A/N: Hello Lovely Readers! This is a cross over AU from one of my favorite Rom Coms. I thought that Emma and Killian fit nicely into this universe and I hope you like my little take on this story.
As always I appreciate your comments and reviews! You are all lovely!
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Chapter 1: The Ugly Truth
Emma Swan, the producer for the local morning show, Wake Up Storybrooke, always made sure her clothes were neat and tidy. She kept her long blond hair in a tight braided bun; all strands were slicked in place at all times. She was the picture of professional perfection at all times. She prided herself in doing an outstanding job and it consumed most of her time leaving little spare time for a personal life. She didn't mind most of the time because she felt like she was accomplishing something and she was proud of the end result. There were times that she did feel lonely. Her heart would remind her every so often when someone she knew got engaged or had a baby. Her friendships were mostly office mates and she didn't have family aside from her frisky cat Baelfire.
She dated but it was difficult for her to find a man who could live up to her standards. She didn't want to settle for anything less than perfection so she kept a check list of qualities and character traits that she most admired in a partner. She didn't think that it was too much to ask for someone who prided themselves the way she did. She would meet men who met some of the criteria but very few that met many or all of the items. That left her kissing a lot of frogs at the end of the night and overly frustrated. She still tried though because she was a hopeless romantic. She really believed he was out there for her and she wouldn't stop looking until she found the one. She knew it was just a matter of time before fate intervened and she found him. Either that or her assistant Ruby would track him down for her.
Her production assistant Ruby was her accomplice in finding suitable men to date. Ruby knew how hard she worked and often setup dates for her since she knew that she'd neglect doing it for herself. Ruby always kept the check list in mind too when searching for suitable candidates on the dating website . Ruby also managed to dig up extra background on the dates for Emma so that she could be fully prepared when she met them. It might have been a little over the top but she liked to be in control of the situation and she also believed she could never be too prepared. After some of the frogs she dated she couldn't be too careful. Storybrooke wasn't exactly the hotspot for the Prince Charming type.
Things hadn't been going well lately. They were experiencing low ratings and the weatherman quit. She was called into her boss and station manager, Robin's office as soon as she got there. She was told that they needed to find a way to attract viewers because they were losing market share to other local affiliates and if they didn't step it up soon they could be cancelled. Apparently there was a guy on public access channel 83 that was pulling higher ratings than they were. This would be a tough situation but she felt like she could handle it. She could rally the troops and pull in some new ratings.
When she left his office she felt down but she empowered herself with a little speech in her mind to work harder and come up with new ideas. The pep talk was soon derailed when she walked into her office to find three segment producers yelling at her with problems. The news anchor's Mary Margaret and David were a married couple, having a bit of marital troubles lately. They were constantly bickering and talking about each other behind their backs whenever they had the chance.
Her Reality and Entertainment TV producer, Belle and her Sports segment producer, Grumpy were at odds too fighting for more air time for each of their segments.
She also had six little guys waiting to audition for the job of the new weather man. They were all referred by Grumpy. When she looked at all of the head shots she thought maybe Happy had the best smile and could likely pull it off.
The screeching and yelling was getting out of control. None of them were looking at her directly and they kept bickering back and forth. Finally, she pulled a whistle out of her draw and blew it causing them all to stop what they were doing and pay attention.
"Guys, I understand you have troubles but now is not the time. Would you please take it outside and we will schedule time to work it out later?"
They left grumbling and shoving each other. She pushed the intercom and called Ruby into her office. The woman was quick she'd give her that. If only she could dress just a bit more professionally some of the men might get more work done.
"Thank god you're here. We need to come up with some ideas quick. Robin is on a rampage."
"Just calm down. Have you had your cocoa yet today?"
"No, but I can get it later. We need to come up with some ideas for the show before we get cancelled." They spent the rest of the morning and afternoon brainstorming ideas to offer at the producers meeting the next day. Ruby was about to leave when she stopped quickly. "Emma, don't forget you have that date with Victor this afternoon. I printed this background information about him too."
She took the sheets of paper from her and looked at his photo. "Right, Right, Maybe I should skip it and stay here and keep working. I need to come up with good ideas."
"Emma, look at him. Look at his bone structure. That could be the bone structure of your future children. You can't cancel on him. You've already rescheduled twice and he has 9 out of 10 items on your check list."
She smiled at her friend warmly."You're right. Thank you Ruby. I really appreciate that you look out for me."
"Have a great time! I want details when you get in tomorrow. If you skip out on this guy again I'm going to take him." said the pretty brunette with the big eyes smiling back at her.
"Thanks for looking out for me Ruby!"said Emma rushing to the door.
She arrived at the restaurant where she and Victor decided to meet for a drink. She walked up to the hostess when she didn't see him immediately.
"Excuse me have you seen a man with blond hair, about 5'8 / 5'9, I know not very tall but he's read the Great Gatsby twice?"
"I can read it a third time if it helps." said the handsome man walking over from the near bar with a drink in hand.
"Hi I'm Emma. I'm sorry I'm late."
"Victor, I'm glad you could finally make it."
The waiter brought them to a cozy table off to the side from the regular bustling patrons.
"Would you like some water?"asked the waiter.
Victor looked up at the waiter and smiled."Yes, we'll take a bottle of flat water."
She cocked her head to the side and held onto the waiter's arm."Wait, did you know that there was a law passed now that restaurants have to filter their drinking water which makes it essentially the same as bottled water except you don't have to pay $7 dollars for it."
"Yes, but I like the taste better. "
She nodded letting out a breath and releasing the waiter's arm. Victor tugged on the waiter's apron.
"While you are at it get me a scotch on the rocks too please."
The waiter nodded.
She pulled the pages from her bag that Ruby printed for her. "Your profile said that you like red wine."
His eyes went wide. "You printed my profile?"
"Well no but my associate producer did. She likes me to be prepared. Well I like to be prepared. I'm always prepared. Kudos by the way on the comprehensive car insurance." She smiled and took a sip of her overpriced water.
A look of confusion crossed his face. "That's not in my profile."
"No but it's in your background check."
He looked at her with wide eyes and took a sip of his drink.
"So tell me about yourself."
He smirked at her question. "What's left that you don't already know?"
She looked at her pages. "That's true."
There was an uncomfortable pause and the waiter brought them some bread sticks.
She reached into her bag and pulled out some cards. "I was afraid this would happen so I took the liberty of printing out some talking points."
He took a sip of his drink and took the cards from her."So this has happened before I take it?"
"Well no but you have 9 out of 10 of the necessary attributes on my checklist."
"Oh dear god" he mumbled under his breath.
"Ooh let's start with number 3."she said enthusiastically.
He just shook his head looking around uncomfortably.
Several thoughts crossed her mind regarding the flop of a date that she'd just left deciding it didn't matter if he had all those checks marked off, he still wasn't right for her. She walked slowly along the stone path towards her home. She lived in a condominium, the front door led directly out into a courtyard. The path was under the cover of tall trees that made the place feel homey. That was one of the reasons she chose to live here. It was a peaceful retreat after a long day at the station.
She stopped by the mailbox and grabbed her mail. She unlocked the door and her cat Baelfire came running up to greet her. He was an orange tabby with white stripes. He was always trying to run through the door to get outside. She had to be quick about getting in and shutting the door or he would dart outside. He already had a run in with several of the other cats in her development and she wasn't interested in looking to find homes for any more kittens.
She held him up and scolded him. "No, Baelfire. You can't go out. Leave those other cats alone." He meowed loudly and she let him go.
She took of her coat and hung it neatly in the front closet before going back to her room and getting ready for bed. She walked in, picked up the TV remote and turned on the nightly news so she would have a little company. It was an exhausting day and nothing seemed to be going her way. She was pretty sure that was the worst date she had ever been on even if he did have a lot of the qualities she hoped for in a partner. He certainly seemed to drink a lot. Oh well, she needed to focus on her career now anyway.
She was getting ready for bed, listening to the nightly news in the background when she heard the channel change. Baelfire laid on the remote control changing the channel. Of course it would be the program that Robin was gushing about in his office earlier in the day.
The host was one of the most attractive men she'd ever laid eyes on. He had dark hair and piercing blue eyes and a slight scruff on his chin. He was wearing a black V-neck T-shirt that hugged his form and loose fitting jeans. She picked up the remote control and turned up the volume. He had a lilting accent and a voice that was smooth as silk. She was intrigued by him so far.
She noticed that he had a very strange set consisting of two mannequins dressed as pirate wenches, a large metal red grill and an old desk. Hanging behind that circus act was a sign with the show name, "The Ugly Truth" written in white with a black outline around it.
She sat on the edge of her bed and listened intently as he spoke.
"I'm Killian Jones and we're back with the Ugly Truth. I'll be taking callers on our topic tonight:
What men and women really want from a Relationship?"
He picked up some books from the desk and held them out in front of himself."So I've been doing some reading."
"Smart women foolish choices." He tossed it in to the grill.
"Men who love women who hate them." He tossed it into the grill.
"Women who love men who love women who hate loving them blah blah blah." He tossed it into the grill.
She was appalled. She got up picked her own copies of those books from her nightstand still watching him intently shaking her head.
He picked up a gas can and poured it on top of the books and tossed a match in to light them on fire.
"You see Billions of dollars are spent each year on this psychobabble. Listen up ladies because I'm only going to say this once. All you need to know is three words. :
Men are Simple.
Forget this, Men are from Venus crap, It's is a waste of your time and money. You want to be a lonely hag, then that's fine keep reading these books. You want a relationship here's how you do it – It's called a stair master. Get on it and get skinny. Get some trashy lingerie while you're at it. All we are interested in is looks. No one falls in love with your personality at first site. We fall in love with your tits and your arse. We stick around for what you are willing to do with them. You want to win a man over you don't need 10 steps you need one and It's called a blow job. And don't forget to." He said as he bent down and picked up a marshmallow on a stick and ate it swallowing it with a gulp.
She picked up her phone and dialed the number on the screen. She was appalled.
He sat behind his desk and clicked on the phone's flashing button. "First Caller, you're on the air."
"How dare you burn those books? They've really help me get through some tough times."
"What's your boyfriend's name princess?"
"I-I don't have a boyfriend."
"My point exactly Shrek! Next caller you're on the air!"
Emma was pissed now. How dare he discount those books that she too read for comfort and advice? She needed to be in control and those books gave her the steps to do it.
"Next caller you're on the air!"
She paced back and forth holding the phone tight in her grip."So you're saying Men are incapable of love?"
"I'm sorry did I burst your little harlequin romance bubble? What? come on?"he said mockingly.
"The only thing you burst is your credibility. Men are completely capable of experiencing love"
"Ok, I'll bite. Who's the guy? Who is this Mr. Wonderful?"
"He's smart. He is handsome but he doesn't know it. He is successful but in a job that means something. He loves red wine and picnics." she said wistfully.
She watched as he was making snoring noises and mocking her.
"Wait this guy can't be from America. You're not calling from Europe are you?"
"He loves dogs but he is really a cat person. He never gets up before you on a Sunday morning. "
"Wait a second I get it you're a lesbian?"
"What?"
"Well you must be. You just described the perfect woman."
"Why are you so threatened by these qualities? Is it perhaps because you don't possess a single one of these qualities and that is the real reason that women are not interested in you?"
"I'll give you a hundred bucks of my own money if you go get this guy and bring him down here so I can meet him."
"Well he's out there somewhere."
"Wait a second? You're not even dating this guy?"
"No, I'm describing a type. I thought that's what we were doing."
He laughed heartily. "You don't even know him? Whoa, whoa now I get the picture. Hold on? You're a dog. You must be."
She sat down on the edge of her bed feeling defeated. "What?"
"Well you must be or you would be out breaking some poor schmuck's heart instead of fantasizing about Mr. Wonderful. Face it, you're ugly." he said pounding on an alarm on his desk.
She felt affronted. "I am not ugly."
"Well ok let me help you out here. You might as well face the fact that you're going to be alone and stop pining away for some fantasy guy you're not going to get."
"How could you possibly know?"
"Lass, the show is called the Ugly Truth. If you can't face it don't call." He said hanging up their call.
Well that about wraps it up for the evening. I'm Killian Jones reminding you that the truth is never pretty.
She sat at the edge of her bed dumbfounded watching the program end. She was fuming now. Of course the perfect man was out there. He had to be.