My first (very short) NCIS Fic, so please be nice... :-) It's Gibbs thinking about Tony, pure Fluff!
English is not my first (or second) language, so please excuse all the mistakes you find… I'm sure there are a lot…
The song is written by a group called 'and all because the lady loves' (! ) And also the characters aren't mine, sadly…
Please, if you read this, give me a review so I know if you liked it or not… it would make everything much easier (for me) because then I know if I should write more or not (or if anyone is actually reading this at all). And I simply love reviews :-) they make my day!
BEHIND YOUR SMILE
You chuckle. Smile. Then your face is split in half when that grin grows and you laugh out loud, eyes closed with mirth, body shaking in amusement.
you can feel it for a while
what is real behind your smile
It was the first thing I noticed, that easy smile. You weren't wearing a mask like some people do, you were only wearing that smile and it was beautiful. It was almost as beautiful as your eyes.
Of course that was not why I hired you, against what you said about that to Kate. But if I were totally honest to myself, it probably was one factor of why I noticed you from the beginning. That grin, wide as the sea and including everyone, not caring if the joke was on you.
but you're much more
much more than just your smile
I got to know you better after some time. After the time when I just thought you were an overgrown teenager, only caring about women and cars. There was a time when I thought you were good enough to run around and get me coffee but not smart enough to get things done.
I was wrong. Yes, I was very wrong about that. Even if I didn't realize it on the first case we were working together,when you were still at the Baltimore PD. The second case we were thrown together I noticed things, noticed that there was more about you than just that gorgeous body and easy talk.
You noticed things I wouldn't. You saw the people where I only saw a case.
And I realized I wanted you. To work for me. And I hired you when they threw you out.
I didn't really like very much you back then; I only tolerated you as you were annoying the hell out of me. But I kept you around because somehow you got the cases solved, at that time I couldn't understand how you did that. Didn't understand anything about you except that wide smile.
Of course it was only much later I realized that I hadn't even understood that.
what is real behind your smile
After all those years you still smile and laugh and joke. And it's still endearing and at the same time horribly annoying. It's just you. But I got to know you better still and saw that there were more things behind your smile than I first had realized .
Your smile is a mask. Your horny teenager act is just something to overplay anything else, to not show the real emotions and not let anyone get too close. I learned to read your eyes, because I appreciated them more than your smile and trough that I learned how to see more than just that wide grin.
And finally I understood.
you don't believe that you're worthwhile
but you're much more
much more than just your smile
And I liked you. Liked that man I learned to see in your eyes much more than the boy you were acting like. And I learned to separate them. At work you were playing stupid, joking aroundwith the rest of the team. And when I invited you to a drink I could see that mask slipping somehow, perhaps because you saw my own mask slipping. My own mask of being cold and tough was melting when I was alone with you and you let that insecure but grown man shine trough the teenager-mask.
And I liked him. Liked you. Still like you, much more than that boy image you try to project as a security; so no one gets too close. But I got a little bit closer and got to look behind your smile, and I loved what I saw. Fell In love with it.
Fell in love with you.
I wish I could touch you
touch you deeper
deeper into your soul
and get much nearer
nearer to you, than just your smile
Early on you tried to hold on to that mask even when we were alone, same as I tried to hold on to mine. I never showed you any emotions and you played the dumb boy around me. And we weren't getting any closer, but I knew I wanted to. And sometimes I could see in your eyes that you wanted to get closer to me as well; could read it in your admiration and your need for me approval.
I smiled when you stopped to grin the first time when we were alone. And I told you why, letting my own mask glide away.
you never gave me
a chance to see
always hidden
behind a laugh and a drink or two
but what I want is behind your smile
I want you. Only you and not that brat you try to be.
At first I couldn't really understand why you felt the need to protect yourself like that, with another persona. I didn't know why you wanted nobody to get too close. I couldn't know because no one knew except you, and you weren't telling.
But when I told you to drop the smile and come out of hiding, you told me so much. Not the first time or the second, not even the third. But some time, after a while, when we were familiar enough and I knew you were falling in love with me, you took the chance. And I tried to show you how much I appreciated that you let me see the truth and weren't acting anymore around me.
And I told you to call me Jethro.
And you told me to call you Tony. And I laughed until the tears came and then we cried together. And it was good. So good.
at times I've felt you
closer to me
closer I know
than you'd like to be
but my heart can get behind your smile
"What are you thinking about?"
Your voice is slightly muffled against my chest and I look down at you and have to chuckle. Your face is pressed into my chest and your eyes are closed. I can feel your body that is somehow wrapped around me tighten a bit in response and I hold you closer.
"About you, of course."
"Idiot," you mumble and I run my hand down from your neck over your back and press a small kiss on top of your head, "'s true," I say with a smile.
You lift your head a little bit off my chest and blink up at me, and I see those beautiful eyes I would never grow tired of.
"What exactly were you thinking about, Jeth?"
I grin at the nickname only you would dare to speak out loud and hold you closer still, "I really was thinking about you. About us, how lucky you are."
"I am?" Your brows lift slightly and you lean over me, "Well, I hope you realize that I deserve to be lucky and I can make you lucky too…"
It was meant as a joke and when you push me down and kiss me deeply, your eyes are smiling, saying you don't really care if I was telling the truth just now. Your hands move into my hair and I chuckle against your kiss, running my hands up and down your back, pushing my tongue into your mouth to end your own exploration.
Panting, you pull away slightly and I take the chance to roll you over and press you down into the mattress with my heavier body. I grin down at your flushed face and swollen lips and take your mouth into another deep kiss while nudging your legs apart to rub my hardness against your groin.
You arch up against me and break the kiss again, moaning my name.
I stop my body's movements for a little while to hold your head still and look down into your beautiful eyes that I love so much. Watching your beautiful face I can still hear that sentence in my ear and even if you were joking I know it's true: You make me lucky.
You don't grin but look up at me with contentment, no questions or demands in your eyes, only pleasure, trust and love. And I know the same is in my eyes when I look down at you now,grinning like a Cheshire cat.
I'm still holding your face between my palms, thumbs stroking the soft skin underneath your eyes. I lessen my grin to a small smile and whisper in a soft voice: "I was really thinking about you Tony; you do deserve to be lucky. You really do."
you don't believe that you're worthwhile
but your worth more
much more than that smile
come on baby feel
come on baby feel a while
what is real behind your smile
come on baby feel
end. by Camlost.