Disclaimer: I do not own The Mentalist or any of its characters. I only own my love for this show :)
A/N: So, this was actually supposed to be a chapter in Radio Randomness that I had planned to write a long while ago, but never got around to doing. I've put RR on hiatus-and I like this story too much-so I decided to make this an individual one-shot. That being said, this is based on a conversation that happened on the morning show on the radio that I listen to. Enjoy!
Utter Excitement
It was time for the annual CBI budget meeting. Lisbon, who was required to attend, decided to drag Jane along with her as punishment for his behavior on their latest case. He sulked and dragged his feet as Lisbon had to very nearly physically drag him into the atrium like a misbehaving child.
"But Lisbon," Jane whined. "Is this stuff really necessary?"
"This stuff is called a budget meeting and, since you work here-heaven help me-it is necessary." Lisbon explained for the umpteenth time.
"But Lisbon!" Jane continued. "But it's full of numbers and things I don't care about! Can't you just give me the abridged version afterward?"
"Let me think..." Lisbon replied sarcastically. "No."
Lisbon accepted one of the informational pamphlets from one of the interns standing at the door and then led Jane to an empty row of folding chairs in the back of the room.
"Why are we sitting waaaay back here?" Jane questioned Lisbon as they took their seats.
"Because if you say or do something stupid, we can make a quick escape before someone shoots you."
"Misbehave? Me?" Jane pretended to be offended. "I would never!"
"Sheep dip."
Lisbon opened up her pamphlet and began reading through it as the other agents began to file into the atrium. Jane looked around the room, observing and watching those around him. He watched as Director Bertram entered the room, his associates following him like sheep, and headed up to the podium. Bertram adjusted the microphone and then cleared his throat to signal that he was ready to begin.
"Good morning everyone," Bertram began. "Thank you all for coming to the CBI budget meeting..."
That's enough of that...Jane thought to himself as he tuned Bertram out. He looked over at Lisbon, who was watching and listening to her boss intently like the good little agent that she was. Since Lisbon was going to be no fun, Jane had to find something else to entertain himself with for the duration of this detention.
Jane felt around in his pockets for any source of amusement, but couldn't find anything. He had been prepared but Lisbon insisted on searching him, despite his smirk and remarks about the process, to prevent him from bringing anything he could play with into the meeting. Jane then glanced around the room in an attempt to find something to amuse himself. He looked up at the ceiling and noticed a pen stuck in one of the ceiling tiles above his head, presumably because someone had thrown it up there. Having nothing better to do, Jane decided to try and get the pen down from the ceiling. At least he could use the pen to doodle on Lisbon's pamphlet afterward.
Now, Jane needed to find a projectile to help him in his quest. Since Lisbon cleaned him out earlier, he had to improvise. Jane looked down at his shoes. Guess they would have to do. He reached down to remove his shoe, which warranted a look from Lisbon.
"What are you doing?" Lisbon whispered like a stern mother to her child.
"I'm adjusting my shoe, if you must know." Jane whispered back. "Calm down, Lisbon. You act like I don't know how to behave."
"Because you don't."
"Meh, tomato tomahto."
Lisbon just rolled her eyes and shook her head before returning her focus to whatever Bertram was saying. Jane pretended to fiddle with his shoe for a few seconds to appease Lisbon before sitting back in his seat again. After waiting for a few moments to quell any of her lingering suspicions, Jane quickly glanced at Lisbon and saw that she was paying attention to whatever nonsense Bertram was spewing at present. That gave Jane the green light to go ahead with his plan.
Jane gripped the edges of his seat and lifted his foot to position his shoe to the perfect angle to knock the pen down from the ceiling. Once satisfied, he swiftly kicked his leg upward, flinging his shoe up into the air to hit the ceiling tile. His shoe hit the tile and knocked it loose, along with whatever else had been above the ceiling for the past hundred years or so. And whatever else had been up there, save for his pen, was now raining down on Lisbon's head.
"You just flipped your shoe off and hit the ceiling!" Lisbon squealed angrily as the dust and debris fell on her head.
"Budget meetings get me excited." Jane replied stoically.
"Yeah, but you hit the ceiling tile and knocked it loose, causing 175 years of mouse droppings and asbestos to fall on my head!"
Then, to make matters worse, the pen, having been knocked loose from the earlier impact with Jane's shoe, suddenly fell from the ceiling and landed in Jane's lap.
"But I got my pen!" Jane said cheerily, holding up the pen for Lisbon to see. "And now you and I have a reason to get out of here."
Jane stood up from his seat. "Excuse me!" He called up to Bertram.
Bertram stopped speaking and squinted at the back of the atrium to see who was interrupting him.
"Ah, Mr. Jane." He said. "To what do I owe this interruption?"
Everyone in the atrium turned around to face Jane and stare at Lisbon, who had moved over to avoid the steady stream of dirt and dust falling from the ceiling.
"Well," Jane began to say. "I noticed a pen stuck in the ceiling tile and I wanted to get it down, so I flung my shoe up there and hit the ceiling tile. In doing so, I sort of, kind of, knocked down all the nasty stuff that was up in the ceiling and it landed on poor Lisbon's head."
Bertram stared at Jane, dumbfounded as to what just came out of the consultant's mouth.
"You flung your shoe up at the ceiling to get a pen down?"
Jane held up the pen and smiled triumphantly.
"Yep. Here's the pen." He said. "You're welcome."
Jane turned to look at Lisbon, who was glaring at him. If looks could kill, Jane would have exploded in an instant. "Oh, and my poor Lisbon here had about 175 years of dust and debris fall on her head, so she and I are going to leave now so she can get cleaned up. Don't worry, she'll be back and fresh as a daisy in a little bit."
Jane then quickly ushered Lisbon out of the atrium, with Lisbon angrily stomping in front of him. Jane stopped at the door, however, and said to Bertram:
"Oh, by the way, you may want to get maintenance to fix that ceiling tile." He started to walk away and then returned to the doorway to say one more thing. "And clean up everything above the ceiling."
Before Jane could say anything else, he felt Lisbon yank his arm and drag him away from the same meeting that she had dragged him into. Only Jane could make light of a punishment. Maybe budget meetings aren't so bad after all, Jane considered to himself as he followed a fuming Lisbon back up to the Serious Crimes Unit floor.
Poor Lisbon :) Hope you enjoyed it and, remember, reviews make me happy!