The Trojan Army of Darkness
A Evil Dead/Hercules/Xena Adventure
By GoodAsh
Note: This story is presented in serial form...just for the fun of cliffhangers.
Hercules awoke with the astonishing feeling that something heavy had landed on his head repeatedly. As he drew his eyes open he instantly realized its source. Iolaus stood over him, clutching a rock and pounding it on his head. Hercules grabbed the rock and snatched it from his grasp. "What in Hades are you doing, Iolaus?" he moaned groggily.
"There is no Iolaus here." The figure intoned in a gutteral snarl. "There is only the dead,and we lay claim to your soul!"
As Herc's eyes adjusted to the dim light he realized that the figure towering above him truly wasn't the Iolaus he knew, but rather some twisted shade of his longtime friend. The anti-Iolaus reached for Herc's throat, but he rolled to one side, leaving the creature to grasp empty air. Herc was in a state of confusion. If this truly was Iolaus, how could he contain him rather than hurt him, and if it wasn't him, where was he?
Hercules lifted himself off the ground and slid behind the large tree behind him. The Iolaus-Thing followed, not realizing that Herc was collecting vines to tie him up with. Round and round the trees they went, with Herc staying one step ahead of the creature, just to be on the safe side. He finally decided that he seemed to have enough vine to hold the thing until he could examine it in the daylight. Herc tied one end into a knot, and laid that on the ground. The thing stepped right into the trap and Herc pulled hard on the vine, bringing the creature slamming to the ground. He quickly started wrapping the vine around the thing and secured it to a nearby tree. Exhausted, Hercules slumped to the ground.
The thing lifted its head and spoke. "Beware son of Zeus! Not even your almighty father can control and army of the undead!!!!" And with this, the thing slumped down, as if it had been drained of its soul.
Hercules pondered the meaning of this new mystery, and then as if to add insult to injury, the air crackled in that familiar way that Hercules knew to be the entrance of one of the gods. "Hello, Ares." Hercules intoned, not bothering to turn around.
"Knew it was me, little brother?" Ares questioned in his slimiest tone.
"I knew you had a hand in this somewhere."
"Ah, I but wish I did. An army of the undead, quite a feat. But, no, not my idea. Actually, I'm trying to figure out how to send them back. I may be the god of war, but an army that doesn't lose is really just no fun."
"Yeah, you've always been one for a fair fight." Hercules sneered.
"Hey, lay off little brother...I'm just a little concerned."
"So you have no idea how to stop them."
"Brother, it pains me to hear you speak so...of course I have a plan." Ares paused and continued under his breath. "I think."
"So what does this plan involve and why exactly do you need my help?" Hercules questioned.
"Well, first of all, we need to retrieve the source of the problem. It's a book called the Necronomicon Ex Mortis...the book of the dead. That book holds the key to defeating the undead army. Bring it to me and I will unleash the spell that will destroy them all. There's only one catch..."
"Always." Hercules retorted.
"A friend of yours has it, and due to the uncanny nature of the book, I am unable to pinpoint either of them using my powers." Ares explained.
"So who has it?"
"The one called the king of thieves, Autolycus." Ares replied.
"Ahhh. Of the day's annoyances. Things just get worse." Hercules sighed.
Chapter 4
Joxer didn't trust the stranger. Really, how could you trust a strangely dressed man that didn't even speak any intelligible language. Joxer saw with his hawk-like eyes, the attention that this stranger..."Ash" they supposed his name was, was giving to Xena.
Another reason for not trusting him were these horrific beast they had been fighting all day...they had never once appeared in any form until "Ash" arrived, and now these things were like a plague. At the moment the attacks by these "Deadites" seem to have been small and rather insignifigant, but Xena had said that it seemed these Deadites were all headed in the same direction...South. Xena feared that they may try to pool their forces and create an army of those awful creatures. Joxer swore that the Deadites would know defeat by his mighty hand. Of course Gabrielle laughed when he said that, she always does. This tiem he'd show her what he was made of, and she'd fall deeply in l...
Joxer stared at Ash and made a startling connection. "Gabrielle..." He whispered. "Do you notice anything about our friend Ash that may be a little familiar? Perhaps facial features?"
"What are you talking about Joxer? I've never seen this guy in my life. Like Xena says, he's a foreigner who risked his life to save me. The least we can do is find him someone who can help him get home. That is if he wants to get home." Gabrielle replied.
"No...you don't get it. Something is wrong. Look at his face!"
"Joxer, you're being paranoid."
Joxer formed a plan to show Gabrielle what he was trying to say. He picked up a few fingerfuls of mud from a local puddle and he told Gabrielle to watch. Joxer strode up to Ash and using two of his fingers, smeared mud in two lines, forming sort of a "mud-stache". Ash let out an angry cry and kicked Joxer square in his most precious of places. Before he lost conciousness, he heard both Gabrielle and Xena exclaim...Autolycus! Joxer smiled and lost his grip on the waking world.
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