Summerey; "It doesn't matter who it is, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, daughter, son. It doesn't even matter if you were all that close... it still hurts to lose someone"...One shot about Don coping with losing Jess.
I own nothing *sob* it all belongs to cbs :( hope you enjoy, and reveiw, they make me really happy :D
I sit alone on the rooftop, dangling my legs over the side, contemplating life. And death. In my hand I play with my badge. I remember how proud I was when I first got it, how excited I had felt to have the title 'Detective'. I never could of imagined how painful this job could be. How many lives could be saved, and lost, in such a short space of time. I lift my eyes up from my badge, and stare out at the great city, they call New York, the one that I am proud to protect and call home. The one that she once called home. A tear escapes from my eye, as my thoughts drift to her. Her deep brown eyes, that were a contrast to my bright blue ones, I think about her smile, her laugh. Everything about her was just perfect. The tears are cascading down my face now. She was just too damn brave. But I let her down, if I had driven that little bit faster. Held her a little tighter. Wished a little harder. Then maybe I could of saved her. Damn it, now I can't see though my tears, the New York skyline becomes a fuzzy blur. I search my pockets for tissues but have no success. Instead I resort to using my tie to wipe away my tears. To wipe away my guilt.
I hear the sound of shoes on gravel "It never gets any easier, you know" a voice calls out to me. I turn my head slightly and see Mac standing there, I can't explain it, but somehow since she died, I have felt that I have a strange connection with him. Two men, connected by death. He comes and sits next to me, he also dangles his legs over the side. "I used to always come up here" he comments looking out over the city. "After I lost Claire, I don't know why, but being up here, it felt like. Like somehow I was closer to her" he pauses, and breathes in deep, he then continues. "It doesn't matter who it is, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, daughter, son. It doesn't even matter if you were all that close... it still hurts to lose someone" I turn my head to him, this is Mac Taylor right? The former marine that hardly shows his emotions. I can see his eyes start to water, but still he persists in speaking. "I know how your feeling Don, I know how it feels to lose someone you love, someone you care about. When they die, part of you dies with them, and the part of you thats left behind wishes that you had died with them." I watch as I silent tear rolls down his pale face. How is it he can explain to me how I feel, when even my own mind can't tell me? He still stares blindly out at the city skyline as he once again resumes speaking "You blame yourself, pick out the little things you could of done differently, and think 'if I had done that, they could still be alive' I know thats what I thought all the time when Claire died. I used to-. I used to-" his voice breaks, and I offer him my hand on his back, he shrugs it off, determined to finish his story. "-I used to think that maybe, if I had asked Claire to stay in bed, then maybe she would have taken the day off and she would still be alive. But I learnt over time that there was nothing I could have done. Sometimes theres nothing you can do. Sometimes its just, their time to leave this world." I blink back tears as Mac looks to the sky and whispers "Sometimes, God is cruel"
Both off us look out to the City now. We both, have our blue eyes fresh with tears.
"Does the pain ever leave?" I ask breaking the silence, the question had been plaguing me since the day she had died.
"No" he answered simply. "But after awhile, you get used to it, I'm not saying you forget them, no, I'm definitely not saying that, to forget them would be impossible, as in some way they effected your life. But you learn that you need to live your life, and although it feels better to wallow in your grief, you need to move on, for your own sake, and for the people around you" I nod slightly, taking in all he is saying.
"But, I don't want to move on, I loved, still love, her!" I say, as my voice cracks slightly.
"Thats the cruel thing about relationships. About love. One person fades before the other. Leaving the other one left behind, broken and barely breathing." he states simply, getting up, he offers me his hand. "Your going to be ok" I take his hand, and pull myself up, if there is anyone I trust now, its him. Hes been here before, hes loved and lost someone, hes gotten though the pain and grief. Maybe he could teach me how to as well. As we head back to the stairs I cast a look over my shoulder, the sun is rising over New York City, marking a new day. I smile as I whisper to the wind, words that I know she probably will never hear, but still, hope now burns bright in my heart "I will always love you Jess" I turn away from the city and follow Mac down the stairs. I smile slightly, the fact that he made it though this, makes me hopeful, that maybe, just, maybe, I can too.