Chapter 1

I'm surrounded left and right by mountains of clothes and belongings I've gathered over the last eighteen years of my life. I moved in with my dad when I was fifteen, half way through my sophomore year of high school. Back then, I didn't know how much I'd grow to love this place. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be for me to pack up and leave. Only this time the distance is much further than state lines. I've been offered a scholarship to study journalism at Goldsmiths, University of London in England.

At first I was skeptical about accepting the offer. I don't think the reality of my actual leaving had really processed in my mind. I'd had my heart set on Comparative Literature at U-Dub and to be frank I honestly didn't think I had a hope in hell of getting a place at Goldsmiths. But by some miracle I did and now I'm flying tomorrow and it's becoming all too real. I don't feel ready and I'm absolutely terrified about being so far away from home. What if I hate it there? What if I'm not smart enough? Are British people weird? I think they'll be weird. As if on cue to interrupt my silent crisis, there's a rap on the door.

"You can come in."

Charlie's not even that tall but his head nearly hits the top of my stooped door frame. He's still in his uniform after a late night at the office. My dad's a cop, a profession that a lot of people are taken aback by upon finding out. His laid-back attitude and shy personality don't especially scream it but he's incredibly observant and an excellent detector of lying.

"Well Bella, when you said you still had a bit of packing to do I kinda envisioned it being a lot less than this."

I chuckle quietly. I knew that the actual action of packing my things would make everything final so I'd held off for as long as possible. In hindsight, it didn't seem like it'd be such an ordeal when the time came but now I'm panicking. I have to leave for my flight in six hours and there's no way I'll have time to finish and get some kind of sleep tonight.

"Do you need any help?"

I find myself saying yes before I can breathe out a sigh of relief. I assign Charlie the task of folding my plaid shirts which are many. We work our way around the piles of clothes, laughing and reminiscing as we go. When we finally finish I find myself filled with an overwhelming sadness. I'm going to miss my dad so much. I'm going to miss everyone so much. Angela, Leah, Seth… They've all grown to become my best friends here.

I remember how scared I was coming to Forks. I'd spent a bunch of vacations here as a kid but I always knew I was going back to the safety and comfort of my mother's house. She was my best friend and it was so hard to watch her fade. She battled with cancer for the last three years of her life until she decided that the chemo wasn't worth it with the way it made her feel and the damage it did to her body. I moved up to Forks with my dad after the funeral. I liked how nobody pitied me here. I didn't want to be the girl with the dead mom and I wasn't treated like one. The people of Forks took me in as one of their own since day one.

I look up at Charlie sitting on the bed. He looks exhausted. I know it'll be just as hard for him as it is for me but he has a lot of people looking out for him here so I'm not worried. I also know for a fact that Sue has a big crush on him. I'm hoping with my leaving she might reach out.

Before leaving my bedroom he turns to face me with a knowing smile.

"I'm so proud of you honey."

"Thanks dad."

As soon as he closes the door I crawl into bed wrapping the sheets tightly around myself. I reach over to the bed side table and pick up my phone, the glaring light so harsh in the darkness of night. I scroll through my newsfeed stopping when it buzzes with a new notification.

Let Sam know if you can go his event 'Grad Partayyyyy'!

I should send him a message but I doubt he'd even notice if I didn't show up he's so popular. I have to leave two months before everyone else starts college to find accommodation and attend the international student orientation. I'm missing literally everyone's grad parties in the process of moving. I guess I should be relieved that I don't have to throw one myself but I would've liked to say a proper goodbye to everyone.

I wonder what would have happened if I went to Jacob Black's party. I'd been so sure he was going to ask me to prom. We'd been flirting all year—or at least I thought we had—so when he asked Rosalie Hale I was shocked and heartbroken. I thought to myself I must be crazy and all the signs and analysing I'd done were the result of wishful thinking. Each time we brushed hands must have been genuine accidents. He only gave me lifts home cause it was on his way and he's a nice guy. He only asked me to be his econ partner for our final project because he knows I'm smart and would pick up any slack on his part. How did I not realise this? I always get swept up in the romance it's definitely one of my biggest flaws.

I didn't end up going to prom. I decided it'd be too painful to see them together. Myself and Angela had a movie and pizza night at my house instead. It was probably the most loser-like I had ever felt in my life but at least it was nice for Angela since she wasn't allowed to go to prom at all. Her parents are super religious and strict. She's only allowed to date this year after turning eighteen but it has to be someone from her church and that sea of fish isn't a very big one.

Just as I'm about to put my phone back over on the table I get a face time request from Angela herself. I hesitate before accepting. Our goodbye earlier today was hard enough: Do I really want to put myself through that again? I answer anyway because the truth is I'm nowhere near ready to sleep.

Her pixelated face fills the small screen and she looks younger, more innocent without her glasses.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Why are you still awake? I've been packing I have an excuse."

"My parents were fighting again I couldn't sleep… I don't know what I'm gonna do when I can't just call you whenever."

My eyes nearly start brimming again but I don't let them.

"Of course you can call me whenever you want. You know I'm an insomniac! I don't sleep."

We both laugh. This is true; a good nights sleep for me is a lengthy four hours these days. I find myself most productive when the rest of the world is asleep.

"Maybe I'll come visit!"

"Yeah you definitely should!"

We both know we're only humouring each other. Angela's dad won't let her go to Port Angeles alone, London would no doubt be out of the question. I change the subject.

"So when do you start registering for classes?"

"I think it opens in two weeks. But you have to be quick or else you'll get all the shitty hours. Not that I care too much anyway. Anything's gonna suck at FCC."

"Aw don't say that. Leah is going too! You'll have so much fun together."

Angela smiles but her smile is sad. She's a shy girl and I'm definitely her best friend in Forks but I know she'll be fine. I can only hope that her family loosen up on the rules before she starts college. She doesn't deserve to be so restricted.

"Are you excited?"

I pause before I say anything. I don't really get excited anymore but I do have a dreadful feeling in the pits of my stomach that's making me think I'm making all the wrong choices. I lie anyway, I don't want anyone to know I'm a coward.

"I am a bit. I'm not looking forward to the food though. They don't even have a Dairy Queen!"

Angela laughs for the first time all week. I know we'll be fine. Angela having such strict parents means we have to stay in touch through social media a lot of the time anyway. It'll almost be like nothing changed.

"I guess I better let you catch some z's before the big day."

"Thanks. I'll call you Tuesday? 12pm your time?"

"Sure. Bye Bella."

I'm finally left with just my thoughts and the night to keep me company. I better get used to the feeling cause there's gonna be a lot of lonely nights coming my way.