A/N: Hey this is my first NCIS fanfiction so I would love some feedback:) forgive me if the characters seem a little OOC. I tried to stay as true to character as I could under the circumstances of the story. Anyways, this is a little AU, since Jenny is alive.

long live the queen.

The bullpen was empty except for a lone figure sitting in front of a glowing screen, brushing her chestnut curls out of her eyes from time to time. It was far too early for most people to be in the Navy Yard already but she had never left, going by the dark shadows under her eyes. Burying her head in her left hand she swiped at the tear tracks marring her cheeks.

Her small frame heaved with a deep sigh as she pushed herself up, rubbing her eyes while a gym bag hung off one shoulder. Heading towards the women's changing rooms, she dragged her fingers through her hair and tried to chase the fatigue away.

Once she had changed out of the clothes she had worn the day before, she faced herself in the mirror. A hand shot up to finger the Magen David that rested in the hollow in her clavicle and the other began to gather her hair it its usual immaculate tightly bound ponytail.

Another sigh ripped its way out of her throat when she inspected the damage she had inflicted upon herself by not returning to the cold apartment she was supposed to call home. It was not home. It could not be without her Ahuvati.

Her fingers reached for the makeup bag hidden deep in the recesses of her bad and extracted it. Concealer went on expertly over the sunken cheeks and eye bags, a thicker layer of make up than usual to make up for her pallor and a slap to the face to snap herself out of the daze she was in.

"Ziva Aliyah David, what have you done to yourself?" she berated the sullen image in the mirror, "What has happened to the untouchable, unshakable Mossad assassin that was sent here but a few years ago? This is why Aba is ashamed of you." She spat the last sentence out bitterly, the name she had always use to address Eli David burning her tongue like an acrid poison.

When she had finally deemed herself presentable for the day, she absentmindedly grabbed at the gym bag lying on the sink and strode back toward her desk with no hint to the other people who had arrived what a mess she had been in earlier.

Her lips curved upward in a small smile, a fixture on her face to avert any unwanted attention. Setting herself down in her chair, she busied her hands and mind with the last piece of undone paperwork on her desk.

Over the past few years spent in America with NCIS, Ziva had gradually begun to let go of her flighty nature that came with being a Mossad officer who was always on the go.

She had settled a little, picking up piano again and filling her apartment with music that had become foreign in its lengthy absence. A voice that was usually tucked away and only unleashed as a weapon during undercover missions like that one time in Morocco was honed, gentle and lilting in warm melodies. Words that had come out wrong so often flowed smoothly in their poetic passage from fountain pen to parchment paper.

Those little mercies that her new job afforded her were her lonely, aching heart's solace. Her consolation prize in place of the one she could never lay claim to ever again.

As she etched out the last words on her report of their most recent case and shut the manila folder, she wrenched herself out of her chair once more. This report was to go directly to the Director's desk, Jenny had reminded her, especially since it had been such a sensitive case.

Internally Ziva snorted in chagrin as she recalled how much time she had spent in the lab over this case and what that had amounted to. This case had been the catalyst to her latest breakdown.

"Morning, Special Agent David." Cynthia's crisp tone broke through her reverie and brought her back to the task at hand. She had unconsciously made her way up the stairs and across the catwalk to the Director's office.

Giving a firm nod of acknowledgement to the assistant who had been a constant, even if only minor, fixture in the daily lives of all the people at NCIS, she pushed the door to Jenny Shepard's office open before anyone could stop her. It was unnaturally early to be at work for most of the agents who were more like Anthony DiNozzo, but Jenny had grown used to early hours from her time in Europe with Ziva.

"Jen, I have brought the report you asked for and-" The typically unflappable Ziva David stood stock still at the threshold of the office, staring with her mouth gaping and a million thoughts running through her already frazzled mind. In her honest defense, the situation she had walked in on was not one that many people would react well to.

"What is going on here, Director Shepard?" One cold, curt sentence that barely hid the flurry of emotions threatening to take over her body at once. The woman in question spun around with guilt shining in her emerald green eyes.

Seeing the ex-Mossad assassin in evident pain scared Jenny to the core. This was a side of Ziva that very few people ever saw and three of the people who had seen this side of her the most were currently all in the same room. Jenny cowered into the broad, strong embrace of the man behind her, seeking some comfort and escape from the gnawing guilt that had been eating away at her since she had gotten the news.

The steely blue glare of Leroy Jethro Gibbs stare softened as he witnessed the woman who had become his daughter over the time she had spent in NCIS with them crumble into the shell of the petrified nine year old desperate to obtain some semblance of acceptance from the heartless shadow of Eli David. Ziva was retreating into her old ways - falling back on her intimidating presence and sheer lethalness that had been moulded by the monster who was supposed to be her father.

"Ziva, please, let me explain-"

"Explain what, Gibbs? That the man who is the closest thing I have to a father and the woman who is my best friend and practically a mother to me have been hiding the linchpin to my happiness from me?" She rasped and inhaled sharply, "That they have been avoiding me because they are to afraid that they might let the rat out of the rag?"

She slammed a tightly balled fist into the nearest wall, hearing the crack of splitting plaster as she left a substantial dent in the wake of her punch.

Ziva slid down the door and curled in on herself, peering up at them with her brown eyes brimming with tears that had been left unshed for the past six months. A single tear broke through her walls and trickled down her cheek.

In the other corner of the room, a sob ripped through a raw throat at the sight of Ziva crying.

"Cat out of the bag, Zi." That whimsical childlike voice that was steeped in anguish inched through the office, tinny in Ziva's ears as she tried to come to terms with its presence.

"We couldn't tell you, Ziva. There was no way we could have told you without putting the three of you in danger." Jenny tried to reason.

Rocking back and forth on her heels, she held herself as she tried to make sense of it all. The woman she had loved so much, the woman she had proposed to but knew she could not marry yet, the woman she had been raising a family with - the woman who was supposed to be dead - was alive.

She could not simply let herself be happy over it, especially when she had walked in on Jenny and Gibbs sitting side by side with Abigail, drinking coffees and Caf-Pows like nothing had happened. That nothing was wrong.

What was she supposed to do? Welcome her back with open arms and forget about all the pain that her 'death' had put their children through? The anguish that she had to stave off so she could make sure they were staying alive?

Oh goodness, their children.

Talia Jennifer David was the spitting image of her Ima, having turned five exactly a week after her Mommy had supposedly died. Calev Jethro David looked much more like his Mommy and had gone through his second birthday with the news that his Mommy would never be coming home again.

The children still had not gotten over the blow, despite half a year already passing. Ziva had worked herself down to the bone to be able to juggle her work and the children alone with help from the team. McGee could not even look at Calev without having a cloud of grief mist over his eyes and Tony would crack dumb jokes just to try to cheer everyone up but it never worked. Jenny and Gibbs kept busy with their own child Caitlin but Ducky was ever the kind grandfather, willing to take the two of them off her hands as and when she needed some space.

Tali had begged Ziva to save her Mommy. She had pleaded, bargained, yelled and threatened. She had blamed Ziva for the better part of the six months and was now just being a difficult child. Clinging to his Ima had become Calev's comfort.

Though his older sister had been the cause of many of Ziva's recent injuries and miscellaneous cuts and bruises, Calev had simply never allowed Ziva out of his sight for very long. The children had been taken by Ducky last night since he had seen the toll that the case had taken on Ziva. He knew that however she would handle the emotions would not be conducive for the children or Ziva and that she had been holding herself together for their sake for far too long.

Three matching gasps were elicited from the others in the room, one far closer to her than she had expected. As she scrambled to pull down the sleeves of her jacket, she realized that Abigail was right next to her.

The long gray sleeves were swiftly turning to red as blood blossomed on them from the various barely healed gashes that she had covered up relentlessly for the past few months. Hands that were so familiar that she had never thought she would feel on her again suddenly gripped her bony wrists and gingerly peeled the jacket off her.

"I'm so sorry, Zi. So, so sorry." Abby repeated like a mantra as she took in the bloody arms of her fiancee, "I'm so sorry I made you resort to such coping mechanisms. I'm so sorry that I caused you all so much pain. I'm sorry, Zi. So sorry." Tears splattered onto the red, creating little puddles that stung but Ziva clenched her jaw and rode the pain out.

For the first time in six months she looked into Abigail's dark eyes. Lifting one hand, she gently wiped the tears off Abigail's porcelain features, her red and brown skin in stark contrast with the pale face. She hated it when she made Abigail cry.

All that pent up rage had been released and she slumped back against the door. For the first time in six months, Abigail held her tight. She heard her mother and father apologize profusely despite everything Gibbs had against apologies and she knew they had no choice. She understood.

She had her Abigail back at last.

"I don't care, Ziva, you are going to see Ducky to get him to check your arms out." And she really was back. All of her - the protectiveness and all. Gibbs was stalling the boys back in the bullpen and Jenny had gone to Ducky first to pick Tali and Calev up to join Caitlin. They were finally getting Abby back in their dysfunctional family, but not before Abby knew Ziva's arms had been taken care of. She had essentially caused the cuts and she would be damned if she left them to get infected.

Pushing Ziva through the doors of Autopsy, she heard the authoritative part of Ziva's voice creep through as she barked quickly, "Palmer, bullpen, now. Gibbs and Jenny are there with everyone else."

"Ziva, what are you doing here? Jennifer was just here to relieve me of those precious children of yours."

With that, Abby stepped from the shadows and showed him Ziva's arms. If he was surprised, he said nothing at all, only cleaning the cuts with surgical spirit and bandaging both arms. When it was all done, the trio trooped up to the bullpen, but Abby waited outside the elevator first.

She heard Gibbs and Jenny trying to ease the team into the revelation but something else caught her attention. The voice that she had tagged and logged in her brain as her daughter's hissed and snapped at someone, something that took Abby by surprise.

"No! Go away! I don't want you to touch my hair you meanie. You made Mommy go away and now there's no one to tie my hair and everything is your fault! I wish you were dead instead of her!" The harshness of the five year old's voice was punctuated by a thud that sent Abby rushing towards its source.

When she saw Ziva dazed on the floor with their daughter standing in front of her with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed into a stare so much like her mother's, she ignored the fact that the team had not been told yet and stepped in.

Helping Ziva into her chair and settling her before Ducky took over to check her over, Abby took her older child aside.

"What was that, Talia Jennifer David?" Taking no heed of the stunned expression on her daughter's face, she continued, "Did your Ima and I never teach you to never lay a hand on someone that doesn't pose as a danger to you? How could you shout at her like that? How could you push your own mother, Tali?"

The anger that blazed in her daughter's green eyes muted to a smolder, the heated presence of defiance and betrayal. With her lower lip jutting out petulantly, Talia fought and inward battle before weakly protesting.

"But- But- But-"

"Tali, do you even know how much pain your Ima has been in these past six months? She is haggard, thin and hurt from trying to take care of two mourning children while having to mourn silently without letting you see it. For half a year she has been holding all that pain in so you could have a life that was more or less normal. Don't you remember what we told you happens when you hold in all your pain?"

"Eventually you have to let it out somehow and that usually ends with someone getting hurt."

"Yes, and this time, that person was Ima herself because she wanted to protect you two."

After a few moments, Calev dashed over to Ziva and wrapped his chubby arms around her legs. Slipping a tiny hand into her scarred and calloused one, he led her over to where the other half of their family was.

"I'm sorry, Ima." Tali choked out as her little brother clung to her. She felt the welcome warm embrace of both her parents around her and Calev and fat tears started to tumble down her cheeks.

"It is alright, tateleh." Ziva caressed her daughter's brown curls softly, "You are just a child, you did not know how to cope. It is alright."

Abby watched on with wonder as Ziva handled their daughter so well. Gone was the fiery Mossad assassin and in her place was a woman who was maternal and gentle, tender and forgiving. She braved a glance at the rest of the team who stood not two meters away from the young family.

They were shocked, to say the very least, and McGee actually looked a little bit mad at her. Ducky was so grandfatherly, smiling silently to himself while Palmer just seemed lost. And Tony? Well he was the first to welcome her with open arms, literally.

With each warm embrace came the itching, nagging guilt of causing her family so much pain. With each warm embrace came the constant reminder that she had hurt someone so much more than any of the rest combined. With each warm embrace came the repetitive reminder that they would have to deal with all the repercussions of this sooner or later.

"Abbs, you take your family home. No one is permitted to leave the rest until tomorrow at noon. You can come claim your lab back afterwards." With a throaty chuckle and a fleeting glance at the redhead perched on his table, Gibbs continued, "We never really got round to getting a permanent replacement anyway. The techs will be glad to have you back."

The dark haired woman picked her daughter up and swung her onto her back with practiced ease as she followed her fiancee and son to the elevator. A small smile appeared on her face - the first genuine one in a long time. Her eyes did not fully light up though.

Of course, it was not lost on Abby Scuito that Ziva had not uttered a single word directed at her since she had found out. She could only hope that she would be forgiven somehow and that they could possibly get what they had back. After all, Gibbs and Jenny got Paris back, even after all those years.

As her daughter tugged lightly on the one raven braid that trailed all the way down her back, Abby reached hesitantly for Ziva's idle hand. Though she was a very outgoing person, she had to admit that Ziva had every right to not want to touch her. She did not want to go too far and muck everything up before it even had a chance to begin again.

Thank goodness for small mercies, she thought as a soft sigh escaped her lips. Ziva's wiry hand slipped into hers, fitting like an adjoining puzzle piece in the well of her palm just as it always had.

A familiar yet surprisingly new jolt shot up her arm as their fingertips brushed against each other's. Abby had nearly drawn her hand back at the shock but Ziva held on, if only barely.

With young Calev perched on Ziva's slight but sturdy shoulders, the young family of four stepped out of the elevator and towards the cherry red Mini Cooper that Ziva had reverted back to using after Abby's supposed 'death'.

Once in the car, the children demanded that their Mommy sit between Calev's carseat and Tali's booster seat. Ziva bit her lip and set of calmly towards their apartment, the car cruising smoothly and slowly along. Hearing the children, well, Tali essentially, chatting so exuberantly with Abigail, she could not help but wonder what she did wrong.

How could Abigail have left such a void that she could not remotely try to fill for six months?

Why did Tali detest her so much?

Ziva pulled into the parking lot and unbuckled a dozing Calev from his carseat. He was just like Abigail in that respect - he could sleep anywhere, anytime. Laying the head full of short, soft raven hair on her shoulder, she felt Calev automatically bury his face in her neck as they headed to their home.

It would not be home again just yet, though.

There were repercussions to everything. They had to deal with the separation and lies sometime.

In the rational, Mossad and NCIS trained part of her mind, Ziva knew fully well that Abigail was justified and very correct in the way she had handled the situation. It was the best way to keep everyone safe and alive. Yet in the not so rational part of it, the part where she was a mother, lover, daughter, sister and partner first, she felt completely and utterly betrayed.

The children had been tired out with all the events that had unfolded that day. With the customary 'laila tov' from their Ima and a much missed hug and kiss from Abby, they were tucked into bed. Calev had pushed Ziva out of the chair next to his bed in favor of Abby reading him a bedtime story and Tali only accepted the kiss and hug from her Mommy.

With Abigail in Calev's room down the hall reading the last few lines of Goodnight Moon and Talia already asleep, Ziva leaned back on the couch and scrubbed her hands over her face in an attempt to make sense of the entire situation.

Abby's heart broke as she saw Ziva's prone form slumped on the couch, her head in her hands. This was not the Ziva who had changed so much from the time they first met to the birth of each of their children. She was...

Broken.

Confused.

And this was all Abby's doing. She had taken the matter too far and he came after her. In the process, she made Ziva think she had failed yet again. That she had not been able to protect another family member - especially after her mother, Ari, her sister Tali and so many of her Mossad comrades.

She had to fix this.

And she had to face the man who was threatening the lives of her family and her.

Thanks for reading and I hope to get the next chapter up soon but school is crazy so it might be a challenge. R&R please:)

ani ohevet otach,

Scarlett