Summery: Dan knows that he should not blow of studying to hang out with Phil. He knows it. Yet he still can't help himself. His books or shoved in a pile on the desk, mostly untouched. In-fact he is pretty sure there is a lick layer of dust settling on the top of them.
But he can't deny the fluttering feeling in his stomach when he sees Phil smile, or when he hears him laughs. For some reason, it's a little different around Phil.
Everything's a little rawer, a little more terrifying and a little more real.
But so much better.
Also known as: The University AU where Dan falls hard for Phil but falls harder for his work. Literally.
Dan's not going to deny the truth. He has never been the fittest person in the world. In fact, that idea of sitting on the couch and eating chips while playing video games is just so much more appealing than any form of legitimate exercise.
However, he's never regretting not fulfilling his new year's resolution more than he is right now. Now he is having to lug his over filled suit case and duffle bag up three different levels and six flights of stairs. The only place that will actively stop him from literally freeing his tits off. His new flat.
It's been pouring since he left Reading. Practically bucketing down the whole drive over. The short distance between the car park and hallways has almost soaked him though. He is cold and tired and way too wet that is almost managers to over-ride his nerves.
Almost.
He pauses as he reaches the door. The keys feeling slightly heavy in his pocket. Like they weigh much more than just physical weight. And they do. But Dan's here. A fresh start. A new town. And a new flat mate.
Sliding the keys into the door, he fumbles with the key before pushing it opens. Hesitating for a moment, the sereneness of the situation setting in. Taking one step he heaves his suit case inside, the duffle bad almost sliding off his shoulder in the process.
Dan stares at the hallways ahead of him. It's a bit messy, a few boxes scattered on the floor, and in a weird way it's almost comforting. He wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting. But somehow, this is alright.
He takes a deep breath. Taking another step and closing the door behind him.
At least it's warm.
It's not long before he is in the slower. His stuff all brought in from his car and lined up against one of the empty walls in his new room. The water slides down his body; hot and moist and just about everything he has ever needed. Even if it is only for a few moments.
The minute Dan steps out of the bathroom he is met by a small surprise.
"Dan, right?"
Almost dropping his damp cloths, Dan looks up. The man has a northern accent, his brown hair swept across his face in a similar fashion to Dan's own.
"And you must be Chris?"
He sounds way too awkward and way to formal. Introductions have never been his forte. Especially when he is standing in nothing but a towel that is hung a little too low around his waist.
"Great, I'd hate to have to change the locks already." Chris replies and Dan isn't entirely sure if he is actually joking or not.
Dan shuffles slightly, "is that a common occurrence? Finding random strangers in your flat?"
Chris laughs, leaning against the wall behind him and crossing his arms. And Dan is almost certain that Chris is giving him an once-over. "Always a first time for everything. I'm sure you've had your fair share of one-night stands where the other party member doesn't exactly want to leave."
"Yeah," Dan agrees. It's a little forced, but he finds himself laughing. More at the irony then at the words being humorous. The only one night stand he'd ever endured had him leaving in the morning, not the other way around. Having a long term girlfriend –of three years that he refused to admit were wasted- kind of doesn't allow for those things.
"Anyway," Chris states, pushing himself off the wall. "I was thinking we could have a good old fashion induction night. After all, we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other's faces. You a ps3 and pizza fan at all?"
Dan's never heard of a better idea in his entire life.
"Only if we play Crash Bash. I brought it with me."
Smiling, Chris nods. "Prepare to get your ass kicked."
Maybe Dan didn't need to be so nervous after all.
Dan might have to praise his mum this time. When she told him that he'd be staying with one of her friends sons in Manchester, he wasn't exactly convinced it would be a good idea. He hadn't been convinced that the whole idea was any good either. In fact, he'd sort of been tempted to run the completely other way. He almost had.
But he can't seem to fault her right now; not when they both get along as well as they have been, not when he finally is beginning to feel comfortable.
He won't tell her that though, because although getting along with Chris is one thing, getting along with his course work is a completely different matter.
"I'm thinking we use that peri-peri chicken mix for dinner tonight?" Chris comments, and Dan is snapped out of his current thoughts.
"Are you sure the spice isn't going to kill you? Especially after last weeks fiasco?" Dan mocks and Chris gives him the middle finger. "I don't think our toilet has recovered yet."
"I haven't recovered yet." Chris moans. "Whatever was in that sauce was shit. Like, literally.
Dan makes a fake gagging noise. "Like I didn't notice."
"Anyway, this is like, mild. I'm pretty sure I've had it before, maybe," Chris replies. "And, it doesn't have the word death in the title. So it already sounds promising."
"If you say so," Dan laughs, giving Chris a mocking smile.
"Also, PJ should be back from visiting his parents tonight, so he's probably going to come round. You two haven't had the chance to meet yet. And I haven't had the chance to make out with him for two weeks. It's becoming an issue."
"You have a boyfriend?" Dan asks. He raises his eyebrows. He hasn't really heard Chris mention anything about PJ at all, not even his name, in fact. And he hasn't walked in on any phone calls and you have both been in the house relatively frequently. It seems a little odd.
Chris looks at him. "Uh, yeah. I didn't mention that, did I? Mostly because we can't talk that much while PJ is around his parents. He recently told them he was into guys, or at least, into me, and they are still kind of coming around to the idea. So our relationship is kinda on the down-low for now."
Dan frowns and Chris mistakenly thinks it's for the complete wrong reason.
"That's not a problem, right?" He asks, face a level of serious Dan has never seen before. It makes Dan's eyes widen, his voice sounds a little forced.
"No, not at all," Dan replies and Chris' seems to relax a bit. The words dance on his tongue before he decides to speak them. Because he is not completely used to saying them out loud yet. "Actually uh, I'm bisexual. So it would be more than a bit hypocritical for me to have a problem with it."
Chris' face automatically switches to a grin. "Thank fucking Christ."
Dan gives him a really confused look, and Chris laughs a bit before he clarifies, "I was worried our entire friendship was about to be de-kindled."
"I don't think that's the correct way to describe anything like a friendship." Dan retorts, "In-fact it's actually really creepily weird."
Chris shrugs, "yeah, well. You'll get used to it."
Faking a groan, Dan replies jokingly. "Not sure I want to."
"Hey, at least if you don't like my personality, you can look at my body," Chris smirks, and running his arms down his side in the least seductive manor Dan has ever witnessed in his entire existence.
"Hmmm, nope. I'd rather not." Dan replies and Chris' smile increases ten-fold.
"Not that you can anyway, because I've got a love and I know that it's all my own. Wah-oh." He sings the bit at the end, and Dan blinks, because it sounds way too familiar.
"Did you just quote Easy A?"
Chris does a weird shaking of his arse as he goes to exit the room and Dan uses all of his self-restraint not to throw a pillow at it. Or something a little bit harder.
PJ turns out to be a really great guy and the two of them get along super well. And it's more than a little amusing when PJ squanders Chris' attempt to make-out with him in front of Dan on the couch, and even better when they both teasingly gang up on Chris, which is surprisingly easy to do.
He can still see that look in both their eyes, the glint of hope and love and everything in between. The one that Dan vaguely remembers was given to him during the beginning of his own relationship. The look that stirs up feelings that are both happy and bitter and confused and definitely things that he'd rather not think about.
"So you're starting at Manchester Uni, right?" PJ asks from his seat on the opposite couch. "That's why you moved here?"
"Uh yeah," Dan replies, because after all, it technically is the truth. "I got into law, so I'm going to be starting next week."
"Law? I would have picked you for someone in design, maybe." PJ comments, and Dan actually laughs.
"I can't even draw a straight line with a ruler, I think your radar needs fixing."
"I'm second year media and photography student, and Chris is studying acting. None of us have the ability to fix anything," PJ jokes, and Chris snickers.
"I know something that I can always fix."
PJ completely ignores him, much to Chris' dismay. "If our timetables overlap we can hang. Or if you have a gap between classes. I live on campus this year, so I'm always around. Except when I'm here, so I suppose you'll be seeing me anyway."
Night time has always involved a love hate relationship. Dan remembers a time where he slept well. When he didn't have to worry about the world or the universe or decisions or anything and everything that happened in his life. When we was young, in school, reckless and taking for granted how easy his life actually was. When life was simple. When life was easy.
Some nights it's still like that. Where his bed is warm and inviting and coaxes him into a sleep so deep.
Sometimes it's not. It's filled with questions and what-ifs and so much tossing and turning he doesn't even know what end of the bed he's on anymore.
Because there are questions he can't answer. Pasts he can't change. Events that make him feel so sick that he wants to run and hide and never look back.
At least in the morning, when the shining and the birds are singing, the world seems like it's moving. Everything is less daunting when you don't have to think.
This first week of classes go okay. Dan hasn't quite got to the stage where things are routine. But he manages to actually show up to all of his classes on time, with the only exception being him walking into the wrong classroom once. He practically lives of campus coffee. Buying one at least every day. Anything large and full of sugar has his name on it. He only has classes three days a week, and only has a giant gap on one of the days. He has already heard Chris tell him horror stories about his horrific first semester time table. He was unlucky enough too actually have a full week with three large gaps. The bitterness in his voice when Chris told him was still funny.
He walks through the campus, vaguely understanding where he is going. Chris had said to meet him after class at a coffee chop. Surprisingly close to where his class was.
As he enters he spots PJ. Sitting at one of the slightly larger tables. The places is nice. A bit bigger than the other areas on campus. It actually has a few couches, which are unfortunately taken. But he can see why they chose this as a meeting spot.
"Hey," PJ greets, waving over at him as he enters the room. "Take a seat."
He nods to the one next to him and Dan complies, sitting down.
"How were your classes?"
Dan wants to say great. But honestly, they seem a little bland and dry already. "Okay? I think. I mean they might turn out alright but honestly, one of the first units surrounds judicial law and it sounds like the most boring thing in the universe."
PJ laughs. "Don't worry my first class involved a million and one reasons why you shouldn't use windows movie maker. The lecturer almost made everyone sleep. I think a good 75% of the class left at least twice to get coffee. I've never consumed so much caffeine in the space of two hours."
"And that's saying something. Peej is a tea drinker. It's like the equivalent to him taking shots."
An unfamiliar voice pipes up. He pulls out a seat across from Dan, sitting down with a small smile. His voice is Northern, not as strong as Chris' accent but definitely there. He has black hair and blue eyes and he kind of screams attractive.
"It's a weakness. How can you not like tea though? Green tea and lemon. That's where it's at."
Chris shows up as suddenly as the other guy. "No way. Forrest fruits will be the love of my life. Sorry Peej. It's like watered down strawberries. Who wouldn't want that? Your stuff just tastes like grass."
Wrinkling up his nose, PJ disagrees. "How would you know what grass tastes like?"
Chris just smiles, shrugging. "I was a weird child."
The blue eyed guy laughs, a hand reaching to cover his mouth. Dan's not going to lie. It's kind of cute.
"What do you mean was?"
Shooting him a mock offensive looks, Chris tisks. "You're my best friend, he's dating me and Dan lives with me. You all know what you're in for by now."
"Nice to meet you, by the way."
Dan's attention is called back across to the man opposite him. "Oh uh, yeah. You too?"
It comes off as a question rather unintentionally. Dan mentally curses himself, he couldn't just say a simple sentence without managing to fuck it up and seem rude.
"Oh! Right. Dan this is Phil. Phil, Dan. Peej and Phil study media together. Slightly different majors though."
"What major is that?" Dan asks.
"Post production and visual effects." Phil answers. "You study Law right?"
Dan frowns, because how does Phil know all this exactly? Phil must notice and he just grins in a slightly apologetic yet humorous way. "Chris told me. Don't mean to sound creepy. He just blabs on a lot about you as a new roommate and how you 'cheat' at video games. Mostly the cheating bit. But what you study did get mentioned once."
"Cheat?" Dan raises an eyebrow. "Chris, you come like, fourth almost every time we play. It cannot be me cheating if you continuously loose to an NPC."
Chris lets out a grown. "That was like, one time."
PJ and Phil laugh simultaneously. "More like every time."
Suddenly Dan doesn't think that uni is going to be as awful of an experience as he first thought.
The next time Dan sees Phil is a bit different. He is walking to class during the second week, still coming to terms with which building connects with what. He has a backpack filled with his books, and a few nerdy pins that he put on there. Because yes, he is a fan of guild wars and no, he is not ashamed at all.
He's books aren't that heavy but he has been carrying them and his laptop around attempting to find this tutorial room for the past half an hour. He sort of wants to chuck his entire backpack out the nearest open window and call it a day.
"You know class would have technically started like 15 minutes ago right?"
The northern tone comes to Dan's right. He turns around, facing Phil who has a welcomed grin on his face.
"Yeah, but apparently I never managed to develop those basic map reading skills almost everyone has. This is basically why I never attempted boy scouts."
Phil laughs and Dan finds it hard not to join in laughing too. It's sort of oddly contagious. "It took me 3 months before I learned how to get to the agora. Even Chris got it in a few weeks. My sense of direction is almost non-existent."
"Does that mean I should head in the opposite direction of whatever way you say my class is?" Dan jokes and Phil looks like he is weighing up his response.
"Probably," he replies. "But that being said, I can show you to something way better. I'm feeling a vanilla thick shake whilst the sun is actually out. Want to join? I can introduce you to the proper university experience."
Dan looks at him question, and fidgets with his fringe. "Aren't you supposed to be like, encouraging me to go to classes, instead of bribing me with delicious food as a reason to skip?"
Phil grains at him again. "Yeah, but by this point you've probably missed half the class. And as Chris so proudly states, 'attendance is voluntary'".
Dan inwardly shivers. There is literally nothing worse he could think of then interrupting and having the whole class stare at him for walking to late. "Christ, I do not want to walk into that room now."
Nodding in agreement, Phil indicates towards the right with his hand. "Then pre-pare for the best milkshake experience of your entire life."
He's overly keen as he says it and Dan can't help but think it's sort of enduring. Phil voice and mannerisms kind of make him hard not to like. The way he gets excited. And the idea of spending a bit more time with him alongside a cold beverage is so much more appealing than ever showing up to his subjects.
The milkshake as it turns out, is actually delicious. While Phil does opt for a plain vanilla which he claims is the 'ultimate classic', Dan goes for a whipped peanut butter. Which somehow has the texture of whipped cream and tastes even more orgasmic then it looks.
"Good?" Phil asks, with a glint in his eye, because he knows exactly how great it actually is. Dan just nods, glancing at Phil with the tips of his eyes while he leans in for another gulp. Phil grins, saying a cheeky "you're welcome."
And despite the delicious milky goodness in his grasp, he sure that going anywhere with Phil would have been just as good.
The next week, Dan manages to find his class. He slumps into a chair, furthest away from the tutor, who hopefully won't recognise him as a missing student. When the tutor starts the class he can't help but wish he was back drinking milkshakes with Phil.
It's not like Chris planned on ruining Dan's study time. But there is literally no way in hell that he is going to turn down an offer to go to the market on a Saturday. He's never been to the Levenshulme market before, but it's themed and apparently has some really nice things. Especially when those nice things involve food and drink. And okay, yeah, it is a Saturday and maybe Dan should be revising for the upcoming test in his fourth week, he even managed to convince himself that if he started 2 and weeks early he might do more than just pass, but he can't really bring himself to do that when there is a promise of giant burrito's with homemade guacamole.
"Told you it was worth it," Chris comments, his mouth still slightly stuffed with one of the dumplings he bought from the Chinese sector.
"Sorry? What was that?" PJ asks. "Shove a little more food in your mouth and maybe we'll understand a bit better."
Chris just smiles at him, eyebrow cocked as he shoved another dumpling into his mouth and repeats the question.
"Why do you date him?" Phil asks, and Chris elbows him in the shoulder jokingly.
He swallows almost too quickly. "Because, I invite him on cute romantic dates to the market, even if they get ruined by other individuals."
"Pretty sure it was your idea we all go together," Dan retorts. Chris shrugs.
"That and my sex skills are impeccable."
Phil stops half way into his bite of cotton candy and makes a fake gaging noise.
"You're actually impossible."
"I pride myself on it."
"Do you think pouring the drink on Chris' head is a waste of your bubble tea Peej?" Phil asks. "Because if you ask me, it's actually a worthy cause."
Dan laughs at the slightly ghostly look that crosses Chris' face as PJ looks between his drink and his boyfriend. He contemplates it for a moment, tipping the mixture to the side and shaking it so the tapioca swirls. Chris takes a big step to the left, away from PJ and towards the other side of Phil.
"If you take me down, I'm taking Phil with me."
"Worth it," Dan comments and Phil laughs.
Chris shakes his head. "How about I shout you your next bubble tea when we are out?"
PJ grins. "Next three?"
Chris lets out a groan, smile on his face because he knows he's won. "Your addiction is a problem."
"Says a caffine-holic."
"Speaking of which," Chris comments. Dan follows his direction, looking back only for a moment to watch as Chris takes PJ by the hand and tugs him along, towards the coffee shop that promise the best mocha in town.
"You should have seen them before they started dating." Phil says. Dan looks at him and watches as Phil pops some more floss into his mouth. He offers some towards Dan, pointing the stick at him. Dan takes it, accidently pulling a bit too much off a smiling apologetically.
"Yeah?" Dan asks.
Phil nods. "It was like pent up frustration. They liked each other, I don't think I've seen Chris' give such relentless flirting. But PJ was unsure of what his parents would do if he made it official. Their religious, so he was worried. It's worked out though. I'm happy for them."
Dan watches as Chris doesn't let PJ's fingers go, intertwined as they wait in the short que and mumble something to each other. It sort of hits a nerve. If it shows Phil doesn't say anything.
"They're kind of weirdly perfect for each other huh?" Dan comments and Phil actually laughs.
"They are literally the closest thing you will ever get to a real life ying and yang."
He watches as Chris offers PJ some of his drink whilst looking at him fondly.
"Should we ruin the moment?" Dan asks, dimples showing as he grins.
Phil gives him a matching look.
"Definitely."
"I've invited Peej and Phil round tonight." Chris announces as he slumps down into a kitchen chair. "Friday night tradition, that you have the honour of now joining."
"I'm flattered," Dan replies sarcastically. "Being invited to an event held within my own house. How kind of you."
Chris just grins at him. "You're welcome. Besides, we have officially adopted you. You wouldn't have had a choice to come regardless of whether you were living here or not."
"I don't think you can legally adopt someone over the age of 18."
The phone vibrates next to Chris and his fingers skim the screen, texting a reply. "No one does anything legally by choice these days anyway."
Dan shrugs, drinking out of the soft drink can before he asks, "Pizza for dinner then?"
Chris grins at him, laughing for some unbeknown reason. "That suggestion, that one right there. That's why we are friends."
Dan rolls his eyes, but he's smiling on the inside.
The night progresses; a mix between guitar hero and shitty horror movies. Chris announces that they should do this next time. But with tequila. Dan has a feeling it's because he wants to get everyone more drunk then him so he can actually win a round.
It does happen, though. Next time they watch a bad movie they take shots every time someone says something corny or dies in an obvious way. The plan probably backfires, because Chris is not much of a heavy weight. In-fact none of them really are, but Dan at least has some common sense to down water every now and then.
"Do ya think we should like, yunno, play truth or date?"
Phil looks at him confused. "You mean dare?"
"Okay. I dare myself to make out with my boyfriend."
Before anyone has time to comprehend what happens, Chris pounces at PJ, knocking him with such force that they both topple over. PJ makes a small noise of protest, before obviously losing the battle against his boyfriend.
Dan makes a fake gaging noise, averting his eyes to the other side of the room. Phil hands him another shot of tequila, and he takes it gladly. By the time they break for air, Dan's downed another three. Which he will probably regret in the morning, but for now he doesn't. Not when Phil's hand grazes his own as he hands him another one. Or how alcohol somehow manages to make the sapphire in Phil's eyes stand out that much more.
His mum calls on a relative regular bases just to check up. So does his brother, but they are more in the form of texts and him complaining about school work. Not that Dan minds, it's kind of nice to hear from them. But they all ask the same question. 'How's school going?' He swears if he hears that one more time he will actually flip his desk.
Because at the most, school is fine. It's tolerable. Fills in some spaces in the day. And yeah, he may have procrastinated on his first assignment so much that he stayed up until all night to just make sure it got submitted by its 9am due date.
But that's university life. Practically all students live that way. Breezing through class and barely submitting his work on time is pretty much standard.
Or at least that's what he's telling himself.
From Phil Lester:
01000100 I 01000001 I 01001110
Dan stares down questionably at his phone. It's not like receiving random texts from Phil is uncommon. Ever since they gave each other their numbers they have a tendency to text each other when their bored. Sometimes they aren't even words, just a string of emoji's. But this one is particularly odd.
Is that supposed to be something I know?
Phil responds only a few seconds later.
From Phil Lester:
It's your name in binary! Now you know what goes through the computer system every time you write the word 'Dan'.
Dan raises his eyebrows, opens up his computer and does a quick search.
You do know that's technically DAN right? Dan is completely different.
From Phil Lester:
Whoops, probably should have checked that before I sent it.
From Phil Lester:
01000100 I 01100001 I 01101110
From Phil Lester:
You're welcome
Shaking his head, Dan flops back onto his bed, smiling at his phone a little dopily. And okay, yeah. Maybe receiving text messages from Phil is one of the best parts of his day. And he can't deny the fluttering feeling in his stomach when he sees Phil smile, or when he hears him laugh as much as he wants to. He shouldn't be feeling anything for anyone in their friendship group above, well, friendship. Because that's what they are. Friends.
Except for some reason, it's a little different around Phil.
Everything's a little rawer, a little more terrifying and a little more real.
But so much better.
Chris and PJ go on a lot of dates. It's kind of cute, the way the two of them make time to go out and do something together, even though they are practically around each other 24/7. PJ wasn't actually kidding about that the first time they met.
Sometimes they'll go out for tea or mini golf or shopping.
"You're domesticated," he teases Chris. "It's kind of sickening."
Of course Chris just flips him off and continues going about his day without a care in the world.
Sometimes they will stay at Chris' and have movie dates in the lounge. Dan generally locks himself in his room, because it is a date after all and he's presence being there would kind of destroy that. Even if PJ insists it's alright.
So when Phil asks if he wants to come round, he more than jumps on the opportunity.
Dan follows his GPS, walking from his house to Phil. Despite the fact that they have been friends for a while, he hasn't actually gone round to Phil's yet. They usually hang out at his and Chris' apartment, seeing as how it is easily the biggest space between the lot of them. PJ practically lives in a shoe box and while Phil managed to somehow score his own apartment so he wasn't on campus, he isn't exactly living it up in space either.
Phil buzzes him in almost immediately as he rings, meeting him half way down the stairway, which is a decent effort, because if Dan was Phil, he would definitely not make the effort to greet someone if it meant he had to go back up the massive flock of continuous stairs.
However, Phil's a bit kinder then him, and he's going to ignore the voice in his head that yeah, you'd do the exact same thing.
Phil's apartment is distinct. It's tiny, the bedroom right next to the worlds tiniest lounge and small kitchen. There is a small door to the right that Dan assumes is the bathroom and he is willing to bet that it is just as small as everything else in the apartment.
"It's cute," Dan says and Phil practically beams at him. Because that apartment really is. Because it just screams Phil. It's small but cosy, a little bit messy and Dan is willing to bet a high amount of money that if he looked in a closet, he'd find an array of clothes and bits and pieces stashed in there at a last ditch cleaning effort.
The bedspread is chequered, just like Phil's favourite shirt. There are lions everywhere and posters that are attempting to cover a crack in the wall. And yeah, somehow, it is really freaking adorable.
"Want anything to drink?" Phil offers.
"You're a better host then I am," Dan jokes. "I'll just take a soft drink if you have any."
Phil laughs, walking over to the mini size refrigerator in the corner of the room. "Yeah well, I'm used to just helping myself to Chris' fridge if I want anything to eat or drink. And by default that includes you."
Dan gives him an evil eye. "So it is you that keeps taking my lemonade! I knew it!"
Smiling at him guiltily, Phil passes the drink over. "Uh yeah, Chris said help myself so… take this as a peace offering?"
"Do you have a packet of those sweet potato chips you were raving about the other week?"
Nodding, Phil turns around.
"Grab those and we will call it even." Dan teases, fixing the hairs of his fringe while Phil has his back to him.
"Deal. They will go well with our Walking Dead Marathon."
Taking that as an invitation, Dan situates himself on one side of Phil's couch. He opens the can, listening to it bubble for a second before taking a giant gulp.
"Now who's helping themselves?" Phil teases, tossing the chips into the middle of the couch before moving to set up Netflix.
Dan doesn't hesitate opening the packet and shoving on into his mouth. "Mmm, it's part of the deal."
"Yeah-huh," Phil replies, shaking his head in mock annoyance and plonking himself on the couch. Dan looks at him out of the corner of his eyes as the movie starts, and he could swear the moment he looks away, Phil does the same.
He's not going to question it.
By the time Dan opens his eyes it's late. He isn't exactly sure what time it is, but he isn't sure exactly what is going on in the episode. There is a small tug on his shoulder, pushing him lightly.
"Dan," Phil practically whispers. "It's like 2am. I think we should get some sleep. Or at least I should. Seeing as you've already done that."
Murmuring a sleepy "sorry", Dan rubs at his eyes.
Phil just laughs a little bit. "Come on, you can stay here the night. It's too late for you to go home at this time."
Nodding, Dan pushes himself off the couch rather sloppily. He's really tired and he's brain is moving way too slowly to fully contemplate what's going on. Phil gets up and looks at Dan over his should before indicating towards the small hallway. Dan follows without question, one slow small step at a time. He shuffles down the corridor, into the bedroom only a few steps away from the lounge.
"Where am I gonna sleep?"
The wheels in his brain are turning a bit faster. Because wait a minute, Phil doesn't have a spare bed.
"In my bed?" Phil says simply, somewhat questionably. Dan just blinks at him, the wheels finally clicking into place.
He lets out a small oh, because the thought never really crossed his mind. The cogs turn once again, and he's asking another question. "But I didn't bring any clothes?"
Phil actually laughs this time, because Dan's sounding a bit like a lost child, unsure of what to do. "You can borrow a clean pair of mine if you want."
"Sure," Dan says, even though he usually sleeps in his underwear. He isn't exactly sure how Phil would feel about that and he doesn't really want to push it. He's tired and Phil's bed looks so inviting. He could probably fall asleep in his jeans right now.
Phil passes him a pair out of the draw and moving out the corridor and towards the bathroom to put on his own. Dan quickly changes, neglecting to put on a shirt because while he is willing to sacrifice putting pants on, he doesn't also want to wear a top. Old habits die hard, especially when you're a half sleepy mess.
Dan hears the toiler flush and Phil comes back into the room a few moments later. Walking right past Dan and into the bed, pulling the covers up and getting himself comfortable. Dan does the same on the opposite side, sliding into bed without hesitation.
It's comfortable, a bit cold due to lack of body heat but that's to be expected. He's slightly more awake then a moment ago, and he turns away, looking towards Phil who is shifting to make himself comfortable.
His heart picks up speed, because wait a moment. He's sharing a bed with Philip Lester. The one who makes him smile and laugh and his heart flutter that bit faster whenever he is around. He swallows, because maybe this isn't a good idea.
"Night Dan," Phil murmurs, closing his eyes as he does so.
Dan replies, it coming out somewhat chocked. "Night."
The tiredness sets in and Dan takes a few more moments to look at Phil, whose breath is quickly evening out.
The world slips into black and the last thought on Dan's mind is how gorgeous the man next to him looks and how insanely fucked up he is for thinking that. Best friends don't fall for best friends.
And when he wakes up before Phil, their legs tangled together and bodies almost touching, Dan can't help but think that maybe, just maybe he can be selfish and savour the moment.
Dan knows that he should not blow of studying to hang out with Phil or the guys. He knows it. Yet he still can't help himself. His books or shoved in a pile on the desk, mostly untouched. In-fact he is pretty sure there is a lick layer of dust settling on the top of them.
He should definitely not leave them to go out for dinner.
He should stay and read them and study for the test that's happening on Monday.
He knows, and yet. It's not enough to stop him from leaving.
"So, when are you going to ask Phil out?" Chris asks as he plunks himself down on the seat opposite Dan. Dan practically chokes on his drink, spluttering unattractively.
"I- when am I…what?"
Chris just looks at him and repeats his former words. "Going to ask Phil out?"
Dan blinks at him for a moment, placing his drink down slowly. "I'm, uh, I'm not?"
Chris looks at him like he is some kind of idiot.
"You spend like every waking moment in his presence and on the off chance that you are not, you're either texting him or waiting for him to send you a message. It's almost nauseating."
Dan fake laughs, his sarcastic "Ha-ha" falling deaf on his roommate's ears.
"Still going to stick with no?"
Raising an eyebrow Dan nods. He doesn't want to complicate things and dating Phil would definitely be a big complication to what he already has going on. Sure PJ and Chris are sort of made for each other. But Dan with Phil? If something went wrong he would be fucking up more than just a relationship. He'd be losing his best friend too. Then he'd probably also end up losing Chris and Phil in the process.
Even if deep down, he really fucking wants to.
Chris looks at him for a moment and it almost looks a little sad. He shrugs, going putting the salt down and standing up, his chair scraping across the floor in the process. For a moment Dan thinks he is going to say something, but Chris just purses his lips and exits the room as quickly as he entered it. He murmurs something as he leaves, and Dan really, really wants to ask. But instead he shoves it aside, locking it tightly in the box he's labelled 'too difficult to deal with'.
Maybe he should have asked the wizard for some courage.
Every time PJ and Chris have their date night, Dan ends up the Phil's. It's quickly becoming a tradition and he jokingly chucks a finger at PJ when he suggests they all just go on a double date and get it over with. There is a small part of Dan's mind that think maybe, just maybe, PJ and Chris are trying to hint at him. But then there is an even bigger part of him that says he is completely, 100% dreaming.
He assures PJ that he doesn't want to witness more making out or overhear any more sex noises then he already does. Both PJ and Chris turn a small shade of pink and Dan inwardly smiles at himself and Chris turns it into some perverse joke about Dan secretly wanting to join in.
The gagging noise Dan make after Chris speaking is entirely real. And so is the pillow the PJ slaps into Chris' face.
It's a small victory. But he'll take it.
There is a new expansion in guild wars. Chris teases him, saying that he's turned into a hermit. He sort of has. He's been in his room non-stop on his computer for almost a solid week, even missing his classes. Which he claims doesn't matter because they can't really get tested on anything this close to exams. Which is a lie, but one he is willing to make himself believe. He has basically only come out to spend time with Phil or PJ and Chris. Spending most of his waking time play, and almost most of his sleeping time of he is honest.
"Coming out for air anytime soon mate?" Chris asks one day, popping his head inside the room. Dan glances at him for a moment before looking back at the game and determining a spot where he isn't going to die from getting ganked by monsters. "PJ and I were going to have date night but I think maybe the four of us could get together and do something instead."
"Sure," Dan agrees. It's probably a good idea for his health to leave the room after such a solid amount of time.
"Great. Nondos it is. And for the love of god. Shower before you come out."
Dan doesn't even look back from the screen. He just grabs the closest object on the right, which somewhat ironically happens to be the guild wars 2 box and throws it at the doorway.
Chris' slight screech is more than satisfying.
There is one week where Phil stays over practically every day. They still go to classes like usual, but they always end up coming back to Dan's without even planning it. They cook dinner together, and Dan's found out that between the two of them, he is the best cook.
It's worrying, because he notorious for somehow managing to burn rice, where both Phil is notorious for burning everything.
"Is chicken cooked if it's still a bit pink? Like, just a little bit?" Phil asks one day and Dan almost drops to the floor in fit.
"Chicken isn't lamb or beef, Phil." Dan corrects. "If it's pink then you're probably going to get salmonella."
Phil looks at him smugly and a little guiltily before chucking the chicken he had been cooking back into the pan.
Dan groans. "How have you not killed yourself yet?"
Phil waves his hands around in front of him, like it is some kind of defence. "I stopped doing food technology in like, year 8. How am I supposed to know that?"
Dan doesn't say anything, he gets lets out a loud breath and continues to look at the males across from him in disbelief.
"How about if there is white stuff on the bok-choy? Because I'm pretty sure there was a lot of it."
Eyes visibly widening, Dan almost shrieks. "You are kidding. You did not just cook with food that had mould on it. Oh my god are you trying to kill us."
Phil purses his lips tightly. "Uh, maybe?"
Dan just blinks at him, unsure of what he should be doing right now. He half wants to drop to the floor, half wants to splutter incoherently. He goes for the latter option.
"I just, Phil- I actually can't. Did you not learn proper food handling and like, safety. How are you not dead yet? How am I not dead yet?"
Lips trembling, Phil barely contains his laughter, it all bursting out in a small hit of hysterics. It's loud, slightly different to his usually giggle. There are tears coming out of the corners of his eyes and pink is forming on his cheeks.
"What?" Dan asks, unsure of what exactly is so funny about food poisoning. Because based on his previous experiences, it is anything but humorous.
Phil chokes out his words through his laughter. "You. I just, I'm joking. But your face."
Dan lets out a soft 'oh'. Before he knows it, there is a smile on his face and he isn't sure if he is laughing from the humour of the situation, relief or just because Phil's laughter is always contagious.
"You idiot," Dan murmurs after they have managed to catch their breath. "To be fair, it sort of sounds like something you are capable of.
Phil's smile changes from funny to sly. "Okay so, there was one time. But only one!"
Laughing again, Dan gives him an unsure glance. "Sure it was."
Phil gets a little flustered as he splutters out a response. Dan's not going to deny, it's a little bit adorable.
PJ shouts him lunch one day. Which is awfully nice, considering that Dan has ordered more than just a drink at their favourite café. The class was almost antagonising, each legal class seeming to last longer than the last. Minutes drawing out like they are lasting an eternity. For some reason this as made Dan extremely hungry.
"Worked up and appetite?" PJ asks as he digs into his own soup.
Dan snorts. "Something like that. Possibly the complete opposite of that, really."
"End of semester is the worst. Seriously, assignments rack up and then there are exams. It's like they purposely try to screw you over sometimes I swear. The first year is always the hardest though. Even the first semester. Once you get past it, it's a lot easier the second time round."
The end of PJ's sentence makes him want to hit his head against a brick wall. Second time round? He doesn't even want there to be a first time round.
"Want to do my work for me? I'll pay you in friendship and cookies." Dan offers.
Grinning, PJ makes another suggestion. "No thanks, I've got enough on my plate. Have you tried to study for a final with Chris around? It's actually the worst thing ever."
"Better you then me."
Dan doesn't have another response because he hasn't exactly done any study. Unless you count blankly looking at the page for five minutes before giving up 'study'.
"Precisely." PJ agrees and Dan looks at him like he is some kind of alien. "I was actually wondering if I could talk to you about something."
Looking at him curiously, Dan waits for him to talk.
"I mean, this doesn't have to be a big deal or anything. But my contract is up for the dorms at the end of this month and I was sort of wondering if you would be okay with me moving in with you and Chris?" PJ speaks casually, but even Dan can hear the small sense of questioning and nervousness in his voice. "I mean you don't have to say anything right away, cus like it's your house too. Which is why I wanted to ask. But Chris and I have sort of been discussing it recently and I was just wondering if you would be open to it?"
"PJ that place is a shoebox. And you're my friend. As if I'm going to say no." Dan replies without a second thought. He hasn't felt like he has belonged with a group of friends more than he has now, PJ included.
"Good, because if you had of said no I would have made you pay for your meal." PJ jokes.
Dan grins. "Please. I'll accept your bribery to its full extent. I'm ordering wedges after this."
From Phil Lester:
Bioshock-thon? Play through from original to infinite over the weekend? :)))))
Dan pretends to consider it. But of course is isn't going to say no.
Sure
He hears the doorbell ring a moment later, of course Phil was waiting outside.
"I might as well give you a key." Dan proclaims as he answers the door. Phil gives him a wide smile. He's wearing his tight skinny jeans and his hair is bit messy, just the way Dan secretly likes it. Dan sort of wants to kiss him. A lot. "Why did you even bother asking?"
Shrugging Phil lets himself inside. "I was trying to be polite?"
"Try stalker-esk."
They start playing in the afternoon, Phil's inability to play a mix of adorable and frustrating due to Dan's competitive Nature. But soon Bioshock turns into Fallout, which turns into Dishonoured and Dan starts to question if it's Phil who should have asked to move in, not PJ.
Dan brings his papers to Phil's. It's a last ditch effort to actually study. Two days before his biggest exam. He packs some clothes, a tooth brush and his text books. By the time he gets to Phil's, there is a space set up for him in the lounge and coffee on the table.
And fuck, Dan is in so goddamn deep.
"I don't think this is what I'm supposed to be doing, Phil," Dan announces, and it feels like a mix between instant stress and relief all at once.
"Doing what?" Phil asks, and he shifts a little bit closer on the couch. His hand overing slightly, as though he isn't exactly sure how to comfort but clearly wants too.
"This, this whole thing!" Dan proclaims, his voice high pitched and raised, eyes wide as he splutters. "This test, this entire subject on law. The whole damn degree. It's not me, it's not what I want. I came here to make it seem like I was doing something with my life. But I'm not doing anything. I'm sitting here, watching great British bake off re-runs instead of studying for my exams. Re-runs. I've already seen the fucking final. I know that happens. Yet here I am, sitting here, like it's so fucking important."
Dan's chest rises and falls, his breath heavy. Phil swallows, looking more than just a little bit taken back. There is a small silence, as though they are both trying to process the information.
"Maybe…" Phil starts, and he pauses.
Dan prompts him, his breath this slightly laboured. "Maybe what?"
"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad Idea to just stop." Phil admits. Dan blinks at him, the words falling over him like a title wave. Because it's not that simple. Because if he isn't here studying he has no purpose. He has no job, nothing to go for him. And most importantly, he doesn't have Phil.
His voice is a lot quieter in response. "It's not that simple."
Phil prods, his hand leaving the couch and ever so subtlety resting on Dan's forearm. The act of comfort is less that and more confusing. Dan's mind is torn into shreds, a million things swirling and emotions high.
"Why isn't it?"
Dan shakes his head, subconsciously leaning towards Phil a little bit more. "Because it's just not."
It sounds sort of like final words. Dan wants the conversation to end there. But he can see the worry and confusion in his friend's eyes, practically radiating though him. "If you're not happy, then don't do what's stopping it. Do what you want. Do what you need."
"I can't."
Phil doesn't take that for an answer, and part of Dan wishes he would. That he'd just leave this alone and stop picking at things that shouldn't be poked.
"Why?"
And just like that, something snaps. More than it did before. The little string that they were walking on breaks and Dan lets loose.
"Because I'd be losing my only source of happiness too. I'd be losing Chris and PJ and most importantly, I'd be losing you. And god, Phil. I can't do that. I can't do that when I love you like I do."
Neither of them have time to process, emotions on over-drive, Dan leans forward. The gap between them closing as he places his lips against Phil's own.
Phil freeze momentarily before he processes what is going on and suddenly his arms are wrapped against Dan's neck, pulling him closer and their lips continue to interlock. It's only a moment before Dan's tongue is moving against Phil's own, memorising the inside of his mouth. He pushes forward, hand sliding up Phil top and touching creamy skin.
His mind screams at him, body on fire as he pushes forward until Phil is lying underneath him.
Phil's hands push up against Dan's top, roaming over his back and the beginning of his hip bones. It doesn't take long before Dan slides his T-shirt off. Phil lifting it over Dan's head as they break the kiss for a moment. Dan sinks his head, latching onto the flesh of Phil's neck.
Phil groans, hip buckling in response to the sensation. Dan can't help himself, all he can feel and think is Phil. It overloads his senses, forcing everything away from his mind except the fact that he is lying beneath him, hips buckling and cheeks flushed. Dan continues, sucking and nipping towards Phil's collarbone.
Suddenly his mouth is pulled up and Phil's lips are attached to his again, slight panting against his lips before the re-interlock. It hungry and for a split second Dan wonders if Phil has felt the same way Dan has for just as long. Dan roles his hips down, the sensation overwhelming him, moaning into Phil's mouth.
A hand moves, locking in Phil's hair, hips rolling against Phil's as the older boy meets him mid thrust. Their hips role together, trusting into one another with increased speed. Dan aches to touch Phil, but he is close, almost too close. Their lips become sloppy, gasping for air between kisses and Phil lets loose a strangled "Dan."
All Dan can think is Phil, Phil Phil as he rolls his hips faster. His body trembles, orgasm spreading through him like fire. Phil swears, low and loud, moving against Dan still, his own orgasm hitting him only a moment later.
Dan can hear a mixture of their combined heavy breathing. Phil's breath presses against his neck, hand still stroking the hollow of Dan's back.
They don't say anything, skin against skin the only real contact and when Dan finally gains the courage to look into Phil's gorgeous blue eyes, he sees something that looks a lot like sorrow.
Dan leaves with a promise of talking later, ignoring Phil's worried questions. He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about how he just fucked everything up with the person he loves. How the silence seemed to linger forever. How Phil's eyes were so riddled with emotion and he was sure that his own were so much worse.
Chris and PJ don't say anything, not right away. It's a little bit surprising, because they can see the wrecked look he has on his face as he walks into the house. He hears someone knock on his door a bit later and he stays still, willing them to go away.
They linger in the doorway for a moment, clearly hesitant. But eventually they go away.
Dan doesn't bother going to his exam. There isn't exactly a point. He's going to flunk it anyway.
His phone vibrate beside him. It's the fifth time in the past hour that it has rung. It's Phil. He ignores it, just like he has the past few days. He knows deep down that he should talk it out. That he shouldn't just announce his love and practically fuck him and then just nick off. But he can't help but recall that look. The one on Phil's face that looks like pity and regret and so many other things that Dan can't put a name too.
He swallows; tears threatening to fall out of his eyes.
His life is fucked and yet all he cares about is that fact that he still wants Phil.
"Alright," Chris announces. He is on the couch, legs crossed as he stares at Dan. There is a stern look on his face, one that Dan hasn't quite seen before. It's intimidating. "Sit down, will you?"
Dan shakes his head, taking another step towards his room. "Nah, it's alright-"
"Dan."
Swallowing, Dan halts his movements at the seriousness in Chris' voice. Yeah, he definitely hasn't experienced this before. He sighs, dread filling him up as he takes a few steps towards the couch and sits down, right on the edge.
"What happened with Phil?"
His defences are sky high and as soon as he hears Phil's name fall from Chris' lips it all but crumbles.
"I just, I fucked up okay? Again. I freaked out about class and flunking and not knowing what to do with my life and the fucking pressure my parents put on me and I just, I broke. And I kissed Phil because I love him. God, so, so much. I've never felt this way about anymore before and it's terrifying. Everything is terrifying. I came here not knowing who I was and doubting myself and now, when something finally starts to fall into place it gets ripped away from me."
His breath is laboured, words rushing out of him like there isn't enough air.
"I came here to please my parents because I was such a fucking disappointment. I told my girlfriend I was bisexual and she broke up with me. Hell, I wasn't even 100% sure, I was questioning at that stage. Then I told my mum and she doesn't understand it, because it's just a phase. But it's not. It's not just a phase. And this was over a year ago. They don't get it, so I come here and try to sort my life out and get my shit together, but the only thing I manage to get together will just be taken from me because the other part of my life is falling to fucking pieces."
His practically sobbing at this point, tears over flowing. He sniffles and doesn't even have time to react before Chris is pulling him into a hug. It's the most solid thing he's felt in days. So he clings into it, arms wrapping around Chris as everything pours out.
They don't say anything for the longest time. Dan's chest heaves, sobs finally starting to die down.
"Fuck your family. They don't matter." Chris announces and for some reason, Dan actually laughs. Those words are like magic to his ears. "If they don't support you then they can keep their unwanted bullshit opinions to themselves."
There is another pause and Dan feels himself soak it all in.
"But don't, for one goddam second Howell, think that you can block us out. Because that won't work. And if you try it again, I'm going to personally kick your ass into gear, a lot harder than this time. Alright?"
Dan hopes that's a promise.
Dan doesn't even need to think. It takes him half a day before the transfer is filled out and processed. Bachelor of the Arts with a major in humanities sounds like the one of the best decisions of his entire life.
He's soaked though by the time he finally reaches Phil's apartment, the rain is torrential, bucketing down and soaking him practically to the bone. He hops on the spot as he desperately knocks on Phil's door, barely waiting a few seconds before tapping his knuckles against the wood. The door opens mid-way through, his hand knocking into the air directly in front of Phil's face.
"Dan?" Phil voice is surprised and a bit confused. He looks at him, dripping on the staircase in front of him.
"Can I come in?"
Phil takes a second before he moves to the side, silently welcoming Dan into his apartment. Dan takes to strides in, walking just past Phil before turning around and facing him.
"Do you want a towl? I can grab you one if want to wait here or I-"
"Wait no, it's fine, just. Just let me talk. Please." Dan states. His determined and Phil gives him another moderately surprised look before gesturing for him to continue, lips pursed together.
"I'm sorry for freaking out. I was just, a total fucking mess. Everything was overwhelming and I didn't know what to do. So I panicked. And I kissed you. Then I panicked a bit more and fucked things seven more ways to Sunday."
He takes a deep breath, anchoring himself.
"But I really did mean it Phil. I love you, like a lot. And I know I should have told you sooner and in a much better way. Instead it came out when I was stressed and worried. But I was worried about you. I was worried that if I admitted everything to myself, if I admitted them to you, you wouldn't feel the same way, and then the only real thing that was keeping me together, wouldn't be there to do that anymore."
Dan watches as Phil's eyes soften, he bites his lip as he listens to Dan's words. He lets out a deep breath, similar to Dan's earlier one.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Phil admits, but he says it so fondly that Dan's heart almost stops beating. "I love you too. Like a lot. And I was upset at myself, for taking so fucking long to realise it. It took you to have a break down before being able to say anything. I should have noticed and I should have said something. But I didn't and I'm so sorry."
This time, Dan actually does think his heart skips a beat. "So, does that mean I can kiss you again? Because I've had a really shit couple of days and I've honestly been wanted to kiss you since the first time we met."
Phil doesn't say anything, he just takes a step forward, leaning slightly up and pressing his lips against Dan's own.
For now, that is more than enough.
Notes: Finally this is done. This was supposed to be my Big Bang fic however life got in the way and I missed my cut off for summery submissions. So here, have a one-shot I sort of worked my butt off on, that I shall forever claim as the big bang that never was.
Also a special thanks to Fxylester who acted as an unofficial better and helped me out with concepts and ideas!