Lets Torture Tokyo Mew Mew

By: Iceshadow4

Disclaimer: Why would I own these things! I write, not draw.

( A/N: My nickname Icey is spelled with an 'e' in between the 'c' and the 'y', so deal w/ it. )

Me- Hello everybody, and welcome to our show! I'm your host Icey, and here are our characters. Ichigo

Ichigo- Hi

Me- Mint

Mint- *drinks tea* Oh hi everybody.

Me- What's up with this tea thing?*throws Mint into cremation machine*

Frank Fontaine- IS THAT MY CREAMATION MACHINE?!? *Pulls out machine gun*

Me- Um, can I use it for this chapter? After all, you are my permanent co-host!

Fontaine- REALLY?*gains composure* I mean um…. Well …..Um….. I GUESS you can use it when I'm here.

Me- Really? Thanks!

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Fontaine- Really.

Me- Really?

Ichigo- STOP IT!!!!!!

Fontaine- It's okay Icey! I have a spare *pulls out cremation machine* Wait, this is my Christmas one *looks in backpack* No, that's the Thanksgiving one, Haloween, Easter, Kwanzaa, I must of left my everyday one at the shop…..

Everyone- Ummmmmmm

Fontaine- Okay just so you know I'm a girl and I am the original idea for this fic (I'm a host in another) I like pudding snacks and-

Me- Lettuce.

Lettuce- Um, hi?

Fontaine- DON'T INNTERUPT!!!!!*pistol-whips Icey*

Me- WHAT WAS THAT FOR? *slaps Fontaine with peacock leg*

Fontaine- Use a turkey leg next time! If you're going to hurt me, do it right!

Me- Oh, yeah, sorry *slaps Fontaine with a turkey leg* Our next character is Pudding!

Fontaine- Pudding? Where?

Me- In the back. You can have it after the- Hey, where'd she go?

Pudding- *jumps up and down, giving Lettuce a seizure*

Me- WHO GAVE HER SUGAR?

Ichigo- *Raises hand weakly*

Me- Hold on a minute *sweeps Mint's ashes in a jar, puts in closet full of urns* I collect ashes, all right?

Fontaine-*Throws Ichigo into cremation machine* Icey, you're waaaay too predictable.

Me- Hold on a minute I've got to go check something *Goes to pudding snack closet, opens door, nearly drowns in empty pudding containers* FONTAINE! Those were supposed to last all of my chapters of this show!

Fontaine- What? That afternoon snack?

Me- *sighs* It's okay I have an emergency 818 square foot refrigerator full of more strawberry pud- Hey where'd she go off to?

Fontaine- *Returns with a pink face, licking lips* Yum!

Me- Did you eat them all?

Fontaine- Probably, let me check*Looks at trash filled with pudding containers and Furyfur's hair*Yeah, um, how did that hair get there?

Me- *hides razor blade* I um, don't know… Furryfur must of left it there by um, mistake, yeah mistake!

Furyfur-*appears with shotgun* WHO CALLED ME FURRYFUR?!?

Everyone-*Points at Icey*

Fontaine- *Jumps in front of Icey* I won't let you hurt her!

Furyfur-*Smiles sweetly* Want a cookie? *holds out cookie* It's pudding flavored!

Fontaine- *grabs cookie* Thanks! *points machine gun at Icey* Sorry Icey, you're on your own!

Furyfur- *Gets in Icey's face*Fury is a feeling you idiot! If you pronounce my name wrong again, I might just forget that I only drop pianos on Fontaine!*leaves*

Me-*whispers to Fontaine* Have you ever thought about how long it's been since Furyfur washed her hands?

Fontaine- Of course! That's why her cookies are so yummy! I thought everyone knew that! *Piano barely misses Fontaine* What? It's true! *Another piano falls* Wow, that one almost hit me! Cool!

Me- *Rolls eyes, looks back at pudding snack containers* Don't you have, like, a bazillion pudding snacks at your studio?

Fontaine- Well *looks sad* I sort of, you know, kind of, um, killed the manager of the pudding snack company and they wouldn't give me any more pudding snacks…*pulls out restraining order* they also filed this against me. After that I accidentally violated it so before they noticed me I killed them so I wouldn't be reported…

Me- Okaaaay, um Zakuro?

Zakuro- *sleeping* Five more minutes….

Me- Okay, you're dare's next to last anyways.

Fontaine- Who has the last dare then?

Me- You do.

Fontaine- Yay!

Me- Don't get your hopes up!

Fontaine- Why not?

Me-*Shifty eyes* No reason.

Mint and Ichigo- *Walk in*

Me- I thought you guys were cremated!

Mint- You didn't plug in the machine.

Me- Then whose ashes were those?*Looks at Fontaine* Um, who was the last person you cremated?

Fontaine- Don't look at me!*Growing hysterical* I didn't cremate Michael Jackson! Why would I do that? No, No!! YOU"LL NEVER CATCHES ME ALIVE! (I'm the gingerbread man)

Gingerbread man- How rude!

Me- Who invited you?*eats him*Mmmmmmm

Fontaine- Icey, the dares……

Me- Oh, yeah. Lettuce, I know you're very shy.

Lettuce- Y-Yes I'm very shy…

Me- Good, because you're going to be the new Prime Minister of Canada!

Fontaine- Does that mean I have to resign?

Me- O.o

Lettuce- but I don't want to-

Me- *Crosses arms* Lettuce, whose show is this?

Mint- This is a show?

Fontaine- Shut up.

Lettuce- It's Fontaine's show.

Me- *Angry* IT'S MY SHOW STOP BEING A FRCKIN' IDIOT!!!!!

Lettuce- O-O-Okay

Fontaine- Okay I resign!

Lettuce- *PM clothes appear on her* They're a tad ummmm, big. *Clothes fall down*

Fontaine- Wow, I never knew Lettuce didn't wear underwear!*Pulls out video camera* The folks at Youtube are going to love this! I can see the headline now "Prime Minister of Canada Found naked in Studio, Is there hope for Mankind?"

Mint- It BURNS!!!!!I only like to see Zakuro naked!

Me- O.o

Fontaine- *Presses stop on tape recorder* Zakuro will love to hear this!

Me- 2x O.o

Random Pervert Guy- Ooooo me likey this!

Fontaine- Lucas get out of here!

Lucas- Fontaine, be my betrothed!

Fontaine-Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo You stalk me every day and watch me when I sleep! I'm the only one allowed to do that to people (And I do it just to scare people and for NO other reason. Unless you count Atlas…..)*cremates Lucas* DIE!

Me- Now that's settled, Ichigo's dare is to marry "Masaya"

Ichigo- What were the quotation marks for?

Fontaine- Oh, no reason!*Dresses Lettuce in Masaya costume, Ichigo doesn't notice*

Yay!*Dresses in pastor costume* We gather here today to join "Masaya" and Ichigo

In holy macaroni-

Mint- It's matrimony you retard, are you even qualified to do this?

Ichigo- Oh. *Takes off macaroni chains dipped in holy water*

Me- Hehe holy macaroni.*Skips to mental institution*

"Masaya"- *Whispers to Ichigo*Is she okay?

Ichigo-*Whispers back* In the head, no.

Fontaine- DON'T INNTURUPT!!!!!!! Here *looks through wallet* drivers license, fake I.D., License to Kill, Oh here it is! My Pastor's license! IN YOUR FACE!!!!! Booya!

Anyway, yada yada yada, do you guys want to be married?

"Masaya"- Ummmm

Fontaine- I'll take that as a yes! Ichigo?

Ichigo- YES!!!!

Fontaine- You guys can make out now!

Me- Congrats! Ichigo, you are now married to the PM of Canada!

Ichigo- *Looks at Lettuce while they're making out* Ewww! Why didn't you tell me Lettuce!

Lettuce- *Points to Fontaine's machine gun pointed at her head*

Ichigo- You would thought I'd of seen that!

Me- Yeah I know.

Fontaine- Why are you wearing a straightjacket Icey?

Me- Present from the mental institute!

Ichigo- *Starts to sing*

I kissed a g-

Fontaine- NO SONGFICS!!!*Attacks Ichigo*

Me- O.o

Fontaine- *Dresses up as a judge, teleports us to courtroom, Mint is on trial* Mint, this tea and it's cup *points to cup with tea in it* they have filed a restraining order against you, if you violate it you will be sent to the electric chair, or the hall of chainsaws, whichever I prefer. DIE MINT DIE! Sorry, just rehearsing*smiles, evil laughter follows*

Me- *Still in straightjacket* NOW IT IS TIME FOR PUDDING AND ZAKURO'S DARE-cushy room….

Fontaine- *also in straightjacket*

Me- What did they give you that for?

Mint- Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Me- Pudding and Zakuro have to switch personalities for the chapter!

Pudding- *gets sugar drained from body*

Zakuro- *takes a whole bottle of Prozac*Hello everybody, it is great to see you all, the Earth says "Hello"

Pudding- *cutting herself*

Ichigo- Pudding! I am shocked!

Fontaine- Remember kids! Cut across the street, not down the road!

Pudding- Life is an evil thing…

Me- Ummmmmmm, time for Fontaine's dare!

Fontaine- Yay!

Me-*hands Fontaine a paper* Just read this aloud!

Fontaine- Okay, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur, Furryfur-

Furyfur- WHO SAID MY NAME WRONG?*Looks around, sees a pile of crashed pianos, a hand raises weakly from it* Fontaine? *Grabs Fontaine* Never, EVER, call me that again you got that?

Fontaine- *Looks at paper* Furryfur.

Furyfur- AUUUUUGGGGHHHHH *fight ensues*

Me- *Yelling over Fontaine screaming in pain* Bye everybody, I'll see you next chapter!!!

Icey: Well that was an interesting fic. I want to give Fontaine an acknowledgment!

Fontaine: Acknowledgment, Shmoledgement. This fic was based of my lets torture something and mine was based off of Furyfur's. Credit where credit is due! No go away! I mean it go away! Grrrrrrrrrr.