, huh? But without the experiences, before your family broke, you could hide it better, it never affected you. My friend, my brother, now such a stranger to me? It's so hard to comprehend.
I still don't know why I did it. I chose them over you. I thought they were going to die without me. I didn't realise that by protecting them, I was killing you. I knew nothing of war, I really didn't have much concept of it. I knew people got hurt. It was only when I saw you that I realised just how much it hurt. I still thought I knew you, I thought you wouldn't shoot another person, but you would've shot Raimus if I had'nt distracted you. She was an enemy. She'd helped in destroying everything you hold dear. And I chose her life above yours. I chose everything above you, my baby brother.
I watched as we destroyed that ship. I barely heard your cry for your commrades. I didn't listen as you splintered. I never listened to you. Your crys, your commands, even when you pleaded with me. You pleaded with me just to listen, but I didn't. Then your voice came clear as you told me just to fire. You didn't care anymore. And instead of doing what you asked, I killed your friend. And that drove you over the edge. Your heart exploded, leaving you in that agonised scream.
And still you came back. Still you managed that smile. You were my brother after all. But you were still broken. I just wanted to hug you then, but I couldn't. You seemed so untouchable now. So cold, mechanical, the perfect soldier. Something I could never be.You had betrayed your father's orders, only to follow Cpt. Raimus'. That old humor I used to love is gone, replaced by this. And it looks like you still haven't regained it.
Even now, I still don't understand you. I still don't understand why I've done the things I've done, both back then and now. It seems I'm always going against you. Always putting my own beliefs above you, never bothering to even listen, though you listened to me. You tried to understand, something I've never done for you. And look what I've done to you. I forced you to flee, to put your life at risk...All because I couldn't stand that you'd picked your nation above mine. You're hurt, half dead. I put your life in the balence, instead of mine.
I still don't understand my actions, why I insist on hurting you. Why I insist on just watching you break. I guess I never will. I can protect my twin sister, I can protect my friends, I can protect a ship full of strangers, but I can't protect my baby brother. Despite all the times you've protected me and my twin, you even protected my ship, though it hurt you. And you tried to protect us all from the chairmans wrath. You would go to the ends of the earth to protect me, and I can't even stop the shards from falling.
Who are you, my baby brother? What have you become? What have I moulded you into? A doll, that's what. A little doll, used only to be shoved into others' battles. A little, broken, glass doll. The glue is old and worn, the glass weak, no longer you. My baby brother, the world's little doll, a child with no place to go. I can't move to brush your hair away, I can't touch you. I'm afraid I'll hurt you again, afraid I'll finaly shatter you forever. I won't do that. It's not who you are that's the question, it's who I am. And I don't have an answer for that, for good or bad.
My baby brother, I'm forever in your debt. I have only one thing to offer you, so let me hear you out.
Well, that's it. Tell me what you thought.