oh look it's another angsty fic, this time based on eternal summer ep 10!
it's time for the other great bromance, sourin!
please tell me how you felt about this ^^
Warm water sprays down on Sousuke's back, running down his body, some flowing down the drain and some pooling around him. The water on the tiled floor has long since cooled, numbing his legs.
If only the same could be same for his shoulder.
It throbs under his fingertips, flesh warm to the touch. He groans as he shifts his weight, pushing himself up with his back to some semblance of a standing position. His legs are unsteady for a moment before he finally manages to right himself, soaked legskins clinging to his skin, cold to the touch.
He makes his way to his locker with some effort, fumbling through his bag for the spray can of Icy Hot he's learned to keep with him at all times. The cool tingling provides some relief for the moment, but he knows it's not enough.
Nothing would ever be enough.
"Yamazaki-senpai!" a bright voice calls, a voice Sousuke knows automatically belongs to Aiichirou.
Quickly, he slides the can to his other side with his good arm and pulls on his jacket to hide his reddened shoulder.
"Yamazaki-senpai, if you don't hurry, you'll miss Rin-senpai's race…"
Sousuke follows Aiichirou's eyes to the Icy Hot, and he slips it into his pocket just as Aiichirou's about to ask what it is.
"It's nothing," he says, zipping up his jacket. "Don't worry about it."
He walks out of the locker room, leaving Aiichirou behind, because he knows that the younger's concern will only serve to hurt him.
He can hear the sound of the announcers calling out the third heat of the butterfly finals qualifiers as he passes by the door that leads from the locker room to the pool.
He knows that Rin's in that heat, and he knows that Rin'll blast everyone else out of the water.
He doesn't watch Rin's race; instead he sits in one of the waiting areas, letting the heat from the sun filtering through the large windows relax his body.
He sits, and he remembers.
x
He still remembers the first relay he'd swam with Rin.
They'd placed fifth, which wasn't bad, considering that he and Rin were a class above the other two swimmers on their team, but that wasn't good enough for him.
"Forget it," he'd said, his voice and demeanor far too sullen for an eleven-year-old. "The relay isn't for me. I don't like losing 'cause someone else messed up, or having to share a win with everyone else."
Sousuke wasn't used to losing – he still isn't, but his fragile prepubescent ego wasn't ready for the beating it had gotten, especially at Rin's behest. He'd never been much of a team player, either, his silent nature and dark tone keeping everyone away even when he didn't intend to, and ended up retreating farther back into himself as a result.
(It was Rin, all Rin that had brought him back out, but he'd never admit it.)
He'd thought they'd win.
But when they didn't, it was like everything he'd put aside for Rin had just been proven right.
Teams weren't for him, and he wasn't for teams.
"It's boring," he said, but that wasn't the whole truth, not by a long shot. Not seeing Rin's face light up with joy was no fun, not feeling the rush of adrenaline when you just know you've got it was no fun, and having to watch Rin's relay dreams shatter was no fun.
"What was that, you jerk?" Rin growled, grabbing the goggles slung around Sousuke's neck and twisting, pulling him close while he tried to pull away.
(Sousuke could have gotten away if he'd really wanted to, but he felt like he deserved it, in a way, because he knew that he'd let Rin down, even if he didn't show it on the outside.)
Later, he'd sat at the playground as his other friend Kisumi somersaulted around the upright bars, chin perched on his knees as he retold the day's events.
"Of course he'd be mad if you badmouthed the relay!" Kisumi pushed himself up on the bar, swinging back and forth. "His dad used to swim in it, so it's really important to him."
"I know that," Sousuke replied, as if there was any way he wouldn't have known. Rin liked to tell that story to everyone, so they'd remember how much swimming meant to him and how hard he was working to fulfil his father's dream of going to the Olympics.
"I wasn't talking bad about his dad or anything," he tacked on as an afterthought, just in case Kisumi had misunderstood.
"Then, why don't you just swim the relay for him?" Kisumi asked, simple-minded as ever. He played basketball, and basketball was inherently a team sport, so of course he'd be on Rin's side in this. He didn't understand how some people just worked better alone.
"Swim for him?" Sousuke echoed, almost to himself. "I can't do something just for him. That's not how it is between Rin and me."
(He could, he knows he could, but he also can't, and he wasn't sure why. He'd do anything for Rin, and Rin would do anything for him, but his stupid ego just wouldn't let this go.)
Kisumi wobbled, spinning headfirst over the bar.
"That's true," he said, "you guys are rivals, after all."
"Rivals?"
Sousuke had never really thought of Rin as a rival before, but as he thought about it, no other word seemed apt. They fought against each other in almost everything, whether it was who got the last coke in the vending machine, who grew taller at the end of the year, who caught all the Pokémon first, or who won the short races at the end of every swim practice.. It was a never-ending battle of who could be the best, and while it was exhausting sometimes, Sousuke wouldn't have it any other way.
"You're right," he finally said, "that's the best way to put it."
The next time they walked to swim practice after school, they kept a good ten feet away from each other, each standing on one side of the narrow road. Rin kept his head resolutely turned to the side, and Sousuke found himself repressing a smile at the childish antics.
"Hey, Rin."
"What?" the redhead muttered, voice bitter.
"Race me in butterfly."
"Don't wanna."
Sousuke was afraid he'd said the wrong words, because this was the first time Rin had ever turned down some kind of competition, and he wondered if he really had hurt Rin the other day.
He turned his head to the side, and almost missed the next words out of Rin's mouth.
"But I'll race you in the 800 meter freestyle."
Sousuke found himself grinning, knowing that Rin's fire was back. "So that's the way you wanna do it?"
"Loser takes the winner's next toilet-cleaning duty at school," Rin declared, sticking out one fist.
"I'm definitely winning, then!" Sousuke replied, bumping his own fist with Rin's, their previous quarrel forgotten.
The months that followed passed by far too quickly – broom fights on clean-up days as autumn leaves blew through the open windows; Rin getting sick on Christmas, bundled up in bed with a mask and a party hat on while the snow fell outside; chasing each other through the halls, eager to get outside into the spring sunshine.
It was moments like those when Sousuke finally felt free – instead of holing up inside himself, he let the laugher bubble up out of him, the smiles break across his face, the playful taunts too many to count.
But all too soon, it was winter again, and Rin had made the choice.
"I found some guys I want to swim the relay with."
No matter how many times Sousuke had tried to dissuade him, gently nudge him and remind him that he was still there, always willing to race against him, always willing to make him better, Rin wouldn't give up on his relay dreams.
And Sousuke couldn't blame him one bit, even if the pain of rejection was too much to bear.
He'd failed Rin for the last time.
x
"—suke. Sousuke. What's wrong?"
Sousuke blinks, and twelve-year-old Rin fades from view as seventeen-year-old Rin stands before him.
"Ai's worried about you. Did something happen?"
Sousuke bows his head; he knew Aiichirou would have immediately told his favorite senpai everything.
"Nothing's wrong."
Rin stares at him for a long moment before taking a seat at the other end of the bench.
"You were off during our practice this morning, too. It was like you blanked out for a second."
"I told you, nothing's wrong."
"You've been skipping practices, too. Where have you been going?"
Rin's tone is not accusatory, but Sousuke can't help but feel attacked. He knows Rin is just curious, as his best friend and as his captain, but Sousuke can't bring himself to say the truth he knows he should.
"Sousuke," he says, voice now full of pity, "don't tell me you're—"
"It's nothing!" Sousuke snaps, slumping over immediately after. It hurts him, every time he fights with Rin, but they're both too hotheaded and when you fight fire with fire, someone's going to get burned.
Rin sighs, getting up and buying a drink from the vending machine in front of them – a can of coke.
"It's on me," he says, tossing it to Sousuke.
He knows it's meant to goad him, knows it's meant to draw out the truth, but he reaches out anyways, wincing as pain shoots through his shoulder and the can clatters to the ground.
"You hurt your shoulder, didn't you."
It's not really a question, more of a confirmation of things that Rin had already suspected.
"Let me see it." Rin reaches for Sousuke's jacket, intent on pulling it off and inspecting the damage, but Sousuke's desperate enough to retain the last of his pride and he pulls back, but Rin breaks through easily, staring at the bruised tissue with wide eyes.
"How long has it been like this?"
"Since this morning," he lies easily, although he's not really sure why he's even bothering at this point, "it looks worse than it is."
"Don't lie to me. This didn't happen just this morning."
Sousuke sighs, a grim smile on his lips. "I really can't lie to you, can I?"
He leans back, eyes closed. "You're right. It happened about two years ago, from overtraining"
"But you said you got scouted, and you even had a university to go to!" Rin's voice is so wounded, and Sousuke's heart clenches. For the second time that day, someone that Rin had thought would make it all the way to the top with him has let him down, and Sousuke feels so guilty, because he knows this one's all on him and his stupid pride, but there's nothing that can be helped anymore.
"I'm sorry. It was all a lie."
A pair of girls walks by, chattering excitedly about the next race, and Sousuke remembers that soon, this area will be full of people.
"Let's go somewhere else."
They walk outside the aquatic center and stroll around the grounds for a bit – they both know that Sousuke's just stalling for time as he sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at the sky, the ground, the trees, anywhere except for Rin.
Eventually, they find a small area with a plot of trees. Sousuke leans against one, and Rin stands near him, not quite facing each other.
"Why did you lie?"
Sousuke remains silent, staring at the blades of grass bent around his sneakers.
"Answer me, Sousuke. Why did you transfer to Samezuka?"
Sousuke purses his lips, breathes in deeply. "The two of us are rivals," he says. "It's better if we're not on the same team. That's what I'd always thought."
He sees a vein in Rin's forearm tense, his fist clenches, and he knows that Rin's expecting another 'screw teamwork, I'm better alone' speech from him.
So, for once, he holds nothing back.
"That's why when you transferred to Iwatobi, I didn't say anything and just watched you go."
It's unbearable to watch Rin stand there and just listen to everything Sousuke's saying, so he stares at a tree instead.
"I kept training hard throughout middle school. Since you were working hard in Australia by yourself, I thought I had to work hard to make my dream come true, too. Even when your letters stopped coming after a while… I never lost faith that you'd break through any wall you faced."
Sousuke sees Rin open his mouth, to object that he'd failed, he'd failed while Sousuke powered on until he broke too, but Rin clenches his jaw tight and says nothing.
"When I got to high school, I intensified my training even more, so I could continue to reach for that dream. And I was sure that when I finally stood on that worldwide stage, you'd be there too, Rin."
He breathes in, staring at the clouds again, shoulder aching again like it, too, knew what was coming next.
"So I continued my brutal training day after day. By then, there was no one left who could beat me. I was finally on top."
Sousuke smiles to himself, lets himself reminisce at the time when he was invincible, when he thought he could take over the world and have everything he ever wanted, and all he needed to do was reach out a little farther, try a little harder, and it would be right there for him to take.
"That was when it happened. I started feeling like there was something wrong with my shoulder, but I ignored it and kept swimming. Day by day, though, it was clear that something was wrong."
He remembers the exact moment he knew – he was weight training as usual, weights a little heavier than he should, when his shoulder burned searing hot and he dropped the dumbbell with a thud on the floor.
"'How could I give up over something like this?' I'd thought to myself, 'I still have such a long way to go.' But at last, my shoulder broke down completely one day. It was the summer after tenth grade."
He chuckles to himself, grimly. "Of course it was ruined."
Rin gasps in shock, but Sousuke just flattens his lips into a thin line.
The story still isn't over.
"It was around then when Gou called me. She said you'd come home. But I didn't want to see you. You were the last person I could bear to see me so broken down. So I entered an endless cycle of rehab and breakdown, even missing a few tournaments. But day by day, my teammates started surpassing me, and my impatience grew. I was miserable."
Sousuke sighs again, turning his gaze up from the floor and back up to Rin, looking him dead in the eyes.
"One day, I finally realized that my dream was never going to come true. I decided to give up swimming."
It was dark, that day, he remembers, when he finally allowed himself to cry, finally allowed himself to give up the one thing he had held on to so long.
"Give up… swimming?" Rin says dumbly, the first thing he's managed to say the entire time –and of course it would be that, Sousuke thinks.
"Before I did, I wanted to see you swim one last time. It was at last year's regionals."
"So you saw that race…" Rin mumbles.
"Since we'd shared the same dream, I wanted to see you one last time. But what I saw wasn't you in all your glory – what I saw was you in pain. I couldn't imagine how you'd become like that. I'd always thought you would try to push through everything. Why had you become like that?"
They both remember that time – Rin's disastrous solo event, when he'd sworn off swimming for good in rage.
"But then, during that relay with Nanase and the others, you seemed like an entirely new person. You looked so happy, laughing together with your friends. In that moment, a new hope formed in my empty heart. Although it was small, it was a new dream. I wanted to swim with you again. Because back then, I didn't understand how precious it was to be able to swim with friends."
He turns to face Rin directly, voice stronger now.
"I'm going to give up swimming. But before I do, I want to truly become your friend."
As expected, Rin grits his teeth, grabbing the front of Sousuke's jacket. Sousuke lets him – he deserved it, after all.
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner? Why did you hide it? Why?"
"Because," Sousuke says, now a touch amused, "I knew you would cry."
And sure enough, tears have begun to form in the corners of Rin's eyes – he'd always been the emotional one, compared to Sousuke's stoicism, and Rin scrunches his face up, trying to hold it in.
"I… I'm not… I'm not crying," he chokes out, grabbing hold of Sousuke's jacket as he finally pours his frustration out. "You idiot," he tacks on for good measure, as if that would make things any different.
(It doesn't, really, but Sousuke lets it go.)
It's funny, really, because in any other world, Sousuke should be the one crying and Rin should be the one standing firm, but that's now how they work and Sousuke lets Rin bury his face into his jacket, tears dampening the polyester.
"Let's go," he says, once Rin lifts his head up and wipes his eyes with his own sleeve. "The relay's going to start soon."
"Are you serious? You can't swim in your condition!"
"I'll be fine."
"If you push yourself too hard, you may never be able to swim again!"
"That's what I intended from the start."
"I won't let you do that!" Rin protests, as if it's himself on the line instead of Sousuke, and maybe it is, a little bit, because Rin isn't Rin without Sousuke and Sousuke isn't Sousuke without Rin, but Rin has others to fill the gap now.
He'll be fine.
"We were finally able to form a team with Nitori and Mikoshiba," he reminds Rin. "Let me swim."
"No, no," Rin says, more to convince himself than anyone else, and Sousuke chuckles.
"I'll swim it all the way through. I want to do this. I want to swim the relay with all of you."
"But…"
"Let's do it!"
They both turn to find Aiichirou and Momotaro standing in front of them, already fired up.
"Ever since that race last year, I wanted to swim the relay with you too, Rin-senpai!" Aiichirou says, in his way of making absolutely everything sound like a big deal. "Yamazaki-senpai coached me, and this day has finally come…"
"He's right, you know!" Momotaro adds, "if we put all our strength together, a miracle's bound to happen! Isn't that what the relay's all about? I want to swim the ultimate relay, with the four of us!"
"Hey, Rin," Sousuke says, echoing Rin's words from all those years ago, "why don't you show us a sight we've never seen before?"
x
Samezuka and Iwatobi are in adjoining lanes in the relay, of course; this couldn't go down any other way.
They trash-talk each other playfully as they're lining up, but there's no bite to it, as there might have been in times past – now, it's about friendly rivalry, instead of dead-set pride and futile futures on the line.
"It's our ultimate team," Rin says, and Sousuke's heart fills with pride, knowing that they've gone through so much to get to this point, and this truly is the ultimate.
"I could say the same for us," Nanase responds in kind.
The backstrokers take their positions in the water, and the race begins.
They're neck and neck from the very beginning, each pulling up a little only to lose it a little later, and Sousuke watches silently as Momotaro hands off to Aiichirou, standing on the block to wait for his own turn.
He can feel the crowd's eyes on him, but there's no time or need to pay them any heed – instead, he watches as Aiichirou touches the wall, and then he's off, shooting into the air and knifing into the water with practiced ease.
He catches up to Iwatobi's lead quickly; even with an injury, their flyer is not much of a match for Sousuke. He almost forgets that he's injured, with the way the cool water soothes his body, like it's welcoming him back home.
(Not really, he tells himself, because he's not a water freak like Nanase, but the water's welcome is always appreciated.)
It's after the turn, though, that his shoulder starts to hurt in earnest, and he chokes, missing a stroke, and that's enough to break him out of his zone.
But then Rin shouts his name, only one word, but it's enough to bring him back, powering through to the end, breathing heavily every time he surfaces above the water.
"Rin!" he shouts as he touches the wall, and Rin soars above him, ready to see this through to the end.
He clutches his shoulder as he watches Rin go, cutting through the water as he catches up with Nanase, and their strokes are perfectly matched now, blasting far ahead of everyone else as Sousuke shouts out Rin's name.
Their hands slam against the wall in sync, and the entire arena watches with bated breath to see who will come out on top.
(As much as Sousuke wants to win, he knows they haven't, knows that he's brought them down.)
(But he also knows that they're perfectly okay with it, and they wouldn't have it any other way.)
The red LED '1' shows up next to Iwatobi, and the stadium erupts in cheers. They've done the impossible – their team is only two years old, and Ryuugazaki has only been swimming for that long – but they've done it.
They're going to nationals.
Sousuke still wishes it could have been them in their place, but he knows it wasn't meant to be.
"You guys," Rin says, voice choked thick with emotion, "you did great."
Of course, it's Momotaro who brings the mood back up, jumping on the two upperclassmen with a happy shout.
(He lands on Sousuke's injured shoulder, but he barely even notices, too swept up in the euphoric rush to care.)
"Jeez, Momo-kun," Aiichirou says weakly, but the three of them laugh anyways, and Sousuke feels rather much like a proud parent.
"Thank you," he says, and they stop, as if on cue, all at the same time, staring up at him with the same wide-eyed expression.
"Yamazaki-senpai, that really doesn't suit you," Momotaro teases, and Rin and Aiichirou start laughing again.
x
After everyone's cleared out for the day, Sousuke finds himself standing by the pool with Rin in their swim gear for what may very well be the last time.
"Rin… I was finally able to find it."
He's finally found the one thing that Rin had been trying to show him all along, even though it had nearly cost him everything.
Rin's eyes start tearing up again, his eyebrows quivering, and he knees Sousuke in the butt as he shields his face.
"Took you long enough," he grumbles, trying to mask his tears, but starts laughing anyways, Sousuke joining in soon afterwards, feeling like a huge weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders.
Sousuke's lost one dream, but he's found another.
And maybe, just maybe, this dream is just as good, if not better, than the other one.
He can live with that.
follow me? tumblr: furiishikaoyoganai | ao3: greyskieslatenights (whales and dolphins)