For this next project, I'll be diving into my imagined future for Arnold and Helga as they try to figure out marriage and the trials of raising a kid.

BUT FIRST LET'S START WITH SOMETHING CRIPPLINGLY SAD AS HELL.

Well, if you thought my alternate ending to The Jungle Movie wasn't depressing enough, hold on to your hats cuz you ain't seen nothing yet. I have not yet begun to depress you, dear readers…

So here's my take on the inevitable breakup scene that would precede "The Patakis." This would be hinted at multiple times, and eventually revealed in a flashback in a later season.

I've read a lot of great takes on how this could go, and they were all emotionally powerful, but they typically end with Arnold and Helga pledging their love to one another and vowing that they'll see each other again. I love that of course… but since it's been done I decided to go a little… darker… like what if things didn't end so well and the two of them have to live years apart regretting the last things they said to one another?

In this scenario, Arnold and Helga have dated for a time, and it's been pretty rough lately. In recent months their relationship has steadily declined through a series of heated arguments, followed by making up without really resolving their problems. Since Arnold revealed that his family is moving far away, Helga has essentially shut down and gone numb. Arnold sees no other option but to end the relationship, which Helga knows is coming but isn't ready to accept. Despite their immaturity they both still love one another deep down (kind of a lot, which is why this is so painful for them), but both end up trying to convince themselves they hate one another to spare themselves the heartache of losing each other. As a result they both say some pretty hurtful things that neither of them really mean just to cover their pain. Their self-sabotaging gets pretty intense, be warned… made me cry… but that's not hard…

This was partially inspired by this amazing little flash animation, known as THE PATAKIS FULL ANIMATION HQ. It's dialogue free but you get a good sense of what's being said just by the characters and their expressions.

On a crisp late afternoon in early autumn, Helga sat on a park bench by herself, not so eagerly awaiting someone. She looked around at the leaves changing color, and as summer had slowly faded away into fall, so too was her life changing. She could deal with the change of seasons, year after year. Fall brought winter, winter brought Christmas, and Christmas brought presents, from her parents, from her friends, and from the boy she had been head over heals in love with for most of her young life. The coming change she could feel slowly marching towards her was a very different kind of change, and not one she was sure how to handle.

She sat where Arnold had requested that they meet. It had been about a week since he broke the unwelcome news to her, and the two of them hadn't spoken since. Now as she sat slumped over with her head in her hands, she pulled out her locket and stared at it wistfully.

"Hey Helga." Arnold said solemnly, as he appeared as if from nowhere.

Helga could feel a rush of emotion but quickly shut it down. Arnold's single greatest talent may have been sneaking up on her, and that hadn't changed since they were nine years old.

"Hey… Arnold." she said, equally solemnly.

He sat down next to her, and both teens attempted to offer the other a smile, but both came up short in their effort. Arnold reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small envelope, which he offered to her.

"Here… for you." he said.

Helga took the envelope in her hand and stared at it blankly.

"Your last will and testament?" she asked.

"Not exactly. Just a little… well, you don't have to read it now. Right now I just wanted to… talk." he sighed.

They both sat awkwardly in silence, neither one of them wanting to instigate the inevitable firestorm they could feel brewing. Helga stuck the letter in her jean pocket and sighed heavily.

"So, you wanna start? Or should I?" she asked.

"Doesn't matter I guess…" Arnold shrugged.

"I guess not. We both know what's happening." Helga said.

More awkward silence ensued. With neither of them knowing what to say, Arnold started to glance around, looking for some kind of inspiration to find the words he needed to say.

"This place… so many memories." he wistfully mused , "I'll always remember this spot."

"This one in particular? Why?" Helga asked, "Is this where our egg hatched?"

"No, I mean, that's another good one but this is where you were spying on Lila and me… and then you fell out of that tree." Arnold said fondly, then pointed to the tree behind them, "Look. You can still see where the branch broke."

"One of my prouder moments…" she muttered.

"Well it kinda was, really." Arnold insisted, "I was feeling pretty low, having to deal with Lila not liking me the way I thought I liked her. And then there you were, falling out of the sky like some kind of sign. I really didn't expect it, but you made me feel better just by being there…" he paused, then said, "You were always there."

"Guess I was." Helga shrugged, "But soon you won't be, will you?"

The most awkward pause yet followed, as Helga's words had acted as small rocks that would soon trigger and avalanche. Arnold looked at her with apologetic eyes and slowly found his words.

"Helga, I know we've had our ups… and yeah, a lot of downs," he said, "But I'm still gonna… you know, miss you."

"No need to lie, Arnold." she said, "You're not good at it. Never have been, never will be."

"No, I mean it… nothing will be the same." Arnold insisted, "I've known you my whole life practically. When I think of all we've been through, and what might have been… it makes me sad. I just never knew what to say if I ever had to say goodbye."

Arnold opened his arms inviting her to hug but she defiantly crossed her arms in protest.

"So that's it?" she huffed, "That's all you have to say? And now you're just done with me?"

"Obviously there's a lot I could say, it's just… hard."

"Hard? What part of this is so hard for you?" she asked, anger now entering her voice, "You seem to be having a pretty easy time with this. I'm sorry, Arnold but you really are an idiot."

"I know you're hurting… please don't make it worse." Arnold pleaded, "This hurts me too."

"No, I mean it. Arnold, your parents are reasonable people. This is your home! You belong here! They know that!" she shouted, "They wouldn't just force you to leave Hillwood. They couldn't… if you didn't let them. You'd… you'd have to want to leave… "

Arnold hesitated just long enough for Helga to feel validated in her accusation.

"But… I don't want to…" he said, sounding thoroughly unconvinced by his own words.

"Oh, but I think you do." she said bitterly, her voice growing more and more intense, "And after everything we've been through here. We grew up together in this stupid city. Hillwood is your life! I still don't understand how can you just throw it all away!"

"It's really not my choice, it's more like…" he paused, "It's like fate."

"Fate?" she spat out, "Fate? So it's just your destiny to outgrow this place? Outgrow me? Oh yeah, I forgot, Arnold is the "chosen one." Arnold has some great destiny to fulfill. He graced us mere mortals with his divine presence for a while but now he's needed elsewhere! I always knew I'd just never be good enough for you. It would always be you the golden boy and me the the pathetic girl you took pity on for a little while, until you just couldn't stand me anymore!" Helga roared in fury, but also at the same time fighting back tears, "Just like everyone else…"

"Helga, you know that's not true." Arnold said, "I know you might be kind of… mean on the outside, but you really have meant the world to me. Life just has a way of-"

"Oh will you just stop with the zen crap!" she shouted, "Stop always being the bigger person! Nothing bothers you! This doesn't even bother you! But how could it… how could you be angry about something you never really had any real passion for?"

"I know I don't wear it on my sleeves like you do, but I do feel these things too." Arnold said, "And it's okay to be angry, Helga. It means what we had was real…" He paused again and lowered his head, "But this isn't about you. You know I have to go…"

Helga looked at him, despite the anger on her face her eyes showed understanding. She knew she couldn't hold onto him anymore, but it was still causing her intense pain. She hesitated for a moment as she tried to find the right words, but found she just couldn't.

"I… I…" she fumbled.

"I know how much you care about me." Arnold said, "Just promise me you won't dwell on me forever. You deserve to be happy. Like you said to me once, there's plenty of fish in the sea."

"Arnold… I… " Helga tried with all her might to speak from the heart, but instead something very different issued from her mouth, as she said, "I hate you…"

"Yeah," Arnold said, taking it in stride, "You always sort of hated me."

His casual reaction only made her more furious, "No, I mean it this time! Criminey! I've wasted my entire life on you! Years of pining for you, worshiping you, and you know what? Maybe the whole time I was just a stupid little girl with a big stupid crush on a stupid boy, and I was too stupid to know any better, just because my stupid parents didn't love me so I never knew what love was! But you know what, Football Head? Being with you wasn't as great as I always dreamed it'd be. I gave you everything… my heart, my soul, and what did that get me in the end? Nothing! After all this I've still got nothing!"

"Please, stop…" Arnold said softly, sounding deeply wounded.

"Oh, what? Does this ruin your sense of self-importance?" she laughed forcibly, "Is it too hard on your perfect little existence? Everyone thinks you're some kind of angel, and I used to too! I believed in you more than anyone! I dreamed of you, filled books of poetry about you, built freaking shrines to you! I was miserable all that time, but kept going because someday I might find the strength to tell you…" Her anger abruptly vanished and she sounded deeply sentimental, "And then one day it was real… it was finally real, and we were really together… and then slowly everything changed until I could finally separate the myth from the man." her tone grew increasingly bitter again, "I didn't find what I was looking for in you. Instead I just find someone who's bad as everyone else in this whole stupid world! So what do you say to that, Football Head? Got some brilliant wise-beyond-your-years retort that's going to just make everything okay? Because that's what you're so great at, right? Just fixing everyone's problems? No? What a blow that must be. Don't know why I ever put up with you."

Hurt and devastated, something finally snapped in Arnold. He glared at Helga in anger and scowled in such a way it rivaled her own trademark scowl.

"No." he said, now looking to retaliate, "You know what? I'm the one who's had to put up with you all this time! I was good to you because I really believed you were better than you pretended to be, but you never changed! You're still the same angry, mean person you've always been, but I stood by you even when you hurt me! Even when it was killing me inside! And it was all because I believed that underneath you were really a good person…"

"Stood by me, huh?" Helga said tauntingly, as if sickly pleased that she had gotten a rise out of him. "You think you're so great, don't you? Think you can just change someone just by virtue of being Arnold. Well you were wrong!"

"Yeah, I was wrong about you. I thought you just acted mean to hide your true colors…" Arnold was now on the verge of tears, "I wanted to believe you secretly had this beautiful pure heart… but it's not. Your heart's just as ugly as… as…"

Arnold abruptly stopped, realizing he had gone too far and felt horrified by what he'd said. Helga's anger too suddenly vanished and she looked deeply wounded for a brief moment, but soon reverted back to anger.

"Go on, say it." she hissed, "I always knew you thought so… I was never Lila or Ruth. I was always just your third choice… your last resort…"

A single tear trickled down her face as she hung her head in sorrow.

"Helga, you're not… I… I didn't mean…" Arnold desperately tried to recant his words, but Helga wouldn't have it.

"You can't take it back. It's out there now." she sniffled, "Not that it's news. I know the outside matches the inside. There's nothing beautiful about me… I mean look what I'm capable of? Getting someone like you to be mean? That took effort. I told you, didn't I? Back when we started, that I'd corrupt you. Should have known what you were getting yourself into."

They both sat in silence, somewhat shaken by everything they'd said. Helga closed her eyes and breathed deeply. In spite of everything they had said in anger, she knew in her heart very little of it held any truth. The two of them were being torn apart by forces outside of their control, and convincing themselves they hated one another was the only way either of them could feel as if they had some agency in this. Finally Arnold seemed to confirm this, and broke the silence by throwing his arms around her.

"Hey!" Helga shouted, "What-"

"Helga… I'm sorry." he cried, "I know we're kind of sick, but I'm going to miss you so much… I really mean that. Yeah, it hurts, but… "

Helga reluctantly accepted his hug, once again going numb all over.

"Don't go… please… you're being selfish." she whispered.

"You know I have to." Arnold restated, "Helga… I'll always have feelings for you… and I know you still feel the same way… but we can't change this. The Green-Eyes… they need us. After all they've done for me and my family, we owe it to them. They're like family, and when your family is in trouble you have to do something. I'm sorry Helga, but you have to let me go… this is something I have to do… without my grandparents, without Gerald… and without you."

Helga's dark impetuousness sent her into fury in a heartbeat once again. She pushed him away and scowled at him.

"Then go! If they mean so much more to you than I do, just leave!" she said, "Stop drawing this out and just… just get out of my life!"

Arnold, at last looking defeated, narrowed his eyes and frowned, "Fine." he said, "We're through. I'm gone. I wanted to make this amiable, but I guess we're just beyond that. Goodbye, Helga."

"Fine!" she shouted.

"Fine." he repeated.

The reality that they were really over sank in quickly. For a split second Helga and Arnold exchanged deeply hurt and saddened looks, but both of them quickly returned to scowling. Without another word or look between them, Arnold stood up and walked away without even looking back, leaving Helga sitting and fuming. With Arnold out of sight, Helga's tears flowed freely. Slowly her hardened scowl melted away into a stoic face betraying no emotion.

Some time later Helga returned home. As she walked in the door she encountered her father heading out. Desperate for any kind of affection she smiled at him.

"Dad?" she asked.

"Helga." he said, barely even looking at her as he walked past.

Big Bob walked past her without another word as she sadly watched him leave. Entering the living room Helga noticed Miriam passed out on the couch, and she then headed to her room. She opened the doorway and lingered for a moment, looking at the girlish decorations, feeling they no longer fit her. This was the dwelling of an innocent child. Helga no longer felt this way. She wandered over to her desk and opened the drawer, taking out one of her old poetry filled notebooks. Tickled by a sense of nostalgia, she cracked it open and read a passage aloud.

"Arnold, my love, my sultry preteen. Why must I hold you only whilst I dream? Will I be forever enslaved by your spell? Why must I worship you and never… ever…"

She stopped, then violently threw the book against the wall and started breathing furiously through gritted teeth. She slapped herself hard across the face, once, twice, then three times… not in her usual comedic way, but in a genuine act of self punishment.

"Stupid!" she cursed herself, "Stupid! Stupid! How can you be so stupid, Helga?"

After sobbing for a bit, she suddenly remembered something. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the envelope Arnold had given her before they parted. Opening it, she found a letter, handwritten in pencil on blue stationary bordered by little footballs. Helga raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Dear Helga, I could tell you that I'm really sorry it had to be this way, but I don't think that would do any good. By this point I expect we've talked, and it probably went about as well as I expect it to, which is why I wrote this to clear the air, for what it's worth. I know we've been through stormy weather over the years, but I want you to know that I wouldn't trade the time I spent with you for anything. Maybe we're both just too young and immature to do this right, and I'd like to think in a better world we could have made it work. I know that doesn't make it any easier, and I know you're hurting and will be hurting for a while. You're going to hate me even more for this, but if I had any advice to offer it would be this: don't let me define your life. You love me more than I think my whole family does combined, but that's not news to you. The poetry, the shrines, everything you've devoted to me is flattering, but don't make your feelings about me into your entire identity. You're a smart, talented and deep feeling person who has so much to share with the world, and you don't need me to do all that. Our lives are never going to be the same, which makes me sad, but you know that being the eternal idealist I am going to find a silver lining. I know it's going to hurt, and it does for me too, but I also believe some good is going to come from this, even if I don't know what that is yet. In my life

I've known you as an enemy, a friend, and a lover. I'm not sure what we are now, but I hope we're not enemies. Maybe some day we'll see each other again, and on that day I hope you'll at least call me a friend again. You still have your entire life ahead of you, so just promise me you won't hide yourself away because you're too amazing of a person not to share your heart with the world. Go out and discover yourself … … Arnold."

Helga stared blankly at the page. Above Arnold's signature she could just make out traces of the word 'love' that had been erased. Over the course of reading his letter, her expression of anger had melted away into sadness, which had then slowly given way to a blank expression. She no longer felt angry, sad, and certainly not happy, just empty. Looking in her desk mirror she focused on her pink bow atop her head.

I like your bow, cuz it's pink like your pants.

A familiar voice echoed in her mind. This simple little ribbon tied to the top of her head since she had been a small child had somehow brought her and Arnold together in a roundabout way, and had ever remained a part of her just as she felt Arnold was a part of her very heart. With that thought in mind she pulled out her heart shaped locket, her most cherished affect, and looked at the picture of Arnold in it. She had updated the picture in it many times over the years, but this particular one had remained unchanged since their trip to San Lorenzo four years ago. She had torn the picture to shreds in a fit of anger, after attempting and failing to force Arnold to confess his true feelings for her, but it had been mended and returned to her by a very unexpected source. Eventually, the cheap little trinket had proved instrumental in the saving of Arnold's lost parents, and since then the picture within had remained unchanged and stood as a reminder of the unity between them. Her selfless act of love had at last filled the empty void within Arnold's heart, and he was finally able to return her feelings, and like the naive child she had been she thought these ties would bind them forever.

Now it appeared she had been wrong. It was a poetic and romantic implication, but she didn't live within the pages of a romance novel and now had to face a bitter reality; she and Arnold were set on different paths, and neither of them knew if their paths would ever converge again. Helga glanced back at her reflection in the mirror.

I like your bow, cuz it's pink like your pants.

The little voice buried deep in the recesses of her memory said again, though this time softer.

I like your bow…

Softer still.

She paused. Waiting to hear it again, but the room had fallen silent, and so too had her mind.

Helga slowly reached for her bow, and carefully she untied it and pulled it from her head. She then took Arnold's letter, folded it until it was small enough, and placed it inside the locket. Clasping it shut, she then tied her bow around it. She sighed, then opened her desk drawer, and placed her locket inside, as far back as she could, then closed it. She sat quietly for a minute or so, then reached for a new empty notebook. She reached for her favorite purple pen, but instead grabbed just an ordinary black inked one instead. On the first page of the book, she began writing down words.

"There is no beauty, nor ugliness. No peace, no discord. No joy nor sorrow. Life just is. Everything is fine."

And there we go. Based on an actual breakup of mine. Actually, based on more than one breakup of mine... with the same person.

Okay… OBVIOUSLY, they're destined to be together eventually, but that just feels so much more earned if they have to go through something like this first. I'm a devoted shipper of the two of them, but there are one or two things Helga needs to sort out, namely just how obsessively she basically defines herself by her love for Arnold. On one hand, she does at least love him for all the right reasons; his kindness, selflessness, and devotion to doing right in the world are qualities that both inspire her to be the best version of herself she can be, and they're also things that she needs in her life after being denied those by her family. That being said however, Helga needs to stand on her own, and I feel like the underlying theme of The Patakis would have dealt with her really discovering herself as a person, not just how she's defined by her love for Arnold… still, the show would inevitably end with Arnold returning and the two of them getting coffee and reconnecting and reconciling, but I'd like to see her learn to come into her own a bit more before she gets Arnold in the end.

That cover image is my Shortaki kid. More on her later.