There he went. She hated seeing him go yet again. She wanted him to stay, and this time more than a day or a long weekend. Then he went for a month or more; it was breaking her heart more each time he left, and it didn't mend enough just to see him again to make up for the breakage caused when he left.
They would have a great couple of days, dinner, movies, gifts, sex, but it was feeling more like a fling then a real relationship. Sometimes she didn't know what possessed her to think that she could take this distance.
She was a naturally affectionate person she craved human contact, her friends weren't enough, she needed a lover someone to show affection to and get affection from. It didn't have to be everyday, but most, well, she needed most.
It was almost like breathing air to her.
While they were all traveling it wasn't bad at least he had been there, not with her, but enough that she could be with him, even if the love wasn't returned the same way, it was still something. But now she had nothing.
Just a big, empty house with no kids, they had gone with Barret when he settled down, it was just her in a house meant for four people, a house she had hoped would be five people soon, but that hope was gone; she knew now that she and Cloud would never have children of their own. He was gone to long to give a child the attention it would deserve. Hell, she didn't even get the attention she deserved.
She had hoped he would stop these 'deliveries' and maybe help with the bar, after all it made more than enough to pay for all they needed. She knew now it wouldn't stop, after all it was an excuse to maybe, just one teeny chance to hopefully, run into her. She didn't hate her, not even close, but she was jealous and hurt that even though she was right here he went to look for a way to bring her back to him.
She knew it wasn't for guilt, or duty, or even because everyone missed the flower girl, but because he wanted her back, he missed her, he needed her. But couldn't he see that Tifa needed him now? Here with her? She knew he could or else he wouldn't even bother coming back. But he must have thought that she only needed a little bit of attention every now and then, like a dog, and she would be right here when he got back, to let him have companionship when he needed it, maybe give her a little back, but it wasn't enough.
Not anymore.
So she slid down the doorframe, crying until she just couldn't anymore. She still hurt and she still wanted to crawl in a hole with a big keg of something alcoholic and not come out for a couple months, or even years. But she was Tifa, she just wouldn't give into those feelings. They wouldn't get better that way; they would simply be forgotten for the moment.
So she got up and tidied up the bar then went to wash her face and get presentable, after all she had customers to serve, people who did drown their sorrows in alcohol, she never knew who was stronger then, them for letting themselves forget or her for trying to let go and resist temptation. She thought that maybe for tonight they were. Maybe she was being weak and holding on when she could let go and get lost in someone else's embrace for just one night. But then too maybe she wasn't trying to hold on but let go?
Who knew, she certainly didn't, either way she knew she wouldn't do it.
As she turned the sign to open she knew that tonight would be the last she cried for Cloud. She would not let him back in. She would change all of the locks tomorrow. Even she could only take so much. Then too there was a certain red head that had been coming into the bar lately, maybe she would take him up on his nightly offers of 'just a short dinner, I'll even get you a cab so I won't be tempted to take advantage of you' with that cocky grin of his.
Not tonight though. She knew he would notice that she was different, she already felt a bit better after her decision. Yes, he would see the lightness in her. But she would wait until her wasn't a rebound to take him up on that offer. It was only fair since he had ultimately helped her make her decision to move on and 'get someone who appreciates a woman who can cook, make a damn good drink, and doesn't even complain about it as long as you ask nice'.
Yes he deserved a special chance.