'Ive seen so many dawn committing suicide fics because of Buffy but do you
ever stop to think about what she is going through? This is just a short
little fic of wat I think would go through buffy's mind.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story.
Buffy just couldn't take it any more. Every thing she did went wrong. Dawn didn't understand, Spike didn't understand none of her friends could feel what she felt. She felt alone, afraid, confused. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control. She was jealous. Jealous of everyone who knew where they were in life, who had found their place, who had such control.
Perhaps she was trying to control Dawn like everyone told her. Perhaps by controlling Dawn she may regain some form of control over her life. But with every fight she and Dawn had she could feel her spirit breaking inside, like a pane of glass shattering on the floor. She was always supposed to be the strong one, the one who finished off the fight. She was supposed to be the one that everyone needed and when she was there no one would have to worry. But her vision had been blurred by her own pride. The truth was she wasn't supposed to be those things she needed to be those things. She needed to feel like she had a place besides the slayer, like she was needed.
She'd always thought of herself as more of a protector than slayer. She protected her friends, and her sister though they seemed to see her protection as control. As she tried to protect, she controlled, as she tried to help, she ordered, as she tried to show leadership, she showed arrogance and ego. But as she sat at the table, the tears trickling down her face cleared her eyes. She no longer saw the need to protect, to lead, to love.
The others would get along fine without her. They could fight and needed no leader. Buffy didn't believe now that she had ever shown any love. Though with every word it poured out but it was hidden by harsh words. She had tried to be a good sister, a good friend. She had tried to the best of her ability. She was doing this out of realization and pain. Whatever pain she had caused her friends and family over the years would never find them again. She would be the cause of no more conflict and pain and maybe, just maybe when she was gone there would be peace in Sunnydale.
Of everything she felt, as she walked to her counter and opened a drawer, the feeling that was most overcoming was the exhaustion. She was tired of yelling, she was tired of fighting, she was tired of causing pain and she was tired of being strong. Buffy just wanted to lie down and never wake up.
She took a small knife from the drawer. The moonlight gleamed on it as she lowered it to her wrist. She hoped her friends could forgive her and as the blade cut through her veins it was as if ropes that were binding her down were cut as well.
Buffy got her final wish. She slipped into a sleep in which she would never wake up. As the last remaining tethers that were confining her were cut she flew away into the sky.
Free at last.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story.
Buffy just couldn't take it any more. Every thing she did went wrong. Dawn didn't understand, Spike didn't understand none of her friends could feel what she felt. She felt alone, afraid, confused. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control. She was jealous. Jealous of everyone who knew where they were in life, who had found their place, who had such control.
Perhaps she was trying to control Dawn like everyone told her. Perhaps by controlling Dawn she may regain some form of control over her life. But with every fight she and Dawn had she could feel her spirit breaking inside, like a pane of glass shattering on the floor. She was always supposed to be the strong one, the one who finished off the fight. She was supposed to be the one that everyone needed and when she was there no one would have to worry. But her vision had been blurred by her own pride. The truth was she wasn't supposed to be those things she needed to be those things. She needed to feel like she had a place besides the slayer, like she was needed.
She'd always thought of herself as more of a protector than slayer. She protected her friends, and her sister though they seemed to see her protection as control. As she tried to protect, she controlled, as she tried to help, she ordered, as she tried to show leadership, she showed arrogance and ego. But as she sat at the table, the tears trickling down her face cleared her eyes. She no longer saw the need to protect, to lead, to love.
The others would get along fine without her. They could fight and needed no leader. Buffy didn't believe now that she had ever shown any love. Though with every word it poured out but it was hidden by harsh words. She had tried to be a good sister, a good friend. She had tried to the best of her ability. She was doing this out of realization and pain. Whatever pain she had caused her friends and family over the years would never find them again. She would be the cause of no more conflict and pain and maybe, just maybe when she was gone there would be peace in Sunnydale.
Of everything she felt, as she walked to her counter and opened a drawer, the feeling that was most overcoming was the exhaustion. She was tired of yelling, she was tired of fighting, she was tired of causing pain and she was tired of being strong. Buffy just wanted to lie down and never wake up.
She took a small knife from the drawer. The moonlight gleamed on it as she lowered it to her wrist. She hoped her friends could forgive her and as the blade cut through her veins it was as if ropes that were binding her down were cut as well.
Buffy got her final wish. She slipped into a sleep in which she would never wake up. As the last remaining tethers that were confining her were cut she flew away into the sky.
Free at last.