Chapter 1: The Return

Harry went back to his relatives house two weeks ago. He has been locked in his room ever since. His relatives did not take the warning to heart. He has spent the last two weeks lying on his bed, blaming himself for Sirius's death. Every three days he wrote his letter to the Order. Every time it was the same two words, 'I'm fine', even though he knew he wasn't.

Tomorrow was his 16th birthday. He wasn't expecting anything special to happen on his birthday, nothing ever did. When the clock struck midnight, he heard pecking on his window. Slowly he walked over and opened the window. Five owls flew in and landed on his bed, each carrying a letter and a package, his birthday presents. He untied all of the letters and packages and all of the owls except for two, Hedwig and Pig, left. He opened the first letter.

Dear Harry,

Happy 16th Birthday! I hope that your relatives are treating you ok. I hope that you aren't blaming yourself for what happened to Sirius, even though if I know you, I realize you are. IT WAS NOT YOUR FALUT! But I don't want to focus on that in this letter.

We are going to pick you up to go to the Burrow. We will be at your house at noon in two weeks from today, be ready to leave.

From,

Remus

Harry put the letter down and opened the package. He gasped in surprise when he realized that it was a mini Quidditch stadium. He placed it on his desk and went over to open the next letter.

Dear Harry,

Happy 16th Birthday! I hope that you are truly ok, and that you don't blame yourself for what happened. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I hope you believe me. Anyway I'll see you soon at my house.

From,

Ron

Harry put the letter aside and opened Ron's present. It was a photo book with pictures of the whole order, the trio, and the rest of the Weasley's. Harry's eyes started to tear up so he quickly blinked to clear his eyes. Carefully placing the book on top of the Mini Quidditch set, he opened the next letter.

Dear Harry,

Happy 16th Birthday! Please don't blame yourself for what happened. I hope you believe that it WASN'T YOUR FAULT! Anyway I am at the Burrow so I will see you tomorrow. I hope you enjoy your presents.

From,

Hermione

Harry opened Hermione's gift and saw that she gave him 3 books. He read the covers and thought that they would be useful; Animagus for beginners by James Potter and Sirius Black, 101 Advanced Tips for Defending Yourself by Lily Potter, and Occluding Your Mind for Beginners by Albus Dumbledore. Harry gasped in surprise when he read the authors of the books. He never knew that his parents, Sirius, and Dumbledore wrote books. He placed the books on top of his other gifts and opened the next letter.

Dear Harry Potter,

I know that I am probably the last person you would expect to write to you, but I need to tell you something. I know that you might not believe me but it's worth a chance. My parents have disowned me because I refuse to take the Dark Mark. I am against everything that the dark lord is for. If you believe me, all I need from you is somewhere where I would be safe from my dad and the Dark Lord. Right now I am on the run, somewhere near Muggle London. I don't know what else to do. If you have an idea and want to help, open the package that came with this letter. It is a special parchment that all you have to do is write where you think it is safe for me to go, and send the parchment back to me. If you feel more comfortable you can share this with whomever you so desire, but please hurry, I am starting to fear for my life. I don't know why I wrote this to you, but please help.

Yours truly,

Draco Malfoy

Harry was shocked that Malfoy wrote to him. He thought about what Malfoy wrote and decided to ask someone for help when they picked him up. Avoiding the package for now, he picked up the last letter.

Dear Mr. Harry James Potter,

I am pleased to inform you of your O.W.L results. You got the highest Defense Against the Dark Arts marks since the age of the Founders. You also ranked third in your grade overall. Good Job!

Defense Against The Dark Arts:

Written O+

Practical O+

Overall O+

Potions:

Written O

Practical O

Overall O

Transfiguration

Written E

Practical E

Overall E

Astronomy

Written A

Practical A (test score based on what was completed due to the distraction during the test)

Overall A

History of Magic

Written P

Overall P

Divination

Written P

Practical P

Overall P

Harry was surprised that he received such high marks. He passed every class he needed to in order to become an auror. He placed the letters on his desk and got changed to go to bed.

----Dream----

Harry is in the Ministry of Magic fighting the Death Eaters. He hears a scream and turns around. He sees Sirius falling through the veil, screaming, "Its all your fault Harry, how could you let this happen!" over and over again until he disappeared behind the veil. Harry tried to tell Sirius that he didn't mean for him to die, but it was too late, Sirius was already gone.

----End of Dream----

Harry woke up with a start and started to cry. He couldn't believe how stupid he was, he believed a stupid dream and lead his godfather to his death. It's all my fault. Harry didn't want to go back to bed, so he opened his trunk to find a piece of glass. He found one and tested it against his finger. He was fascinated by how the blood trickled down his finger, and the numbness that he felt. It was wonderful not having all of the thoughts plague his mind for once. He carefully took the piece of glass out of his finger and held it in his hands. It was his savior, his way of coping. He placed the end of the glass at his wrist and dragged it against his skin, leaving a trail of precious red blood to trickle down his wrist. After he made 4 slashes, one for every one he knew who died, he placed his piece of glass on the desk and sat back waiting for the blood to dry. After 20 minutes of losing blood, he started to feel dizzy and light headed from blood loss. He quickly took an old shirt and wrapped it tightly around his wrist to help stop the blood. Finally the blood stopped and he unwrapped his wrist. No one can find out about this, it is my little secret. They wouldn't understand that I deserve this anyway. Everything bad that happens is my fault.

Several days later Harry started packing his trunk so he would be ready to leave. He carefully tried to avoid jarring his injuries, injuries he got thanks to his uncle. You see, his relatives punished him every day since he got home because they know that everything is his fault. His uncle didn't like that the freaks warned him and didn't take the warning to heart. Harry got punished as soon as he walked in the door. It wasn't like this was the first time he got pushed around at home, only this time he felt like he deserved it. He just hoped that the others didn't notice the marks. Every night since that night two weeks ago, he used the piece of glass to cut his writs over and over again. Now he had at least a dozen little cuts and two very deep cuts, from when he wanted to die but didn't succeed. After he finished packing he heard footsteps outside his door. They were his uncles. His door opened and his uncle came in.

"Ready for your morning punishment? Dudley told me that your screaming kept him up last night. You are an ungrateful piece of shit. Freaks like you don't deserve to live, they only make trouble, leading innocent people to their deaths. You should wish for death. Today I am going to do something new something I should have done a long time ago. Take off your pants or else." Taunted his uncle.

Harry nervously took off his pants and let his uncle rape him. It lasted for what seemed like forever but was only a half an hour at most. Then his uncle took a stick and told Harry to lie down on his stomach Harry did as his uncle told him to, and he felt a stabbing pain in his ass as his uncle shoved the stick up it. Once his uncle was done, Harry pulled his pants back up. His uncle grabbed him around the neck and pushed him down the stairs. Harry moaned in pain and slowly stood up but groaned when he put weight on his left leg. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. Once he was done with breakfast he told his uncle that he was being picked up today at noon. His uncle was not pleased.

"I AM NOT HAVING FREAKS IN MY HOUSE! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO LEAVE? NO ONE! You know what happens to people who disobey me right! Go up to your room, I will be in there shortly."

Harry slowly walked up to his room and sat on the bed. He waited for his uncle to come in. On cue his uncle slammed the door open and stormed in. He picked Harry up and threw him against the wall. He started to beat Harry punching and kicking him wherever he could.

"Please stop, I will be good. Just please stop." Pleaded Harry.

"Beggars don't get what they want. Just shut up and it will end sooner." Vernon stated, spitting on Harry at the end. "If you tell anyone about this summer, I will find you, and I will kill you, mark my words."

The beating lasted for another ten minutes until the doorbell rang. Vernon stopped and went downstairs to open the door. Harry slowly sat up and glanced at the clock, it was noon. He tried to stand up, but his leg gave out and he screamed in pain. He heard footsteps rushing up stairs and his door open. He heard someone gasp and run towards him. He curled up in a ball and covered his head with his arms pleading with the unknown person.

"Please, please don't hurt me. I wont do it again. I'm sorry. Just please don't hurt me." Harry sobbed rocking back and forth.

"Oh Harry, its ok, I wont hurt you. It's me Mr. Weasley. Remus is with me also. I need you to let me see how injured you are. I promise, I wont hurt you." Quietly stated Mr. Weasley.

Harry slowly started to relax and straighten out. "Sorry." He muttered.

"Its ok. I promise you are safe now. You will never have to come back here."

Harry smiled and passed out from the pain. A few hours later he woke up and groaned in pain. He looked around and noticed that he was in the living room of the Burrow. Ron was sitting next to him with Hermione in his arms. They were both deathly white and crying. Ron glanced at Harry and noticed that he was awake.

"Hey Harry. Glad to see that you are up." Greeted Ron.

"Hi Ron. Hi Hermione" Replied Harry.

"Oh Harry, I'm so glad you are ok." Stated Hermione.

Harry groaned in pain again and clutched his leg trying to relieve it of some of the pain. Hermione noticed that he was in pain and ran to get someone. A few minutes later she returned with Mrs. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley headed towards Harry and Harry flinched away in fright.

"Oh Harry, its ok, your safe. No one can hurt you here." Mrs. Weasley informed. "No where does it hurt dear? Tell me so I can be able to heal it better. Though magic doesn't heal muggle inflicted injuries over night, it does help."

"Left leg hurts a lot…that's the worst…aches everywhere though." Informed Harry gasping in pain again. He hoped that they didn't notice the marks on his wrists.

"Ok thanks for letting me know. This may hurt because I have to touch it to see how injured it is. If it isn't that injured I can heal it, if not I am afraid I will have to call Madame Pomphrey." Informed Mrs. Weasley.

She lightly touched his leg and he screamed out in pain. Sighing she told Ron to fire-call Pomphrey and tell her that it is urgent. A few seconds later Pomphrey came running into the living room and over to Harry and sighed when she noticed that he had passed out again. She quickly examined his leg and took an x-ray of it. She sighed when she noticed how injured it was and carefully put it in a brace so he couldn't move it and further injure it. She healed the rest of his body sighing when she noticed the marks on his wrist and the injuries to his anus and penis. She realized that Harry was not only physically abused but sexually too and most likely verbally also so she wasn't all that surprised when she found the self inflicted marks on his wrist, but knew she had to report them to his guardian, Remus. Finally she bandaged his wrists, even magic couldn't heal self-inflicted wounds, and woke him up.

"Harry I healed you has much as I could, but your leg was far too injured for me to heal. I put it in a brace until it heals enough for me to heal it with magic. I don't want you to put any weight on it unless it is necessary. It is a walking cast, so you can play quidditch, but not for another week at least. Unless you are playing quidditch, you have to use crutches to get around. The only other thing I couldn't heal was your wrist that will have to heal on its own. Other than that, you will feel sore for a day or two but everything else was healed." Informed Madame Pomphrey. "Your crutches are over by Ron, but I don't want you using them for a day or so, you need to rest. He also has your painkillers, one per day, they are very strong if you still feel pain after 30 minutes please tell me and I will give you a higher dosage. If you ever want to talk, just know that I am here. Call me if you need anything, day or night," With that she left the room and went to find Remus.

"How long have I been out?" Asked Harry.

"Only a few hours. Remus and my dad picked you up 3 hours ago you've been out of it most of the time. They had to be restrained from going back to your relative's house to attack them. I wish they did go back though." Informed Ron.

Harry nodded and looked at his leg. He noticed that it was on top of a pillow and that the brace went all the way from his lower thigh to around his foot so he couldn't bend his leg or move his foot. He sighed and leaned back, wondering where his piece of glass was. Once he was alone, he was going to look for it and use it. He looked back at Ron and Hermione and sighed. Gasping he sat up and remembered about the letter that Draco Malfoy sent him.

"Ron is Dumbledore here? I need to talk to him about a letter that was sent to me."

"Yeah hold on a second."

Ron hurried off to get Dumbledore and returned moments later with him.

"Ron told me you wanted to talk to me. What is it?"

Harry described the letter that Malfoy sent him and showed the letter to Dumbledore. Dumbledore read it and nodded.

"Its true. He sent me a letter just like it. Now where is the package that he mentioned?"

"In the book that you wrote in my trunk."

Dumbledore found the book and opened it, finding the letter. He took the letter and grabbed a quill and wrote down a location. "Harry mind if I send this off?"

"No go ahead sir, but mind if I ask where you are letting him stay."

"Not at all, at Hogwarts in a secret chamber that is only used for occasions like these. Well if that's all I am going to clean that room for him, but I will be back tomorrow."

After Dumbledore left, Remus came in. He told Ron and Hermione that he wanted to talk to Harry in private. Once they left, he put a silencing charm and locking charm on the door so that the conversation was private and could not be interrupted.

"Harry, Madame Pomphrey just informed me about some of her more disturbing findings. You know you can come and talk to me about anything right? Well she told me what your uncle did to you this summer, and what you did to yourself." Informed Remus.

"Why does it matter? I deserved it all, after what I did to Sirius. Its my fault that he is dead I had to be punished for what I did."

"Harry it wasn't your fault I hope you realize that. Now can I see your wrists?"

Harry hesitated but slowly reached his arms out so that Remus could undo the bandages. Once the bandages were gone, Remus gasped in surprise, he didn't think it would be that bad. He recognized the attempted suicide marks because he had also once attempted it. He sighed and looked back at Harry. He noticed that Harry was staring intently at his wrists as if he wanted something sharp, as if he wanted to feel pain. Remus gently reached over to Harry, and forced him to look up.

"Harry I'm not going to preach you on why you shouldn't do this, because I understand why you are, because I also used to do it. I just hope you will come to me whenever you feel the need to do it again, day or night, I don't care its going to be hard in the beginning, but at least try to ok. That's all I ask. My advice to you is to talk, open up tell someone what is bothering you, because opening up helps. I promise it does."

"Ok I'll try to. Can't make any promises though."

"That's alright. Look all you have to do to get in touch with me is write in this journal, I have the other one, and I always have it with me. Just write what ever you want and I will respond. If I feel it's urgent, I will come straight here, if not I will try to help you through the journal. Ok? There is more I want to talk about, but I will let you talk when you feel you are ready to, I'm not going to rush you." Remus informed. He handed Harry the Journal and Harry placed it on the nightstand. Harry nodded and Remus lifted the charms and opened the door.

Later that night Harry fell asleep and had the worst nightmare he ever had.

----Dream----

It started out as normal with Sirius, Cedric, and his parents all blaming him for their deaths. Then the dream changed and he was inside Voldemort's mind. He was looking up at Hagrid and uttered the death curse. He looked at the wall and noticed writing in blood. It said: Harry Potter this is all your fault. Everyone close to you is going to die until you are dead. That's number 5 so who is next? He screamed and woke up.

----End of dream----

Harry gasped and sat up. He needed the piece of glass. He wanted to die. He found a knife that was left on the table and placed it against his wrist, fully intending to attempt suicide again but hesitated for a second. He grabbed the journal that Remus gave him and wrote his first entry.

Dear Remus,

I know that you told me to come to you when I felt like doing it again. Well I do right now. I just witnessed Hagrid's death and I don't deserve to live anymore. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've made. Everyone will be better off with out me. Tell everyone that I am sorry. Goodbye Remus.

With love,

Harry James Potter

With that written, Harry placed the knife on his wrist and pushed down as hard as he could, repeating the action to his other wrist. The last thing he heard was someone screaming and rushing towards him until he knew no more.