Jason Brody learns the true meaning of Christmas
(Disclaimer: I own nothing of the games.)
One day Far Cry was asleeping until he woked up to a most urgsterious phone call. It was a shock to have such an urgsterious thing so he pickled that right away.
"Hello phone" Said Jason
"Hi, its the president" The phone said and Jason was shock. He shocked for a minute in shock.
"I am shock!" Said Jason with an '!'
"I know bro, I get that a lot." The phone smiled, before moving on. "Anyway, we need you to go to the Island and kill the pirates."
"I am already there" Jason says, slamming the phone down on his head and then it was. The island was big and hot and full of komodo dragons that eat your legs. There was also sharks that are scary, but he continued on.
"One more thing bro, why do I have to shoot the pirates?" Jason axed. Phone
"The pirate leader, VASE, have KIDNAPPED SANTA!" The phone yelled and Jason dropped it into a shark. With shock.
Jason needed to find the bad guys but did not know where he was so he went to the house of MAN WITH DRUGS.
"Hey, MAN WITH DRUGS! I need a help plz!"
"Urr... I cant hear you because I have taken ALL OF THE DRUGS!" Said the man with drugs.
"Snap out of it!" Jason yelled, killing drugs man out of the window. "I need you helps! Yes?"
"Go that way" Said the man before he passed away.
Jason walked into the jungle forest. It took a while and he got attacked by at least 50 pointless dogs on the way, and maybe a leopard. Eventually he found the enemy base hidden in a tree.
"I must use stealth to win" Said Jason, so he did nothing and a tiger ate all of the guards.
"This is good" he said and went inside.
The base was full of pirates and snakes and one crocodile. Jason was worried but then he remembered he had a magic tattoo so it was fine. My mum says I cannot have a tattoo even if it is magic and I think it is not fair because how will I fight crocodiles? Anyway, it was easy, somehow he even got to use that one stupid upgrade where you can shoot a pistol from a zipline. Then he pushed five men into the crocodile so it ate them until it exploded and killed three more men. In metal gear solid 3 you can throw snakes at men, he tried that too but it didn't work because they bit him and he was made sad.
"Do you know what the definition of insanity is?" Said a mystery voice.
"OH NO VASE!" Shouted Jason at the mystery.
"I SAID DO YOU KNOW THE DIFINITION OF INSTANTITY!?" VASE shouted with his gun. He was andgry and armed with a gun.
"NO!" Jason responded. He was just shouting because the cool people were doing it.
"THAT IS A SHAME I HAVE FORGOTTEN!" Shouted VASE.
"VASE, IF YOU GIVE UP SANTA THE PRESIDENT SAYS I DONT HAVE TO SHOOT YOU AND WE CAN BE BEST FRIEDS FOREVER!" Jason shouted back.
"NO JASON I AM SANTA!" Shouted VASE adding "HO HO HO!" And it turned out to be the shockingest truth. VASE was totally SANTA.
The phones voice rattled around in Jasons head brain as VASE did a silly old SANTA laugh in his face. "The pirate leader, VASE, have KIDNAPPED SANTA!" it said "also he might actually BE SANTA" The phone had mumbled afterwards.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jason shouted, then he shoot himself.
Later he woke up and VASE was dead, he must have shot himself too because he was crazy, or probably he was killed by a tiger.
"How am I alive though?" Jason asked and realised the bullet had got stopped by his lighter. "This is good news!" He said. He was a little sad that SANTA had died but that didn't stop him skipping out of the cave with careless abandon.
"NO! You have to kill Hoyt too you jerk" Said some random guy and Hoyt was there.
"I don't feel like it, Hoyt sucks." Said Jason and then Hoyt were eaten by a tiger and the day was saved. Jason adopted the tiger as his trusty steed and rode it all around the island on a rampage of terror and everyone lived happily ever after.
THE END