(Disclaimer: Don't own MoonChild. Don't own Hyde or Gackt (I wish...) Don't own Kei or Sho.
I just own a journal and a pen. And my mind with it's lame creativity.
Written in Kei's POV!
Don't forget our promise.
You never questioned my disappearance. Not straight out anyways. You mentioned it often in the passing, a reference to the years without me. Where you trying to make me feel guilty? Or trying to suggest I needed to tell you the reason behind it? What kind of person vanished suddenly with no warning? What kind of person left those who cared for them and they cared for in return without any hint?
Although, in a way, I am not a person. Not of human being, at least. Why did I leave? Should I tell you? No, I shouldn't.
I know what you will think and the way you will react. What am I but a father figure? I raised you all those years, teaching street smarts and tactics to keep your head on your shoulders. I am your idol, the God you look up to in respect and cry to for guidance, and I am always there to answer your prayers. Or, I was until what I saw. I could not handle myself any longer after that. It was simply... too much.
You came home that night, and I was waiting, waiting as always. It was a night I was supposed to be out to search for a meal. I'd been denying feeding for nearly two weeks and my strength had all but given up on me. You convinced me otherwise with your worries and years, begging me to take something. When times got desperate enough you would come to me pleading to take your blood so I could regain enough strength to go out for a proper meal.
I would resist until you took a knife and cut yourself, smearing the red liquid over my lips so it dripped past them, that unique saccharine taste of you on my tongue. Then I would give in.
There was another reason you kept your hair long, drawn back in the rebel-punk brained ponytail. It looked cool, didn't it, whipping around you as you spun for a fancy trick before firing bullets from your gun? You were an excellent shot, precise, your aim perfect. If we gave you a bow and arrow the Robin Hood stories would stop selling and soon there would be a new folktale to share.
I gave you your first gun on your sixteenth birthday. We lived a dangerous life. Your brother was crippled because of those hand weapons and you'd seen firsthand the death they brought so easily. But you needed to learn, to appreciate, to protect yourself.
I am getting off track... Those braids concealed bite marks on the back of your neck, two scars. I refused to bite you where people could see. You did not need those questions.
I would take my time. I'd sweep away the braids over your shoulder or wherever else as long as they were not a bother. I would skim my fingers over your skin, warm and smooth, soft and unharmed, innocent and undefiled. I would nuzzle the nape of your neck, breathing in your scent. I swear to God you have the most intoxicating smell about you. I don't even know how to describe it.
If you take the warmth and light of the sun on the middle day of summer and capture it, then mix it together with the soul of the free falling rain on a cool October afternoon, and confine the essence of the first frost of winter, the first icicle, first snowflake. Finally, take the spirit of the blooming flowers in spring. Put in all into a bottle and let it form. That is how you smell, your purity exhibited regardless of all the sins you have suffered through.
You never asked me why I took so long, thinking that I was trying to stall the bite. I was engaged in relishing any part of you that I could. Finally when you groaned from frustration of waiting I would sink my fangs into your flesh, hungrily taking my fill. I would always have to force myself to stop from taking too much. Once I did and that was enough. You suffered from it, strength drained, unable to move for a week.
You came home that night with her. You were holding her hands, drawing her close to whisper things into her ear. Whatever they were, she smiled at them. I watched, hidden and sickened. I wanted to tear that bitch away from you, beat her and scream at her that you were mine. I did not allow anyone to touch you. If they caused you pain or agony they ended up dead. I would not stand to see you hurt.
So how dare she steal you away? You were young and foolish. You thought you were in love. Why couldn't you see she didn't care for you? Her fancy was caught by another, wasn't it? Yet you continued to try but for what use?
But there in the hall you pulled her in and kissed her. Those lips of yours, I could not see them dirtied by hers, and so much worse she did not deny you. She returned it and I fled. That was my reason. You were gone, stolen by a mute who was not even pretty looking.
How could you ignore me like that? Everything... I raised you since age nine. I gave you everything. You were so beautiful. Your wit and cocky manner was pure charm. I loved your attitude, stubbornness and hotheadedness. The scowl you made when you were pissed off is the cutest damn thing. You tried to be the tough guy, play it off like nothing could ever bother or frighten you. I know the truth. I was there every time to catch you when you locked yourself away to cry about the past, present, and the future. I was there to comfort you, all my efforts in vain.
You never thanked me, always told me you did not need me or my help. So I granted you that. I did not think I would ever see you again but I made one small mistake.
They called to me and told me I had a visitor. Yeah right I had no one. I knew no one. I was alone. I saw you then and... and I do not even know. How was I supposed to look at you? For how many years? How many years ago had I run away only to be haunted by the visions of you every night and in every second of my life? You answered the question for me: nine years. How could you stand to look at me, a prisoner sentenced to death for murder? I guess it was because you knew the truth. What could I do but kill to live? Blood and death were my life. No way to go without it.
I heard every word you said, refusing to look up at the face I could see so clearly in my mind. I'd hoped that over the years as you aged maybe you would lose those stealing, gorgeous looks of deception that were my downfall. No such luck. You were just as handsome as ever.
You talked about life and everyone still in it. Your brother was doing well and as was our good friend Son though there were conflicts between you. The person I wanted to hear most about was soon mentioned. Her.
I wanted to jump at you and break your neck, strangle the life from your body. How could you? You married her! Why damn it, why? What did you see in that bitch who was more ignorant and stubborn than you?
You showed me a photo of your daughter. I hated her at first sight. All it did was show me that I could never have you the way I wanted. "She's our girl..."
When you left again I did not know what to do. I had not a single idea. I wanted to die and to live at the same time. I wanted you with me and I wanted to stay away. I was so confused. My trial went on and you tried to help. You tried to save me, but nothing went right. Your brother was killed and she, your wife –oh how I hate that word- she fell deathly ill.
On the night prior my execution you called. You asked me for help. You told me you needed me and I could hear your tears over the phone. I could not refuse. It took me half a day to find you and a week to approach you. The first thing you did was take me to her. I wanted to be kind and kill her right there in her bed, spare her the agony of a prolonged death. Later you asked me... no, you begged me to save her. I could. I could give her eternal life, but I did not want to. My selfishness and envy took over.
With her dead I could make you mine. With her gone I would not hesitate. But oh how you loved her, you truly loved her. Do you know how that hurt? Do you have any notion of the grief it caused me to see your precious affection wasted on her when I wanted it so much? She never cared for you. She was not in love with you, but you refused to accept it. Foolish boy. You were always so wrongly confident.
I made my pathetic excuses, making up anything, pretending I cared too much to give her such a terrible curse. I could not wait to get her out of the way.
"I'm a monster!" I told you. "A monster!" And that is the truth. My jealousy turned me into this thing who would sacrifice a life so easily to get what it wanted. It twisted me further, surpassing the creature I already was.
That same day everything went wrong. You were driven by revenge and you took my with you for one last round of old fun. It did not turn out that way, you self-proud arrogant son of a bitch. You made me do it. You forced me to condemn you, to pass my curse onto you.
You nearly killed yourself out of your idiocy. You would have died if I didn't save you. Don't you realize that? All you showed me in return was anger. As soon as you regained yourself you cursed my existence. I turned you into a beast just like me... But you would live! You would live forever with me. I would never worry about being alone again.
Don't forget our promise.
Only... you pushed me away, and again you asked from me. Your daughter would be without parent as you could not bring yourself to face her as what you'd become. You would be the one to hide. You asked begged me again, this time to take care of your daughter.
All those years I raised her for you were just as lonely as the time I spent in the prison cell. You came at night when she was asleep and sat at her side, holding her hand as you used to hold your wife's when she was in the hospital. You loved them both dearly, loved them and not me. You devoted your life to your daughter, though kept out of sight from her. She thought you died in the gang fight.
I hated you for it. At least we could have spent the days together. When your daughter was at school or off with friends. No, those times you vanished and I saw none of you.
She grew and left, off to college, off to another life. I admit I grew to love her as my own daughter over all those years. I saw her off that night, giving her the final parting and good luck wishes as a father. You were there, but as always you would not show yourself until she left.
That night, our last night, you weren't mad. You thanked me. Finally, for the first time, you thanked me. "Sho..." I called to you and paused, wondering. Was this enough? "Want to go to the beach?" What more of an explanation did we need? There was one reason. You agreed.
You drove us there and the years caught up to me. Exhaustion fell on me like a heavy, coarse woolen blanket, and yet I had to wait. "Let me sleep a little..." I closed my eyes, ready to give in at that moment.
"We watched the setting sun. A perfect orange glow..." I heard you sing, sing our song. "Both about to cry... for our final farewell."
Luka taught me the song so long ago, but he was nothing more to me than a friend, my teacher. I loved him as a boy did an admired older brother. I told myself a million times over that you were no different. My love for you was only that of a friend and guardian, and yet...
The pounding of the waves breaking and splashing against rocks brought a steady rhythm, mixed with the water draining off the sands. You parked the car far off from where I expected. I would have thought it would have been the same spot where everyone gathered that time, that time displayed on the old photograph you set on the dashboard.
Don't forget our promise.
The promise to return to this beach for a day in the sun, a promise I had kept from coming true. Out of our five, two remained. Toshi, that crazy pizza boy of a friend, was shot by two gang members in his attempts to protect us. Son... I killed him myself, lodging five bullets into his chest after he dared harm you. He nearly killed you and I returned the favor. I keep telling myself he deserved to die, but it wasn't true. He was our companion, separated in ridiculous miniature wars for control and self-respect. Yi-Che, your wife, died of her tumor barely a week after her brother.
I had one chance. One final chance to tell you what I'd been denying forever. "Sho..." You looked to me and the words stuck in my throat. I half expected you to laugh at me, to read my thoughts. Instead you did something I never would have expected. You took my hand.
I do not know what reaction you were expecting. I do not know what you hoped to achieve. You entwined our fingers, the ghost of a smile haunting your lips. And I was happy. It mattered not to me if I misinterpreted the meaning and you were doing it simply because you thought I doubted the silent decision we made. "It's all right," you muttered, again with mixed meaning.
We sat together for the hours of the night. I was aware that your hand did not leave mine, your thumb occasionally stroking over my knuckles. I might be so much older than you, but you taught me more than I taught you.
When the sun peeked out from the ocean's horizon you smiled, smiled for the first time since I bit you and stole life. "Here comes the sun." The words needed to be spoken and heard. They would not have been real without it. The light shined through the clouds and fell upon us. I felt my skin burn hot, the pain spreading and soaking in. I'd felt it before, but I knew this was the time where it would not stop.
Shameful tears rolled down my cheeks as I gazed to you. You were watching me and everything about you screamed with hurt. "Sho." Your name was the last word to leave my lips. Your hands were cold against my cheeks and one final time your eyes betrayed all your feelings. I saw it then and there, the emotion I longed to see in you for far too long.
I died with the feel of your kiss. I never did hear you tell me that you loved me, but I did not forget our promise. I kept it.
We all did.
A/N: well umm, yeah I completely took Kei out of character... I noticed that. And I was highly depressed and grounded at the time I wrote this. I need to learn to stop talking back to my guardians. Oh well, that's life.
Comment or Kei will bite you. No he won't, But we can pretend, right? Though the fangirls would like it...