One Simple Difference

CODE GEASS

By: Chi~

Disclaimer: Don't own CG…damn it.

A/N: Decided to write this because I haven't written anything dark at all on FF and I thought, "Why the hell not." Plus, the sudden inspiration to write this was driving me crazy. :sighs: Anyways, this is a mere two-shot with a pretty dark theme to it. The first installment will be in C.C.'s point of view and the second is in Lelouch's. This is also AU. It has two endings, and deals with the time space continuum.

That's about it. And so, OSD shall commence.

Warning: Depression, thoughts of suicide, coarse language, blood, masochism, angst, suicide and character death.

One Simple Difference

-The Original-

The blood pumping from her heart rushed throughout her body, raising her blood pressure, made her feel light headed, a nose bleed creeping up on her. One would force themselves to sit until they could calm down, but she just couldn't. There was nothing she could do other than stare and listen to the muffled voice of the person who was talking to her.

They weren't really talking to her. She didn't think so. She knew so. They were speaking in a hushed tone, a soft tone that she knew too well, and they had a gentle look on their face…but looks were deceiving. She saw right through it.

They weren't talking to her. No, they were taking her by the hair, ramming her face in the ground, beating her head in the soil, laughing at her blood splashing; laughing at her escaping dignity, feeling, soul, mind…her heart.

They weren't talking to her. They were killing her with their gentle words, laughing – always laughing out of their sick sadism.

"…Rachel showed me who you really are, Crystal," the person suddenly had a sex. It was a he. Blond hair. Hazel eyes. About a few inches taller than her. Masculine yet lean form.

She knew who this person was. She knew how she felt about him. She knew that she loved him.

"You're…too much of a selfish, sneaky person," he shook his head, looking at her disapprovingly, his gentle features hardening. "You never let me in. You never let me know you perfectly…I could never be able to trust you…"

She felt her arms loosen around the books she was carrying as well as her heart grow heavy. She was speechless.

"I could never fall in love with someone like you," he said softly, looking down at the floor between them, his brow furrowed, his lips in a deep frown. "You're too much of a coward for something like that…"

She didn't know how she could even keep her face so impassive, but she pulled it off. Her devastation was ruining her, tearing her heart apart, but stupidly…she still couldn't show it.

"Jesus, you can't even show me how you feel right now, about this," he looked up at her again, staring at her, this time, with disgust. "I hate people like you. You're never true to yourselves…you're people who can't be loved…who can't love back…"

She didn't understand how tears couldn't form in her eyes.

"You've wasted my time enough, you piece of shit," he muttered, straightening up to leave her there in the hall where many other students were passing by, not even paying attention to what was happening. "I'm glad this is over. You're absolutely nothing."

She couldn't make herself push out her hand and grab his arm to keep him from passing her, walking out of her life forever. She didn't understand why. Why couldn't she say anything? Why couldn't she show anything? Why couldn't she do anything?

His shoulder bumped into hers harshly, making her drop her books, hardbacks landing painfully on her feet. Her arms stayed up and hardly folded, as if she were still holding her books to her chest when she wasn't.

"Thanks a lot for wasting two years of my life, witch," he hissed in her ear just as she bowed her head, her bangs shading her eyes and making them invisible to passer-biers.

And he was on his way, out of her life. Forever. Taking her heart in his hands, pulling it out of her ever centimeter he moved from her. After all, he had stolen her heart.

If he was leaving her now, her heart was going to go with him.

And she would be an empty shell. Absolutely nothing. Just as he said. Just a piece of shit. That's what she was. A untrustworthy, stoic, unloving, piece of shit witch. Incapable of loving and being loved. Empty. Inhuman. Disgusting. Life sucking thief.

She was absolutely nothing. To anyone.

Especially to him.

Crystal didn't cry that night. Nor did she tell her mother, her only parent, what had happened. Perhaps it was out of shock. Perhaps it was just the mere depression that stopped her, but overall, she still didn't say a word. She didn't even say a word about it to her best friend, Kallen, who had come over for their usual movie night.

She was glad that she just stayed as impassive as she did. If she hadn't, she didn't know what the hell she would do. Laugh? Throw a tantrum? Scowl? Cry?

Crystal had thought of all that he had said, about the truth, about this girl Rachel, about how much she loved him, about how she was going to handle this situation. She had come to the conclusion that, of course, her easy to trick ex-boyfriend, was wrong. As well as this Rachel bitch who didn't know a single thing about her. But still, as stupid as she knew she was, she still started to consider all that he had said she was.

"I could never fall in love with someone like you…You're too much of a coward for something like that…"

Perhaps she was? She could easily remember the many times where he would touch her, simple on the small of her back or just to give her a quick hug, she would freeze, as if she didn't want him to touch her at all. As if she didn't want him to take her from herself and make them become official with togetherness. Perhaps she really couldn't handle the love he would always show in a simple touch of his hands.

And to think she loved him too. With all her heart. She couldn't even keep his. There was a reason why she didn't have his, and yet he had had hers.

"You never let me in. You never let me know you perfectly…I could never be able to trust you…"

Hence the reason why she couldn't have his. He didn't trust her. She hadn't let him into her heart. She hadn't let him have her heart.

She was just as he said. Selfish. A coward. Incapable to love. Incapable to love back.

The hiss in her ear, the sharp breath that almost felt like it cut her ear's flesh, whispered repeatedly in her head, "Thanks a lot for wasting two years of my life, witch."

She didn't know how the hell she could let such things get to herself. She had always been a tough person; a tough girl. But…perhaps love had screwed her over and made her realize that she was more human than what people, even her ex, thought she was.

And now she was empty. Beaten until everything that was hers was lost. She wasn't a witch. She wasn't in human. She was human. A pitiful one, indeed.

"You've wasted my time enough, you piece of shit…I'm glad this is over. You're absolutely nothing…Thanks a lot for wasting two years of my life, witch."

As days passed slowly, her emotions and body always numb, she had noticed a beautiful black haired girl hang around the boy she had loved with all her heart. She figured that was probably Rachel.

The girl who had seen right through her.

She was more beautiful then she had expected, really. She had expected her to be very pretty, like her, but the girl seemed more graceful, more…human. Hair that hung down to her waist, curling at the ends oh-so-perfectly. Magnificently bright blue. Petite, curvy body. Slender fingers. Perfect, heart-shaped face. Rosy lips.

Perfect. With a smile.

They always seemed happy together whenever she'd pass by. She remembered the seemingly countless times she'd walked by them as they were gazing deep into each others eyes, speaking in hushed tones, their bodies close together.

Today she noticed them joking around with each other, smiling and laughing, leaning against his car without a care in the world. Her eyes had drifted to her giggling form, watching as her innocent features brightened even more as she conversed with him. And then she looked at the boy she had loved, watched as he laughed along with her, truly…happy.

What happened after that was all a haze, and then she found herself heaving painfully against a toilet, confused and wondering how the hell a toilet could get outside. And then she realized she must have rushed to the bathroom inside the school unconsciously.

Heaving and purging her breakfast, she coughed loudly as she flushed, wondering if she was really falling apart. If she was really losing herself.

And then she started to wonder why the hell she was even throwing up. Surely she was puking because of just seeing the sight she saw, a happy couple. Could it have been something more? Could it have been the breakfast she had eaten? Had she eaten something bad and her body was just rejecting it now?

But then, other thoughts rolled through her mind. Thoughts that she wished she hadn't of thought in the first place, because her stomach was suddenly doing back-flips again. The said thoughts were of the times she had had sex with the boy she loved. The times when she had thrown her head back, moaned his name, cried his name, yelled his name. The times when he had touched her in such a way she couldn't resist but shudder out of rapture.

It wasn't only that that caused her to heave, no…it was the thought about that single time when he had stopped in the middle of their love making, where he announced that the condom had broken. And then it rolled on, deeper into the memory, until she remembered herself breathlessly saying, "It doesn't matter, keep going…"

Dry heaving, she felt tears finally start to cloud her vision.

It can't be, she thought with a mental whimper. It can't…

Breathlessly struggling to her feet, she made her way out of her open stall, leaned against the nearest sink and camouflaged her tears with a few splashes of water on her face.

Her mind continued to chant out of denial, even though deep down, she knew there was the ultimate possibility.

Feeling overwhelmed and suddenly afraid, she dug in her pocket shakily, took out her mobile and pressed a simple speed-dial digit that connect her to a very special person she really needed at that moment. Someone who just didn't rule up to her best friend Kallen at all.

"Lelouch," she almost cried loudly, but she calmed herself and merely let herself say the name in a breathless, sorrowful way. "I need you…"

They planned to meet at her local pharmacy, which was a simple five minute drive for her, a thirty minute drive for him. She had always lived in the city all her life, meeting Lelouch in middle school before he moved a year later, when they were in Junior High. They had kept in touch ever since, Lelouch visiting occasionally on a random weekend or holiday. It just…seemed to work that way. There was more to it, she was sure, because they both had a protective streak for each other. Perhaps their relationship was stronger then she though...but she didn't know.

When it came to emergencies, though, they would even skip a few days of school, even leave school while classes are in session, to work the situation out together. She remembered doing so during her junior year, when he called her just as she entered the bathroom. He had gotten into some trouble with his dad, and she left without even returning the bathroom pass to her English teacher.

Now he was paying her back, being the greatest friend she'd ever had, meeting her at the most important moment of her life.

He found her in the womanly aisle, staring at the many different pregnancy tests with her. He hand gently squeezed her shoulder, looking down at her through eyes that honestly shouted that he would support her. Always.

"C.C.," he whispered softly before pulling her into a warm embrace, as if he could feel her inner turmoil. As if he could feel that her world was crumbling and falling apart around her.

She bought four tests, both of them meeting again at her house ten minutes later. Her mother would be out until the evening, since she had work, so she wouldn't even notice the pregnancy tests in the trash by the time she'd get home. Luckily, her mother loved Lelouch, so she wouldn't care if he was there, even for a day or two.

She did each test quickly, making sure they weren't too far apart in time so the waiting wouldn't be so unbearable. And then she joined Lelouch outside her bathroom, sitting on the floor against the wall, patiently waiting for her.

She sat in his lap, buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his torso. He returned the embrace, even pressed a gentle kiss against her hair to prove his support. They sat the excruciating ten minutes together, in pure silence.

As if it was instinct, they both got up to check on all the tests a long second before the buzzer went off, signaling the results were ready.

Two pairs of eyes, gold and violet, peered down at the four pregnancy tests that were lined perfectly on the bathroom counter, staring at the straight row of red symbols. The red plus.

Positive. Straight through.

"Fuck," Lelouch didn't stop himself from muttering the curse out loud, his hand reaching his mouth to hold it in a nervous habit. She looked up to him, her eyes slowly becoming tearful even though she didn't know it. She wondered if he really did care that her life was officially ruined. That she was carrying the child of her ex-lover, who didn't love her anymore and thought she was truly, truly a witch.

"I'm at least in the first or second month," she said, barely a whisper. "I don't know how morning sickness works…"

"C.C.," he started before he quickly backed out of the way, watching her run to the toilet that was close by. He noticed the tears as she dry heaved in the bowl.

He stepped over, politely holding her hair out of her face and rubbing her back as all that came through his mouth was, "I'm sorry."

"Kale," Lelouch muttered as he continued to brush his fingers through her hair, her head on his chest. "He's a real idiot." He lightly pulled a few strands of her green locks of her hair, watching as it gracefully fell back down due to gravity. He shifted, getting them both comfortable, since he was merely sitting on the floor against the bathroom wall with her resting in his lap.

"Hn." His new girl saw right through me. All she did was open his eyes. For all I know, he's a smart person for listening to her, and an idiot for ever going out with me.

"And to fun off with some black haired Barbie?" She felt him shake his head. "I honestly don't know what the hell you saw in him."

"Hn." She's so…beautiful. I could never compare… She remembered how they laughed and joked together, happy, having the of the their lives. That didn't really happen with us…

"Oi, witch, you are going to get over him, right?" His fingers stopped running through her hair, and she suddenly felt his free hand grasp her chin, making her look up to him.

Her eyes stared back into his, puffy and swollen, and she averted her gaze when she muttered, "don't call me that."

"What?" He blinked at her, forced her to look back at him again.

Her eyes pleaded silently to him. "Don't call me witch."

His brows furrowed, confusion filling his depths. "Why not? You never minded."

"Just…don't," she whispered, burying her face in his chest again. Hearing it just makes it worse. It sounded disgusting when Kale called me it…just don't…please…

He did as he was told, wrapping his arms around her, almost protectively as they just lied together in silence. His shirt soon became damp.

It wasn't hard faking her usual façade as Lelouch stayed over for the next two days. It wasn't difficult at all. Sarcasm was usually their way of communication, besides occasionally having deep conversations about what they thought about certain things. Plus, they seemed to be competitive with each other on video games. That wasn't hard acting.

She knew she had to keep act like she could get over anything with Lelouch, because that's what Lelouch thought of her. Such a thing used to be true, that she could get over anything…but love tore that aspect apart. But Lelouch didn't know that.

Her world was falling apart, burning at her feet. He didn't need to know that. The last thing she wanted was to burden Lelouch, God forbid her mother. Besides, he helped her with everything as he stayed. He was there when she'd run to the bathroom to either dry heave or actually vomit. He was there whenever she just wanted to lie in bed, due to her slowly becoming sore breasts.

His support was what she needed…but the grip of the situation still seemed out of hand for her. She felt, deep down, in pure honesty, that she wouldn't be able to deal with this. The situation was too big.

But no matter what, no matter how many times she tried to coax herself into "making it all better", she held out until Lelouch and her mother were out of sight. The last thing she needed was for them to realize the extent of her fear, of her emotions on the situation.

The regret she felt, for lying to Lelouch, was a deeper cut then she thought. He had no idea. He had no idea at all what she was slowly deciding on doing when he was gone. When he was out of her sight, for her to deal with her problems alone. He had no idea of her fear.

The old her would of thought he was an idiot for not even thinking that she would be breaking down if she had loved someone, got dumped horribly, and then realized she was pregnant with their child. But, she just felt guilty for not even telling him the truth.

It broke her already ruined heart to more pieces at how blind he was, at how blind she kept him. But she kept him blinded until the very end. Whatever it takes…

When the end came, it was almost unbearable. The fear was stronger. Her arms were shaking, even. She thanked the weather that night, that it was cool, so she could easily pass the shaking a simple case of the chills.

They stared at each other, a small smirk on his face as she faked hers. She had to keep her façade up, she had to. If she didn't, he would see the truth…and she would have to live in more misery.

His hand softly grasped hers, holding in securely in his as stepped closer to her, their faces close. She felt her heart speed up, continued to stare up at him as if she didn't notice their closeness.

His head dipped, his breath suddenly warming her ear. "You know I'm your warlock," he paused, probably looking at her with his beautiful violet depths. "Right?"

"Yes," she almost choked out, but her voice was surprisingly steady. Lelouch, don't do it…please…it has to end…

"Good," he whispered before his arms wrapped around her, holding her in a warming embrace.

Please…don't…

"I'll always be there for you," he said softly in her hair, tearing her heart even more. "Our quiet promise, right?"

His arms tightened comfortably after she nodded sincerely, believing him…but still feeling the fear overcoming the belief quickly.

I really do…but it's too late…Lelouch…

She felt him kiss her cheek as he let go of her, giving her one last smile before bidding good bye and getting in his car. Her feet were glued to the floor.

A part of her screamed out for him, to make him stop what she was about to do next. But she wouldn't let it. Her fear wouldn't. Besides, she didn't want someone like him helping a person who truly had nothing else to live for.

Lelouch was better then that, that's what she believed. She would never doubt his promise to her. She never would.

I love you…Lelouch…

But it wasn't enough to save her. After all, she was incapable of loving. She knew that, for a fact.

One tear was shed as his car disappeared around the block, out of her sight.

The water was warm, just as she liked it. Everything was set.

Her mother was out of town on a business trip, she wouldn't be there any time soon. Lelouch was gone as well, finally. She was all alone.

Bad choice.

She gazed down in the bath water, staring down at herself impassively, as she always did. Peering down at who she was: a person without feeling. Incapable of loving. Incapable of being loved. Pregnant with her ex-lover's child. Broken. Alone. Nothing.

Her hands grazed against the skin where her womb was, knowing another life was growing day by day inside her. Kale's child. The only thing she had left of him.

It was better this way, she thought. That way, the child wouldn't be in such pain. After all, she could never love anything. The child would just have a life of misery.

The thought sickened her.

She reached for the box cutter lying innocently on the bathroom counter, knowing exactly what she was going to do with it. First, she would cut at her thighs. Then, she would get in the water, watch as the blood drifted and swirled within the liquid as it became one before slitting her wrists. Last but not least, her neck.

She hadn't wanted her mother to come home to such a bloody mess, but this was the only way she could think of that would cause her all the pain Kale had suffered. That Kallen had suffered. That her mother had suffered. That Lelouch had suffered.

Because she was nothing but a wicked witch.

"You know I'm your warlock…"

Lelouch, she thought to herself as she stared at the box blade, her eyes caressing it, thinking of the pain it would cause her. Before she did this, she had to thank Lelouch for always being there for her, no matter how she was.

It's been ten minutes since he left, she thought, reaching for her phone that was on the counter. And his cell is dead. He'll get the message when he turns it on tomorrow, because he will just put it on the charger tonight and fall asleep.

She pressed his speed-dial number, number five. Perfect timing. She waited patiently as it rung four times and then his voice came on, telling her that he was unavailable and would get back to his caller as soon as possible. She smiled, it was the last time she would ever hear his voice.

"Lelouch," she said softly, smiling peacefully into the phone. "Thank you…my…warlock…" She didn't care how corney it sounded. It was something between him and her. He wouldn't mind. He never would.

"I'll always be there for you."

"Thank you so much…" She hung up with that, knowing that if she stayed on too long, she would start crying, and then he would only worry.

And worry for nothing.

Dropping the phone to the floor, along with her clothes in tow, she sat herself on the side of the tub, looking down at her naked legs and then at the box cutter. Lifelessly, she watched as her thumb pushed up the blade, bit by bit, bumping it up to a reasonable length she was comfortable with before looked down at her naked thighs again.

She was amazed how easily the blade broke her skin. All she did was press it against her flesh and then rubies ran, dropping onto the cold tile floor. Then she was amazed at the pain. And the pleasure.

She had never felt something like it; it was new. It made her blood rush; it gave her a high. Ending her life had never felt better.

No one would care, all she had done was leave them in the dust as they continued to love her. Kallen, her mother, Lelouch.

This was for Lelouch most of all. She was hurting herself…killing herself for him. Because she couldn't love him back. Because he was suffering for her.

"Lelouch," she bit out, biting down on her lip until blood broke loose and filled her mouth with it's taste. The blade made another cut. And another. Her thigh was coated in her blood.

Next one, she thought, all before hissing out of both more pain and rapture. "Lelouch," the blade made larger cuts on this thigh, cutting deep and more rubies cascaded to the floor.

Wrists, she though, standing up with the shoot pain but ignoring it. It wasn't comparable to the suffering her loved ones had felt. Her blood ran warm against the rest of her legs. The pain was unbearable, the rapture was gone.

But she still got herself in the warm bath water, still made herself sit down in it, even though the pain worsened to an even greater level. "Lelouch!"

She sat back, eyes gazing up at the ceiling. She wouldn't shed the tears that were gathering at the corner of her eyes. She would not cry for mercy. This was her retribution.

"Warlock," she whispered, her head lolling to the side as she peered down at the bath water, realized that it was already mostly turning red. She was bleeding more than she thought she would.

She was losing life, her heart was racing, her lungs were burning, threatening respiratory arrest. Her blood pressure was rising from the pain. The stress was causing sudden cramps in her womb.

Good, she thought. It's aborting. She shakily rose her arm to her face, her tiny wrist in sight, and her other hand, just as shaky, started for it. "Lelouch…"

Drip, blood splashed in the water after she ran the blade against her wrist, breaking the skin just as easily as it did the first cut she made. She made another one on the same one, and another.

"Lelouch," she breathed weakly, pressing the blade harder against the same wrist, making sure the cut was deep. If she wanted to die from bleeding wrists, by God she better make them as deep as she could.

"I'm sorry," she breathlessly gasped, making one last laceration to her other wrist, deep as she could make it. The room began to spin when she weakly moved the dripping blade to her neck.

But she couldn't do it. She was losing too much blood at such a quicker rate then she though. She couldn't possibly slit her throat without falling unconscious.

So she just dropped the blade in the water, watched as it disappeared in it's murky blood water, landing on the bottom next to her hip. This is enough.

A small smile graced her tired, pain filled features as her head heavily rested against the back of the tub. She rested her arms against the sides of the bath, watched as the rubies dripped on both the floor and the tub's pearly surface, cascading down to join the same colored water.

"I'm so…" her eyes began to droop, her sight hazy and hard to focus. Her words were slurring. But her smile never left her face.

She was happy. No one would hurt no more. The witch was leaving them alone.

Forever.

Kallen Kozuki rested her legs on her boyfriend, Suzaku's legs, a bowl of popcorn in her lap. "There's nothing on," she murmured, taking a handful of the snack to her mouth, her other hand pressing the channel button on the remote. Her eyes searched through channels.

"It's the afternoon, nothing's really on during this time on Saturdays," Suzaku replied back, squeezing her small ankle warmly. "We should probably go see a movie."

"Hmm…" Kallen got a small smile on her face, brightening her features. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea!" She puffed a few red strands out of her face as she shifted to dig into her pocket. "I should call Crystal, see if she would like to go with us."

Suzaku nodded to that as he took control of the remote, continuing the continuous channel flipping.

"This is C.C., leave your name and number…-" Kallen puffed and rolled her eyes, ending the call. "Feh, she's probably off with Kale. I forgot, Saturdays were their," she peeked at the T.V. for a moment before looking down at the phone, pressing the call button again to call her friend once more. "Sex…" her eyes shot to the T.V. again, only to almost drop her phone. "Day…"

"-lice got a call around four o'clock this morning from a woman named, Lori Chrysanthemum, frantically calling for an ambulance to her home, due to finding her eighteen year old daughter, Crystal Chrysanthemum-,"

Suzaku shifted, both of their eyes wide with complete shock. The bowl of popcorn fell to the ground silently as Kallen shakily sat up, staring at the T.V. "Oh my God…"

"-nscious in a bathtub full of blood. They have confirmed that her daughter is, in fact, dead, her time of death some time late last night, and that she had committed suici-"

…

The ending was incredibly hard to write, I must say. And after writing such a thing, and leaving it on that note, you guys must not only be hating me right now…but you guys must be…like…ugh…

I have to say, I'm numb. That was…goodness…

If anyone likes it, the second installment should be out on Friday, after I've recovered from writing this. :squeezes Lelouch plushie: I'm going to have nightmares…gosh…

Review. Tell me what you think. I don't mind if you shun me. I would shun myself.

Did I do okay with this? I've never written about suicide before...