Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Crashing Down
By: ChoCedric
"Honey, I'm home!" James Potter sang out as he walked through the front door of his and Lily's quaint little cottage in Godric's Hollow. Lily would know it was him, not a Death Eater impersonating him, because "Honey, I'm home!" was the code they always used.
"Sugar, that's goo-ood!" called out Lily from the kitchen, and that was her code. And James could not help but chuckle every time she said it.
As he walked into the kitchen and caught sight of his wife putting the finishing touches on a delightful meal, and then caught sight of Harry in his high chair with the cutest baby-grin on his face, he couldn't help but feel amazement rushing into him again. Who would have thought he'd end up married to the most amazing, fiery-spirited woman on the planet, with the most wonderful son ever born? Who knew that just by maturing, he could end up with a happy family?
As he held Lily in his arms, smelling the heavenly scent of her shampoo, he thought back to when he'd been a young boy and Lily hadn't wanted anything to do with him. He'd since learned that pranking and joking was not all life was about. When his parents had been killed by Death Eaters, that was the turning point for him. He'd learned to take life way more seriously then. He stopped hexing people just for the fun of it and started being a much more decent person, helping anyone who was in need.
"How was your day at work?" Lily asked as they pulled away from the embrace.
"Oh, same old," James sighed as his countenance grew more serious. The war was getting worse every day, and his job as an Auror tried his nerves hugely. There were times when he had to go on missions, and being away from Lily and Harry hurt him deeply, and of course, he knew there was a chance he wouldn't come back at all. He knew this was hard on Lily too, but she knew he was trying to make the world a safer and better place for her and their precious young son to grow up in.
"I'm sorry," Lily whispered as she laid a hand on his shoulder. Her touch soothed him; she and Harry were definitely worth the fight. "And how's my little munchkin?" he asked as he went over to Harry and tickled him, causing the most joyous sound to burst from his lips.
"Oh, he's been a little tyke today," said Lily fondly, her emerald eyes gazing at Harry. "Had a hard time getting him to nap. But you finally slept, didn't you?" she asked, talking in that high voice mothers always used with babies.
"Ah, he's going to grow up to be just like me," joked James.
"I do hope not, James Potter," Lily shot at him, but a smile was tugging at the ends of her mouth.
"Hey! I take offense to that!" cried James, pretending to be deeply hurt.
"Tough," said Lily as she carried plates over to the table. "I fed Harry already," she added, "but I wanted him to sit in here with us while we eat."
"Okay," James agreed, and he got the underlying message. Ever since he and Lily had learned of the prophecy, they were doing all they could to keep Harry safe, even if it meant keeping him by them every second. If something came up, however, and they had to be away from him, they had a babysitter named Sandra who took care of him. Sandra wasn't an Order member, but she was close to Dumbledore; she knew of the prophecy but was sworn to secrecy. James and Lily felt reassured that she'd do all she could to take care of their baby.
The atmosphere was calm and tranquil as they ate their dinner, Harry making little noises every now and then as if to let his parents know he was safe. James and Lily would smile at him every time he did. "Mmm, this is delicious," said James.
"Oh, stop it," smirked Lily. "You're really laying it on thick today."
"I am not!" James protested. "I ..."
But he stopped short as a silver phoenix patronus flew into the room. Fear stopped their hearts, for they knew that a message from Albus Dumbledore couldn't mean anything good. James took Lily's hand in his and held it tight as the phoenix began to speak in Dumbledore's voice.
"Dorcas Meadowes severely injured. Found by Fabian Prewett and taken to St. Mungo's. Organ-damaging curse performed by Voldemort himself. Come to St. Mungo's. Sandra already contacted. Expect her immediately."
With that, the Patronus disappeared, leaving James and Lily in a devastated silence.
Dorcas Meadowes was one of Lily's best friends. They'd been dorm mates through all seven years of Hogwarts and James could distinctly remember her, plus Marlene McKinnon and Alice Longbottom, pulling many pranks on the Marauders. Of course, the Marauders had had to prank back. Once James had matured and he'd started dating Lily, he'd gotten to know Dorcas on a more personal level and he thought she was a charming young woman.
Dread seized him as he also remembered that in two days time, Dorcas was supposed to be getting married to Fabian Prewett. Lily was to be one of her bridesmaids, and it was going to be one of the happy occasions that was needed during such a tough time. But who knew whether she was going to even be alive for it now? He felt a huge wave of sympathy for Fabian then, mixed with his own fear. If he'd lost Lily two days before their wedding ... God, he'd have killed himself by now.
"How ... how?" Lily choked out, her face white. "Only certain Order members knew where Dorcas was!"
"Lily, don't," James sighed. "I can't ... I can't think about that right now."
It was too horrible to even process that information. It was too horrible to even think that there was a spy in the Order, that one of their friends who they trusted with their lives might be betraying them.
Lily went silent, nodding her head quickly. James was thankful that she was able to understand him so completely.
At that moment Sandra showed up. "How's the little one?" she asked as she came into the kitchen, that being her code. "I'm so sorry," she said sympathetically as she looked at James and Lily. She didn't know Dorcas, but she saw the pain on their faces and knew that they were close to her, especially Lily. "Take as long as you need. I'll take care of Harry for you."
"Thank you," Lily said as she and James got up from the table.
xxx
At St. Mungo's, the news wasn't good at all. They met Fabian and his twin brother, Gideon, along with Sirius, Remus, Peter, Marlene, Alice, Frank, and Dumbledore. The expression on Fabian's face told James and Lily all they needed to know. James had never seen Fabian cry before; the younger man had seen people die in battle and he had been super strong, but now, faced with this, he was ready to break down. "The Healers don't know if she'll survive the night," he said.
And then, he did break down. Lily ran to him, throwing her arms around him, tears streaming down her own face. "Not Dorcas," she moaned as the two held on to each other fiercely. "Not Dorcas!"
James exchanged a solemn look with Sirius, who looked at him with fierce anger on his handsome face. "Whoever is betraying us, I'm going to kill them," he said furiously under his breath.
"Pads, please," Remus sighed, echoing James's thoughts. Peter looked absolutely terrified.
After a few minutes, a Healer came out of a room and said, "You may go in to see Dorcas now, but only a few of you at a time."
Fabian and Lily, wiping tears from their eyes, went in to see her, along with Gideon and James. Dread coursed through him as he prepared to see the sight of his wife's best friend.
It was just as bad as he'd thought. She lay, looking weak and frail, on a bed, totally unconscious. This wasn't right at all; this woman was usually the complete opposite of lifeless. Fabian ran to her side and held her hand, whispering words of love to her. Lily soon joined him, looking at her courageous, heroic best friend who never backed down from a fight. James put an arm around Lily as he stared at the broken Dorcas. Oh God, this couldn't be happening. She was supposed to be getting married ... it was supposed to be a happy occasion ... thoughts raced through his head a mile a minute.
He didn't know how long he and Lily stayed by her bedside, but finally, a Healer came in and told them visiting hours were over.
"I'm not leaving her," Fabian said fiercely, holding on to his bride-to-be's hand tighter. "I refuse."
"Visiting hours are over, sir," the Healer said firmly. "You must leave."
"No!" Fabian shouted, his eyes wild. "I'm not leaving her!"
"Excuse me, ma'am," Lily said timidly, looking at the Healer. "But please let him stay. He ... he's supposed to marry her."
The Healer looked shocked for a moment; then, a look of deepest sympathy crossed her face. Nodding slowly, she said, "But everyone else must go."
Lily bent down and kissed Dorcas's forehead, praying she'd beat the odds and make it through the night. With James beside her, they walked out of the desolate room which was filled with Fabian's soul-crushing sorrow.
xxx
Dorcas did make it through the night, but her condition was hardly any better the next day. Sandra took care of Harry again, for James and Lily spent almost the entire day at the hospital. They took shifts, along with their other friends, to see her, but Fabian never once left her side. He begged her to be alright, promised her that he'd give her the world if she only recovered.
On the outside, Lily was being so, so strong, but James could see that on the inside, she was breaking. Her best friend was dying and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. And to top it off, her wedding day was tomorrow.
And then, tomorrow came. It was Saturday, and when Lily and James arrived at the hospital in the morning, they walked in to an unconsolable Fabian who was being held by Gideon. Lily's emerald eyes widened, and James felt his stomach sink, as he saw all the people gathered in the room. If the Healers let everyone in, then that must mean ...
James glanced at Sirius, and the look on his face said it all. He and Lily went closer to the bed, and it was then that Fabian let go of Gideon, picked up his dying bride, and held her in his arms, sobbing.
No, thought James, holding Lily's hand tightly in his. Gazing at her face, she looked as though she were numb, as if this wasn't sinking in. Her best friend was breathing her last breaths in her fiancé's arms. It wasn't fair, James thought fiercely. It wasn't fair that now there would be a funeral instead of a wedding, that an occasion which was supposed to be full of joy would now be one that was full of sorrow. This war was really taking its toll on everyone.
And about two minutes later, Dorcas Meadowes exhaled her last breath and went limp in Fabian's arms. The man held on tightly to her body, screaming at her to come back, not to leave him alone in the world. The scene was agonizing and heartbreaking.
"It's time to let go now, sir," said the Healer in the room as she gazed sadly at Fabian. "She's gone now. Come away."
But Fabian gave the Healer a look of intense hatred, and James knew what he was thinking: why couldn't you heal her? He refused the Healer's orders and clung on, still weeping uncontrollably.
"Oh God," Lily whispered, starting to tremble, and James knew she was about to break. He took her hand and gently guided her out of the room, glancing at all their friends as they left. He hoped they'd understand that at this moment, Lily needed to be away from this.
And it was then, when they stepped outside the room, that Lily completely broke. "NOOOO!" she screamed, and it was the most heartwrenching noise James had ever heard. She fell to her knees on the cold floor, huge, hysterical sobs racking her body. James felt utterly helpless as he gathered her to him and held her, stroking her back and whispering soothingly, "It's going to be all right, Lil, it's going to be all right."
"NO, IT WON'T, JAMES POTTER! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT!" Lily shrieked, tears streaming down her face in rivers. "IT WILL NEVER BE ALL RIGHT AGAIN!"
From another room, a Healer poked his head out, obviously hearing the disturbance in the hall. "Is everything alright?" he asked, concerned.
James looked at him helplessly and said, "Sorry, sir, it's just ... she just lost her best friend. I'm going to take her home now."
The Healer just nodded, giving James a sympathetic look as he picked his broken wife up in his arms and began to carry her out of the hospital. This was a tremendously hard feat, but on the day they'd been married and James had said "I do," he'd vowed to do all he could for her, and if it meant carrying her, he'd do it gladly.
Once they were back in Godric's Hollow, Sandra said a sincere "I'm so, so sorry," when she found out what had happened. Quietly, she told James that Harry was sleeping and to call her if he needed her again. Giving her a thankful smile, James carried Lily into their bedroom, placing her on the bed and lying down next to her, letting her sob on him.
"It's not fair!" Lily howled through her tears, echoing James's earlier thoughts. "She was supposed to get married! Oh God! She was my best friend! How can this be happening? I hate this bloody, damned war, it's all bullshit, I don't want to do this anymore!"
All James could do was hold her; there were no words to use at this moment. Telling her it would all be okay was futile, because those were just empty words; it would never be okay. One of their closest friends was dead. There was a spy in the Order. Someone close to them was betraying them. It would never be okay ever, ever again. The world was ending.
"James, please don't leave me!" Lily wailed. "It ... it could've been you in that bed and I ... please don't leave me!"
James held her tighter, seeing the terror in her eyes. Who would've thought that she would be saying this to him when years ago she couldn't stand the sight of him? "I'm not going anywhere, love," he whispered tenderly. "I'm right here!"
Lily looked at him, barely seeing him through her tears. "James ..." she whimpered. "James, I need you! I need to feel life! I don't want to see death anymore! I need to feel life!"
James squeezed her hand, reassuring her that he was alive and well, but her next words caused a bewildered expression to cross his face.
"Make love to me, James, I need you! I need ... to feel you ... inside me ... I need ... to feel alive!"
"Lil, I don't think this is the right time ..." James stuttered, his bewilderment turning to shock. How could she want to do this now, when her best friend had just died?
But suddenly, he understood; he'd always been able to understand Lily. She needed a sign, some reassurance that they were both still moving, still breathing, that there was still something good left in the world. He was still reluctant, though; he thought that maybe it would only make her feel worse. "Lil ... I don't think ..." he started.
"DAMMIT, JAMES POTTER, MAKE LOVE TO ME NOW!" Lily screamed. "I NEED YOU!"
Under any other circumstance James would have been appalled by the way she was speaking to the man she loved, but she was so broken, fragile, and vulnerable, and her heart was in so much pain that James accepted it. When something was wrong, it was a habit for Lily to take her anger and frustration out on the people around her. But, he reflected, when you love someone so much, you accept them for all of their faults.
And he hated to say it, and he never would out loud, but even with her face splotchy and tearstained, her fists beating on his chest, never had she looked more beautiful. And he knew he couldn't deny her anything; she was his weakness. "All right," he said gently. "All right."
Lying together afterwards, satiated in each other's arms, they were both exhausted. "I'm sorry," Lily whispered as she kissed him gently. "I love you."
"It's okay," James whispered back as he stroked her curly red hair. "I love you, too. Sleep now, all right? If I hear Harry awaken, I'll take care of him."
"Are you sure?" Lily asked uncertainly.
"I'm sure," James answered immediately, and he continued to hold her until she fell asleep.
As he felt the gentle rise and fall of Lily's chest, the love overwhelmed him. "I will do everything I can," he whispered as not to wake her, "to protect you and Harry. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."
The war was tearing the world apart. Everything was coming crashing down. Death was a constant presence. But James knew that as long as he could protect the beautiful woman lying in his arms and the child in the next room, there would always be something to cling to.
And with that thought, he couldn't help but drift off to sleep himself.