This is not really a story. It is the gospel truth in how the movies should have been cast. FIRST OF ALL, if I have to see these movies I want something GOOD to look at. Therefore, things must be changed. I do expect that once I put this on here, digital artists will go back and fix all the movies.
Harry Potter shall be played by Clive Owen.
Ronald Weasley shall be played Collin Firth
Hermione Granger – eh, whatever she's fine
Draco Malfoy – Elijah Wood
Dumbledore- David Bowie as Jareth as Dumbledore. I can't believe that casting people missed this obvious choice in the FIRST place.
Sirius Black- will be played by Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow as Sirius. And yes, he will be a pirate. Fuck JK Rowling.
Remus Lupin- shall be played by Liam Neeson. 'nuff said
Alastor Moody- Ewan McGregor. None of his lines will be spoken, they shall be sung. And none of that icky eye crap.
Gilderoy Lockhart- Hugh Grant.
Severus Snape – I will allow Alan Rickman to continue with the part, HOWEVER, there will be major costume changes. No more of this black Michael Jackson hair shit. That will be gone and so are the big fucking capes. GONE. He will be costumed a la Hans Gruber from Die Hard. I think we can all agree it's for the best.
Ginny Weasley – this casting choice is really just for my amusement – shall be played by C-3PO